[一个人的幸福]
[Happy On My Own]
[一个人的幸福]
You may not know this, but due to my lack of negotiation skills, I didn't get a very good contract in my current job. I was hired at the height of COVID when industries tightened their purse strings due to global uncertainty. Hence, although I was (and still am) a permanent employee, I got put on a 2-year termed contract. Only when COVID has died down did I start the negotiations (note to self: next time, do this BEFORE you sign on the dotted line, duh). My contract was almost going to be converted to a normal one, but with a stroke of sheer misfortune, the company got bought by a "low-cost producer" i.e. one of the stingiest in the business, and they retained the crappy contract that favoured them.
Because this "low-cost producer" never goes through a single second not cutting corners or shortchanging staff, this contract scam has resulted in me having my job security threatened biennially, and having to explain why I need to continue to be employed in my current capacity. As they don't have offices in Melbourne (and I'm not about to relocate), if my time in PNG ends, that's it.
They are now having a field day with cost-cutting through A.I., and like everyone else, they will eventually learn from their mistakes bitterly. Well, this is not a rant about the evils of A.I., even though that's starting to create real-life issues as rogue agents hack into Australian government systems (see this). I might write more on this topic next time.
All that being said, I've always told myself that should I be made redundant, I'd call chemical engineering a day, and focus instead on my true passions in life. Right now, there's a tussle between being a "digital creator" and "busker (or performer)" as to which I should start first. There's obviously nothing stopping me from doing both simultaneously, but if I had to choose one, I'd pick being a "digital creator" or better known as "porn actor". There are so many platforms to choose from these days, and I'll need to be wise about it. Regardless, I know I need to carve out a niche for myself. As to what that is, I'll leave it for future posts.
In the last few months, the need to re-justify my contractual existence in the company had created some work uncertainties that stopped me from planning for my next trip back to Singapore. Although I can't deny that procrastination also had something to do with it, but hopefully my desire to busk (i.e. crashing my sister's gig) will put that laziness in check. For now, I'll replay the clips I've made from my previous sessions.
This month's musical sharing is a Cantopop oldie released almost 35 years ago called "相思風雨中" by 张学友 (Jacky Cheung) and 汤宝如 (Karen Tong) - find the original here. This duet with my sister was recorded during one of her busking sessions in busy Chinatown. You can also listen to my previous offerings in this series here: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7).
PS: Pardon the annoying QR code watermark and poor video quality!
The fact that I totally forgot to post in August i.e. at least once a month, shows how busy I am when I am working. When I say "busy", it can mean working physically or mentally. Being in an environment where your colleagues are there with you 24/7 does take a mental toll and those that haven't done FIFO (fly-in/fly-out) work before might not totally understand this feeling.
Today is my first full day back home from PNG and officially my day off. I have 27 more to go. Hence, let me quickly squeeze in this musical post that was meant to be put on this blog last month. I can't promise this neglect won't lead to another missing post, but I'll try my best to never let this happen again.
Sorry and enjoy!
[Day Off]
Yesterday, I received a phone call from my back-to-back (the guy who is on the opposite shift in PNG). As his contract is up for renewal in November and mine in March next year, we had to push our team lead to tell us what our future is. In an extreme cost-cutting environment where work performance has absolutely nothing to do with longevity, I've been preparing myself for the worst ever since this cheapskate company took over in 2022. That call from my back-to-back was to convey what our team lead told him regarding this matter.
Although that chat didn't provide a definitive answer on what the path forward looks like, it made it clear that at least one of us would have to go, either to a new temporary role (which is their gradual way to phase out a headcount), or to nothing (i.e. be let go at the end of the contract, or earlier and be paid out for 3 months). For the person who stays, contract-renewal might only be for 1 year and not the usual 2 years. I've already told my team lead previously that I'm willing to move on to other FIFO roles in Australia to prepare for this exact scenario. I'll know more in about 2 weeks' time, so watch this space.
Not having a full-time job is not the end of the world. Rather, it's sometimes the only way to force a person to focus on his real passions in life. For me, that would be music and adult entertainment. To satisfy myself in the former, for as long as I can remember, I jump at every opportunity to perform in front of an audience. This month's musical post is my rendition of Westlife's "Flying Without Wings" during a work Christmas party in 2024 in PNG. In that party, I performed a number of songs (here is another one). This song holds a special place in my heart and that's why I sing it whenever I can (another instance here).
