Musical journey (184)

Just back from an almost 2-week Brisbane work and training trip, I was greeted with the Bondi mass shooting event 5 days ago, a heinous act that not only took 15 lives, but has cast a shadow over what would otherwise be a fun-filled summer at the beach.

By now, most of us would have witnessed the harrowing scenes on the news and social media, and some would inevitably be cowed into staying at home. However, I believe we should all try our best to continue living our lives as normal, not least because statistically, the safest period to be in public is after a major terrorist event.

Hence, in the defiant spirit of having an enjoyable festive period amidst the tragedy, my last musical offering of 2025 comes from a lighthearted place, where the pure innocence of youth meets the burgeoning puppy love between two high school boys. This saccharine sweet tale starts with nervous trepidation but ends on an exuberant note right before summer break, as the lovebirds walk out of school hand-in-hand. Timely too, as today is the last school day of the year.

To all romantics out there who still believe in love, let this song rekindle some of that effervescence, because true love can never be marred or destroyed by the real (oft-harsh and -cruel) world. If I don't post again in 2025, here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[I'm Outta Here]

Written By: Kim

Oh my god, this clock's going nowhere fast
How much longer till this final class
Becomes the past

Agitating, suffocating in this chalk dust
My mind's a million miles away
But I'm stuck in this boredom
Will this pass

I'm texting this to all 
Saying, I don't wanna study, no
I just wanna party now

Half past three, I'm finally free
It's been such a crazily long week
So glad to leave, let's hit the streets
All jocks and geeks

Summer's here, onto the beach
Get a brain freeze from all the ice-cream
What a year
See ya
I'll disappear
Time to cheer
'Cos I'm outta here

Oh my god, hope he's not gonna freak out
At the corner of the gym
I peek at him working out

One more minute, one more second till we hang out
My heart pounds at the speed of light
Now tell me how to wait till school is out

So hear me scream and shout
Get this, I don't wanna study, no
I just wanna party now

Half past three, I'm finally free
It's been such a crazily long week
So glad to leave, let's hit the streets
All jocks and geeks

Summer's here, onto the beach
Get a brain freeze from all the ice-cream
What a year
See ya
I'll disappear
Time to cheer
'Cos I'm outta

Here I'm on my knees
Can I give you a squeeze
I'll hold your hand
You'll be my man
Your wish will be my command
If only I've the key
When will you be free
Can you go out with me

At forty past three
Under that oak tree
You gave me my first kiss

School's out, we're out and about
Hand in hand, in love, and making out
What a year
No more fear
Oh my dear
Time to cheer
'Cos I'm outta here

Finally I'm outta here
I so wanna get outta here
I'm outta here
Finally we're getting outta here

 

Musical journey (183)

Happy Black Friday everyone from Brisbane!

I could not get my visa renewed in time due to inept HR staff, so I had to work from home for Rotation #27 for two and a bit weeks. The poor "home office" ergonomics was worsening my existing sprained neck and the one-room apartment was also getting a tad crowded now that Ision is at home all day. Hence, I sought approval to work in the Brisbane office since there's budget for that which I didn't use for this year, and I was going to travel to Brisbane anyway for training. So here we are...

In this month's musical sharing, I'm presenting a cute piece making fun of shopaholics plagued with FOMO who can't stop, especially during events like Black Friday. Almost frothing in the mouth, they push themselves down every deal as if they need them to heal even though that wound can never get better and that hole can be never be filled. As a person who prides himself leading a minimalistic and frugal lifestyle, I look at this condition I call "shopaholism" and the people afflicted by it from afar with pity. Thank goodness I don't measure my worth with material possessions.

Hope I get my visa by my next rotation (fingers crossed). Enjoy the song and the small dopamine hit with your next purchase while it lasts!

[失心疯]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

嗜血的野性像着了魔
漏一拍的心跳，气喘不过
识相的就尽量赶快去躲
否则我承担不了后果

限量，买一送一，快缺货
集点越多，换来的赠品越多
只需要刷一刷，二话不说
下一战，重新再来过

患了失心疯，有谁能来救救我
杀红了眼，看不见自己的无助脆弱
患了失心疯，有谁会来可怜我
只有卡债跟随着我自甘堕落， 继续犯错

被物质所控制的折磨
无止尽的欲望，催促生活
满心期待地拆开了包裹
发现空虚也是种收获

宁可杀错也不肯放过
抢购越多，节省到的就越多
只需要划一划，干脆俐落
下一站，重新再来过

患了失心疯，没人肯来救救我
病入膏肓，还想用尽全力放手一搏
患了失心疯，没人会来可怜我
堆满了屋让人窒息的罪恶感， 我逃不过

[Shopaholism]

Written By : Kim

Crazed with bloodthirsty instinct
Heart skipping a beat
Get out of my way if you know what is best for you
As I will not bear any consequences

Limited edition, buy one get one free, getting out of stock
The more points you accumulate, the more freebies you can redeem
Just a swipe of my card and without another word
I  move on to the next battle and repeat

I am inflicted with shopaholism, who is there to save me
Desperation has masked my eyes from seeing my weakness and helplessness
I am inflicted with shopaholism, who is there to take pity on me
Only my credit card debt is there with me through my degeneration and mistakes

The torture of being controlled by materialism
With limitless desire pushing life along
Opening my parcel with anticipation
Only to realise emptiness is actually a possession

Preferring to make a wrong purchase than letting it go
The more you buy, the more you save
Just a swipe on the phone, quick and easy
As I do it again at the next site

I am inflicted with shopaholism, no one is willing to save me
Even at the last stage of this disease, I want to give it my all one last time
I am inflicted with shopaholism, no one is willing to take pity on me
This full room of suffocating guilt I cannot escape

Musical journey (182)

Many people (including even myself sometimes) wouldn't believe that I've only ever been in two real relationships in my life. One was with Greg that spanned seven years starting from my days in the army when I was still struggling with coming out. The other is with my husband when I decided that it was best for me to find someone else due to the age difference especially when he hasn't decided to live his life as an open gay men and divorce his wife yet.

