Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Musical journey (2)

Being bilingual is one of the traits that I am rather proud of and a really good "proof" of that is that I write songs in both English and Chinese. This thought made me realise that firstly I have not uploaded any works that I only wrote lyrics for and secondly I have not shared any English songs that I have written thus far. I will address the first "issue" with this month's musical journey and then let you have a taste of my English songs in my subsequent posts.

The first piece was originally a tune I recently received from my dear friend back in Singapore which was by itself a collaborative effort between her and a member of a band made famous by a reality show-type singing competition. It is basically a love song in which the singer struggles to find the source of his pain–a toss-up between his still physically-lingering partner and his not being able to get over the doomed relationship.

Here are the words of the song followed by its translation in English:


[I Don't Wanna Cry]

/词: 锦泉//曲: 美莲 + Nic @ 迷路兵/

I don't wanna cry
感情已不在
请留在门外
是我太失败
倦意和依赖
缠着我甩也甩不开
让你靠近是我给自己的伤害
活该


I don't wanna cry, I know I've tried
黑夜和泪总得一起来
只因你早已渗透我血脉

I don't wanna cry, please say goodbye
给你机会还欠我的债
为何你还是不肯。。。离开

让你存在是我对自己的虐待
别再


I don't wanna cry, just tell me why
时间和泪非得要比赛
被思念囚禁我泥足深陷火海


I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna lie

若能从心把你哭出来
我愿意含泪继续。。。忍耐

你还是不肯离开




[I Don't Wanna Cry]

I don't wanna cry
Now that the feelings are all gone
Please stay outside the door
I have failed myself
For I cannot shrug off
The fatigue and dependence stuck on me

Letting you near is the harm I have caused myself
Serves me right

I don't wanna cry, I know I've tried
The dark night and tears always have to come together
Only because you have long seeped into my veins

I don't wanna cry, please say goodbye
Let this be the chance for you to repay what you owe me
Why do you still refuse to leave?

Letting you stay is the torture I have given myself
Not again please

I don't wanna cry, just tell me why
Time and tears are always in a race
Trapped by thoughts of you, I am knee-deep in a sea of fire

I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna lie
If I could cry you out of my heart
I would continue to endure in tears

And you still refuse to leave






The second piece in this post involves a back story. Back when I was still in Singapore, I performed 摇篮 in the first-ever concert put together by COMPASS (a local organisation that manages music-copyrighting and royalties) which showcased original compositions by its fellow members. I thoroughly enjoyed singing on stage and it gave me a high that nothing else could compare (it was held in the old Parliament House). A famous local song-writer was in the audience and he was looking for someone to write words to a Chinese song which was part of a local telemovie's soundtrack. He contacted me soon after the concert and gave me two days to write the lyrics with only a quick summary of the movie's plot (consisting of one or maybe two sentences). He did tell me that the movie would be distributed to churches as a preaching tool but I could not care less as that was really a golden opportunity for me (I was not even paid for my work and I was still totally happy about that) .

I remembered how the responsibility of writing for a musical giant weighed on my shoulders–it was constantly on my mind and I could not concentrate on my day job at that time at all. However I was impressed with myself for delivering the song on time (and the result) as well as having the chance to sing and record it (in just two takes ie. I sang the whole song once in one take and another time in another take with a different feel) at his ginormous (it can fit an entire choir) and state-of-the-art studio. He was quite easy to work with although as big names go, you would expect some level of diva-esque attitude. After the recording, I waited patiently for the finished product to arrive. The song came soon but the actual movie only came many months after that. It was so worth the wait for my name appeared in the closing credits–this has always been one of my dreams.

Here are the words of the song and as usual followed by an English translation:


[跌倒]

/词: 锦泉// 曲: Iskandar Ismail/

霓虹灯不再燃烧
笙歌不再听到
冷冷的月光紧围绕

憔悴的我哭倒

沉重的心脱不了
禁锢我的手铐
离开我的影子我才看到
我是如此渺小

爱的一切都输掉

赢回一室的寂寥
只有时间陪我慢慢苍老
叫我怎承受得了这煎熬

是非已不再重要
失去你的拥抱
我只能在一角跪地求饶
你能否听得到

昨天的我不知道

今天的痛我明了
如果能够让我再走一遭
我发誓不会跌倒

不想继续海中飘

回头是岸我知道
我的康庄大道今天创造
我发誓再也不会 跌倒




[Fall]

The neon lights burn no more, the party music plays no more
The cold moonlight wraps tightly around my haggard body crying on the floor

My heavy heart is unable to shirk off the imprisoning handcuffs
Only leaving my shadow behind could I see how small I am

Having lost everything I love
Having won a room of loneliness
Only time is left to slowly grow old with me
Tell me how I can live through this torture

Right and wrong are no longer important now that I have lost your embrace
I can only beg for forgiveness on my knees in the corner, can you hear me?

