Thursday, December 19, 2013

When two become one


I have not met anyone who makes me feel the same way I feel about you.

When we first met, I was already a complete person.

But I slowly discovered over the years that there is this other part of me that I didn't know existed.

And now after seven years of being together with you, I am still a complete person yet you make me feel so comfortable and at ease that I cannot imagine living my life without you.

I don't really know what that makes me other than a really lucky person, someone who is actually physically more than complete.

That is what you make me, more than complete.

And for that I want to thank you.

I know today's ceremony isn't much and is also kind of rushed but every thing that happens here today is not any bit less important or true.

And I want us to remember this moment forever.

I love you so much.

And I promise I will continue to love you this much for the rest of my life.






Thursday, November 28, 2013

Musical journey (41)

Can love ever be wrong?

Can loving ever be a sin?

This month's musical journey attempts to address these questions with a song written many years ago when I was in a long-term and long-distance relationship with a married man. We had that going on for close to 7 years. We still keep in contact now and he sends me birthday greetings and emails now and again to see how I am doing.

Thinking back, it was 7 years of very intense emotions (almost daily emails between us) through a time when I experienced the most dramatic mental-growth. This relationship brought me through a very difficult period when I was struggling with my sexuality and lack-of-father-figure issues. It made me stronger and gave me clarity in terms of what I want in this life and what is important. It transformed me from a boy to a man. I will never forget this love as I certainly would not be the same person or as well-adjusted if we had not met. This relationship also made him realise that he needed to end his marriage with his wife and not live a lie any more (he did that only after our relationship ended). Once he started embracing the truth, he could finally move on to the next phase of his life. I am very glad he did because he now has a very loving partner and they are extremely happy together.

If so much good could come out of something viewed as wrong and sinful by many, who then is right? Surely choosing to be blinded by a lie is as bad or even worse, isn't it? To me, truth can never be a mistake because in the end, even the ex-wife benefitted from this for she now knows the truth. I understand that some people might be unable to fathom accepting this conclusion and I am not saying that they should. This is simply another one of life's little lesson that we all have to learn something from otherwise the suffering would have amounted to nothing.

Well even if nothing was achieved, I would have this song. It has one of my favourite tunes and I have had quite a number of compliments for it over the years. It is also the composition that has been earning me royalties for about five years now and counting. I still don't know who bought this song but I am glad it found an owner.

My favourite line is "If loving you is a sin, let me repent with these three words—I love you." What's yours?



[不会]

词 / 曲 : 锦泉

你的呼吸让我入睡
你的体温是让我取暖的被
我闭上眼你才能睡

不管你有多累
你的胸膛是我堡垒

你用心跳将我抚慰
你的眼让我看不见夜的黑
仿佛世界所有的美存在于你双臂
你让我懂爱何谓

若我爱你是个罪

告诉我什么是对
除了你, 我还能爱谁
千山万水没有所谓

只因有你带我飞
泪光也能折射成璀灿的光辉

若你爱我是个罪

就用 "我爱你" 三个字来忏悔
我找不到更好的词汇
花儿会枯萎, 星也会坠

我们的爱却不会
但愿下一世我们能再爱一回




[Never]

The sound of you breathing lulls me to sleep
The warmth of your body wraps around me like a blanket
You will only close your eyes after I have fallen asleep
No matter how fatigued you are
Your chest is my fortress

The sound of your heart beating soothes me
Your eyes make me not see the dark of night
It is as if all of the world's beauty exists between those arms
You let me know what love is

If loving you is a sin then tell me what is right
Who else can I love other than you
The distance does not matter for your love takes me on a flight
And makes my tears refract light into sheer brilliance

If loving you is a sin, let me repent with these three words "I love you"
I just cannot find more suitable ones
Flowers wither and stars fall but our love will never
I wish in our next lives, we can love again


Sunday, November 10, 2013

10 lessons from the road

10 lessons I have learnt and pieces of advice I can offer gathered from my recent road-trip travelling in a caravan for the first time in my life:

1) Things will move violently when the vehicle is in motion. Secure EVERY single thing, including yourself. The victim in this hard-hitting lesson is my phone, which I can only service during my upcoming Singaporean trip as it is not released in Australia.

2) Equip yourself with a good cook and a good driver. In this case, we had a 2-in-1 model. Convenient as!

