Not to be outdone in the face of Meilian's slew of uploaded pictures, here is the second part of my tale. I know there are not many but do know that I only put what I think is pure gold here.
We stayed at very good (and reasonably-priced) apartments and hotels while we were on the road and this one even had a jacuzzi. I was the only one who soaked in it though (it took an hour to fill)!
Sunrise along the Great Ocean Road and we made it in time! It was not easy when Yingying had to complete her face every morning!
The magnificent Twelve Apostles. It was a quiet and nippy morning but the view was breathtaking.
This is my favourite picture of the Twelve Apostles. It is good enough to use as a desktop wallpaper. I particularly like the foggy horizon.
Yet another view of the Twelve Apostles. We did not manage to count all twelve of them. Did we even try in the first place? If not, we should have!
Being straight for a second, even if it was only Yingying (hehe)! During the trip she commented that I am the only guy who can touch her at will without BK batting an eyelid. What a privilege!
We even managed to catch a rainbow which is something that always cheers me up. I am sure it has nothing to do with being gay (how ironic).
One of the many great views along the road. Many thanks to our tireless driver BK! There was a long stretch where he had to drive in pitch darkness!
A classic Jetstar Star Jumper pose. I have entered the Jetstar photography competition with this picture. Hope I will win something!
Of course I could not resist a bare-chested photo op, even if the cold was a little much. One of us had to always stand guard by the road to warn the others of incoming traffic! It was fun!
Just exactly how cold it was. (Yingying’s fantasies must have been running wild when she was taking this picture…)
Our desperate attempt to be models...
...Only to break down into our usual fit. Thanks for such an enjoyable and laughter-filled trip guys!
Watch out for the last installment, which will come very soon. In the meantime I will plan for my next holiday. Will it be domestic or international...?
At the beginning of Meilian’s trip to Australia, she gave me a pleasant surprise–the friend of hers who was coming with her on the trip was actually Yingying! She kept that a secret all those months and it was so worth it! We had a big hug in their hotel room–I do miss them very much! And then begins their adventure with me being the host in Sydney. After a week, we all toured Melbourne together and were joined by another surprise guest–Yingying’s boyfriend, BK. We had such a fun time together and the pictures below tell exactly of that!
Our first meal together in a Korean BBQ place in Sydney–it was my treat. Yingying can shockingly eat a lot for her size!
Ision hard at work cooking for our guests over a hot stove–so cute!
The feast that had the girls raving for a while. It consisted of a Japanese seaweed appetizer, Chinese herbal vegetable soup, baked chicken wings in special marinade, stir-fried pork in Korean miso and black garlic bread. The chicken wings were my favourite.
In the rain while waiting for the fireworks display at Darling Harbour to start, we started horsing around…
…And the result of that is retri for my bibi! My favourite picture of the lot!
Finally the sight we braved the rain for (after much complaining by Ision about his hunger). We later went to had Chinese food in Chinatown (where else?)
The start of our Melbourne trip, and I finally found my own shop. Beware of the nasty shopkeeper (and the equally-nasty critic)!
At Panny’s Chocolate Factory on Philip Island. We did not pay for the overpriced admission to see the chocolate statues.
We spent quite some time at an amusement park called Amaze ‘N’ Things. Anyone wants to eat my head? Erm...
I never usually care to take such pictures but it seemed like the perfect occasion for it.
We went to the Ashcombe Maze & Lavender Gardens but only Yingying and BK went inside while Meilian and I sipped on our coffees while enjoying the cool weather at the outdoor cafe.
It was not the season to pick strawberries but we still got to eat some at the Sunny Ridge Strawberry Farm in Mornington.
Close-up of the juicy morsels. This was but one of the MANY food close-ups we took throughout our trip with Yingying taking the most.
A visit to the Koala Conservation Centre (that came with free rude ticketing staff). The koalas were all sleeping high up in the trees–what a rip off. But we chanced upon this huge koala–without my bibi on the road with me, I guess this bear will do. We also went to the Penguin Parade and saw penguins swim to the shore as part of their nightly routine. What a way to earn money from people! No picture-taking was allowed (believe me, I tried but it was too dark) so there are none to show.
In this same month last year I have just landed on the fertile shores of Sydney, all ready to begin the next phase of my life. Although I was not a stranger to this city (having lived here for half a year during my university student exchange programme) it was an entirely new ride for me this time round–leaving my friends and family behind and the beginning of “married” life. The excitement and adrenaline coursing through my veins brought me to this point in time relatively unscathed. Now that the razzle-dazzle has faded, I finally have the chance to see my new home in the raw, sans the fluff and make-up.
As you all know, I auditioned for Australian Idol 2009 and what I got from that was a very good lesson. Of course I am not referring to fashion tips from the noisy bimbotic airheads that I see (and worse still hear) all around me nor any singing or performing know-how I have garnered. I got to experience first-hand how people the likes of me are being viewed and treated in this country. And for once, what I am saying has got nothing to do with homosexuality.
The day started early and the friends who agreed to meet me there were all predictably late so I joined the queue alone. As the groups of typical rowdy and obnoxious Aussie youths gathered, I suddenly felt like a relic not because of the age difference but how progressed my state of mind and phase of life is compared to them. I know what I want in life and am absolutely sure of myself as a person and the swarming mass of insecurity literally made me an alien from outer space. I knew there and then that I was at the wrong place chasing after a wrong dream. But you know me–I always like to tell myself that at least I have tried.
As every second passed, my boredom and sense of being totally out of place grew and the usual faking and forced-acting associated with reality television were not helping at all. After waiting for five hours, I was there behind the door just before the time when I was supposed to impress the pants off the lone male vocal coach (the judge of the first half of the first round). I was fully prepared and I knew I would sing well. But I also knew from previous competitions that singing was one of the less significant items on the producers’ agenda.
