Thursday, November 28, 2013

Musical journey (41)

Can love ever be wrong?

Can loving ever be a sin?

This month's musical journey attempts to address these questions with a song written many years ago when I was in a long-term and long-distance relationship with a married man. We had that going on for close to 7 years. We still keep in contact now and he sends me birthday greetings and emails now and again to see how I am doing.

Thinking back, it was 7 years of very intense emotions (almost daily emails between us) through a time when I experienced the most dramatic mental-growth. This relationship brought me through a very difficult period when I was struggling with my sexuality and lack-of-father-figure issues. It made me stronger and gave me clarity in terms of what I want in this life and what is important. It transformed me from a boy to a man. I will never forget this love as I certainly would not be the same person or as well-adjusted if we had not met. This relationship also made him realise that he needed to end his marriage with his wife and not live a lie any more (he did that only after our relationship ended). Once he started embracing the truth, he could finally move on to the next phase of his life. I am very glad he did because he now has a very loving partner and they are extremely happy together.

If so much good could come out of something viewed as wrong and sinful by many, who then is right? Surely choosing to be blinded by a lie is as bad or even worse, isn't it? To me, truth can never be a mistake because in the end, even the ex-wife benefitted from this for she now knows the truth. I understand that some people might be unable to fathom accepting this conclusion and I am not saying that they should. This is simply another one of life's little lesson that we all have to learn something from otherwise the suffering would have amounted to nothing.

Well even if nothing was achieved, I would have this song. It has one of my favourite tunes and I have had quite a number of compliments for it over the years. It is also the composition that has been earning me royalties for about five years now and counting. I still don't know who bought this song but I am glad it found an owner.

My favourite line is "If loving you is a sin, let me repent with these three words—I love you." What's yours?


词 / 曲 : 锦泉





除了你, 我还能爱谁



就用 "我爱你" 三个字来忏悔
花儿会枯萎, 星也会坠



The sound of you breathing lulls me to sleep
The warmth of your body wraps around me like a blanket
You will only close your eyes after I have fallen asleep
No matter how fatigued you are
Your chest is my fortress

The sound of your heart beating soothes me
Your eyes make me not see the dark of night
It is as if all of the world's beauty exists between those arms
You let me know what love is

If loving you is a sin then tell me what is right
Who else can I love other than you
The distance does not matter for your love takes me on a flight
And makes my tears refract light into sheer brilliance

If loving you is a sin, let me repent with these three words "I love you"
I just cannot find more suitable ones
Flowers wither and stars fall but our love will never
I wish in our next lives, we can love again


Anonymous said...

I think this is the first time you have made overt reference to our history in your blog and it was good to read it. They were very special times for me, as well as difficult and I like to think it all worked out correctly in the end. I guess we will never really know that.

I certainly remember the tune and on reading the translation of the words, I can recall them. However as it was not one of your English songs of the time, it is not imprinted on my memory as some of the others are.

You invite us to nominate our favourite line in the song, having given yours. Mine is - "Your eyes make me not see the dark of night".


Kim said...

Thanks for the comment (it has been a while since your last one)!

Yeah, this is probably the first time you were mentioned so overtly. Perhaps I am finally ready to come out of this closet. Who knows how many different closets we get ourselves into over the course of our lives. And how many we need to realise we have to get out of.

I like "Your eyes make me not see the dark of night" too -- it is one of the more poetic lines in the song.

To answer your recent email, Ision and I got civil-unionised in the UK embassy in Melbourne. It is such an exciting time for us as I am planning my internal transfer to the London office. Fingers crossed!