Given the uncertainty around my current job, I'm not sure if I'll be able to attend another Christmas party in PNG, but at least I've attended one that really mattered when Wayne (a.k.a. the best boss in the world) was still around (you can read more about his departure here). To be honest, even if the company is willing to spend money on another one, and I'm still around, I'll not be attending it as it will no longer be fun under this new administration in this environment.
That's enough whingeing for now. Hope you'll enjoy this "Christmas in July" offering.
The clip above is me on said treadmill teasing my new composition and you'll get the real deal today. This is a really sexy piece that moves you from the dancefloor to the bedroom. The music puts you in an endless loop of partying high above the clouds and never lets you come down. It always takes you back to the top, as you take it from the top pounding you to the beat all night. Ah... that's what I call heaven.
[Take It From the Top]
This has been an emotional roster (see this post for reasons why) and because it's been so draining, on the final day of Rotation #30, I'll send off this very short post offering this month's musical piece, a cover of "无名的人" by Chinese singer 毛不易 (original version is here). This is the first entry in my yellow-shorts topless KTV series.
I really love how those five simple piano notes on repeat add to the quiet strength and resolve this song is trying to portray. And resolve was what I sorely needed to see me through this roster...
But things are looking up and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll have more to update soon, so watch this space and fingers crossed!
I always knew I would lose my emotional support and rock on site when my boss (and true friend Wayne) retires but I didn't expect it to happen so soon and without warning. FIFO workers like me spend half of our lives with our work colleagues, so work relationships are very different for us. We're literally like family and many people don't and can't grasp that. Because we're so close, everyone in PNG is struggling, especially when he was not even afforded the courtesy to come back for a farewell stint.
The "official" reason given by the company for Wayne not showing up was that he took the option of early retirement, but we all know that's not true. When one is forced into a decision, that decision is not a choice. Basically, he couldn't agree with the proposed organisational changes as it would destroy what we painstakingly built together over the past few years. The knowledge of how this cold-blooded company has treated him is now garnering lots of resentment against the incoming management.
As you know, we all undergo the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) in our own time. When I got the news two days before I was due back at work, I was emotional but still largely OK as it all hasn't sunk in yet. But when I got to site, everything here reminded me of Wayne and our time together. And knowing that I can't say goodbye to him in person or see him again overwhelmed me completely.
On top of that, we are not supposed to talk about it as the changes haven't been announced by the higher-ups yet, not to mention I recently whistleblew against the new management's previous unsafe behaviour. I'm fully prepared to face retaliatory measures given how vindictive they are, and how they are systematically eradicating the "old guard". Suffice to say, I'm in hostile territory and all this became too much to bear.
As a result, I was constantly going between tearing up with sadness, feeling lost with the uncertainty ahead of me, and allowing pure (sometimes unfiltered) anger to surface. In a corporate environment where high performance is expected of me, I found it really difficult to remain professional and still am facing this problem. Hence, I chose to withdraw from the new management team and only work on things that won't trigger this emotional flood. Most importantly, I reminded myself that putting plans in motion is the only way my brain and heart can continue to function at that level under such circumstances. I'm glad that there's now light at the end of the tunnel, and hopefully no more tears. I'm almost done with moping around anyway.
We've been conditioned not to reveal how we truly feel at work because colleagues and managers don't genuinely want to know about your problems and mental state. So we wear masks, and change them ever so frequently depending on who we talk to. Pretending to be alright is what I've been doing, and this month's musical journey describes exactly how this is like, written from the perspective of a heartbroken lover. In my case, I was heartbroken too because my dear friend is no longer here with me in PNG.
[It Doesn't Even Hurt]
I've just received my bonus for 2025 and it's shrinking year after year due to bullshit cost-cutting reasons, while the company's share price continue to rise with the oil price due to the war. The CEO in his recent address to the company made a Freudian booboo when talking about the Middle East conflict by starting his sentence with "the only good thing with the war is". He quickly realised his faux pas and then said "there is nothing good about war". But that came too late as the whole company heard it, which further confirmed everyone's opinion of him. And when it was later revealed that he sold his company shares days before the war broke out and missed out on the subsequent price surge, we couldn't stop ourselves laughing.
