Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Back to Carriage Works (2)
Here is the second part of my shoot in this superb location. Though some sneaking-through-the-hole-in-the-fence is necessary, the many photographically-interesting spots in the huge area makes it all worthwhile. Enjoy.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Back to Carriage Works (1)
One of the really good locations I have been shot at is Carriage Works in Redern and I know a lot of other people have had their best captured there too. Here is one of those series that I am really happy with–the location, the photographer, the lighting, the editing, everything! I also realise that I have done a lot of shoots recently (4 in Bangkok and 3 in Singapore) and there will be a whole lot of pictures that I will be blogging so let's quickly get the show started with this first one out of three posts of this series.
Monday, May 23, 2011
The right to bare
Do you want people to be honest to you? Do you want to be open to the people who matter to you? If you answered “yes” to both questions and are ready to take action to realise those wants then you are one step closer to being a nudist. Since we also know that hidden agenda, dishonesty and close-mindedness are always perceived as negative, this means that anything that promotes the opposite would be something positive. If you agree with this then you would have taken another step towards naturism.
At this juncture you would be met with your one and only true obstacle on your path to falling in love with being one with nature–body (and self-esteem) issues. Have you wondered why the advice of picturing your speech audience naked became common? When one is naked in the presence of a fully-clothed person, the former is immediately confronted with a sense of insecurity. This puts the clothed person in a superior and more confident position and this is the psychological advantage you have over your naked audience as a public speaker. However if we can move beyond issues of insecurity, then we would all be on equal standing and see eye-to-eye. This is the only condition under which people can interact with total no-holds-barred openness. Of course I understand that we all have the right to choose our beliefs in life but in my opinion to close oneself to the idea of naturism completely and not look into the “why” of it all is not the right thing to do.
I have always thought that every single person on this planet is either a nudist or a closeted nudist, with the latter unfortunately plagued by body issues, which is a problem to most people, even very well-adjusted and secure ones. However the size and root cause of that problem differ between individuals. I used to have serious body issues ever since I hit puberty till about six years ago. I did not like to look at myself in the mirror and would try hard not to walk pass any place that had one. In the stifling heat of Singapore, I would sleep fully-clothed with underwear as I would rather die than let someone see my naked body. I think the insecurity started even before puberty as I was a late-bloomer and always envied other post-pubescent boys. Also I had a typical traditional Asian upbringing when I was made to feel bad about my looks and body–I am still unsure why parents do that despite loving their children–perhaps it is to desexualise our existence to protect us from predators? Needless to say this desexualisation made body issues even worse amongst Asians, especially gay Asians (when gay culture puts body image and aesthetics high up on the ever-unreachable pedestal).
Then one day a gay friend who has progressed much further along the path of self-acceptance gave me a piece of advice that changed my life. He said an abundance of inner beauty is essentially useless if one had no outer beauty because nobody would be attracted enough to want to get to know that inner beauty. At that time, I was still clinging on to my high-horse even though I was face-down in dirt on the ground for I thought it would be too superficial for me to beautify myself just to get a partner (how foolish I was back then). That piece of advice jolted me off the ground and into the gym where I spent the next few years building up the body I have right now. Boy, if you ask me to choose between being an extreme narcissist or an extreme self-hater, I would gladly choose the former (not that I am there yet). Gradually as I got the much-needed affirmation from the gay community because of my body, I grew from a person laden with self-esteem issues to one who actively seeks opportunities to bare all in front of the camera. Pretty drastic isn’t it? But I am darn proud of myself for what I have achieved.
So that was the story of how I overcame my body issues. The point of sharing that is to show that with a mindset-shift, every person in this world can change for the better despite how dire the situation is. To me, the biggest and most “justified” reason against naturism is body issues. The other minor things I can think of that naysayers often have in mind (other than the obvious reason of it being illegal in most countries) when the topic comes up are listed as follows:
1) Sense of shame–this is slightly more entrenched than body issues (though both are related) and often steeped in religious dogma (think Adam and Eve post-Eden).
2) Nudist events are always very sexualised yet that element is always downplayed to gain more support for naturism ie. nudists are hypocrites as well.