The old me did not understand my wrongs
As I acknowledge the pain today
If I were to have another chance to walk again
I swear I will never fall

I do not wish to continue to drift in the ocean
For I know the shore is right behind me
Today I shall create the road to my bright future
I swear I will never fall



As for the clip, I have included the original segment of the show when the song was played (with self-added subtitles). In the movie, the last verse was not included and this is why you can also find the complete song below the video.









I hope the classic Mediacorp-feel of the clip was not too much for you (well I could not do anything about that). Do look out for more musical journeys coming up!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Tantric observations

You should know by now that I am a nudist (with an exhibitionistic flavour) and it would not surprise anyone that I chose to attend a nude tantric yoga session recently. I am a pretty seasoned nudist so it would take a lot to impress or shock me. As predicted, the whole nude tantric yoga experience was kind of bland but still I have made some observations from that night.


Observation 1: The dark setting flattered everyone, some more so than others. I did not need the room to be that dim myself but I am sure for the sake of the entire class, many would have deemed it necessary. There were lots of mirrors around too which was always a good thing.

Observation 2: There were quite a few cute and even hunky guys, much to my surprise. You see, a lot of nudists I have encountered are free spirits (which made perfect sense) and the philosophy of free spirits is to try to not control anything. Of course there would be exceptions but generally when people relinquish control, one of the things they let go is their diet and consequently their physical shape. Suffice to say there were good exceptions that night (with only one obese person).

Observation 3: Participants could share 10-visit passes (I did not think it was allowed) which meant that the cheapest anyone could pay for one session was $10. If you were not clever enough to take advantage of that, you could well be paying up to $17.50 per session. Naturally, I belong to the clever group and shared the 10-visit pass bought by the friend I went with.

Observation 4: It was a rainy winter night and yet there were almost 25 people there that Sunday night and this must be quite lucrative to the instructor. You would think that instructors charging that much would be 100% professional but as free-spirited gay men, it was hard to control sexual urges in front of other attractive free-spirited gay men. So as expected, the (gay) instructor was not totally professional. He purposely put himself in a group massage section of the class which had the hunkiest guy of the lot–this was a deviation from the normal class format. And as the massage went on, he was obviously concentrating on the hunk’s nether regions more than other parts. I know this was pardonable given the circumstances but I still felt that the instructor should be professional enough to not let this happen. Of course what made me feel more bitter was that the instructor was clearly not into Asians.

Observation 5: There was quite a bit of posing work as a couple and so it made sense to have the instructor partner someone with a person of similar built. I made a prior request to be partnered with someone of a similar (muscular) built with the knowledge that it might be too much to ask for. Fortunately my (Asian) partner was not too bad (he was cute too). The hunky (Caucasian) ones whom I was ogling would never be assigned to me because of dissimilar built and this was a major disappointment. How many muscular men (who are nudists) of my height are out there?

Observation 6: Frankly, I was expecting the experience to be more sexual but at the end of the day it all boiled down to one’s partner. There was a lot of mutual touching and if your partner were not touching the right parts for whatever reason, you might not want to bring your hands to those parts on him as well (for fear of getting him out of his comfort zone). However I felt that I was too tame and that might be why my partner was too tame as well. If I were to go next time, I would make it overtly sexual and push the envelope further.

Observation 7: We were told to come to the class freshly-showered and apply deodorant (for obvious reasons) but there were still people (one in particular) with very strong body odour problems (think people heavy on the curry diet). I really am starting to think that even if these people were to shower in bleach, the smell would still permeate from the pores (I used to think that they were just sloppy when showering). Mental note: steer clear of those people in the future (we could send the instructor an email before the class advising him not to assign particular people to us as partners–phew!).

Observation 8: There were opportunities to put yourself out there if you wanted to “cruise” around especially before the class when everyone was just standing around and waiting. I heard from other attendees that people sometimes proceed to full-on sex after the class elsewhere. This is totally understandable especially when people generally do not cum during such tantric yoga sessions and after being edged on for the whole time, it is difficult to not want to end the night on a happy note. I guess if I really wanted to push the envelope to the extreme, I could cum there and then (of course the partner would have to be into that as well). I wonder what would the others think if I were to do that?


So now the only important question left unanswered is “would I go for another session”? As I have mentioned above, I felt that I have yet to go the distance to make the class as enjoyable for me as possible. To be honest, I was also a bit displeasured that I was not propositioned for sex (all gay men are sluts deep inside if not already on the outside) especially when I clearly had one of the best bodies around. But then again I was also too shy as it was my first session–maybe I will up the ante much more in the next class (I would then risk incurring greater disappointment). In any case, it was still not time yet to stick the “been there, done that” label onto tantric yoga and so you will probably see me there in the next class for despite being stark naked, I still had spare inhibition to shed.