The contestant before me came out without the pink slip of acceptance and then it was my turn. The song I chose was Rick Price’s “Heaven Knows” as it accentuated my vocal range and technique in the way I wanted the assessor to hear. A few seconds after music came out of my mouth, I could see a change in his expression and that single expression was stuck on his face till my very last note. At first I did not quite know how to interpret that bit of facial contortion because it was a mixed one but after hearing what he has got to say, it became crystal clear.
He said that I was lovely but just did not meet the standards set out in the programme. Gosh, could it get any more PR than that? While that guy was spewing that load, his face was tattooed with that same look on his face–a wow-he-is-good-but-what-a-waste-he-is-not-what-we-are-looking-for expression. I left the room just like the others and walked out of the building briskly trying to let everything sink in. I must admit I was totally taken by surprise and did not expect the results to be like this at all. The weeks of anticipation and the five-hour wait culminated in a sudden concentration of disappointment and it was a little hard to swallow.
Fortunately I have a formulaic way to treat times like these–when plans go awry and results do not match expectations and I began this rationalisation process as soon as I started walking out of that room of judgement. I am 30 (the entry age cap) [CHECK]. I am not as cute as Kris Allen [CHECK]. I am not an Australian citizen [CHECK]. I am Asian [CHECK]. And the final tally of all those checks could not be more unsatisfactory. I can take the attack in the age and looks department because those are the essential ingredients in the realm of showbiz. It is the nationality and race issues that got me a little riled up. But what else could I expect? How many Asian contestants have you seen in Western Idol competitions? Am I a good reflection of an Australian (and the country’s say, glorious beer-drinking culture)? Why did an intelligent person not see this coming?
As the walk out of the audition venue continued, I got increasingly irate. Here I am in the most cosmopolitan city of the continent contributing to its economy and development as a resident worker with skills that it sorely needs. Why then am I not treated just like any other Australian? Why am I not biting the hand that feeds me after being slapped by that same hand? I felt like a used-then-dumped item which is expected to be in an immaculate condition the next minute ready to be used again.
You might think that I am over-internalising an innocuous event and erroneously mixing the two disparate concepts of engineering and showbiz into a melodramatic whinge-fest. To that I have nothing absolutely rational to throw back in defence for what I felt then was what I felt then and no one can take that feeling away or say that is not true. Of course I have settled down now but I was noticeably upset for the rest of that day and I believe I had good reasons to be (especially when I have sung well). But with pain there is always gain–I got to see true-blue Australia. And for days following the audition, the fact that I have always known how racist Australians could be dawned on me more and more. You see, I have always purported that I have not encountered any racist episodes here but now I know that is a false assertion made when I was still blinded by the bright colourful lights. As I started to see Australia under the lens of truth, I noticed an increasing number of examples of such offensive behaviour.
As if to join the ends of the circle, I realise that racism actually works in a vicious cycle. The more the majority race sees the minority race as the species invading yet refusing to assimilate, the more the former will act out to express their disdain and the more the latter will retreat into its shell (and huddle together with its like in the spirit of “united we stand”). This vicious cycle fuels greater ignorance of the majority and fans the flame of offensiveness against the minority. This is the lesson I have learnt from the Australian Idol audition. Valuable? Maybe. Essential? Definitely.
The floodgates are now sadly opened and as much as I hate it, I am uncovering more reasons why Australia might not be the mecca of freedom I have once thought it was (google the Australian Matthew Johns sex scandal and the irrationally-conservative media fallout for a taste). Perhaps all this is simply a long-overdue culture shock or yet another fact of life. Reality checks are always good and this one makes me want to cling on much tighter to the fact that Sydney is still better than Singapore.
Now that I am more enlightened, I wonder what new levels of cognizance are waiting for me to attain by the end of my second year here. While I wait for that to befall me with my dream of stardom officially six feet underground and no new dreams to keep me occupied, maybe it is time to stop planning and only greet life one day at a time.
The AWARE saga has finally been laid to rest but the hurt and upset feelings inside of me are still running on overdrive. I know we have won and it is a step in the right direction but it showed me how deeply I still feel about Singaporean gay (or rather anti-gay) issues despite my leaving the country for close to a year now.
When it comes to acceptance, there is no such thing as partial acceptance. It is one of those all-or-nothing words in the English language that we have to acknowledge no matter which side we are on. That is why I can never comprehend this oxymoronic phrase “love the sinner, hate the sin”. At the end of the day, it is just a euphemism to camouflage discrimination and hatred (for serious cases) and ignorance (for most other cases). Strictly speaking, the “sin” in context is anal sex but does it also apply to monogamous love? If so, does it mean that the Bible preaches love as something wrong?
Over the years, I have heard so many arguments against homosexuality from the fundamentalist Christians ranging from the supposedly more rational pro-family rhetoric to the if-you-decriminalise-homosexuality-then-it-will-lead-to-the-legalisation-of-bestiality nonsense. You would think that I should get quite numb and nonchalant about all of this after so many years right? The answer is a definite no. You see, I am not only gay but am also someone who has a strong affinity to logic. Baseless and senseless drivel aggravates me and it does not even need to be anti-gay. I am an engineer and apply the engineering way of thinking to all issues in my life and it has served me very well. That just makes me wonder–are logic and religious faith two mutually exclusive principles? When one believes in something wholesale without concrete proof (or let pseudo-evidence skew their inclinations in a vicious cycle), doesn’t it make this person less credible as a human being? Imagine a fundamentalist Christian professor in paleontology giving a university lecture detailing how the world was created in seven days and how dinosaurs roamed the planet alongside men.