To be honest, leaving my first love wasn't my decision as much as my allowing the inevitability to unfold and eventually become the truth because that was not what I wanted at all. So much for happy endings right? As an aside, that made me more resolute in my unwavering search for an other half who will stay till the very end, pushing me towards the path of marriage with Ision. 

For those seven years with Greg, I endured the pain of a long distance relationship. Granted that we got to meet a few times a year and the passion that erupted every meeting was always fiery, that was still an experience I don't wish for anyone. We all know that long distance relationships don't last and ours was no different of course. It either ends or ceases to be long distance.

Because of how deeply we felt about one another, I was gifted with memories that would last forever. In addition, those feelings of longing provided the best fuel and material for song-writing. This month's musical journey takes us back to that time, when we were separated perpetually by a three-hour time difference, when much of everyday was spent thinking of him, emailing him, calling him, and writing and singing about him. As our ultimate parting was totally amicable, I stayed friends with Greg till his passing. You can read more about my years with Greg here.

This song I'm sharing today is yet another one of me missing him after having spent a few days together and looking forward to seeing him again in a year's time. This song comes in two arrangements, namely the original one with a rock feel and the unplugged version, and you can listen to both below. Which one do you like better?

[明年的今早]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

时间的左手拉着你
右手扯着我
一百八十分长的差错
不能逃脱

吞吐的画面
传不出爱的彩色
断续的信号
“我爱你” 被冷风吹散了
昨天的微笑
脑海依稀围绕
明天的拥抱
肌膚渴望能感觉到

太平洋的南边的你
另一边的我
靠着海水墙面我的耳朵
听你下落

时间的左手拉着你
右手扯着我
一百八十分长的差错
不能逃脱

吞吐的画面
传不出爱的彩色
断续的信号
“我爱你” 被冷风吹散了
今早一声好
给我力量等到
明年的今早
你手我能永远抓牢

太平洋的南边的你
另一边的我
靠着海水墙面我的耳朵
听你下落

没你我是否能不难过

[A Year from Now]

Written By : Kim
 

The left hand of time pulling at you
And its right hand tugging at me
The error of a three-hour time difference
Is something that cannot be avoided

The stuttering display
Unable to transmit the colour of love
The intermittent signal
Dissipates "I love you" to the wind
Yesterday's smile
Still vaguely in my memory
Tomorrow's embrace
Is something my skin yearns to feel

You are south of the Pacific Ocean
And I lie at the opposite end
With my ear held against that wall of water
I listen to your whereabouts

The left hand of time pulling at you
And its right hand tugging at me
The error of a three-hour time difference
Is something that cannot be avoided

The stuttering display
Unable to transmit the colour of love
The intermittent signal
Dissipates "I love you" to the wind
This morning's "hello"
Gives me the strength to wait
Till this morning of next year
When I can hold your hand tightly forever

You are south of the Pacific Ocean
And I lie at the opposite end
With my ear held against that wall of water
I listen to your whereabouts

Will I be able to not feel sad without you

Musical journey (181)

This hitch has been quite smooth with just the right amount of excitement and mundanity, but it doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to the end of it. The potential take-over of my company by an Abu Dhabi-based consortium has fallen through and with the lost cash injection that was supposed to come with the successful acquisition, it looks like there will be even tougher times ahead as leaders of all shapes and forms pinch pennies further.

On the home front, Ision has started clearing his 3-month long-service leave and quitting his job at the end of 13 years of service. It's a huge change for both of us but I think it's for the better. I look forward to more home-cooked meals by this great cook a.k.a. my hubby bear. One and a half weeks to go 🥟 🥟 !

This month's musical offering features one of the clips I took of myself busking in Singapore (well, it was crashing my sister's buskig gig, to be precise). I didn't have a chance to do this the last two trips back home and I really have to do it again as the itch is becoming unbearable!

Busking in Melbourne and/or forming a band will definitely be things I'll explore when I retire but it looks like that would have to be postponed now that I'm the sole breadwinner. That sure has a strange and unfamiliar twang to it but I know I'll get used to it in time.

Here's my live performance of Eason Chan's "富士山下" which I have previously covered here. You can also view my previous busking clips in this series here: 1 2 3 4 5 6). Now, back to work I go.

Musical journey (180)

 

 

That is the climactic line of the new composition I am sharing today. In this story, a man becomes spellbound by another and tries desperately to get his attention. He hits a brick wall and soon realises that he is contending with an expert, one impeccably schooled in the art of leading people on with fleeting crumbs. The target is enjoying his time playing hard to get.

The ensuing chase becomes increasingly arduous, but it only makes the pursuer more determined, all while keeping his cerebral demons under control. Like voodoo, he falls under time and time again, and swears that they both will soon get what they deserve. And come one fateful night, the growing temptation that has been ticking away with every deafening beat of his heart finally reaches its breaking point.