While still on the topic of work, as someone passionate about Process Safety, I did a whistleblowy thing reporting a manager's unsafe behaviour to the relevant "authorities" and now he is under serious investigation. As this is not his first infringement, the investigators decided to name and shame him in the most public of ways. Suffice to say, he's in deep trouble. However, if this still doesn't get him, I know he's being protected by some powerful figures and the strategy to deal with him will have to be altered.
Talking about crude oil, if those greenies think the world can survive without fossil fuels, they're likely ignorant of the fact that the chemicals used to make fertilisers all come from crude oil. And without fertilisers, there'll be no crops and the whole agricultural sector collapses. That being said, those having EVs must be feeling so smug when they see the skyrocketing petrol prices. Well, if the stock market volatility continues to wreak havoc on my superannuation, I hope at least the rising interest rate will keep on that trajectory so what I have in the bank can work harder for me.
It's day four since my return from PNG and I'm already fully engrossed in this new massively expansive open-world game called "Crimson Desert". The feeling of being able to spend lots and lots of time this break on it makes me feel so good inside. Hence, I'll be quick here doling out this month's musical number, which is a live rendition of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" when I sang in a open-mic style karaoke bar on a cruise ship. Boy, do I miss performing for an audience! You can find other clips similar to this here: 1 2 3 4.
Excuse me now, for I have to return to the gaming world.
Happy Lunar Year of the Fire Horse! I'm a horse and this gives my age away. Yes, come my birthday this year, I'd be 48. You wouldn't be able to tell that from the above picture taken a few weeks ago at Sunnyside Nude Beach though. As the photo was taken during dusk and not very clear and bright, I used A.I. to enhance it, that's why I look too "clean" in it.
Believe it or not, this is the first time I've used A.I. in this way, not least because this is the number one non-surgical way to look younger in this modern age. When you can't beat them, there's only one thing you can do right?
To be honest, I've been avoiding A.I. for the longest time as I think it could be a slippery slope once you know how life can be "simplified" or "spiced up". I've been doing well without A.I. up till now, and just like my experiment owning a smartwatch many years ago, I can confirm that I don't need A.I. or a smartwatch.
In fact, I hope the A.I. bubble gets burst soon, just like the dot com crash, as I can't wait to see how these lazy, almost paralysed A.I.-hooked people struggle. And no, this is not paranoia, rather, it's me shuddering at the thought of the next generation of doctors and lawmakers nurtured by A.I., having their brains slowly but surely rotting away.
In other news, my mum assumed that I was going back home for Chinese New Year and was sorely disappointed when I told her I was not. It seems my roster only allows me to go back for the 2028 CNY, so I told her I'll be back some time before the end of this year. Although it was great to see my mum very healthy and doing so well, I felt quite guilty as she bought a lot of food to cook up a feast for me. Hang in there, I'm coming home soon!
Somehow this break feels short even though I have 29 instead of 28 days of rest. That being said, I still managed to squeeze in a new song, the first one written in 2026. Being quite prolific, I tend to run out of stories to tell, and so just for fun, I decided to construct a tale of unrequited love using electrical terms.
I'm not sure if the words make total sense but hey, no matter how bad the song is, at least I can call it my own. Most importantly, no A.I. was used or will ever be used in my musical offerings. What's the point of creating art if one resorts to such unnecessary evil?
In the face of blogs becoming an obsolete avenue for self-expression, I do want to thank all of you who manage to spare this humble (100% human) blogger a few minutes of your time over the past many years to allow my music to reach a wider audience.
Come tomorrow, I'll start reading emails and handover notes in preparation for Rotation #29 in PNG, but today, on the 6th day of this new lunar year, I present you my newest song that will hopefully grant you the electrifying power to make all your wishes come true.
[绝缘体]
Today is my last day on site for Rotation #28 and it's been a so-so hitch. I think that's mainly because my daddy boss (i.e. my social/emotional support) was only here for two out of the four weeks. Also, my last week is always tougher as the usual crew that I'm close to go off-shift, plus I'm always physically and mentally drained towards the end.
I know I emit "leave me the fuck alone" vibes when I'm in this mode and I don't try to hide it at all. For one, I go to the mess for meals 15 minutes earlier than the rest so that I don't see people I don't want to chat with. I also sit alone at the far corner and eat quickly. My heart beats faster when I'm around people as the day progresses until it gets a rest the moment I step into my room after dinner. That's when my brain stops processing and producing this negative energy a.k.a. social anxiety.