But day in day out, we are faced with such illogical people. If a weak sense of logical reasoning is the only thing that they have been inflicted with, we can all simply sympathise with them and move on with our lives. But no, despite being the minority in the world (and definitely so in Singapore), they are loud, vocal and pushy (a la Josie and the Pushycats–brilliant!) and that is the least of it. When it concerns trampling on my basic human rights then it hits close to home and becomes personal. I am not even asking them to follow the love-based teachings of the faith that they are so fanatic about. I am simply expecting them not to make lives difficult for other people, especially people who do not buy in to their faith. Why can’t they simply live and let live? No they cannot, and that is solely because they steadfastly believe that their religion has 100% monopoly over this concept known as absolute truth.
And here comes the root of all evil. Absolute truth? What constitutes to absolute truth? A book written so long ago over so many years by different people in a language so different from your own? I always thought that apathy is what I can fall back on when it comes to Singaporeans in instances of intense idealistic differences but these fundamentalists work on a different plane–they demand to be heard by brandishing their version of the absolute truth without having to earn any merit to begin with. Absolute truth? What about Muslims (there are many other religions but let’s make it simple here)? If you think that homosexuality is wrong just because a few verses of your “Christianity 101” guidebook said so (verses that have been quoted ad nauseam), what about a completely different faith and belief system altogether? You don’t see Christians fighting Muslims in peaceful Singapore with the same fervour as they do against homosexuality right? Because in a civil society directed by laws, even the slowest of people know that is forbidden. And laws are meant to protect the minority, not used against them. But the members of the good old Singapore government like the phrase “conservative majority” way too much to offer the minority any protection (they like it so much that they are willing to tattoo it on their foreheads and store the words right at the tip of their tongues ready to spit them out at any possible chance). What makes it a sadder picture is that the majority of the more influential members of the government are Christians despite Christianity being one of the minority religions. This surely gives the term “tyranny of the majority” a whole new ironic spin, doesn’t it? Every single day, homosexuals in Singapore are fighting against such odds in an uphill battle and I saw enough of this vilely unfair situation to decide to leave it behind.
Yet I am here on an autumn night at home beside my loving partner, one day after celebrating our second anniversary in one of the gayest part of the gayest city in Australia furiously typing my thoughts away hoping that somehow the words that show up on the screen can take away some of the hate that I have encountered all my life and not let events that happened 6,300 kilometres away affect me. One of my friends sent a link on Facebook asking for support for the suspension of AWARE’s Comprehensive Sexuality Education Programme (which paints homosexuality as something normal as well as teaches many other very factually-sound and useful things). She is a Christian mother. How can I as a mere friend compete with her religion and child? When you disagree with “homosexuality” being a neutral word, surely you must also not be able to accept your homosexual friends just the way they are right? And why should I still be bothered staying friends with these people? I made my objections known to her by leaving some comments on the Facebook link that she posted for I could not sit back and do nothing anymore (by the way MOE predictably caved in to the fundamentalists and suspended the Programme).
Despite all my attempts to purge negative feelings out of me, nothing could be done to help cool the boiling fluids inside my body and the hurt continues to gnaw at my insides. I should be able to get past such things by now. I am mature and strong and I have the support of my partner but still...
Perhaps the Pink Dot event (originally meant to be a mini pride parade) on 16th May (a day before the International Day Against Homophobia or IDAHO) at Hong Lim Park in Singapore could start the ball rolling in erasing the hate coming at homosexuals. I urge everyone who is gay or has gay friends, gay relatives or gay siblings to attend the event dressed to the occasion (please watch the attached Pink Dot promotional videos). The people residing on the red dot need to see this pink dot and hopefully allow their minds to open up as a result. It is very hard to walk a mile in the shoes of the discriminated when you have the rights of the majority. If only you can experience a fraction of what we have to go through every day–I know that will certainly turn your bigoted views (be it out of ignorance or dogma) around. There is no reason to discriminate and spread hate, not even a bad one but there is always time for love, which needs no reason. I know it sounds cliché but all we really need is love. We have no wish to fight a war against religious extremism at all.
I would like to use this opportunity to dedicate my song featured in an earlier post entitled “Out” to the Pink Dot event as well as to the brave and tireless organisers and every single event participant. If I were there, I would strip down to my pink undies and paint my whole body pink! Alas, I can only wish all of you the very best from Sydney. I truly am proud of you guys.
It is a rainy day and I am sick and recuperating at home. What better time to revisit the blogosphere than now. The super strength cold and flu drug that I am currently taking really makes me feel ill before it makes me feel better so I might be a little incoherent and disorganised in this post. All my OCDs need a well-deserved rest and I must say letting them go for a while really does make me feel better.
Work has gotten very busy recently. I always believe that the more capable a person is, the more responsibilities he or she would be given. You can also look at it from a I-will-take-advantage-of-your-talents-and-squeeze-you-dry perspective. Either way, I do believe that I am a fast and efficient worker and hence my boss decided to dump all those projects onto me that were too much for another guy to handle 2 minutes before the project kick-off meeting (I almost fainted then but still had to appear nonchalant yet strong). As overworking (and my first working overtime experience in Sydney–my absolute last resort) seeped into my life, my body’s immune system naturally took a back seat. The fact that I do not take multi-vitamins regularly (much to Ision’s disapproval) plus the season quickly changing from autumn to autumn-winter compounded with nasal allergies all led me to where I am right now. A sick person at home on a rainy Sunday vegging away.