 

Emerging from the darkness, like on autopilot, he acts out the script that has rehearsed itself incessantly deep within. In that split second of hypnotic frenzy, the white noise ceases, as hate and love merge into a single entity, rushing to the tip of every nerve, arriving to his end. It is done.

PS: I've been bingeing on "Dexter: Resurrection", which explains the above sexual-predatory and serial-killery angle. Still, please try to enjoy the song though. 😃

[Voodoo]

Written By: Kim

Why do I feel blue
What am I to do
God do I want to
Get into your heart
Get deep inside you

If only you knew
How much I need you
Please let me get through
Why do you have to be so cruel

Is this voodoo
Got me subdued
And I can't move
Wanna go but boy I really love the view

'Cos this is hoodoo
And you got my head so screwed
Gotta choose between what's good for you
And this beautiful taboo

You must be amused
When you see me abused
That poison you ooze
Slowly killing me the more I use

Why am I confused
There's nothing to lose
There's no more excuse
That sex appeal so real I can't refuse

Is this voodoo
Or black magic that you've let loose
Cast your spell
The more I move, the more I bruise

'Cos this is hoodoo
And you gently tighten the noose
I'm a tool that you use
I'd be a fool to lose my cool and stop you

Raw and nude
Yet satisfaction overdue
You seduce then preclude
I'm not in the mood
Tonight I'm gonna go all out so fuck the rules

Is this voodoo
It got me subdued
And I can't move
Wanna go but boy I really love the view

'Cos this is hoodoo
And you got my head so screwed
Gotta choose between what's good for you
And this fucking beautiful taboo

Is this voodoo
Or black magic that you've let loose
Cast your spell
The more I move, the more I bruise

'Cos this is hoodoo
And you gently tighten the noose
I'm a tool you use
I'd be a fool to lose my cool
And stop you

This is voodoo
Or is this hoodoo
It's taboo
Thank you

This is voodoo
Or is this hoodoo
It's taboo
And I really wanna thank you

 

Musical journey (179)

I'm now almost two weeks into Rotation #25. This is an interesting (and uncertain) time as the business unit undergoes significant changes (for efficiency gains a.k.a. cost-cutting). Usually, I'll be the first to whinge about this but I think this time, the changes are for the better, as some moves are a precursor to letting some of the fat-cat expats go (they are the ones that constantly get on my nerves). Although this will not be communicated officially, from what I've heard from the grapevine, I believe this is part of upper management's grand plan. So fingers crossed they will be gone by the end of the year.

Talking about being employed in a foreign land, I've written about life in Papua New Guinea as a fly-in/fly-out (FIFO) worker over the years but my last two posts (here and here) went in-depth and provided a clearer picture of the everyday struggles of PNG citizens based on my experience. Because I live in company-provided accommodation in a secured compound, I'm not in a position to post media about what goes on when I'm on site, but this month's musical offering is an exception.

As you know, I spare no chances to perform in front of people as that's my passion. I was supposed to sing at the Christmas party two years ago but due to a significant upset in the processing plant that temporarily halted production, the celebration was muted and I didn't get the chance to perform. Due to our fixed rotation, my back-to-back and I spend alternate Christmases on site, so fast forward two years, I grabbed this opportunity to sing.

Below is my live cover of Lonestar's "I'm Already There" using a standard karaoke track from YouTube. The clip was taken at the Refinery I supported after we had our Christmas dinner buffet with colleagues and contractors present. I'd have preferred a key lower but we didn't have that luxury (the wireless microphone wasn't great either). Because everyone missed their family back home especially during Christmas, this song struck a chord with my audience. I was later told that some people even cried which meant that my voice really touched them. Although them dropping tears was not much of a surprise to me, it was a huge surprise for them that I could actually sing this well.

Before Christmas in July officially ends, I hope you enjoy this Christmas performance, but you'd have to pardon the parts where I forgot the words—I didn't have the lyrics in front of me as that wasn't a karaoke session!

 

Musical journey (178)

27th of June this year is a very special day because it' my Mum's 80th birthday! Too bad I can't be there with her to celebrate this great personal milestone. The best I can do is to dedicate this month's composition to her. This song also serves as a constant reminder for myself to remember to call (and also visit) her more often.

We get so busy with our lives and tend to neglect those we love, especially when long distances activate this "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Sometimes it's even subconscious, so we all need prompts from time to time. With this song, I hope you can think of those you treasure and give them a ring to let them know that you miss and love them. Remember to call home OK? Let me now go and do just that.

I love you Mummy. 生日快乐! 