3) For people who can only associate nude bodies with sex, taboo regarding all things related to sex becomes a stumbling block.
4) Males tend to worry that they would spot erections when sexual stimuli is in sight.
5) Usually out-of-shape and old people are seen at nudist events, which is unsightly to some.
6) Taboo surrounding nude children in family events.
Now I will provide my thoughts on the above-mentioned points:
1) Though entrenched, this is minor compared to body issues because most countries in this world are secular ie. church being separate from state. This means that religious dogma holds no weight in any argument that concerns laws of countries. You need more than religion to outlaw naturism. And since when did it become right for the word “shame” to be something people wear proudly as a badge? Isn’t “shame” supposed to be a negative trait?
2) I agree that nudist events are often sexualised especially ones organised by gay men. To me, sex is not taboo and is as common a need as eating or drinking. I am against nudists being hypocritical about the sexual element for I think we should embrace it as part and parcel of any event–sex can happen anywhere and straight and gay people alike have it all the time. However I can understand why not promoting the sex part might go down smoother with anti-nudists.
3) For those who cannot dissociate in their minds being nude around other people from actually having sex with them then I think there is something wrong with them, not the nudists. As for sexual taboo, it is their loss because they are the ones having less sex and I daresay worse sex when they DO have sex.
4) Theoretically in mixed-gender events, the etiquette dictates that the aroused male should move away from the opposite sex until said arousal has died down. Well in the gay world this is certainly not a problem because men know that other men think of sex a lot–it is only women who see this as a problem and frankly I do not really care for their sensibilities. You just cannot please everyone in life.
5) To a lot of people, getting rid of all body issues and fully accepting themselves can take a lot of time. This could explain why a lot of younger people are not into naturism because they simply need more time to evolve, which means that there tends to be more older folks present at nudist events. However this should not be an issue because once you have developed to a stage of complete self-acceptance, you would be able to truly accept other people for who they are. This is one of the main reasons why people become nudists and I feel that the world can most certainly do with more acceptance right now.
6) The naked children-taboo is a tricky one and I know that rules have been created to safeguard against child-molestation eg. kids-only places for certain hours of the day. Frankly, this is really not my concern because as parents, you are responsible for your own kids. If they get molested when coming home from school alone, who can the parents blame besides themselves (for a lack of supervision)? So if parents bring their kids to nudist events then they are to be held responsible if anything happens. I do advocate an adult-only world of naturism if it is up to me so that things would be much simpler. And oh, if I already do not care about the sensibilities of women, I would care even less about this child thing (an advantage of having your own blog is that you need not be politically-correct on it).
I have a dear friend back in Singapore who happens to be a nudist. I was tempted initially to say “a nudist friend” but I realise that he is so much more than a nudist–he is a gay activist who is actively promoting gay acceptance, something not a lot of people are doing in Singapore. A lot of people mistake him for being ultra-liberal (as if that is a bad word) and over-sexed as he pushes for nudist rights (including the right to have designated spots for public sex like in Europe) alongside gay rights. But these people are all wrong for they fail to see that once the restraint of clothes gets removed (after the wearer has absolved himself from all body issues), what else can still stand between people, their interaction and their acceptance of one another? Wouldn’t that world be a better place where there is no more racism, homophobia and discrimination of any sort? I don’t know about you but that sounds like a perfect world to me. That is why I wholly understand what my friend is fighting for. More importantly we should all fight for the same thing!
By the way, another proponent of nudist rights in Sydney brought the battle to a whole new (political) level–if you think Singapore is not ready to promote naturism then I am not sure how this guy would fit into that narrow-minded picture. And they would certainly go crazy if they were to ever visit this gym or the French town of Cap d'Agde–I would want to visit that town at least once in my lifetime.
Well on a final note, I would like to re-iterate that I do understand that naturism is not everyone’s cup of tea but so is homosexuality–does it then mean that we should deny them rights or worse still make them criminals? I certainly applaud those responsible for the recent surge in public nudity cases in Singapore. Live and let live–that is how we make the world a better place. If I have even successfully fed you some food for thought with this post then I think I would sleep happy tonight.
Here are two pictures from the nudist events I have previously attended.