I have not taken a sick day since I started working in Sydney and everyone is telling me to take one tomorrow. I went to see a doctor yesterday and got a 3-day medical certificate. My friend told me one of the biggest reasons why people visit doctors here is to get that piece of paper that exempts them from work and I guess that is not too strange a practice. I think I should seize this chance to take a day off work and let my OCDs continue to slumber. However the longer I rest the harder it would be for me to get back to work, which is the same logic I use to rationalise why I continue to work so hard in life be it in school, in the gym or in my job. Why do I not trust that my strong discipline will achieve a balance with the innate human potential to be lazy? That is one of the many questions that will haunt me forever.
Determination is a virtue and I have been imbued with this valuable lesson through my years of growing-up. In my opinion (after gaining maturity) that is only a very basic lesson. We also need to know why we are determined and why we are working so hard. A simple way is to set up goals and make sure every ounce of effort you put in goes towards achieving that goal otherwise it will just be wasted energy. This might sound too simplistic to be practically-true but if one genuinely makes the right focus in life and never lets go, success is almost always guaranteed. As for me, I am not exactly sure why I am working so hard at the moment. Is it for money? Is it so I that I have something to do? Is it for personal satisfaction? It appears that I do not have any solid goals in my life right now and to be honest, that is freaking me out a little.
We work so that we can rest so that we can work more. Does life have to go through this mundane cycle? And is it so wrong to not have an ideal or even a purpose in life? What is next when one has achieved what one has set out to achieve? Do we need to keep a dream unfulfilled so that we will always have something to work towards? Looks like I have opened up more cans of worms and do you know what I see? Yes you have guessed it. Worms. This is why escapists believe that ignorance is bliss and many others believe less is more. I have never ever pictured myself as an escapist but when push comes to shove at that very tight corner, what else can one do other than to stay put, stay strong and hope that everything will settle into perfect harmony soon?
Maybe it is the drugs talking but I am not upset with my life right now although something is definitely missing from it. I have been raised with the teaching that hard work and perseverance are the only sure-fire tools to success but I have not been taught how to take time to enjoy that success. Sadly, I am but a by-product of the agenda of the post-independence Singapore government. Am I so blind to not realise that I am still running a rat race despite being already out of the tracks? But what else can I do? Is it so bad to have not-giving-up as a character trait? More questions with no answers.
Before I get too caught up, I think I should give it a rest and continue from here another time. Despite everything in this world trying to complicate things and lives, I do know that more often than not, time will answer a lot of questions. Things fall off the list and new things come on board to distract you all the time and before long, everyone will be back to square one asking the same questions again. That is life I am afraid. Nothing fancy and nothing dramatic, just life.
By the way, I am going for my Australian Idol audition on 16th May and this is my last chance to reach for the stars (my next goal in life maybe?) before I get dumped in the “expired” bin. If I do get ahead in this competition, I will need all the support I can get especially the gay votes (yes, I have decided to commit the cardinal sin of showbiz–to be forthcoming with my sexuality). In the meantime, I better go dust off my show costumes and song sheets, warm up my voice and oil my gears and parts. But before that, it is time for my next dose. Yum.
7th of March was just like any other Saturday and I woke up without really feeling any different. Ision on the other hand had been partying non-stop for some nights and I got a little used to not being able to cuddle him in bed. It was off to the gym as usual soon after I woke, which was part of my weekend routine. As the hours passed, I still could not feel the pumping energy of the Gay Mardi Gras season. I thought to myself–maybe I am really getting too old to feel young and crazy again.
However I knew this would not be another one of those disappointing holidays or festivals because I have signed up to march in the Mardi Gras parade and this is the first time I am doing it. I must feel young and crazy again somehow and was desperately hoping the parade would do the trick.
I registered to march with ACON (AIDS Council of New South Wales), which is a huge non-government organisation that promotes the health and well-being of New South Wales’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community. Before the start of the march, we were thrown a free barbeque to allow us to stock up energy for the 2.4-km march. We could hear the Mardi Gras storm brewing all around us as we prepped ourselves on ACON’s roof before the big event. It was there and then that I finally felt the electricity in the air and I was beginning to feel that the march could very well be one of the high points in my life.
After a long wait, we finally got to move as a contingent to the starting point. Although the march has not officially started, we already felt like celebrities with passers-by constantly snapping pictures of us. At the muster point, it was time to really explore the parade as we started to mingle with other contingents. Policemen, bears, mothers and their children, high-schoolers, dungeon masters, the handicapped, trannies, the religious and the atheists, young and old were all out in force, united with a common purpose and it was a truly humbling experience. There were lots of really fabulous costumes out there that night and it made me feel so naked even though I was simply clad in a pair of hot shorts. The irony gave birth to my resolution to make a kick-ass costume next year to further accentuate my musculature and of course to garner more attention. It was really the season to grab attention, with overflowing buckets!
The music got louder as the sky got darker and just when we could not hold our passion still any longer, we were off with a bang. Oh I tell you, it was like sex except it was SOOOO much better.
ACON was the 40th contingent out of a total of 135 (with a float each) and according to reports, there were about 400,000 spectators lining the streets watching the parade. Can you imagine that? If you have never marched in a parade, folks I tell you–you MUST do it at least once before you die! It is like being in a club with the perfect setting, perfect music and a perfect crowd, except that this club is in the open and you are treated to hordes of screaming fans dying for you to tap their reaching hands as you go past them. If you ever wanted to feel like a star, this is the place where all your dreams come true.
On and on and on I danced and howled, casting every shred of inhibition into orgasmic oblivion as the beat of the blasting music blended with the deafening shrieks from a crowd gone berserk. Everything was a swirling blur yet every second was filled with raw tingling clarity. Heaven on earth was a gross understatement as pride, camaraderie and the strength of the human spirit melded into an orgy of celebration and ecstasy. If only time could stand still for all of us there on Oxford Street.