I don't usually stay in this psychological state for this long a period (i.e. close to two weeks this hitch), otherwise I wouldn't have lasted so long in PNG. That being said, I shudder at the thought of my site boss retiring and leaving (he gave a rough timing of first quarter next year).
Talking about people leaving the company, a very senior expatriate engineer (aged 69) was let go a few days ago. The way he was informed of that on the last day of his hitch was terrible and that's not the way to treat someone who has worked in PNG for years. He's very well liked by both the team here as well as the surrounding villagers as he does a lot for the communities outside the camp.
If they can terminate a staff employee with a mere "business decision" and leave a zero-year graduate engineer in charge of the highest revenue-making asset in the company, what chance do I have as a termed employee? Granted that senior guy is very expensive and is somone who loathes the corporate game intensely (much worse of an offender than me), I was again reminded that no one is indispensible. This is especially so in a company where the "low cost producer" name is worn like a shiny badge of honour, and when my management line has "it's my way or the high way" always at the tip of the tongue.
Well, no wonder I'm getting depressed. Fortunately, I'm off for break tomorrow. Ision and I are going to try getting away from the house (city) for short country stays because being cooped up at home (post-employment) does him no good. I wonder where we can go that's not boring to him.
In the mean time, here's this month's musical offering. It's my cover of "梅香如故" (the theme song by PRC singers 周深 and 毛不易 of a massively popular TV series "如懿傳" that aired in 2018). In this tale, Ulanara Ruyi rises from a neglected consort to become Emperor Qianlong's step-empress. This 87-episode saga captivated countless fans with its ruthless harem intrigue, much like how "Desperate Housewives" got the attention of gossipy women all around the world over two decades ago.
As for the song, I love the harmony a lot which gets switched around. The original version is here and you'll never guess by just listening that it's two males singing. And of course, I'll be singing both parts, so enjoy... and Happy Australia Day!
[I'm Outta Here]
Happy Black Friday everyone from Brisbane!
I could not get my visa renewed in time due to inept HR staff, so I had to work from home for Rotation #27 for two and a bit weeks. The poor "home office" ergonomics was worsening my existing sprained neck and the one-room apartment was also getting a tad crowded now that Ision is at home all day. Hence, I sought approval to work in the Brisbane office since there's budget for that which I didn't use for this year, and I was going to travel to Brisbane anyway for training. So here we are...
In this month's musical sharing, I'm presenting a cute piece making fun of shopaholics plagued with FOMO who can't stop, especially during events like Black Friday. Almost frothing in the mouth, they push themselves down every deal as if they need them to heal even though that wound can never get better and that hole can be never be filled. As a person who prides himself leading a minimalistic and frugal lifestyle, I look at this condition I call "shopaholism" and the people afflicted by it from afar with pity. Thank goodness I don't measure my worth with material possessions.
Hope I get my visa by my next rotation (fingers crossed). Enjoy the song and the small dopamine hit with your next purchase while it lasts!
[失心疯]
Many people (including even myself sometimes) wouldn't believe that I've only ever been in two real relationships in my life. One was with Greg that spanned seven years starting from my days in the army when I was still struggling with coming out. The other is with my husband when I decided that it was best for me to find someone else due to the age difference especially when he hasn't decided to live his life as an open gay men and divorce his wife yet.
To be honest, leaving my first love wasn't my decision as much as my allowing the inevitability to unfold and eventually become the truth because that was not what I wanted at all. So much for happy endings right? As an aside, that made me more resolute in my unwavering search for an other half who will stay till the very end, pushing me towards the path of marriage with Ision.
For those seven years with Greg, I endured the pain of a long distance relationship. Granted that we got to meet a few times a year and the passion that erupted every meeting was always fiery, that was still an experience I don't wish for anyone. We all know that long distance relationships don't last and ours was no different of course. It either ends or ceases to be long distance.
Because of how deeply we felt about one another, I was gifted with memories that would last forever. In addition, those feelings of longing provided the best fuel and material for song-writing. This month's musical journey takes us back to that time, when we were separated perpetually by a three-hour time difference, when much of everyday was spent thinking of him, emailing him, calling him, and writing and singing about him. As our ultimate parting was totally amicable, I stayed friends with Greg till his passing. You can read more about my years with Greg here.
