Musical journey (189)

This has been an emotional roster (see this post for reasons why) and because it's been so draining, on the final day of Rotation #30, I'll send off this very short post offering this month's musical piece, a cover of "无名的人" by Chinese singer 毛不易 (original version is here). This is the first entry in my yellow-shorts topless KTV series.

I really love how those five simple piano notes on repeat add to the quiet strength and resolve this song is trying to portray. And resolve was what I sorely needed to see me through this roster...

But things are looking up and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll have more to update soon, so watch this space and fingers crossed!

Musical journey (188)

I always knew I would lose my emotional support and rock on site when my boss (and true friend Wayne) retires but I didn't expect it to happen so soon and without warning. FIFO workers like me spend half of our lives with our work colleagues, so work relationships are very different for us. We're literally like family and many people don't and can't grasp that. Because we're so close, everyone in PNG is struggling, especially when he was not even afforded the courtesy to come back for a farewell stint.

The "official" reason given by the company for Wayne not showing up was that he took the option of early retirement, but we all know that's not true. When one is forced into a decision, that decision is not a choice. Basically, he couldn't agree with the proposed organisational changes as it would destroy what we painstakingly built together over the past few years. The knowledge of how this cold-blooded company has treated him is now garnering lots of resentment against the incoming management.

As you know, we all undergo the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) in our own time. When I got the news two days before I was due back at work, I was emotional but still largely OK as it all hasn't sunk in yet. But when I got to site, everything here reminded me of Wayne and our time together. And knowing that I can't say goodbye to him in person or see him again overwhelmed me completely.

On top of that, we are not supposed to talk about it as the changes haven't been announced by the higher-ups yet, not to mention I recently whistleblew against the new management's previous unsafe behaviour. I'm fully prepared to face retaliatory measures given how vindictive they are, and how they are systematically eradicating the "old guard". Suffice to say, I'm in hostile territory and all this became too much to bear.

As a result, I was constantly going between tearing up with sadness, feeling lost with the uncertainty ahead of me, and allowing pure (sometimes unfiltered) anger to surface. In a corporate environment where high performance is expected of me, I found it really difficult to remain professional and still am facing this problem. Hence, I chose to withdraw from the new management team and only work on things that won't trigger this emotional flood. Most importantly, I reminded myself that putting plans in motion is the only way my brain and heart can continue to function at that level under such circumstances. I'm glad that there's now light at the end of the tunnel, and hopefully no more tears. I'm almost done with moping around anyway.

We've been conditioned not to reveal how we truly feel at work because colleagues and managers don't genuinely want to know about your problems and mental state. So we wear masks, and change them ever so frequently depending on who we talk to. Pretending to be alright is what I've been doing, and this month's musical journey describes exactly how this is like, written from the perspective of a heartbroken lover. In my case, I was heartbroken too because my dear friend is no longer here with me in PNG.

[It Doesn't Even Hurt]

Written By: Kim

Go on, it's clear you wanna go
Move on I should, 'cos I know
I can't get lower than this low

This time I've begged and borrowed from you
With grief and sorrow
Why do these tears flow

When it doesn't even hurt
When I'm not even heard
Treated just like dirt
You say those nasty words

It doesn't even hurt
When you decide to leave me in the lurch
But still I do not learn

Your lies done like a pro
And I just let them go
So why won't you pick up the phone

Alone with my shadow
Afraid but I don't let it show
I must be made of stone

'Cos it doesn't even hurt
There's nothing there to nurse
Other than the deepest
Wound that forever burns

It doesn't even hurt
When the fine line between love and pain is blurred
But still I want it to work

So come on, do your worst and give it all
I'll be here, with no fear, right before I fall

That solemn promise
Softest last kiss
That perfect bliss
I'll always reminisce
Please tell me
That's not history

Please don't tell me
It doesn't even hurt
Just because it was
Not meant to be a
Fairy tale but a curse
(It is but a curse)

It doesn't even hurt
When your heart cannot help but get so crowded
With a third, it's so absurd

That it doesn't even hurt
That you will not return
With these scars I've earned
And kept them well and truly hidden

So it doesn't even hurt
I close my eyes to savour this moment
Only then I'll know I'm only human

I'll know
It actually hurts
It really hurts

 

Musical journey (187)

I've just received my bonus for 2025 and it's shrinking year after year due to bullshit cost-cutting reasons, while the company's share price continue to rise with the oil price due to the war. The CEO in his recent address to the company made a Freudian booboo when talking about the Middle East conflict by starting his sentence with "the only good thing with the war is". He quickly realised his faux pas and then said "there is nothing good about war". But that came too late as the whole company heard it, which further confirmed everyone's opinion of him. And when it was later revealed that he sold his company shares days before the war broke out and missed out on the subsequent price surge, we couldn't stop ourselves laughing.