The march (and climax) lasted for about two hours and when I reached the end point of the parade, my voice was surprisingly not hoarse and I was not the least bit tired. I could so do it all over again from the start. But alas, I would have to patiently wait till next year with bated breath. However this will give me time to devise the perfect idea for my first Mardi Gras parade costume and subsequently to create it.
I did not feel pride from being gay that night. Instead for the first time in my life, I felt proud to be human.
Today is Valentine’s Day and as a special tribute to this annual occasion, this post shall all be about “love”.
1) According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 love languages that we all need to know in order to communicate with the person we love in the language that only he or she can understand. These 5 love languages are “Words of Affirmation”, “Quality Time”, “Receiving Gifts”, “Acts of Service” and “Physical Touch”. For instance just because you think “Receiving Gifts” is what appeals to you does not make it so for your partner when in fact his or her love language is “Physical Touch”. Even if that is not your love language, you should always learn to speak that to your partner in order to guarantee his or her satisfaction and fulfilment in the relationship.
2) Testosterone is the principal male sex hormone while the female counterpart is oestrogen. These hormones are released in greater quantities when a person experiences passionate sexual desire, better known as “lust”. The effects of these hormones last a maximum of a few weeks or months. On the other hand, “attraction” is a more targeted desire for a specific mating candidate and is developed out of lust as the commitment to an individual mate builds. The chemicals released by the brain from “attraction” are pheromones (a hormone which triggers a natural behavioural response in another member of the same species), dopamine (a neurotransmitter hypothesized to have the function of transmitting reward prediction error and is believed to provide a teaching signal to parts of the brain responsible for acquiring new behaviour), norepinephrine (a stress hormone underlying the fight-or-flight response) and serotonin (a neurotransmitter playing a range of roles from the modulation of body temperature, appetite and sleep to anger and human sexuality). Research has shown that the effects of these chemicals can last up to three years. Interesting sidenote–kissing reduces both women and men’s cortisol levels (a stress hormone) but increases only men’s oxytocin levels (a hormone linked to social bonding). Are females then less social creatures?
3) Should incest be illegal? Before you jump to an answer, imagine this–you are 45, married with children and happily working towards an early retirement. Then you meet your long-lost sister and fall in love with her with such passion it consumes you. In this age when it’s getting increasingly common to have more than one sample of your egg or sperm floating around (a.k.a the plight of egg- and sperm-donors), the above scenario is slowly becoming more truth than fiction. This is called “genetic sexual attraction” and is written in our psychology–50% of reunions between siblings, or parents and offsprings separated at birth result in obsessive emotions and there are clinical studies to back that up. So when we now ask ourselves the same question about incest, do you see another angle to it, even when it involves a concept as (seemingly) black-and-white as love? The more appropriate question to ask should thus be–should we criminalise something that is hard-coded in our genes?
4) Can we love more than one person at any one time? “Polyamory” is defined as “the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.” Although this might be hard for some to comprehend, not to mention accept, it does not mean that it cannot work (in fact it does for thousands). In a society that is becoming more evolved and intelligent and when people should ideally accord to each other nothing but total respect, this formula of total acceptance and transparency when it comes to love might very well be the direction we all are heading towards.
5) In ancient Greece, the concept of love manifests itself in 5 different words. “Eros” means love of the passionate kind coupled with sensual desire and longing and is also known as “love of the body”. “Agape” or “love of the soul” refers to a pure, ideal kind of love as opposed to physical “eros”. Philia” (“love of the mind”) describes dispassionate and virtuous love exemplified in the loyalty to family, friends and community which requires equality, familiarity and virtue. “Storge” is natural affection, like that felt by parents for their children whilst in social psychology, it takes the form of love between friends. Finally there is “Xenia” which revolves around the concept of hospitality where courtesy and generosity is expressed in a reciprocal relationship between a host and his guest and can be translated as “guest- or ritualized-friendship”. Which love are you currently giving and in recept of?
6) When someone tells you “I will never date Malays”, what is the first impression you have of this person? Does the word “racism” come to mind immediately? Now take a step back and examine the dividing line between sexual preference and bigotry. If one is not sexually attracted to the features of Malays, does this make him or her a racist? In this age of political-correctness to the nth degree, this issue gets even cloudier. Perhaps if one finds flaws in potential mates based on character and not physical attributes, things might not look so superficial and hopefully with this greater depth, he or she can see that line more clearly or at least better convince others of that.
7) Emotional love and physical love sometimes cannot be found in a single partner and as a result many couples develop open relationships in which they are not sexually monogamous yet stay committed to one another. However for this to work, some relationship ground rules often need to be set. Some examples of these rules: “no kissing of other people”, “never sleep with someone more than once”, “always tell your partner when you sleep with someone else”, “only have sex with other parties together with your partner”, “no exchange of contact information”, “no staying the night”, and so on. This approach is common among gays but is definitely not uncommon among married heterosexual couples (eg. swinging). Open relationships in the homosexual realm tend to be purely physical (my personal observation) as opposed to polyamorous ones.
8) As we all know, one of the side effects of love is marriage and apparently this side effect can persist beyond death (involving other non-love issues). Spirit marriage is common in the Chinese culture when one or both parties are dead. It is usually arranged by the family of the deceased out of several reasons–because the couple was engaged prior to one member’s death, to incorporate an unmarried daughter into the dead husband’s lineage, to ensure the continuation of the family line, or to maintain that no younger brother is married before an elder brother. Something similar known as posthumous marriage is also practised in France where it is apparently legal after a law was created when President de Gaulle was in power. Also in the days of immigration, spirit marriages were used as a means to cement a bond of friendship between two families. Knowing this, should we now all relax in the assurance that we will get our fair chance of marriage, even after death?
