Musical journey (172)

Today is the last day of 2024 and is also the day I head home after Rotation #21 (I'm almost done packing in my room). I won't call this a relaxing hitch but it's not super stressful (though it had its moments). I spent a few days in Brisbane at the start for some training that I don't really need but hey, at least I get to enjoy fancy "room service" on company dime. Why the air quotes you say.... Hehe. Long story short though, I'm sorely needing a break! (* Not sore from the service *)

2024 has been somewhat a meh year but it's definitely less meh than 2023 because something significant did happen. Don't worry, it's a positive thing. Actually, come to think of it, I can only say it's a positive thing for now. We never know what will happen in the future so like they say "carpe diem" right? I'd rather see it as seizing life by its balls. Allow me to be cryptic for now until I know for certain where this is heading.

And... changing topic now. Seeing that the weather is sizzling up in Melbourne, it's time to unleash my Spanish-flavoured summer anthem which is a really fun piece. Picture yourself on a gay beach in Cabo with lots of hot men parading semi-clothed and many with huge endowments dying to pierce through sheer restraints. You walk up to the one who lights your fire and invite him to yours for some good old chemically-enhanced tumble under the sheets and ultimately all over everywhere. And somehow, that was how you found your long-term partner. Surely that can happen in real life right? Well, even if it doesn't, at least you have this song to fantasise to.

So, enjoy summer and the festivities tonight boys! I'll be sound asleep in my bed long before the ruckus (or what lay people call fireworks) begin!

[Cabo]

Written By: Kim

 

The breeze says hello

Those palm trees casting their shadows

Dancing the flamenco

Love stories yet to unfold

In this cabana with my tequila

Looking for fun this hot summer

As I'm strumming my guitar

That tight body all shimmering appears from afar

Bathed in gold, you are so beautiful

Even when the sun is low, you still glisten and glow

Why are you here all alone

Should I join you or go, let me know

I'd like to show you how I like it slow

Dripping sweat from top to toe, I just can't let you go

Oh tonight let music flow

We should both let it go, like there's no tomorrow

Oh, down it goes

I need one more shot to get bold

God wish I knew español

So this edginess doesn't show

Down by the bar with my cigar

I watch as you dazzle like a star

That chest so hard with those big arms

These naughty thoughts they just keep racing through my heart

Bathed in gold, you are so beautiful

Even when the sun is low, you still glisten and glow

Why are you here all alone

Should I join you or go, let me know

I'd like to show you how I like it slow

Dripping sweat from top to toe, I just can't let you go

Oh tonight let music flow

In the heat on the beach of Cabo

I see you wanna rock, I wanna roll

So let's blow this joint, 'cos I'm ready to take you home

Oh baby just let me get close

You have blasted me with an overdose

Come inside, I'll let you take control

For this one night only, I just wanna be your beau

Please let me get into your soul

We should both let it go, like there's no tomorrow

 

Musical journey (171)

Three days after my 46th birthday towards the end of my shift here in PNG, I can't help but recall how terrible the same day was a quarter of a century ago (gosh am I old or what). It was my 21st and how I wished I had someone to spend it with back then.

Fast forward 25 years, I've learnt to find joy in being alone. In fact, I very much prefer my own company. The last thing I want is being the centre of attention in a room filled with people I barely know. I guess being an ageing introvert, that comes as no surprise at all.

This has been tiring shift and I can't wait to pack up and leave, but before I do, let me share with you the song I wrote for myself on that sad 21st birthday (with some changes to suit the new and more modern melody). This song makes me feel fortunate that I never have to go through that emotional roller coaster again.

[生日舞会]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

我用孤单布置了房间
让寂寞渗透乏味的空间
然后静静地等着那不会到来的惊喜
门外只藏着镜子里不愿看见的自己

我无奈地燃起二十一根白色蜡烛
被蜡烫红的双手
心也麻木了
想哭却不能哭

这热闹的生日舞会
就只有电台情歌的生日舞会
枯坐在角落
闭着眼想像
这生日本来应该是怎样

我用孤单布置了房间
让寂寞渗透乏味的空间
然后静静地等着那不会到来的惊喜
门外只藏着镜子里不愿看见的自己

我无奈地看着二十一根白色蜡烛
早已化成一滩蜡
痛也冷却了
于手掌间凝固

这热闹的生日舞会
唯一的礼物竟然就只有伤悲
我只要一个人
就那么一个人
来分享我生命的每一刻

陪我渡过这热闹的生日舞会
热闹得像蜡烛那微弱的光辉
吹灭前许愿
一切都是白费
这生日不应该是这么黑

[Birthday Party]