[记得打电话回家]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

在挥手的剎那
放不开也得放下
电视就让他开着
角落洗衣篮空着
房门背后不再吵杂

人在异乡的游子终于懂得妈妈的伟大
把眼泪湿透的照片擦一下
明天再想念他

要记得打电话回家
别让她添多些白发
过马路要看车
若天气变凉了
外套你不想穿也一定要带着

要记得打电话回家
就算你人远在天涯
无论在忙什么
也千万别忘了
用你的声音把妈妈拥抱着

要记得打电话回家
不要不听妈妈的话
水不能够少喝
剩菜要多加热
不在你身旁但还是要你快乐

要记得打电话回家
不然她会担心害怕
一个人的时刻
总是特别冷的
用你的声音让妈妈温暖着

电话里的爱装得满满的
用你的声音把妈妈拥抱着

[Remember to Call Home]

Written By: Kim
 

When we waved goodbye
We had to let go even when we didn't want to
Leave the TV on
That laundry basket at the corner left empty
There's no more noise behind your room's door

Children who have left for a foreign land
Finally understanding how selfless their mothers are
Wiping the tears off the photos of her child
Only to miss them all over again tomorrow

You must remember to call home
Don't add to her white hair
Look out for cars when crossing the road
When the weather turns cold
Even if you don't need a jacket, do still take it with you

You must remember to call home
Even when you're so far away
No matter how busy you are
Don't ever forget to
Use your voice to embrace your mother

You must remember to call home
And always listen to your mother
Drink more water
Reheat your leftovers sufficiently
Though she's not by your side
She still wants you to be happy

You must remember to call home
Otherwise she'll worry and be scared
When alone
It always feels colder
So use your voice to keep your mother warm

Pack that phone call to the brim with love
And use your voice to embrace your mother

PNG woes (part 2)

 

I'm still in Rotation #24 but it's nearing the end. So let me continue with part 2 of this "PNG woes" post based on what I've observed all these years working in PNG (6 years and counting). Part 1 can be found here. Here are the some more of the common problems PNG nationals encounter that affect their performance at work and my time with the them.

3. Extremely High Cost-of-Living

If you think Aussies pay too much taxes, you're not informed well enough because although the taxation rate in PNG is roughly the same as Australia (used to be higher than Australia), wages can be up to 10 times lower and everyday goods like fresh groceries in the capital city are more expensive than Australia even after currency conversion. This is only getting worse with growing inflation. Believe it or not, I was told that even if the company wants to increase their salaries, they cannot because the PNG government has policies that keep wages within a uniform band across companies of a certain sector. Without delving into labour regulations, I can't vouch for the truth of that statement though. What I can do is listen to my operators' woes when they pour them onto me from every possible angle. Apart from lending my ears and on top of my day job of being the lead engineer ensuring safe and optimised operations, I coach and impart the local workforce within my production team with both hard and soft skills so they can be better-equipped to rise up the ladder and earn more that way. That's all I can do within my power. They're aware of unions in some of the company's Australian assets but they are not mature and united enough to explore that in any concrete fashion, to their disadvantage obviously.

As a result of this financial strife, they are forced to hustle more creatively. On site, to make ends meet, this "creativity" would take the form of a hyperactive overtime system i.e. people stay more than their 4 weeks so they can get double pay. The justification for overtime can sometimes be based on the flimsiest of reasons, but managers tend to close an eye to that because they all know the underlying struggles. Maybe they have done their numbers and concluded that this is still cheaper than hiring more people. Off site, they could be running other businesses (legit or otherwise - I have an operator who pimps out 5 girls that he "takes care of"). Hell, I was duped into importing goods from Australia. You see, I thought I was buying stuff for his personal use and once I realised he was reselling the clothing items with a markup, I told him I'm not going to help him again, but that didn't stop this operator from pestering me every now and then. By the way, thanks to PNG's "Australian heritage", they are crazy for R.M. Williams (much like Hermès to Asians).

4. Poor Health

Because fresh food is so expensive, and if people don't grow their own (e.g. if they live in the cities), the consequent reliance on unhealthy but cheaper processed and canned food leads to poor health outcomes. They are so conditioned to eating canned food that many of my operators choose canned corned beef over fresh steaks cooked in the mess. Why? It's all due to supply and demand working its magic. A 340g tin of corned beef now costs PGK$18.40 in PNG i.e. almost AUD$7 which is more expensive than what we get from Coles. Canned corned beef is now a luxury food item and that's PNG for you. I'll not elaborate on betel nut consumption here (you can watch this video if you're keen to know more), but suffice to say, years of betel nut chewing have killed their taste buds. Hence, without even tasting the food first, they have to add a copious amount of salt to make the already quite savoury food served on site more palatable. I've even seen people unscrewing the lid and pouring salt straight onto their meals, and we all know the harmfulness of an excessively high sodium diet.

In a country where modern medical help doesn't usually reach the masses in time because of how remote the many scattered villages can be (one of which is pictured above), it's no wonder the PNG demographic is so young (life expectancy is around 65 i.e. almost 20 years shy of Australia's). A few months ago, one of my operators died on site from cardiovascular complications and even though he didn't get the level of medical attention we're used to in the developed world, he would have gotten much worse had he been back home. I wrote about how Billy's death affected me in this post. Since that event, whenever my operators tell me they're feeling unwell with similar symptoms, I get edgy and start worrying.

5. Self-Inflicted Problems

Yes, sometimes their problems are basically of their own doing. Recently, one of my operators filmed himself in uniform going for a joyride to off-limit areas chewing betel nut (which is banned on site), and then uploading the clip on Tiktok, and HR caught wind of that. That particular operator was given many warnings before for various behavioral problems and was even demoted once, but he was never let go, and perhaps that's why he got so daring. We're so short-staffed and since they are so "cheap" to keep anyway, it seems on the surface to not be a big deal retaining them. However, they are a bad influence on others, especially impressionable apprentices, and so should be sacked as soon as possible (and not just moved to another facility).