3) Do not assume that the heating system will work because it is something that's hard to verify at the rental office during the start of your trip. Prepare for the journey as if there will not be any heating available ie. brace yourself for the numbing cold when washing the dishes (thankfully there were shower facilities at the caravan parks). I also advise the same for cooling (air-conditioning) systems.

4) Nights can get pretty boring on the road so do arm yourself with plenty of entertainment in the form of movies and games, unless you can find people interested to engage in "nocturnal activities". I had someone from Grindr as my caravan park neighbour but nothing happened as I wasn't really in the mood and I didn't find him that hot. Anyway he was more interested in my straight travelling buddy!

5) For the driver, it can be quite challenging maneouvring a large vehicle such as the caravan especially when you want to reverse. Engage a good rear-view guide even if there is an available rear-view camera.

6) The toilet receptacle (they call it "cassette") fills up REALLY fast and has to be emptied at least once a day. If not, even people with scat and watersports fetishes won't be happy with what back-flows into the cabin.

7) Do not over-plan your itinerary as there is just too much uncertainty eg. closures of certain attractions that have not been specified on their websites. Just go with the flow and enjoy what the road throws at you.

8) Even though you might save some money with a caravan compared to staying in a hotel, you don't actually get to save that much. The caravan itself costs a little more than $1000 to rent for five days and that excludes the diesel it gulps down, which adds more than $200 to the total bill. Oh, and I almost forgot the caravan park charges which pile on a further $200.

9) The post-trip vehicular inspection at the rental office isn't as thorough as you might think. You may actually get away with quite a bit of collateral damage sustained on the road (we had some)

10) Since you would be spending a lot of time with your mates in very close proximity, make sure that you only go on such trips with really good friends. I sure did and had an awesome good time. I have the pictures to prove it!


Re-defining travelling in style

 
Various views of my home for those five days


Found the panoramic function on my phone and boy was that appropriate for the landscape


Having a field day with my phone


More breathtaking shots along the Great Ocean Road


A fully-stocked fridge is the only way to go when you have an avid cook on board. This is just a sample of what we got to savour on the road


As they say, great food is nothing without an appreciative audience. I am glad I could fill those shoes (and my tummy!)


The world wants to see so I shall deliver. Hor hor hor


A road-trip is nothing without great pals and plenty of cam-whoring


Chasing all our woes away with the sun, sea and spectacular view


More cam-whoring a la Kim ie. with as little clothing as possible


My Jetstar moment for the trip—it had to happen! 

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Musical journey (40)

I will be 35 in 30 minutes' time and I must say I have not changed much over the past several years except becoming really settled in my relationship. In comparison I don't think I am as settled residing in Australia. Perhaps this is because of my work, which constantly challenges where I regard as home. My boss just told me that there is a very high chance of retrenchment in January next year as the projects in Melbourne is drying up really fast. Whenever this happens (which is once too many), I would have to rethink the possibility of relocating to another place where there is work. This is really not a good situation to be in (I have put my intention to buy property on hold because of this). But we all have to try our best to make do with what life gives us and I will continue to plod along like every one else.

The other thing about being half-way between 30 and 40 (40 being the next turning point in my life) is that you become not as energetic as before. After a heavy night of partying, I would need a much longer time to recuperate. I guess this is why people tend to remove themselves from party circuits as age progresses—it is simply out of biological necessity. However I must still stress (time and again) that I would never for a second contemplate exchanging my old body for a younger one because with age comes maturity and learnt life lessons. I would pick being a wise old man over a tight clueless thing any time.

On the eve of my birthday, I shall make a short musical post with a rendition of one of my favourite KTV-songs. The thing that impresses people (including myself) most about my voice is my falsetto and I like songs that can accentuate that quality. An example would be this one from Jay Chou, one of my most-admired song-writers at the moment. I have been inspired by different singer/song-writers in different phases of my life, starting with Panda Xiong, who really helped to kick-start the whole creative journey. I hope to be inspired by more people as I grow older for I intend to keep up with my writing till the day I die.




PS: Starting tomorrow, I will be off on a 5-day road-trip with my best pal visiting from Singapore on her honeymoon with her husband. This is our first travelling-in-a-caravan experience and I am sure it will be a blast. That is what I call an awesome birthday present!

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Jockstrap and gumboots anyone?