Written By: Kim
 

I've used loneliness to decorate the room
Allowing it to permeate this boring space
Then I waited for the surprise that will never come
Outside the door hides someone I'm unwilling to look at in the mirror

I helplessly light these twenty one white candles
My hands scalded by hot wax
With my heart numbed
I feel like crying but I cannot

This amazing birthday party
Filled with only love songs on the radio
Sitting tired on the floor
I close my eyes to imagine
What this birthday should look like

I've used loneliness to decorate the room
Allowing it to permeate this boring space
Then I waited for the surprise that will never come
Outside the door hides someone I'm unwilling to look at in the mirror

I helplessly watch these twenty one white candles
That have long melted into pool of wax
The pain has cooled down
And solidified in my palms

This amazing birthday party
With sadness as my only present
I just want one person
That one person
To share every moment of my life

To spend this amazing birthday party with me
A party as bright as the light from these flickering candles
Let me make a wish before I blow them out
Even when everything is futile
This birthday should not be this dark

Musical journey (170)

Hello from PNG! I'm now in week two of rotation number two-oh. It's been crazy busy again here trying to get our new Refinery running perfectly while splitting myself into two running the other facility which basically is the biggest revenue-generator for the company. Sometimes I underestimate my position and importance in the company, but unfortunately upper management does the same too. But as long as they allow me to do my work without micro-managing or showering me with redundant tasks that just make them look good, I am OK.

So this will just be a quick post sharing some of my "live karaoke" singing. This one had me at the most popular men-only leather gay bar in Melbourne known as "The Laird Hotel" singing the soundtrack to my first truly-Aussie movie "Moulin Rouge". I first heard of this song when I was on a university exchange program in Sydney. Ah... that brings me back to the days when I was still with Greg. Without further ado, this is my rendition of "Come What May", and of course, I'm singing both parts. Why wouldn't I?

 

Musical journey (169)

I didn't think much of the movie "Joker" (trailer here) when it was released but when I watched it some time after its release, I realised what a great movie it was. Joachim Phoenix won the well-deserved Best Actor Academy Award for it. I couldn't say the same about the recent winners that simply lucked out hitching a ride on the Hollywood Asian bandwagon.

Those who have ever been bullied will identify with the lead character. I can't say I've ever been the "class clown" or the "life of the party" as an introvert but I sure was bullied throughout high school and national service for being effeminate. Those five to six years severely damaged my self-esteem and it took much time to heal and recover.

I love this movie because it depicts life as not black-and-white. No one wants to be a villain and everything happens for a reason. When someone kills in a society where righteous revenge is acceptable (like in many parts of Papua New Guinea) or when someone steals to feed his starving family, who are we to judge when we haven't walked in their shoes? Do you think you will react differently or be better than them if you find yourself in exactly the same circumstances?

The sequel "Joker: Folie à Deux" (trailer here) is coming out next month and in preparation for that, I've written a Mandarin song inspired by "Joker". I seriously like this one as the words and tune are not only emotive, they fit the movie very well too. I can almost picture the song being used as the movie's official soundtrack. I've read bad reviews of the sequel which is not at all surprising because it would be really hard to do better what came before. So, have a listen to my musical offering for this month and let me know what you think!

[假笑]

词 ／ 曲 : 锦泉

站在街角
人群喧闹
我手舞足蹈
求你陪我拍照
天渐黑了
快和光一起枯萎掉
越来越渺小
成为城市灰暗一角

忙碌地寻找
路上一直跌倒
还没起来你又补上一脚
我只能傻笑
悲痛却没减少
只好又涂上一层鲜红的唇膏

日夜颠倒
尝尽尘嚣
却无法忘掉
初见你那一秒
就算弱小
就算世界开我玩笑
这代表至少
我还有力气为你效劳

我努力假笑
让命运再胡闹
唯一退路是往内心逃跑
蜡烛两头烧
温暖却得不到
快乐究竟它是什么味道

意志力一点一点地消耗
今晚又能否吃得饱
我志气高绝不乞讨
泪水滑下虽然留下一道
真正的自己不让你看到
咬着牙说  我还好

不停地寻找
路上一直跌倒
还没起来你又补上一脚
我只能傻笑
悲痛却没减少
快涂上一层鲜红的唇膏

我继续地假笑
让命运再胡闹
唯一退路是往内心逃跑
蜡烛两头烧
温暖却偏得不到
快乐它是什么味道

小丑他怎知道
小丑他不想笑

[Faking a Smile]