Also, much of the local workforce resides in villages where they can live on the land and so their day job is only there to earn extra money for "luxuries" which they can give up any time (and then go back to farming). The peanuts they get paid compared to the high taxation and inflation add further fuel to the blaze. With that attitude, you can imagine how motivated they are to continue delivering at the required level and how a non-issue it is to get fired. Fortunately, that guy has since been removed from site (he was not only a poor performer, he has crossed me once by playing me against another person so he'll never get my trust ever again - that's a whole different story for next time. So good riddance). He now sits in a limbo "suspended" state as HR takes forever to do everything, including finding a replacement. This means that we all have to chip in to cover. We're currently short of 2 to 3 operator back-to-back roles (meaning 4 to 6 bodies) and with cost-cutting in full swing, do you think those positions will be replaced? I can almost hear management shouting down from high up "welcome to the new norm!".

I can go on and on about PNG (this 2-part post has gone far longer than originally planned), but before I get too carried away, I'd like to stress that this is not a whinge-fest and certainly not a move to disparage PNG people in any way. I've struck what I'd call a perfect balance with them on and off work i.e. we have real love for one another. For starters, I'm totally out to them and we can even crack off-colour gay jokes together (bear in mind that PNG is 96% Christian and extremely conservative). That's because they knew me as a person before they knew me as gay. In addition to the genuine glow in their eyes whenever they see me come back on shift, and taking me out for drinks in Port Moresby when they're on break, they tell me things that they don't divulge to other expatriates (and sometimes even their own). That's how I know for sure they'll have my back if and when I need support.

I always say that PNG is a totally unique place where people can be friendly and violent in the same measure. Yes, it's not a safe place, but I hate it when people are plainly negative about this country and its people without proper context and knowledge e.g. the doom and gloom warnings they put out for visitors sans the human element. If you're born in that environment, who is to say you'll be different? It's all about survival and I fully understand that. Hence, from a 100% non-judgemental position, I'm committed to helping them improve their lives (within limits). That's how I earn their trust and respect and that's also the source of energy pushing me to keep doing what I do.

I don't need to tell you how tough rotational work in those parts can be, but I'm truly enjoying myself there and that's mainly because of the PNG people and their interesting stories (and the obvious fact that I'm paid at a level I'm contented with). At work, we always break into random bursts of laughter and then huddle back together to face the challenges that pile on. There's never a dull moment. If you've not lived in PNG or amongst PNG folk for a significant period, you'll never grasp how one-of-a-kind this place and its people are.

Musical journey (177)

I've written a lot of songs these few years about drug use knowing full well that to many, there's a fine control line between "recreation" and "abuse". My definition of "abuse" is a level of consumption needed for one to simply function normally. We also know that the more easily available the drug of choice, the more unclear this line becomes. Case in point—alcohol.

 

Alcohol is the drug that kills the most people globally and continues to kill every second. There aren't many drugs in the world that hardcore addicts can't go "cold turkey" on their road to recovery or else they will die, and these are opiods (heroin, fentanyl), benzodiazepine (Valium, Xanax) and yes, alcohol. And we're not even talking about the most addictive drug in the world—nicotine (which has gotten worse with vaping, not better).

 

Talking about addiction, governments are hooked on the tax revenue from alcohol, and coupled with it being synonymous with social recreation, the problems associated with this drug become impossible to eradicate. Hence, we've evolved over eons to see deaths caused by or related to alcohol consumption as inevitable, much like how upholders of the American Second Amendment view deaths from mass shootings.

 

Now, is that cavalier perspective on the harm caused by alcohol right or wrong? And should your answer to that question change when we switch the drug to one that causes less deaths i.e. any of the so-called "hard drugs" e.g. methamphetamine, cocaine, etc.? Life is never black and white and so we don't need to wear tinted glasses to add more colour to this world (there's a Chinese saying "戴有色眼镜" which literally translates to "wearing tinted glasses" and it means "to have a prejudiced viewpoint").

This month's musical journey is all about drowning one's sorrows with alcohol. I often wonder does that even work? I know drugs deepen the state of mind one is in at the point of intake, so wouldn't you feel sadder when you're already down before you start drinking? Nevertheless, people do it all the time despite alcohol being a depressant because humans are irrational beings.

 

Interestingly, although we're all aware that "driving under the influence" is bad, we seldom think about "drinking under the influence". This new composition with a rock/metal theme (a genre I only dabble in occasionally) explores the very concept of drinking your problems away which I'm certain is something you or someone you know have done, so I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic, after listening to the song of course.

[D. U. I.]

Written By: Kim

This is not what I deserve
But that's not stopping you
So go on, do your worst

Shake me off, I'm just like dirt
You don't relent
And I know that
But I refuse to learn

Push me, I crack
'Cos your strength I lack
It doesn't take much to see tears gush
Right out of a man

The weaker I get
Your mind gets more set
I get lost at the exit door
Why can't I catch a breath

Got nowhere to turn
And so I'm back here
Drinking under influence

You have got to earn
The right to be here
There's a three-heartbreak at the minimum

Like a numbing heartburn
Memories linger here
They go down only to return

Pictures of us I preserve
Can't let go, they haunt me
Lock me in a curse

To heal, you need to first be hurt
Then I'd be spent
So here I drench away the bitterness

I must be mad
When I play pretend
That I ain't crushed
That I can last
Right until the end

Panic attacks
But don't let me hit back
That line I've crossed
Made you change your course
It's too late to regret

Got nowhere to turn
And so I'm back here
Drinking under influence

You have got to earn
The right to be here
There's a three-heartbreak at the minimum