9) Some might not know this but the world is much more complex than homo- and heterosexuality. There is a whole spectrum when it comes to human sexuality. You might be familiar with the term “bisexuality” but do you know the term used to describe a person who is sexually attracted to all genders or is “gender-blind”? The correct answer is “pansexuality”. There is yet another term called “polysexuality” which is used to describe those who sexually desire genders outside the binary norm of male and female–they distinguish themselves from bisexuals because they do not see the world made up of only two genders and they are also different from pansexuals because the latter includes all genders into consideration when it comes to sexual love. And at the other end of the spectrum is asexuality with asexuals experiencing no sexual attraction at all (a blessing or curse?). Interestingly, asexuals make up 1% of the world.
10) As with all rewarding experiences, human beings can get addicted to love but what are some of the symptoms of love addicts? Here are some of the stronger ones–when one cannot stop fantasizing when in love, when one feels that one’s life ends and experiences suicidal thoughts when a relationship fails, when one is only interested in love and relationships, when one cannot stand being alone yet not enjoy one’s own company, when one is willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty and even abuse just to avoid the pain of separation anxiety, when one chases after people who have rejected him or her and try desperately to change their minds and when one has spied on one’s lover more than once. When symptoms of love addiction seem so common and familiar, we cannot help but wonder if all of us are addicted to love and if that is necessarily a bad thing.
Over the years I have come to learn more about the inexplicable intimacy between a mother and her child. Although I have not achieved much understanding of this genetic affinity, I have come to some of my own conclusions about this maternal bond as well as this concept we call parenthood.
First there is the biological clock that supposedly lies dormant in female DNA and when the time is ripe, it will start ticking and eventually ignite the ovaries (bomb) via the fallopian tubes (detonating cord). However some women purport that they do not have the maternal instinct to want to reproduce (point of digression—a career woman tells you she wants to focus only on her career—do you believe her or the fact that she just has not found the right man yet?). If everything goes according to the grand plan of natural selection, will these non-maternal women eventually weed themselves out of the human race?
Of course I am no doctor or gynaecologist but I do know that a multitude of societal factors both push and pull women into decisions involving marriage, sex, pregnancy, abortion and family-planning. In this age, a woman’s position on society’s ladder is constantly moving up at the expense of the joys (and woes) of motherhood. One could argue that some women are more genetically-predisposed to leaving the propagation of the human race to personal choices but here I have assumed that for them, it is an absolute case of mind over (genetic) matter.
I have always believed that love should be the only mechanism that drives the world and all its going-ons and for this post, I am only referring to the love between partners and a mother’s love for a child. When I look at these two kinds of love, an interesting question comes to mind—do we really need a spouse or a loving relationship in order to have a child? Society at large still frowns upon the single parent at the moment but if we were to take that (as well as the complicating issues around IVF, surrogate mothers, gay parenting, etc) out of the equation, shouldn’t pure maternal (or maybe even paternal) instinct lead directly to single parenthood since it is the fastest means to the desired end?
And that brings us to another interesting question—why does a person want to have a child in the first place? At first glance, there is the obvious and primal reason of reserving a place in the continuum of planetary human-domination for one’s lineage, which is the practice of most other species as well. But when we delve a little deeper, other more superficial reasons surface eg. I find kids so adorable, I want someone to take care of me when I grow old, I want to cast all my failed hopes and dreams on someone, I am bored so let me start this new personal project, etc. Notice how all these reasons start? Yup, having children can be a selfish act.
But haven’t we all heard of how unconditional a mother’s love is? Where is the selfishness in that? Well I was looking at the motivating issues strictly in the pre-natal sense or rather at the pre-conception stage. I have no doubt that once the child is born, that inexplicable intimacy that I have alluded to earlier certainly belongs in the realm of unconditional love (although I am not saying that all mothers are capable of offering love of such nature). So if selfish love (oxymoron anyone?) is wrong, what are the correct reasons for bringing a child into this harsh and mutated world?
I have thought long and hard about this before and I have sought the opinions of many as well. The concluding consensus (apart from the biological clock ticking noisily away depriving many of valuable sleep)—when there is too much love in this relationship between two people, there needs to be a place to direct the spill-over to. Coupled with the desire to carry this relationship of love on for as long as possible, using this overflowing affection to make a product of their love (whom they will continue to love forever) makes perfect sense (and hence the term “making love”). In my opinion, this is the only reason why a child should be brought into existence otherwise the enormous responsibility of being a parent (which many are not acutely aware of beforehand) could weaken or even crush the strongest person.
Unfortunately a lot of parents did not give their decisions to bear offsprings much forethought and I do not (totally) blame them when there are so many things around us clouding our reasoning nowadays, not to mention sanity (peer pressure, governmental pressure, parental pressure and media pressure all forcing people to come together, have sex (often promiscuously), get married and bear the consequences for all the wrong reasons). The vicious cycle that ensues compounds the situation into a bigger mess—kids of divorcés and divorcees growing up without good role models only to become even more inept parents themselves. Ever wondered why many extremely poor families are also extremely huge ones? Where is the logic in that?
I am not trying to sweepingly assert that children from broken homes necessarily translate into broken people but the trends sure point in that direction don’t they? I am also not trying to paint a black-and-white picture here. This is why at times I can be quite overwhelmed by the sense of relief that as homosexuals, Ision and I do not have the need or face the pressure to grapple with these issues. Again, this may very well be another part of the grand plan to weed gays out of the human race but that belongs to another post.
Many people have told me that parenthood is not something one can learn from a training course and that nothing can ever prepare someone enough to be a parent. That may be right but they should at least be reminded to have a child and start a family only when they are equipped with the right reasons. That being said, I still hate to think of parenthood as a sink-or-swim assignment that one can only learn on-the-job as I always like to plan the many aspects of my life. I also hate to think that children are basically experimental subjects manipulated (with good intentions or otherwise) by their parents eager to add child-rearing to their to-do lists. I only hope that more parents swim than sink and in the unfortunate event of sinking not turning it into an ugly contest of ownership that does nothing other than ruining a child’s life.