Written By: Kim
 

At the street corner
The hustle and bustle surrounds
Watch me dance
Pleading for you to take a picture with me

The sky slowly dims
As I shrivel with the light
Getting smaller
Blending into the city's dark recess

Busy searching
Keep on falling
Just when I'm trying to stand
You kick me down again
I smile sheepishly
But the sadness and pain never reduces
I can only apply another layer of crimson lipstick

Not knowing night from day
Submerged in the hubbub
I can never forget
The first time I saw you

Even though I'm feeble and small
Even though the world is playing a joke on me
That just means at least
I still have the strength to be of service to you

I try hard to fake a smile
Despite destiny messing around with me
The only way for me is to escape further into myself
Burning the candle at both ends
And still it gives me no warmth
What's the taste of happiness

My willpower is diminishing
Not sure if I'll have enough to eat tonight
My backbone is strong and I'll never beg
My tears leave behind a streak
Of the real me which I refuse to show you
Gritting my teeth, saying that I am okay

Never stopping the search
Keep on falling
Just when I'm trying to stand
You kick me down again
I smile sheepishly
But the sadness and pain never reduces
As I quickly apply another layer of crimson lipstick

I continue to try faking a smile
Despite destiny messing around with me
The only way for me is to escape further into myself
Burning the candle at both ends
But it just gives me no warmth
What's the taste of happiness

The clown will never know
The clown no longer wants to smile

Musical journey (168)

It's been a rough almost three weeks this rotation due to the death of my dear colleague Billy on the first day of him coming back on shift. He died of a heart attack despite the medical team's best efforts to resuscitate him. I was one of the last in the group to know and hence I didn't have much time to come to terms with it. So when it was mentioned in the morning shift change meeting, I just started sobbing and had to leave the room to calm myself down. For the rest of that day, I simply wasn't myself and was tearing up intermittently although distracting myself with work did help a bit. I wanted to remember him the way he was, always cheerful in life, and so I didn't go with the rest to view his body at the clinic. It was a truly sad time for the entire production team as we continue to struggle to cope with this sudden loss just three days ago. RIP Billy.

We spend half of our time with our colleagues in this FIFO arrangement and so they are just like our second family. However, I honestly didn't expect my emotions to run that strong. My boss said that's because I push myself so hard at work that such things affect me even more when I allow myself to slow down and grieve. I attended the funeral service last night and was at the airport this morning to see him off as his casket was repatriated back home. To make matters more grim, a contractor (I don't know him) collapsed the day before yesterday while working in front of my office and died on his way to the hospital! This is yet another reminder for me and all of us to treasure our loved ones and our health because nothing else really matters at the end of the day.

On the work front, I've been really busy frantically trying to bring our new Refinery online, which through my career history, is the worst project ever designed and managed. But that also means the issues I have to overcome every single hour of every single day would be good learning and training for future challenges. The break in the commissioning came on the day of Billy's death when we managed to finally draw our first product samples. He was blessing us from beyond for sure...

It's also time for this month's musical sharing, which is my cover of a song that I really like. It's "I'm Already There" from Lonestar, a number that always gets me emotional when I perform it. If you're missing your loved ones tonight, no matter where they are, living or not, as long as they are in your hearts, they are already there with you. See you all in a few weeks.

Musical journey (167)

I'm back in Melbourne for break #18 and feeling extremely fortunate that I managed to escape the global IT outage unscathed. It would have been chaos had I flown back from PNG a few days later. 

We're inching ever closer to those global conspiracy Hollywood plots and it's not going to get any better especially when human beings become increasingly dependent on artificial intelligence. We all know that spelling and grammar have gotten worse in students ever since we had auto-correct and now people are even relying on A.I. to compose emails and complete assignments! How are these lazy people going to survive once they get into the real world?