Like a numbing heartburn
Memories linger here
They go down only to return

Hit me with affliction
I need this addiction
Give me pain unreserved
Quench my fucking thirst

Got nowhere to turn
And so I'm back here
Drinking under influence

You have got to earn
The right to be here
There's a three-heartbreak at the minimum

Like a numbing heartburn
Memories linger here
Please go down
And never to return

 

PNG woes (part 1)

This is my last weekend at home before Rotation #24 commences and I already know that I'm going into this hitch with some really gnarly problems waiting for me as I still get messages from work chats on Microsoft Teams during my break. Well, it's business as usual really... Whenever I use the word "crazy" to describe my time in PNG, I'm not only referring to actual issues with valves, tanks, pumps, heat exchangers, pipelines, compressors, etc. (the list goes on), I'm also talking about troubles that have to do with people (both expatriates and locals).

 

 

For expatriates, the thing that can be problematic is typically their laziness. Through countless restructuring (the most significant one being the acquisition of my ex-company a few years ago), people become tucked into organisational blind spots and accountabilities get eroded. Those out to milk this would do so to the maximum possible level and if the entire reporting line behaves like that or remote supervision becomes ineffective (it usually is), this can go unnoticed at the management level for years. I notice it on the ground everyday though, and that's one of my pet peeves that irks me to no end.

Alas, it'll be better now that "value-adding" initiatives are going to cut to the bone this year (purportedly 40 or so million dollars need to be cut from PNG alone in 2025) and the first wave of expatriates purging has already taken place in the name of "enhancing effic

iency". For once, I'm willing to drink to that. A PNG national told me sometime ago that certain expatriates can be so tone-deaf that they talk loudly (almost bragging) about the "mundane" things they do over their weekends/holidays (e.g. yachting) around locals that they know are struggling to make ends meet. I say it's about bloody time we remove all these obnoxious dead weights.

As for the local workforce, their issues are much more complicated. Compared to my words, here's a video that can give you a far better context behind the life people in PNG are accustomed to. Although that's an old documentary and on some level, things have improved (e.g. road infrastructure) but some things have gone downhill (e.g. tribal wars have become more extreme with a greater influx of guns into the country). At the 45:20 mark, you'll see Moro. In the show, they referred to Moro being where the oil drilling site was i.e. this was in the 90's when the facility was still with its original owners (Chevron). I feel especially connected to the documentary because Moro is where the air strip is, the air strip on which I land and from which I depart every 28 days. After you've watched the video for background, let me talk about some of the common problems the PNG nationals face that impact on work and my relationship with the them.

1. Being Distracted at Work

Often, the locals have terrible events happening back home when on shift, some of which are unimaginable to people who live in developed or more civilised countries. For instance, my operator had his house burnt down due to tribal warfare and another operator had a child injured by a stray bullet during one of those skirmishes. At the worst, they have to take emergency leave to deal with those problems and then we have to scramble to back fill them. When we all have a specific role to play supporting the live facility that makes the company the most money, this becomes a great challenge and usually results in me having to assess the risks of not doing some work or doing something else instead.

Domestic violence is also extreme in PNG. I once heard that a husband instructed his wife not to let the pigs at home escape and the wife failed to do that. As punishment, he cut off her ears and put a spear into her leg! This was something a colleague actually "witnessed". Gruesome? Yes. Abnormal? No. A focussed mind is paramount in the oil and gas industry as we're dealing with hazards that can kill multiple people in an instant. With such issues to worry about back home, how can they not lose concentration especially when performing routine tasks? Hence, my role (amongst many others) is to be extra vigilant and watch what they do with a second pair of eyes.

 

2. Getting Offended & Acting On Impulse Too Easily

In short, they take things too personally and as a result, they get into all sorts of shenanigans on site ranging from fist fights over disagreements to romantic affairs and all the fun repercussions of jealousy and sabotage that come with such rivalries. Even being mindful of basic things like email/corporate-etiquette is a tall task for some of them e.g. two of my operators who were unhappy with their performance ranking sent a complaint email on separate occasions straight to HR and cc'ed the manager 3 levels above them, without discussing with their immediate lead first. A lot of these problems are hidden i.e. the workplace is literally a minefield with very unhappy people (and worse still, some of them are out to get you), so you always have to take greater care when communicating to those you're not that close to.

In addition, in a predominantly patriarchal society, they find it really hard to take commands from female leaders unless they have grown together through the ranks from bottom up. To make matters even more "exciting", there are people who game the system (think along the lines of females accusing males of sexual harassment when innocuous flirting that started well goes awry). All these human problems need to be dealt with by the team leads which essentially take them away from the actual work of removing hydrocarbons from the ground and selling it. And no prizes for guessing correctly who picks up the slack.

 

 

I have more to write on this topic, so there is a part 2 to this (here). Now, let me go enjoy my last bit of doing nothing before madness starts.

Musical journey (176)

It's my third day back after Rotation #23 and this break, I'm going to take it really easy as I've had too much "excitement" with the Singapore flu trip. I've since picked up all the weight lost during that bout of illness but I don't care, and that's how chill I want my next 3 or so weeks to be. I'll share some of the pics from that trip soon.

What I'll do during this time though is join Uber One, play "Split Fiction" with Ision, start watching "The Last of Us (Season 2)" and go yum cha. Sounds immensely boring? As you grow older, you will realise that relaxing "me time" is truly priceless. This is especially so because of my "day job" where I have to constantly deal with people, hence I need 4 weeks of not doing that for every 4 weeks of being inflicted with them.