This post goes out to all the parents out there (especially mothers and especially all my friends who have recently become mothers) and along with it, I will dedicate a song that I have written to all of you as well. May it give you the fortitude to brave through all challenges of parenthood and emerge victorious in the end.
Softly, slowly, the cradle rocks
With a fan in Grandma’s hand
Light kisses of breeze are blown onto my son’s face
Gently lulling him into dreamland
On the wall hangs Grandpa’s faded portrait
His mellow smile warms my heart
The lines on his face detail stories of both ups and downs
As Grandma sings softly to the gramophone
Thinking back those years, when there were only simple exchanges of a few words
When strong bonds of kinship stemmed from the selflessness of parents
When men and women simply started families when they were of a certain age
When loving relationships grew out of nothing
Thinking back those years, when love was expressed through two meals on the table
When tender care was shown simply with a sewn-up torn shirt on a cold windy day
When Grandpa had to set sail into the morning sun once again
When Grandma stood by the open wooden doors, looking in the distance
Grandma, I want to make you my role model
To learn the ways of fostering love and kinship
Sleep my son, daddy is coming home soon
Softly, slowly, the cradle rocks
Some of my blog-readers have complained that my entries are too long so this one will consist of only pictures, each equivalent to one thousand words to be exact.
You might have read that there is an increasing number of people putting up their nude/semi-nude pictures online for all to see. Well I am not a pioneer in this but I certainly have done this long before it became “fashionable”. There are two primarily-gay (official) nude beaches in Sydney namely Obelisk Beach and Lady Jane Beach. Ision was working on Christmas Day so I gathered a few of my friends who had no plans on that day as well to accompany me on my virgin-trip to the Lady Jane Beach.
And you know me right? Nude beach = perfect photo op. So with some of your imagination to complete the pictures, here you go.
So what do you think? I still got it right? Seeing that there is a direct bus from my place to that beach, I know I can be one with nature much more often from now on. The next step is simply to look for more naturist pals!
You must be wondering why have I been absent from the blogosphere for so long. Well wonder no more because this post will illustrate why in detailed clarity, so read on…
We have officially moved into our new one-bedroom apartment on 22nd November 2008! THE NEXT PHASEhas developed further towards my planned direction and everything seems so much more exciting and rosy now. But there is quite a bit to do as well.
I must admit I am a sensibly-materialistic person but when it comes to providing my partner and me with a high quality of life, I do not think that I should scrimp and save if I can afford it. We all save money so as to spend it at some point in time right? If I were straight and aspiring to be an HDB-dwelling breeder back in good old Singapore just like everyone else, I would be using a huge chunk of my savings for a flat (and a wedding as well as all the other rat-race breeder activities). As we are still renting, the amount we have spent is but a fraction of what the said breeder would have spent, not to mention the cost of breeding that we do not need to grow white hair and get out of shape over. So do you want to join my camp now and enjoy a higher level of disposable income?
One of my must-buy items is a full high-definition LCD TV of at least 42”. This is my self-set basic standard for home entertainment. I am still resistant to Blu-Ray at the moment and intend to give it some time to get more popular (in the footsteps of the original DVD). Without Blu-Ray, the only other way to experience full high-definitional visual orgasm is to play games on an Xbox 360 Pro game console. I actually have no preference between Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 but Ision is dead sure about the former so Xbox it will be. Well the TV has been bought (and I finally got to cross out a dream that started ever since the first obscenely-expensive plasma TV was put on sale) as well as a reasonable Yamaha sound system (2 tower front speakers, 2 tower surround speakers, a centre speaker, a sub-woofer and an 5.1 channel AV receiver). However gaming is not an absolute necessity and so prioritisation dictated the game console be bought only after the post-LCD-TV-purchase pay day. Of course I kept my promise to myself and now Ision and I are the proud owners of an Xbox 360 Pro console with 2 wireless controllers and a console-charging dock (plus the four free games that came with the package). And just like that, my LCD TV has buddied up and is no longer lonely (he was getting quite sick of the obsolete DVD recorder I brought from Singapore). I must admit the home entertainment system we now have is too sophisticated (size- and sound-wise) for now but I am also preparing for our eventual move to a bigger place.
Next on the essential items list is the fridge (because Ision and I are great fans of food and living without the electronic cooling box for even a few days would be torture). I originally wanted a super high-end one (metallic-coating, double-door with external ice- and water-dispensers) but got impeded by the lack of space in the kitchen. I thought to myself -- since I cannot buy the best, I will settle for a cheap but decent one. The newer fridge models are all bottom-mounted (ie. with the freezer at the bottom) because new refrigeration technologies no longer necessitate cold air to be driven only from top down anymore. I originally thought that the model we chose could be opened either from the left or right (I have always wanted a fridge like that) but I later realised (when it was delivered) that the configuration has been disappointingly pre-fixed. Nevertheless it is a good-sized model and since we will never have an expanding family, this fridge not only saves space but also money and energy.