While still on the topic of work, as someone passionate about Process Safety, I did a whistleblowy thing reporting a manager's unsafe behaviour to the relevant "authorities" and now he is under serious investigation. As this is not his first infringement, the investigators decided to name and shame him in the most public of ways. Suffice to say, he's in deep trouble. However, if this still doesn't get him, I know he's being protected by some powerful figures and the strategy to deal with him will have to be altered.

Talking about crude oil, if those greenies think the world can survive without fossil fuels, they're likely ignorant of the fact that the chemicals used to make fertilisers all come from crude oil. And without fertilisers, there'll be no crops and the whole agricultural sector collapses. That being said, those having EVs must be feeling so smug when they see the skyrocketing petrol prices. Well, if the stock market volatility continues to wreak havoc on my superannuation, I hope at least the rising interest rate will keep on that trajectory so what I have in the bank can work harder for me.

It's day four since my return from PNG and I'm already fully engrossed in this new massively expansive open-world game called "Crimson Desert". The feeling of being able to spend lots and lots of time this break on it makes me feel so good inside. Hence, I'll be quick here doling out this month's musical number, which is a live rendition of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" when I sang in a open-mic style karaoke bar on a cruise ship. Boy, do I miss performing for an audience! You can find other clips similar to this here: 1 2 3 4.

Excuse me now, for I have to return to the gaming world.

Musical journey (186)

Happy Lunar Year of the Fire Horse! I'm a horse and this gives my age away. Yes, come my birthday this year, I'd be 48. You wouldn't be able to tell that from the above picture taken a few weeks ago at Sunnyside Nude Beach though. As the photo was taken during dusk and not very clear and bright, I used A.I. to enhance it, that's why I look too "clean" in it.

Believe it or not, this is the first time I've used A.I. in this way, not least because this is the number one non-surgical way to look younger in this modern age. When you can't beat them, there's only one thing you can do right?

To be honest, I've been avoiding A.I. for the longest time as I think it could be a slippery slope once you know how life can be "simplified" or "spiced up". I've been doing well without A.I. up till now, and just like my experiment owning a smartwatch many years ago, I can confirm that I don't need A.I. or a smartwatch.

In fact, I hope the A.I. bubble gets burst soon, just like the dot com crash, as I can't wait to see how these lazy, almost paralysed A.I.-hooked people struggle. And no, this is not paranoia, rather, it's me shuddering at the thought of the next generation of doctors and lawmakers nurtured by A.I., having their brains slowly but surely rotting away.

In other news, my mum assumed that I was going back home for Chinese New Year and was sorely disappointed when I told her I was not. It seems my roster only allows me to go back for the 2028 CNY, so I told her I'll be back some time before the end of this year. Although it was great to see my mum very healthy and doing so well, I felt quite guilty as she bought a lot of food to cook up a feast for me. Hang in there, I'm coming home soon!

Somehow this break feels short even though I have 29 instead of 28 days of rest. That being said, I still managed to squeeze in a new song, the first one written in 2026. Being quite prolific, I tend to run out of stories to tell, and so just for fun, I decided to construct a tale of unrequited love using electrical terms.

I'm not sure if the words make total sense but hey, no matter how bad the song is, at least I can call it my own. Most importantly, no A.I. was used or will ever be used in my musical offerings. What's the point of creating art if one resorts to such unnecessary evil?

In the face of blogs becoming an obsolete avenue for self-expression, I do want to thank all of you who manage to spare this humble (100% human) blogger a few minutes of your time over the past many years to allow my music to reach a wider audience.

Come tomorrow, I'll start reading emails and handover notes in preparation for Rotation #29 in PNG, but today, on the 6th day of this new lunar year, I present you my newest song that will hopefully grant you the electrifying power to make all your wishes come true.

