Saturday, August 31, 2019

Musical journey (108)

It's the last day of winter and hopefully it's also the last day of my procrastination in this tax season to file and reluctantly hand over my hard-earned money to the government. It's so unfair that the everyday workers pay much more tax than the large corporations but I guess this is one of the age-old well-accepted by-products of capitalism. To make things worse, with the recent acquisition of a major rival, my company has reported never-before-seen profits but trickle-down economics will ensure I see none of that money. Sad but a fact of life. The only thing I hope that will happen out of this is at least some enhanced job security and that the axe of redundancy that's been swinging inches above me for so long can temporarily be removed.

Well at least I have the warmer weather and the chance to show more flesh in public to look forward to! I hope come next week when I start gaming on a new release, I'll not get too distracted from the continuation of my search for hang-out buddies (preferably at nude beaches)! By the way that search is really not going too well as friend-making needs to be organic. My previous attempts at trying to steer people perhaps only keen on hooking up with me towards more of going out on a social basis just seemed a tad artificial or even coerced. Maybe I should go crazy at next year's Midsumma Carnival and join all the social groups and hope that at least one will result in the successful revival of my once-glorious social life (when I was living in Sydney).

Speaking about Midsumma, there's talk that the company I'm seconded to right now might march in the parade with the recent creation of its Australian PRIDE Chapter. This is quite exciting as I’m now officially part of the Chapter Committee (just a mere location representative though). Also on the work front, I told one colleague who has been trying hard to train me as part of a handover of his role (before our boss gives the endorsement) that come October/November, I'll be inquiring about contract-extension and if there's no extension, all his training efforts would be wasted and he'd have to start again which is something he wouldn't have time to do. Although I know that discussion will not amount to anything, I still hope something happens in my favour somehow. That being said, it's not the end of the world if my secondment ends as there's currently plenty of work back at my home company.

When work stress gets to me, one of the hideouts I go to for a respite is the warm shelter of music-writing as it never fails to pick and perk me up. Sometimes I write new material in various genres and languages and at other times I inject new life to old stuff. With this variety, fatigue out of repetitiveness never creeps into this creative process. This month's musical journey features old fictional lyrics (posted here more than 9[!] years ago) now added with a new tune, one which has several extremely high notes. I know a lot of you will think that I didn't do those notes well (I did them in my real voice, not falsetto so I think it's a great effort!) but like I always say, these clips are really the equivalent of quick scribbles in a jotter and so are never meant to be perfect. Instead, they are simply done to freeze my ideas and thoughts at that moment in time into a neat and convenient little package to be listened to over and over again and sometimes improved upon.

Songs that don't originate from true stories are always less meaningful to me but writing them is a perfect way to sharpen my skills and the more I write the better I get. This month's musical sharing is a composition in this category so enjoy!



[I Don't Wanna Cry]

词  /  曲 : 锦泉

I don't wanna cry
感情已不在
请留在门外
是我太失败
让你靠近是我给自己的伤害
我说活该

I don't wanna cry, I know I've tried
黑夜和泪总得一起来
只因你早已渗透我血脉

I don't wanna cry
倦意和依赖
甩也甩不开
是我不应该
让你存在是我对自己的虐待
请你别再

I don't wanna cry, please say goodbye
给你机会还欠我的债
为何你还是死赖着不肯离开

你为何不肯离开
不肯离开

I don't wanna cry, just tell me why
时间和泪非得要比赛
被思念囚禁我泥足深陷火海

I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna lie
若能从心把你哭出来
我愿意含着泪继续继续忍耐



[I Don't Wanna Cry]

I don't wanna cry
The feelings are all gone
Please stay outside the door
I've failed myself
Letting you near is the harm I've caused myself
I say, serve me right

I don't wanna cry
I know I've tried
The dark night and tears always have to come together
Only because you've long seeped into my veins

I don't wanna cry
The fatigue and dependence that's stuck on me
I can't shrug it off
I shouldn't have
Letting you stay is the torture I've given myself
Please, not again

I don't wanna cry
Please say goodbye
Let this be the chance for you to repay your debts
Why do you still refuse to leave?

Why do you refuse to leave?

I don't wanna cry
Just tell me why
Time and tears are always in a race
Trapped by thoughts of you
I'm knee-deep in a sea of fire

I don't wanna cry
I don't wanna lie
If I could cry you out of my heart
I would continue to endure in tears