My life right now may seem unbearably plain to some, but if that's my choice, who's to say that's not the perfect life? Just like this month's musical post, it's all about acceptance of reality and living your life happy knowing that you did it your way. In this composition, even though walking away from a break-up is tough, when your mind is made up, you can leave easy, and anything your ex does will make no difference.

If you ask me, that's how all of you should live your lives.

[没差]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

醒不来  睁不开  眼睛最好没哭坏
这样算不算失败
说实在  早就该离开  没结局的偶像剧谁爱
演来演去还没完  无法再瞎掰

钟摆  动得越来越厉害
一分一秒地在看我能忍耐
你的借口多久不被憋坏
不能继续再依赖
你的不理不睬  我的置身事外
It is time to say goodbye

心已麻木啦  人不管在哪  都没差
你也放下吧  不用再害怕  再装傻
我的那些衣服还留在你家
要回去拿还是不拿
都没差

醒不来  睁不开  眼睛最好没哭坏
这样算不算失败
说实在  早就该离开  没结局的偶像剧谁爱
演来演去还没完  无法再瞎掰

钟摆  动得越来越厉害
一分一秒地在看我能忍耐
你的借口多久不被憋坏
不能继续再依赖
你的不理不睬  我的置身事外
It is time to say goodbye

早已太迟啦  要留或放下  都没差
再拖拖拉拉  互相残杀  不是办法
只要下一次遇见能不尴尬
就算被你斥被你骂
都没差

鼓起勇气  分手吧
说对不起  就够啦
好一点对他  多一点爱他
最后这滴泪才能蒸发  
这样才潇洒

心已麻木啦  人不管在哪  都没差
劝你还是放弃吧  不用再害怕  再装傻
我的那些衣服还留在你家
要回去拿还是不拿
都没有差

早已太迟啦  要留或放下  都没差
再这样拖拖拉拉  互相残杀  不是办法
只要下一次遇见能不尴尬
就算被你斥被你骂
都没差

[No Difference]

Written By: Kim
 

Can't wake
Can't open my eyes
They better not be damaged with all the crying
Does this count as failure

Honestly speaking
Should have left a long time ago
No one loves soap operas with no ending
Lots of never-ending acts
With nothing left to bullshit

The pendulum starting to swing more vigorously
Every minute and second
Finding out how long I can tolerate
Your excuses before I suffocate
We should stop depending on
Your cold shoulder
And my going on as if nothing is wrong
It is time to say goodbye

When the heart is numb
There is no difference where I am
You should let go too
So as not to be afraid
And you do not have to pretend anymore
Those clothes still left at yours
Whether or not I go get them
No longer makes any difference

Can't wake
Can't open my eyes
They better not be damaged with all the crying
Does this count as failure
Honestly speaking
Should have left a long time ago
No one loves soap operas with no ending
Lots of never-ending acts
With nothing left to bullshit

The pendulum starting to swing more vigorously
Every minute and second
Finding out how long I can tolerate
Your excuses before I suffocate
We should stop depending on
Your cold shoulder
And my going on as if nothing is wrong
It is time to say goodbye

It has long been too late
So whether you stay or leave
Makes no difference
Continuing to drag on
And harming each other
Is not the way out
As long as it is not awkward the next time we meet
You can scold me for all you want
As it makes no difference

Pluck up the courage to break-up
Just you saying sorry is enough
Treat him better
And love him more
Only then can my last teardrop vaporise
This way I can leave easy

When the heart is numb
There is no difference where I am
My advice is for you to give this up
So as not to be afraid
And you do not have to pretend anymore
Those clothes still left at yours
Whether or not I go get them
No longer makes any difference

It has long been too late
So whether you stay or leave
Makes no difference
Continuing to drag on like this
And harming each other
Is not the way out
As long as it is not awkward the next time we meet
You can scold me for all you want
As it makes no difference

Musical journey (175)

It's my 4th day back in PNG for rotation #23. Remember I said I was going to spend 2 weeks in Singapore? I ended up contracting flu and suffered badly for most of my time back home. I didn't get to do all the things I wanted like eating delicious food (durian, popiah, Indian rojak, etc), catching up with friends, topless KTV recording, and the list goes on.

The blessing in disguise was that I got to spend much time with Mummy at home as she took care of me with yummy food that I grew up with and motherly TLC. To spend time with her was the main aim of the trip anyway right? Well, I guess better luck next trip which will likely be Chinese New Year 2026 (I haven't bought my air tickets yet).

When I got to PNG and weighed myself, I was shocked to find out that I lost 3kgs (my uniform pants feel so loose now!). I couldn't stick to my workout routines as I was quite sick and so I've also lost much of my cardiovascular stamina and muscular strength which I'll have to slowly rebuild in the gym over the next few weeks. 

I still have some photos that I can share from my Singapore trip in future posts though, as I still got to do some fun things at the start when the flu symptoms haven't kicked in fully (when self-medicating was still fine), and towards the end when I started recovering. I still have a lingering (slight) cough which is annoying.

As I finish kicking this flu out of my body, let me present this month's musical offering. It's a live cover I did at The Laird (gay leather bar in Melbourne) of one of my favourite songs from Elton John called "The Last Song". This is the soundtrack to the movie "And the Band Played On", an HIV-themed movie/documentary I watched very early on in my gay journey. With PrEP so readily available these days, it's hard to imagine life back then when HIV was literally a death sentence. For that, I feel really fortunate to be born in this age.

