Musical journey (169)

I didn't think much of the movie "Joker" (trailer here) when it was released but when I watched it some time after its release, I realised what a great movie it was. Joachim Phoenix won the well-deserved Best Actor Academy Award for it. I couldn't say the same about the recent winners that simply lucked out hitching a ride on the Hollywood Asian bandwagon.

Those who have ever been bullied will identify with the lead character. I can't say I've ever been the "class clown" or the "life of the party" as an introvert but I sure was bullied throughout high school and national service for being effeminate. Those five to six years severely damaged my self-esteem and it took much time to heal and recover.

I love this movie because it depicts life as not black-and-white. No one wants to be a villain and everything happens for a reason. When someone kills in a society where righteous revenge is acceptable (like in many parts of Papua New Guinea) or when someone steals to feed his starving family, who are we to judge when we haven't walked in their shoes? Do you think you will react differently or be better than them if you find yourself in exactly the same circumstances?

The sequel "Joker: Folie à Deux" (trailer here) is coming out next month and in preparation for that, I've written a Mandarin song inspired by "Joker". I seriously like this one as the words and tune are not only emotive, they fit the movie very well too. I can almost picture the song being used as the movie's official soundtrack. I've read bad reviews of the sequel which is not at all surprising because it would be really hard to do better what came before. So, have a listen to my musical offering for this month and let me know what you think!

[假笑]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

站在街角
人群喧闹
我手舞足蹈
求你陪我拍照
天渐黑了
快和光一起枯萎掉
越来越渺小
成为城市灰暗一角

忙碌地寻找
路上一直跌倒
还没起来你又补上一脚
我只能傻笑
悲痛却没减少
只好又涂上一层鲜红的唇膏

日夜颠倒
尝尽尘嚣
却无法忘掉
初见你那一秒
就算弱小
就算世界开我玩笑
这代表至少
我还有力气为你效劳

我努力假笑
让命运再胡闹
唯一退路是往内心逃跑
蜡烛两头烧
温暖却得不到
快乐究竟它是什么味道

意志力一点一点地消耗
今晚又能否吃得饱
我志气高绝不乞讨
泪水滑下虽然留下一道
真正的自己不让你看到
咬着牙说  我还好

不停地寻找
路上一直跌倒
还没起来你又补上一脚
我只能傻笑
悲痛却没减少
快涂上一层鲜红的唇膏

我继续地假笑
让命运再胡闹
唯一退路是往内心逃跑
蜡烛两头烧
温暖却偏得不到
快乐它是什么味道

小丑他怎知道
小丑他不想笑

[Faking a Smile]

Written By: Kim
 

At the street corner
The hustle and bustle surrounds
Watch me dance
Pleading for you to take a picture with me

The sky slowly dims
As I shrivel with the light
Getting smaller
Blending into the city's dark recess

Busy searching
Keep on falling
Just when I'm trying to stand
You kick me down again
I smile sheepishly
But the sadness and pain never reduces
I can only apply another layer of crimson lipstick

Not knowing night from day
Submerged in the hubbub
I can never forget
The first time I saw you

Even though I'm feeble and small
Even though the world is playing a joke on me
That just means at least
I still have the strength to be of service to you

I try hard to fake a smile
Despite destiny messing around with me
The only way for me is to escape further into myself
Burning the candle at both ends
And still it gives me no warmth
What's the taste of happiness

My willpower is diminishing
Not sure if I'll have enough to eat tonight
My backbone is strong and I'll never beg
My tears leave behind a streak
Of the real me which I refuse to show you
Gritting my teeth, saying that I am okay

Never stopping the search
Keep on falling
Just when I'm trying to stand
You kick me down again
I smile sheepishly
But the sadness and pain never reduces
As I quickly apply another layer of crimson lipstick

I continue to try faking a smile
Despite destiny messing around with me
The only way for me is to escape further into myself
Burning the candle at both ends
But it just gives me no warmth
What's the taste of happiness

The clown will never know
The clown no longer wants to smile