I have been really busy with work recently as I am in a project with an impossible scope and an impossible schedule. Fortunately I still get paid for all the overtime that I have been doing so at least it is not wasted hard work. This project will be handed over to the Lagos office in Nigeria at the end of the year, an office that is currently under-resourced and they are trying their best to encourage people to work there despite it being really unsafe. Every single attempt by management to sell Nigeria fails miserably, as they cannot even convince themselves of what they are saying. I am also working with Korean clients at the moment (sorry, none of them are cute) and I overheard one of them saying two of his engineer colleagues recently got kidnapped in Nigeria but the ransom was paid and it was business as usual the next day! How can anyone go there unless they desperately need the work experience (more than their lives)? They are not even paying that much more to draw people!

I am SO looking forward to my long break starting December for 6 weeks (that is when I will say bye-bye to that crazy project so there is definitely an end in sight, I think—the project deadline has been delayed a few times now so fingers crossed!). I have not really planned my year-end trip (like I usually would, down to the smallest detail) but I do have a rough idea. It will begin in Singapore and then a short tour of a nearby country with a friend (exact person still yet to be found) or by myself. Then it will be back to Singapore to show another Brisbane friend around for a few days followed by a 12-day virginal Japan trip (itinerary roughly fixed but nothing has been booked yet). Every thing is pretty much still in flux at this point, which is making me a little anxious. But like I said, work is keeping me pretty occupied now plus there might be an impending property-purchase (I will see how that pans out). Because of all this, my photo shoot and busking plans might have to be shelved for the moment, perhaps till next year when I am back from my vacation. This is exactly why a hobby remains just a hobby until you decide to pursue it full-time and it is only then can you really make something out of it.

So that is the update portion of this post done. As you might have already noticed, I always have a monthly musical post and a bi-monthly photo shoot entry on my blog. This month will be no different and I will be sharing pictures from a shoot I have done a few years back in Carriage Works, Sydney. Yes it is Carriage Works again—it is just too good a location not to use repeatedly! This series was originally meant to be published in a fund-raising calendar but plans later went awry. I gather that the calendar is never going to come into fruition at this point in time so why waste the pictures when I can post them here? The theme of the calendar was this tartan-like motif that every model must sport (I totally forgot what the fund-raising objective was). It was also the first time I had a shoot in jockstrap and gumboots. Interestingly the photographer is a Kiwi doctor who does this as a hobby. As he is very busy with his day job, he outsources his post-shoot editing. However those edits never surfaced and I had to do my own. A fair warning—it was a no-frills shoot from the start so don't expect too much!












Saturday, September 28, 2013

Musical journey (39)

Melancholy especially in relation to affairs of the heart has always been inextricably-linked to music since human beings have started composing and this applies to me with no exception. When I was going through the long distance phase of relationships, I always tried to document my emotions right after I bade farewell. I made it a point to start writing from scratch after checking in at the airport and finish the song (lyrics and tune) before I touch down. I found this formula very useful because when the feelings are at their rawest state, the music is at its truest.

The song in this month's musical journey was written back in 2007 on the plane that was flying me back from Sydney. It was raining when we made our way to the train station but stopped when I checked in and this became the starting point of the writing journey. It is like writing a diary except the words are more lyrical and the emotions are summed up nicely in a three to four minute package. People respond more strongly to music than words on paper and this is why I feel composing emotions into song is far better than just writing words in a diary. More than six years have passed since this song was written and I can still tap into what went through my heart and mind back then. You guys should try this the next time an emotional episode comes up!



[爱]

词 / 曲 : 锦泉

湿答答的空气中   跑道累积的雨投映着 
我和你手牵手走在才刚下不久的雨中

空荡荡的脑海中   浮现着都是你的一举一动
刻在我的心为你痛
我从没这么爱过   没你日子怎能挨过

爱   是你赐给我这一生中最想实现的梦
如今捧在手中   仿佛还在作梦
爱   是我献给你我一生至死不移的承诺
言语不能形容  我庆幸你栖息在我生命中

再也等不及   说出那句 “我愿意”
等到我们双鬓白去   我仍在含着泪衷心感谢你




[Love]

Dankness fills the air
The rain puddles on the runway reflect the image of
You and I hand in hand walking in the rain
That fell not too long ago

Emptiness fills my head
Where scenes of your every move surface
Etching the heart that aches for you