Well, that's quite enough complaining about something that doesn't really affect me, not to mention about a phenomenon that I can't change. It's the end of July and nearing the coldest part of the year here in the Southern Hemisphere. This month's musical offering is a new composition. It's a fictitious story in which the protagonist's unrequited feelings get frozen in place by his love's cold treatment as he laments that the frigidity is almost as cold as July.

[July]

Baby, you're leaving me tongue-tied
Maybe that's because I'm so shy
You flutter your wings like a butterfly
While I stutter after saying hi

Baby, promise you I won't bite
Maybe you've been hurt by your last guy
I'll wait for you, I won't let you slip by
How could you keep making me sigh

So I say why oh why
Can't you see I've tried and tried
I won't lie, just look into my eyes that cry
They will never ever be dry

Baby, let me tell you how I'm
Crazy 'bout you 'cos you mystify
You're my equation to simplify
Into something I hope is not undefined

Baby, I don't mean to pry
Crazy is my name if I don't make you mine
What's going on in your beautiful mind
I wanna know that I can satisfy

Let me be side by side
With you, not be miles behind
I would like our stars to be aligned, entwined
Shining bright, blinded by light

Can you please don't say bye, goodbye
Part of me will die inside
I won't deny my love for you is sky-high
Still you're cold like ice
You're just like July

Oh July
My oh my
Why oh why

 

CNY at home (part 5) / Musical journey (166)

As they say, home is where the family is and whenever I'm in Singapore, the bond I feel to my family is the strongest. Hence, I'm always inspired to write about family when I'm back home. This month's musical post is a composition about my dearest Mummy written over CNY this year.

I sang this heartfelt piece to her right after I wrote it and then in front of the rest of the family during our reunion gathering. I also sent her the clip through Whatsapp from Melbourne when I finished it. Although she didn't say much there, I think she's rather touched.

Unfortunately a few weeks ago, Mummy fractured her foot and has been staying in a community hospital to complete her recovery and physiotherapy sessions. Once she's discharged from the hospital, she'll have a domestic helper living with her to ensure she's properly taken care of when out and about, so as to avoid future injuries. My siblings and I have been actively involved in hiring the helper as mentioned in an earlier post, from contract review to interviewing candidates.

Although Mummy is ageing rapidly, I still see her as my forever superwoman. That's because we usually fail to acknowledge (knowingly or otherwise) that our parents can actually be frail or falter when the time eventually comes. Regardless, that's a cold hard fact that everyone must accept, whether we like it or not.

That being said, I still hope Mummy remains healthy for as long as possible, not least because it's her 79th birthday today and so I want her to be able to enjoy it. When I'm so far away, posting this song on this special day makes me feel closer to her. I tear up whenever I sing this song and sometimes even just listening to it makes me cry. I hope you'll like it. The rest of this series is here: 1 2 3 4).

[等我回家]

词 ／ 曲 ： 锦泉
 

秋冬春夏
从不休假
煎炒滷拌烤通通难不倒她

一双手把孩子们都带大
不管再倾盆的雨下也要牵我回家

可是妈
強健的身躯虽然无力了
也不让岁月的风吹乱她的白发

她是妈妈
也是爸爸
任劳任怨不惜付出任何代价

为儿女幸福含辛茹苦不罢
说不喜欢吃好让我们吃多快高长大

可是妈
永远的超人快飞不动了
再也无法在外打天下单枪匹马

不说话
远望只只不归巢的鸟她
不让你看到強忍的眼泪悄悄落下

我愛的妈
花了大辈子撑起这一个家
该享清福时却还是一刻没得闲暇

换我来吧
换我来照顾妳握着妳的手啊
像小时候一样  走一下  停一下

记得等我回家
妈咪
陪妳一起看晚霞

[Wait for Me to Come Home]

Written By: Kim
 

Through the seasons
Never taking an off day
A master at cooking
Nothing is too difficult for her

Raising all her children single-handedly
No matter how heavy it is pouring
She will still come fetch me
And take me home

But Mum's healthy body though losing its strength
She never allows the winds of time to mess her white hair up

She is a mother
And also a father
Hardworking and willing to pay any price

Enduring hardship for her children and never giving up
She always says she does not like to eat
So that we have more to eat and can grow up taller and bigger

But Mum, our forever superwoman can hardly fly now
And she can no longer combat the world alone

Silently, she watches each of her chicks leave the nest never to return
But never lets you see
The tears she has been holding back fall

The mother that I love
Has spent most of her life supporting the family
When it is finally time to retire and enjoy life
She still refuses to slow down

Let me do it
Let me take care of you now
Let me hold your hand
Just like when I was little
Let's walk for a while
And stop for a while

Remember to wait for me to come home
Mummy, together we will watch the sunset

This concludes my "CNY at home" series. I'll soon be buying my air tickets to visit during CNY 2025 and we'll do this all over again!