[绝缘体]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

我没怪你欺骗了我
只怪我自己想太多
你沉默到底
我无话可说

隔着了膜
相同的极性抵着我
负负就是错
怎修成正果
拜托别离开我

原来我是一个绝缘体
在爱情世界里
难道就只能各分东西
负载承受不起

原来你也是个绝缘体
像镜子里的自己
再接地也接近不了你

我们的回忆一闪而过
一百万瓦时的折磨
那么刺激
那么无处可躲

为什么你地雷这么多
告诉我布的阵怎过
心房的门上牢了的锁
要怎么攻破

原来我是一个绝缘体
在爱情世界里
难道就只能各分东西
阻抗是你唯一讯息

原来你也是个绝缘体
像镜子里的自己
再接地也触碰不到你

原来我需要个变压器
增加爱的力气
就算我们不能在一起
心跳不一样频率

原来你是一个断路器
把所有希望浇熄
用你最擅长的冷处理
零下二七三度 C

[Insulator]

Written By: Kim
 

I do not blame you for lying to me
I blame myself for overthinking
To your silence
I have nothing to say

Separated by a barrier
Your same polarity repels me
Both of our being negative is a mistake
It will yield no positive ending
Please do not leave me

I am an insulator
In this world of love
Is breaking up the only way
When we no longer can carry the load

You are too an insulator
Like myself looking into a mirror
No matter how grounded I am

I can never get close to you

Our memories flash before us
A million watt-hour of torture 
So stimulating
So impossible to avoid

Why do I have to navigate through minefields
Tell me how do I traverse to reach
The heart that you have locked up
How do I break through

I am an insulator
In this world of love
Is breaking up the only way
Impedance is the only signal you send

You are too an insulator
Like myself looking into a mirror
No matter how grounded I am

I can never touch you

Turns out I need a transformer
To add strength to my love
Even though we are not together
'Cos our hearts beat at different frequencies

Turns out you are a circuit breaker
Dousing the flames of hope
Your forté is offering that cold treatment
At negative 273 degrees Celsius

Musical journey (185)

Today is my last day on site for Rotation #28 and it's been a so-so hitch. I think that's mainly because my daddy boss (i.e. my social/emotional support) was only here for two out of the four weeks. Also, my last week is always tougher as the usual crew that I'm close to go off-shift, plus I'm always physically and mentally drained towards the end.

I know I emit "leave me the fuck alone" vibes when I'm in this mode and I don't try to hide it at all. For one, I go to the mess for meals 15 minutes earlier than the rest so that I don't see people I don't want to chat with. I also sit alone at the far corner and eat quickly. My heart beats faster when I'm around people as the day progresses until it gets a rest the moment I step into my room after dinner. That's when my brain stops processing and producing this negative energy a.k.a. social anxiety.

I don't usually stay in this psychological state for this long a period (i.e. close to two weeks this hitch), otherwise I wouldn't have lasted so long in PNG. That being said, I shudder at the thought of my site boss retiring and leaving (he gave a rough timing of first quarter next year).

Talking about people leaving the company, a very senior expatriate engineer (aged 69) was let go a few days ago. The way he was informed of that on the last day of his hitch was terrible and that's not the way to treat someone who has worked in PNG for years. He's very well liked by both the team here as well as the surrounding villagers as he does a lot for the communities outside the camp.

If they can terminate a staff employee with a mere "business decision" and leave a zero-year graduate engineer in charge of the highest revenue-making asset in the company, what chance do I have as a termed employee? Granted that senior guy is very expensive and is somone who loathes the corporate game intensely (much worse of an offender than me), I was again reminded that no one is indispensible. This is especially so in a company where the "low cost producer" name is worn like a shiny badge of honour, and when my management line has "it's my way or the high way" always at the tip of the tongue.

Well, no wonder I'm getting depressed. Fortunately, I'm off for break tomorrow. Ision and I are going to try getting away from the house (city) for short country stays because being cooped up at home (post-employment) does him no good. I wonder where we can go that's not boring to him.

In the mean time, here's this month's musical offering. It's my cover of "梅香如故" (the theme song by PRC singers 周深 and 毛不易 of a massively popular TV series "如懿傳" that aired in 2018). In this tale, Ulanara Ruyi rises from a neglected consort to become Emperor Qianlong's step-empress. This 87-episode saga captivated countless fans with its ruthless harem intrigue, much like how "Desperate Housewives" got the attention of gossipy women all around the world over two decades ago. 

As for the song, I love the harmony a lot which gets switched around. The original version is here and you'll never guess by just listening that it's two males singing. And of course, I'll be singing both parts, so enjoy... and Happy Australia Day!