I have never loved this way
How can I soldier through the days without you

Love is what you use
To fulfill the dream that I want realised the most
With it now in my hands
It still feels like a dream

Love is what I offer
As a steadfast promise till the day I die
Words cannot describe
How fortunate I am with you living in my life

I cannot wait any longer to say "I do"
When both our hair turns to snow
I know I will still have tears in my eyes
Thanking you from the bottom of my heart


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Water is life

I have always thought that water and all its fluidity when captured in the right light using the right subject can really bring out the art in photography. Alas throughout my modelling career, I have done very little of this genre. I have had shoots by the sea and in the shower/bathtub but that is about it—there is nothing really big that stands out. That being said, I see this as a positive challenge, one that I require myself to be put in as many different artistic media as possible. Put in a rather cliche way, I sometimes see myself as a blank piece of canvas and a empty score sheet, waiting for the perfect touch and inspiration to fill in the details to transform something from unassuming to breathtaking. This is one of the reasons why I continue writing songs, performing and doing photo shoots.

Over the years, I have collected quite a few water-related pictures that I really wish one day I can do (ie. not only do but to do it as outstandingly as what you see in those pictures). In this post, I shall share with you a selection of these awesome shots in the hope that they would pique the interest of some good photographers willing to grant me my wish. Like I have said in an earlier post, nice spring weather is kicking in and it is high time I start getting another shoot together (I need to lose just a teeny bit of winter fat first). So the next thing to do is to get off my bum, hit the gym and then send out some casting calls!


L: I have used this pose of the shielding-hand, it is quite good
R: One of my dream shots (full-frontal is not the key)
 

L: The blueness is what I like (all comes down to editing)
R: I have done clear water but not milk (much sexier, don't you think?)


T: I almost had a chance to do this during the A-men shoot
B: Can I pull this off without being this cut?


L: A very DNA-esque shot (good translucent underwear is important)
R: Perfect lighting is the hardest thing to achieve here


L: This shot isn't too hard but it would require many takes
R: I need to do an entire series just like this


T: As an avid gym-goer, I'm surprised I've not done a gym-shoot before
B: Another dream shot of mine

 
L: I like how clever the placement of the falling water is
R: Couple-shoots in the shower and bedroom are always going to be fun


L: The water drapes over the subject like satin—just perfect
R: Dream shoot location alert! Natural waterfall!


L: First you need a private pool, then very good timing
R: I can totally imagine how free I'd feel if I were in that shot right now


So now after knowing what my photo shoot-equivalent of a porn fantasy is, which ones do you think I should aim to do next?

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Musical journey (38)

As you may already know, I am searching for an instrumentalist to busk with and I think I might have found the ideal one. We have not had the chance to jam yet but I have a really good feeling about him. The first thing that sets him apart from the others is that he is gay which means that we will be able to get onto the right frequency very quickly, both personally and musically. A worthy point to note is that we did not get in contact via the ads I have placed on Gumtree or Craigslist asking for musicians to busk with but via a gay social/dating app by coincidence. Hence I cannot help but feel that we are truly destined to find each other in both our musical journeys. Alas he lives quite a fair bit of distance from the city which will make practice sessions quite painful for me.

The other thing that makes me feel good about him is that he already has the busking application forms ready and is familiar with the whole application procedure. This means that he is genuinely serious about wanting to busk which is really the key. There is a big difference between someone who is passionate about music and someone who is passionate about music AND performing, and I am searching for the latter. So wish me luck as I continue my quest of holding my first busking session in Melbourne. As work is getting really busy these days (which has caused me to postpone jamming sessions with another musician, the one I wrote about in my previous post), I hope I will have enough motivation and perseverance to see this through and not let it slip into the pile of forgotten dreams, like some of my other endeavours.

Now that you have been updated with the latest happenings in my musical life, it is time for me to show off a little of my singing prowess. People who have been to karaoke sessions with me know that I have never invited people to partner with me in duets as I always make it a point to sing both parts, regardless of gender. I must admit my ability to traverse between the musical ranges of both sexes does impress people quite easily even though having been equipped with that skill for so long, I do not think very highly of it. In this month's karaoke-clip musical journey, you will hear my rendition of a duet by two very powerful female singers (and gay icons) Barbra Streisand and Celine Dion. It is one of my favourite songs called "Tell Him". Do tell me what you think after listening to my very (but hopefully not overly) emotional take on it.