CNY at home (part 4)

I'm now back in PNG with all the usual PNG problems with broken-down air-con and potable water systems and the like. More seriously though, the recent landslides in Enga province did affect some of my colleagues but didn't impact the location where I work. That being said, we do encounter small landslips that block roads and halt transportation of camp supplies every now and again as we're in an earthquake-prone area. Now that I've marked myself "safe", let me share the Facebook posts from the next part of my "CNY at home" series (the rest can be found here: 1 2 3 5).

Yes, this is a shop being crystal clear but I've never seen something so rudely put before. In fact, I think some items are a little suss. No receipt/invoice issued - is that even legal in Singapore? And anyone can tell me why is a picture of the phone needed for PayNow?

Was so looking forward to my first char kway teow but this was so disappointing (I asked with chilli and it came without and had to be added on the side). With nothing much in it, it costs $6.9! Luckily the D24 durian ice kachang made it up (a little).

Back from a sweaty run around the Serangoon Gardens neighbourhood. Boy, there are some mighty big mansions and rich people around! #AllAboutTheFlex

Dinner with the friend I went to Bangkok with last trip and staying over at her place tonight, so we can go jogging together early tomorrow. This is what I call a healthy social life. 😊

Here are the food pics taken that haven't been posted yet. Post-jog now and ravenous, it's time for another round of food (breakkie)! #LifeIsGood

Someone told me I look the same in all my pics. My response - am I supposed to wear makeup and wigs to look different in every shot?
PS: Thanks for a great catchup, friend, and putting me up for one night. Great jog too as always. See you again next time!

Does anyone know what this building is and why are cars stacked like that?

It's my last full day in Singapore today and gotta seize the day, starting with the weirdest sign I've seen so far in a lift.

The elegant lady that I call Mummy, at my sister's pretty apartment. #FamilyCatchup

Funny how I only take gym selfies when I'm overseas. Can someone tell me why? 💪💪💪  #FlexLikeABoss

Had a very interesting experience last night visiting a yet-to-be-developed housing estate (they still exist in Singapore). It looked really spooky and cool but I'm sure when I visit again in a year's time, it'll unfortunately be filled with hordes of people in vapid malls. #PlantationCrescent
PS: This estate is not yet registered on Google Maps and Google Earth.

Here are the remaining pics of the yummies I've had this trip. Still outstanding are Hokkien prawn mee and 五香虾饼 but there's always next time. #FatDieMe

It's been a great trip, especially not having spent Chinese New Year with my family since 2020 when COVID broke out. Till next time Mummy. Now, more importantly, do I #Flex better or her? 💪🤣

If you know my blog well, you'' know my next post will be a musical one. Stay tuned!

CNY at home (part 3)

I am currently preparing for Rotation #18 by reviewing emails and handover notes (yawn!), but I still have time to post the next installment of my "CNY at home" series. Here are the other parts of the series (1 2 4 5).

It's the year of the Dragon and Mummy had to express her artistic culinary flair for this year's #lohei accordingly. She's good. #CNYDay2

It's the year of the Dragon and Mummy had to express her artistic culinary flair for this year's #lohei accordingly. She's good. #CNYDay2

It's 捞起 (lohei) time! #龙年快乐 #YearOfTheDragon

Eating and chatting non-stop from 1.30pm to 8.30pm... that's reunion for you. The old family photo albums were fun to look at. #FamilyWefie #CNY

Time to guess where we're heading off to again this drizzly morning. Hope we don't get crushed by crowds. #CNYDay3 #WithMummy

Did you guess right? We are at Chinatown! It's not as packed as we thought. Coffee time now. #LoveThisShot

The person who devised this contraption should be employed to make futuristic military weapons!