More importantly, the "father and son" aspect of this song really touched me back then when I was desperately craving fatherly love. That was the time I had a long-term relationship with Greg whom I've sung this song many times to. He must be having the time of his life in heaven right now (read more about Greg and I here).

This song will have a special place in my heart forever and I'm stirred up every time I sing it. Hope you'll enjoy this cover.

 

Musical journey (174)

It's my second full day back home and I'm glad the weather has turned slightly cooler. Well, I'm heading off to Singapore for two weeks very soon, so I guess I can't avoid stifling heat for much longer anyway. I've been so stressed this past hitch at work and so sick of people, especially those not doing what they were employed to do (and they are the expensive expats, mind you)! 2025 will be an aggressive cost-cutting year for the company and I SO hope they all get cut off by December! I now have a few weeks to temporarily forget this pet peeve of mine and try to enjoy my time off. It usually takes a few days for me to start totally relaxing and I'm slowly getting there.

February is coming to an end and I wonder how you've spent your Valentine's Day. I used to detest this Hallmark holiday like a lot of people, but as I catch up with maturity, I've come to realise that Valentine's Day is just another available tool couples have in their chest to enhance their relationships. In this age of instant gratification where everything is made to be disposable and obsolete by design, boy do we need more tools than ever to give us a boost in this journey. And no, unless you're attached to an android, no amount of sophisticated A.I. can help you there.

Regardless of how much people deny it, all long-term relationships (straight, gay or everywhere in between) go through the "itchy" phase at some point and how you deal with that is how you're going to make or break them. You can be all jealous while cheating yourself (or having thoughts of cheating) and cling desperately onto the moral high horse you're almost falling off from, or you can be honest about it and achieve a mutual understanding that works for everyone involved (usually in the form of open relationships). We're all adults and we need to behave like logical adults, even in matters of the heart.

This month's musical offering is all about the "seventh year itch". In this new composition, both parties have acted on the itch but don't know for sure their partner has done it or not. They both fervently but secretly hope that the other person has, as that means that happiness, no matter how short-lived or sordid they perceive it to be, has been found. Not everyone can easily or painlessly leave a long-term relationship (like when spawn is in the picture), and so although their love story is imperfect, they are still working hard at making it last. And you all should too. Because only when a balanced compromise is attained can you truly stop itching (and hopefully not because you're already numb!).

[七年不痒]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

心跳无意识地波动
不定不安不受控
呼吸颤抖着孤单
指尖挑逗着贪婪
黑夜有谁能来相伴

脑海里犹豫的冲动
互相抵触想也想不通
是你不羁的浪漫
还是寂寞已泛滥
感情总有一天会变淡

七年之痒敲动心房
叫我怎抵挡
回音里找温暖，我再也不想
面对这四面墙

七年不痒不是妄想
爱过的心已死亡
饥饿地，无奈地，焦躁地渴望
一个吻也觉得勉强

莫名奇妙的蠢蠢欲动
神智不清搞也搞不懂
你倒不怎么好看
我也没特别喜欢
想任性地跟理性作战

七年之痒错乱方向
有谁能阻挡
小心地，放纵地，哀怨地盼望
你瞧我这模样

七年不痒不算夸张
忍耐成了信仰
希望这次值得后悔的一尝
被囚禁的能得到释放
希望你侥幸地也和我一样
一起骚着七年之痒

[Seventh Year (Without) Itch]

Written By: Kim
 

Heartbeats fluttering unconsciously
Unsettled and uncontrolled
Breaths trembling with loneliness
Fingertips flirting with avarice
Who can accompany the darkness of night

Hesitant impulses filling my head
Fighting each other and baffling me
Is it your unbridled romanticism
Or has loneliness become a deluge
Love will always one day become weak

The seventh year itch knocking on my heart
How can I resist it
Trying to find warmth amongst echoes
I do not want to face these four walls anymore

Seven years without itch is not wishful thinking
When the heart which once loved has died
Hungrily, reluctantly and impatiently hoping
For even that one kiss seems forced

Being tempted inexplicably
And no longer thinking straight
He is not that good-looking
And I do not like him that much
Just want to willfully fight with rationality

The seventh year itch messing up my sense of direction
Who can resist it
Cautiously, wantonly and sadly wishing
For you to look me in this state

Seven years without itch is not an exaggeration
When tolerance has become a religion
Hope this regrettable decision
Is able to release all that is imprisoned
Hope you are also like me fortunately
Together scratching this seventh year itch

Musical journey (173)

This is my first post in 2025 and I've just started Rotation #22 in PNG and there are lots to do so this is going to be a short post. It's also day 2 of Chinese New Year and looking at the "loh hei" video below that my sister sent me, I can't help but miss my family back in Singapore, despite being really tired and stressed from work, which is typical when I've just returned to PNG from break. Well, I'll see them soon in March and I'm so looking forward to Mummy's home-cooked food (which will be heaps cheaper to prepare post-CNY too)... YUM!!!

Also below is this month's music offering which is a cover of "慢半拍" (original by China singer 薛之谦). This is a really challenging piece to sing. You can find the rest of my pink-shorts topless KTV series here: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10).

I wish you all a Happy Year of the Snake!