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Shot in Brisbane (part 2)

Now that winter is taking its last breaths when it is more bearable being naked in the open, I hope I can do a shoot in the iconic Melbourne laneways, which is something I wanted to do ever since I stepped foot in this city. Even though I know it is tricky, a night shoot would be great as it will really capture the grungy essence. I will be sending casting calls on Model Mayhem soon asking for willing photographers to help me in that endeavour. By the way this is the site so many of you have asked me about regarding where I usually find my shoot opportunities. It is a great site for hobbyists like me to get the chance to work with great photographers. I originally wanted to join a model agency when I first came to Melbourne but quickly gave that idea up when I realised I lack the perseverance (and the goods) to become a semi-professional model. Thankfully sites like Model Mayhem and Modelrific exist to keep my modelling needs satiated and I don't have to go through the stress and anxiety of constant rejection in the real and cruel world of modelling.

Also, I have been seriously considering resuscitating The Nude Singer by recreating the Facebook page and adding back those people who 'liked' the site now that it has been close to two years since it died. It is no doubt going to involve some work maintaining that online image and popularity but to be shamelessly honest, I miss the never-ending adulation and attention I got from being The Nude Singer (which lived for only three months). That is certainly the best confidence-boost out there that is free of charge and so easily attainable. I will continue sleeping on that idea and see if the desire to rekindle the site grows. The idea of starting an Instagram account has also surfaced of late... All in good time I guess. While you indulge my indecision, hot on the heels of the first part of my latest series shot in the Brisbane CBD, I shall share with you the rest of the shoot (the first picture below has been featured in July's Out in Thailand magazine). Tuck in!













Saturday, August 10, 2013

Shot in Brisbane (part 1)

As promised in my post last month when I was featured in Out in Thailand with my first-ever cover story, here is part one of my latest series shot in Brisbane that landed me the magazine's cover. The (professional) photographer was a straight (most importantly cute!) Iranian guy who specialises in weddings. He wanted to do something different and something that shouted Brisbane (a tall task in a boring city). I got quite distracted by his good looks when he first arrived without knowing his sexuality. As the night progressed and as I warmed up to him (the initial phase of a shoot where both parties try to find mutual chemistry is the hardest), I started to really enjoy myself because of how easy-going he was.

We began at a location that both displayed the Story Bridge prominently and was nice and quiet (as it was unknown to a lot of people—not that I would baulk an audience, hehe). We tried shots by the sea, under a platform, in the water, on a tree, by a little rowing boat and on a pedestal (that last one got to become the magazine cover). Then we moved on to another location that would again have the Story Bridge as the main character in the (erm...) story. We deliberately started just before dusk so we could capture both light and dark. When it became darker, we went to other more interesting spots including a dark alley, a church and the middle of a busy road. It was really fun posing right in traffic as cars from both sides kept honking (both out of annoyance and encouragement) whilst I had to stay still to achieve the desired long-exposure effect (one day I will realise my dream of doing it in the nude but for now this will do). Another notable experience was posing stark naked in front of a church (too bad it was locked...). Although I was a little disappointed the photographer did not send me any of the church full-frontals, I was still glad to receive some really nice shots.

In this series, I tried my hands at editing on a more serious level and came up with so many permutations that it was difficult to select which ones to post. I am still sharpening my editing skills as we speak and though an extremely laborious process, I am willing to continue polishing my techniques. Interspersed within the series are some of the photographer's edits and as he does mostly weddings, his editing is of a "grander" style whereas I prefer a more grungy feel—try to see if you can differentiate between us two. He told me that he had plans to put my picture in his shopfront which is something that I doubt but wouldn't it be super cool to accidentally bump into your blown-up shot as you cross the road? I wonder when my next Brisbane trip is...

So without further ado, I present part one of my latest series "Shot in Brisbane" and I will come back to satiate your appetites next week with part two. Enjoy the first course!















Oh, one more thing. I just found out yesterday that three of my full-frontals (hard) pictures from the other Brisbane shoot that I did have just been published in an online magazine that features only uber-hot naked guys and nothing else. By the way, I am one of two Asian models featured in the 200+ ad-free/clothing-free summer issue—super proud of myself and the photographer! The free censored version can be viewed online but you would have to give your credit card a mini workout if you want to see everything (nah, it is not that expensive). In my opinion, it is well worth it but who am I to sing my own praises?