Even a no confidence vote for the Prime Minister can lead to security issues in this volatile era in Papua New Guinean politics. Hope all this will be put to bed by the time I return to work.

I thought the CNY gorging would put a dent in my diet-watching armour but phew! #CrisisAverted #PostGymSelfie

Simple home-cooked fare is the best show of a mother's love. Well, not so simple actually but you get the point. Yummy!

Looks like the Little Red Dot is as competitive as ever, with school exam results used as an ad at the tuition centre itself.

It's so good to catch up again old friend! #Flex

Dinner alone on Valentine's Day. Why not?

More home-cooked goodness that money cannot buy! All thanks to my super Mummy! #FatDieMe

Watch out for my next post which will be made from the Southern Highlands of PNG.

CNY at home (part 2)

Good news everyone! I have recovered with no long COVID symptoms and currently knee-deep in a new game "Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth" while reviewing contractual terms for the employment of Mummy's new domestic helper. I might even be dialing into the video interview of the candidates! In the meantime, without losing another minute of game time, here's the second part of my "CNY at home" series (other parts are here: 1 3 4 5).

Enjoying my kueh bangkit soft serve at Maccas. 🍦#CoconutLover

Did you guess right? We're at Jewel!

Another day has started and boy do Mum and I start it right. #PrawnMee #BarChorMee

A wave of mixed emotions surge inside of me when I saw this. It's a reality we all need to grapple with, so why not face it head on practically and positively? This is also one of the reasons why I love my home country.

Damn! I was SO hoping that this acquisition will go ahead!

Do shorts go any shorter than that?
PS: That mirror needs a serious cleaning!

Very rich dinner of last night. Thanks for the company and hospitality Phoebee, YingYing and Ivan! #Yums

Karaoke-ing with a friend of 28 years! Great to see you again Will!

No one beats Mummy's ngoh hiang (aka lo bak) and I got a preview/taste before it hits the reunion dinner table. Yummos! #CNY

Somehow I can hear Mummy say "just... one... more... potted... plant..." in her sleep. #PlantMama

Let the festivities begin! Here's wishing all of you a happy reunion dinner tonight! #CNYEve

What more can I say but "you've done it again Mummy". And just as well, this dinner has inspired a new song which I've completed today called "等我回家". Can't wait to record it! #ReunionDinner

Sinking my teeth into my first pineapple tart of the year during Chinese New Year? Priceless. #HuatAh

Chinese New Year 34 years ago. #SameHouse #WithMummy #OldLiao

Found atop a watching platform on Pulau Ubin. Looks like this elevated structure has found its match, and then some. 🤣

Now back to my game!

CNY at home (part 1)

I was home for a little less than three weeks over Chinese New Year and that trip's air tickets were bought while waiting to board the plane back to Melbourne from Singapore at the end of the previous visit. That's how excited I was about going home, after being apart for a few years due to COVID. In the next series of posts, I'll be sharing the happenings from this trip again through my Facebook posts during that period. Expect the usual 3 F's—family, friends and food! The other parts of this series can be found here (2 3 4 5).

I'm finally here, and a coffee shop banquet dinner with the family to start my trip right!

So many delicious things but can't eat them all. If only 🥟🥟 were here to share yummies with me...

Other than "flat white" being on the menu, I really don't know what makes this place "Australian".

Reminds me of the Merlin trials of "Hogwart's Legacy". #Gaymer

Back at a FWB's place where he has 100+ pieces of artwork at home plus loads more in storage! #ImpressedAsUsual

Guess where I'm heading to this scorching day? #VirginTrip

Like going back in time. #AchievementUnlocked

I'll never take this for granted. #BreakfastOfChampions #RotiPrata

You know you're back home when you see different languages being used creatively. #NoDuriansOnTrains

It's like a continuation of our Bangkok trip 6 months ago. Thanks for the catch-up!

Somehow 娱乐场 sounds more wholesome than 赌场... But they still have to make it clear when you get further inside in case you're too blinded by greed, here at the world's top spot for money laundering.

Home-cooked dinner of last night which I forgot to post as I was too hungry and busy eating! #MumIsTheBestCook

Very oily but oh so satisfying! #Laksa #CarrotCake

Guess where we're heading today? #DayOutWithMummy

See you all next week for part two!