Then comes the all-important couch, the largest piece of furniture in the living room (and so it must not go wrong!). Whenever I flip through furniture catalogues, I always find the sight of lounging on the love seat of a sofa so warm, cozy and inviting. And when I turn on the TV, I see couples in each other’s arms lying on the love seat (I guess this explains why it is called a “love seat”) and again -- warm, cozy and inviting. So it is a case of stop-drooling-and-get-yourself-one-too. However we need to buy one that can fits nicely into the not-so-big living room. It should preferably also be a sofa bed so that we can host visitors comfortably. Just when I thought I was on top of my grand plan, my worst fear came true -- our living room is not big enough for a love seat sofa bed (the bedroom is bigger than the living room and the bathroom is so much bigger than what I expected)! The painful decision was then to make do without a love seat (with just the sofa bed option). Actually the solution to this problem is to shop at real furniture outlets and not IKEA but since I am not about to burn a hole in my pocket (a.k.a. touch my fixed-term deposit), I guess this will do for now (until our next move to a bigger place). To be fair, there can be very good stuff at IKEA you know. I thought this would spell the end of the couch drama but a second trip to IKEA led us to a single seater plus a love seat option. Then it was crunch time (2-seater sofa bed without the love seat or a 1-seater non-sofa bed with a love seat) -- we decided to give up on the sofa bed option because we got this new place for ourselves, so that it will be a nice place for us to stay, not because of our need to host visitors even though we would really like to be able to do that. So all my family and friends, it seems that you would have to find your own accommodation when you come visit but I can still bring you around for sure (unless you are coming alone and do not mind crashing on the couch)! Unfortunately, a white fabric was chosen for the couch (a BIG regret) and as a result we had to buy throws to protect the fabric from dirt. And there ends the couch drama. Phew!
One might argue that a bed frame should also be high on the priority list but since we have an existing mattress, that had to wait initially (while we sleep on the mattress on the floor). I do not see a need to buy an expensive bed frame because most of the time in shops, the expensive ones are gi-normous which again is not one-room-apartment-friendly. That being said, I still have my requirements for a bed -- it has to have a proper head board and also be high enough. Ision dislikes head boards as he feels that it stains the wall when the former knocks into the latter (hmm… why so much knocking I wonder…) but I managed to “convince” him to have a bed with one. So in the end, we settled for a simple IKEA model (we need a king-sized one because Ision hates it when I toss and turn into his space at night and jut my elbow into him but again IKEA, being not the ideal furniture outlet to shop at does not have the lowly-demanded king-sized frames -- we could only have a queen-sized one in the end -- oh well, we just have to cuddle each other tighter!). We also threw in two bed-side tables with two drawers each to complete the bedroom ensemble. It was fortunate that there already were built-in wardrobes when we moved in and they offer lots of storage space.
By the way, my 42” LCD TV came with a free 26” LCD TV and my sound system came with a free DVD micro hi-fi -- all this free stuff could so add spice to our bedroom! The existing book shelf we have will now be in the kitchen between the living room and toilet. The altar table will now be our bedroom TV/sound system cabinet while we have a simple IKEA TV cabinet in the living room for my pride and joy. Although our new apartment has a lot of in-built storage spaces they are unexpectedly running out so we must be smart in our storage methods. Over several weeks, I gradually picked up more pieces and plonked them ornamentally around the house. I want our new place to be as cozy as possible as it is the place we will spend most of our time in. Also with a nice apartment, we can invite more people over for I have always preferred home parties to those outside where drunk, unruly and possibly homophobically-violent heteros abound.
Bit by bit, our furniture family grew bigger and bigger. In the toilet we added a 2-in-1 washing machine cum dryer (that is not cheap!), a magazine rack, a full-length mirror and an electronic scale with body fat, water and muscle mass analysis. We also got a dish-draining rack and a step-on-the-peddle-and-it-will-open waste basket (what is the proper name for it I wonder) for the kitchen. As for the living room, it is starting to look very good with a mini-running-water-fountain thingamajig, a nest of three coffee tables (very space-saving -- one of the three was later used by Ision's altar), and two laptop supports that put the “lap” back in “laptop” (as the user sits comfortably on the couch). Ision’s Guan Yin shrine is now in the living room and his altar has found a new abode in the bedroom. Of course a nice home cannot do without tea lights and there are many all over the place to add that cherry on the icing of the cake. Building a home together is a long(ish)-term process and over the next few weeks, we will beef up the apartment further with a spice rack for the kitchen, a living room rug and a bold piece of art for the living room wall. We might also get a painting for the bedroom, a living room floor lamp and small potted plants (if there is space for them). The bedroom could possibly house a tower fan too so that we can sleep more comfortably as summer sets in. Only after these additions will I deem our new place more or less complete. It is just too bad we do not have space for a proper dining table (right now the coffee tables will have to do). We have also decided to pass on the $5000+ latex mattress that Ision has long been eyeing on. But that gives us more things to look forward to when we undergo our next dwelling-upgrade, possibly something bought instead of rented. And yes, I will definitely post pictures (or maybe a video clip) of our truly-completed home when the time comes (a house-warming party will probably be thrown in as well). You can always come and visit if you cannot wait till then to see the apartment!
I kind of expected setting up our new home would be exciting but I never expected that anxiety, borderline panic and stress would jumble into such a frenzy right in my face as well. But still a sense of warmth presided over all other feelings because it is OUR home now. Most importantly, it is one dream off my checklist -- does this mean I need a replacement dream now?
We stayed at very good (and reasonably-priced) apartments and hotels while we were on the road and this one even had a jacuzzi.
Sunrise along the Great Ocean Road and we made it in time!
The magnificent Twelve Apostles.
This is my favourite picture of the Twelve Apostles.
Yet another view of the Twelve Apostles.
Being straight for a second, even if it was only Yingying (hehe)!
One of the many great views along the road.
A classic Jetstar Star Jumper pose. I have entered the Jetstar photography competition with this picture. Hope I will win something!
Of course I could not resist a bare-chested photo op, even if the cold was a little much. One of us had to always stand guard by the road to warn the others of incoming traffic! It was fun!
Just exactly how cold it was.
Our desperate attempt to be models...
...Only to break down into our usual fit.