This song I'm sharing today is yet another one of me missing him after having spent a few days together and looking forward to seeing him again in a year's time. This song comes in two arrangements, namely the original one with a rock feel and the unplugged version, and you can listen to both below. Which one do you like better?
[明年的今早]
This hitch has been quite smooth with just the right amount of excitement and mundanity, but it doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to the end of it. The potential take-over of my company by an Abu Dhabi-based consortium has fallen through and with the lost cash injection that was supposed to come with the successful acquisition, it looks like there will be even tougher times ahead as leaders of all shapes and forms pinch pennies further.
On the home front, Ision has started clearing his 3-month long-service leave and quitting his job at the end of 13 years of service. It's a huge change for both of us but I think it's for the better. I look forward to more home-cooked meals by this great cook a.k.a. my hubby bear. One and a half weeks to go 🥟 🥟 !
This month's musical offering features one of the clips I took of myself busking in Singapore (well, it was crashing my sister's busking gig, to be precise). I didn't have a chance to do this the last two trips back home and I really have to do it again as the itch is becoming unbearable!
Busking in Melbourne and/or forming a band will definitely be things I'll explore when I retire but it looks like that would have to be postponed now that I'm the sole breadwinner. That sure has a strange and unfamiliar twang to it but I know I'll get used to it in time.
Here's my live performance of Eason Chan's "富士山下" which I have previously covered here. You can also view my previous busking clips in this series here: 1 2 3 4 5 6). Now, back to work I go.
[Voodoo]
I'm now almost two weeks into Rotation #25. This is an interesting (and uncertain) time as the business unit undergoes significant changes (for efficiency gains a.k.a. cost-cutting). Usually, I'll be the first to whinge about this but I think this time, the changes are for the better, as some moves are a precursor to letting some of the fat-cat expats go (they are the ones that constantly get on my nerves). Although this will not be communicated officially, from what I've heard from the grapevine, I believe this is part of upper management's grand plan. So fingers crossed they will be gone by the end of the year.
Talking about being employed in a foreign land, I've written about life in Papua New Guinea as a fly-in/fly-out (FIFO) worker over the years but my last two posts (here and here) went in-depth and provided a clearer picture of the everyday struggles of PNG citizens based on my experience. Because I live in company-provided accommodation in a secured compound, I'm not in a position to post media about what goes on when I'm on site, but this month's musical offering is an exception.
As you know, I spare no chances to perform in front of people as that's my passion. I was supposed to sing at the Christmas party two years ago but due to a significant upset in the processing plant that temporarily halted production, the celebration was muted and I didn't get the chance to perform. Due to our fixed rotation, my back-to-back and I spend alternate Christmases on site, so fast forward two years, I grabbed this opportunity to sing.
Below is my live cover of Lonestar's "I'm Already There" using a standard karaoke track from YouTube. The clip was taken at the Refinery I supported after we had our Christmas dinner buffet with colleagues and contractors present. I'd have preferred a key lower but we didn't have that luxury (the wireless microphone wasn't great either). Because everyone missed their family back home especially during Christmas, this song struck a chord with my audience. I was later told that some people even cried which meant that my voice really touched them. Although them dropping tears was not much of a surprise to me, it was a huge surprise for them that I could actually sing this well.
Before Christmas in July officially ends, I hope you enjoy this Christmas performance, but you'd have to pardon the parts where I forgot the words—I didn't have the lyrics in front of me as that wasn't a karaoke session!
27th of June this year is a very special day because it' my Mum's 80th birthday! Too bad I can't be there with her to celebrate this great personal milestone. The best I can do is to dedicate this month's composition to her. This song also serves as a constant reminder for myself to remember to call (and also visit) her more often.
We get so busy with our lives and tend to neglect those we love, especially when long distances activate this "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. Sometimes it's even subconscious, so we all need prompts from time to time. With this song, I hope you can think of those you treasure and give them a ring to let them know that you miss and love them. Remember to call home OK? Let me now go and do just that.
I love you Mummy. 生日快乐!
[记得打电话回家]
I'm still in Rotation #24 but it's nearing the end. So let me continue with part 2 of this "PNG woes" post based on what I've observed all these years working in PNG (6 years and counting). Part 1 can be found here. Here are the some more of the common problems PNG nationals encounter that affect their performance at work and my time with the them.
[D. U. I.]