I can't believe I'm going through this again... for the third fucking time since joining this wretched company!!! I think it's really time to leave. That's why since I was served my redundancy notice a fortnight ago, I'm now actively applying for employment elsewhere. Although my company is "actively" looking for redeployment for me, if nothing comes up in another fortnight, unless I take leave (paid or otherwise), I'm out the door. Luckily I have a lot of leave saved up particularly for this scenario and so I still have some time to look for work. I'm taking leave at the end of the year anyway for my home-coming trip so I now just have to start my "vacation" 1.5 months earlier (and I'd still have leave days to spare after that).
And don't get me started on the politics I had to go through this time round but suffice to say it's no wonder people have zero loyalty to this company when it treats its employees worse than shit. It's fucking rich as well that the company is now spending billions taking over another major engineering consultancy firm while there's no work for me in this organisation's blind spot where I'm working now. If I can turn back time and start my stint again at the place I've been slogging my ass off for the past almost 2 years, I'd totally be a "yes-man" and kiss the client's feet regardless of how idiotic their requests are or offensive their behaviour is. But that's MUCH easier said than done given my brutally-honest personality and at the end of the day I can only conclude that I'm not a good fit there despite all my colleagues (including my immediate manager) giving me stellar feedback on my performance for the past year!!! This is so fucked up it's not funny.
Anyway I'm trying my utmost to move on psychologically and it's not easy because I'm still going around begging for work within the company as I have no choice but to chase down all leads. As a result, I go through an emotional roller-coaster every day at work from hating the company and the people who put me in my current state to being all "nice" asking for work and hanging on to a faint glimmer of hope that something comes up (I'm now open to anything that doesn't involve relocation). If I were in America, more unstable and owned guns, some people in my office might already have become a statistic. Sigh. Fucking sigh indeed.
I can go on and on bitching away but this post is to share with you an unassuming-looking singer/song-writer from China I discovered recently. He is 毛不易 and became famous from a Chinese reality show-type singing contest called "明日之子". His writing style is very simple but the words and melodies coming from him are so exquisite and thought-provoking that you can't help but get attached to his compositions, not to mention his deep soulful voice. Although it's hard to cover his songs because of his low register, I've attempted one of my favourites of his called "一程山路" which means "A Journey Through the Mountains". Likening it to a journey through life, it's also my musical journey piece this month. I wish I can write like him and now that I might have a lot of idle time without work coming up, perhaps it's my chance to really make some serious effort to sharpen my composing and writing skills and use musical therapy to heal my currently wounded existence.