Leaving Fort Road Beach in Singapore after a free-and-easy afternoon
River Island Nature Retreat in Mittagong, NSW with my NUDU mates
At this juncture you would be met with your one and only true obstacle on your path to falling in love with being one with nature–body (and self-esteem) issues. Have you wondered why the advice of picturing your speech audience naked became common? When one is naked in the presence of a fully-clothed person, the former is immediately confronted with a sense of insecurity. This puts the clothed person in a superior and more confident position and this is the psychological advantage you have over your naked audience as a public speaker. However if we can move beyond issues of insecurity, then we would all be on equal standing and see eye-to-eye. This is the only condition under which people can interact with total no-holds-barred openness. Of course I understand that we all have the right to choose our beliefs in life but in my opinion to close oneself to the idea of naturism completely and not look into the “why” of it all is not the right thing to do.
I have always thought that every single person on this planet is either a nudist or a closeted nudist, with the latter unfortunately plagued by body issues, which is a problem to most people, even very well-adjusted and secure ones. However the size and root cause of that problem differ between individuals. I used to have serious body issues ever since I hit puberty till about six years ago. I did not like to look at myself in the mirror and would try hard not to walk pass any place that had one. In the stifling heat of Singapore, I would sleep fully-clothed with underwear as I would rather die than let someone see my naked body. I think the insecurity started even before puberty as I was a late-bloomer and always envied other post-pubescent boys. Also I had a typical traditional Asian upbringing when I was made to feel bad about my looks and body–I am still unsure why parents do that despite loving their children–perhaps it is to desexualise our existence to protect us from predators? Needless to say this desexualisation made body issues even worse amongst Asians, especially gay Asians (when gay culture puts body image and aesthetics high up on the ever-unreachable pedestal).
Then one day a gay friend who has progressed much further along the path of self-acceptance gave me a piece of advice that changed my life. He said an abundance of inner beauty is essentially useless if one had no outer beauty because nobody would be attracted enough to want to get to know that inner beauty. At that time, I was still clinging on to my high-horse even though I was face-down in dirt on the ground for I thought it would be too superficial for me to beautify myself just to get a partner (how foolish I was back then). That piece of advice jolted me off the ground and into the gym where I spent the next few years building up the body I have right now. Boy, if you ask me to choose between being an extreme narcissist or an extreme self-hater, I would gladly choose the former (not that I am there yet). Gradually as I got the much-needed affirmation from the gay community because of my body, I grew from a person laden with self-esteem issues to one who actively seeks opportunities to bare all in front of the camera. Pretty drastic isn’t it? But I am darn proud of myself for what I have achieved.
So that was the story of how I overcame my body issues. The point of sharing that is to show that with a mindset-shift, every person in this world can change for the better despite how dire the situation is. To me, the biggest and most “justified” reason against naturism is body issues. The other minor things I can think of that naysayers often have in mind (other than the obvious reason of it being illegal in most countries) when the topic comes up are listed as follows:
1) Sense of shame–this is slightly more entrenched than body issues (though both are related) and often steeped in religious dogma (think Adam and Eve post-Eden).
2) Nudist events are always very sexualised yet that element is always downplayed to gain more support for naturism ie. nudists are hypocrites as well.
3) For people who can only associate nude bodies with sex, taboo regarding all things related to sex becomes a stumbling block.
4) Males tend to worry that they would spot erections when sexual stimuli is in sight.
5) Usually out-of-shape and old people are seen at nudist events, which is unsightly to some.
6) Taboo surrounding nude children in family events.
Now I will provide my thoughts on the above-mentioned points:
1) Though entrenched, this is minor compared to body issues because most countries in this world are secular ie. church being separate from state. This means that religious dogma holds no weight in any argument that concerns laws of countries. You need more than religion to outlaw naturism. And since when did it become right for the word “shame” to be something people wear proudly as a badge? Isn’t “shame” supposed to be a negative trait?
2) I agree that nudist events are often sexualised especially ones organised by gay men. To me, sex is not taboo and is as common a need as eating or drinking. I am against nudists being hypocritical about the sexual element for I think we should embrace it as part and parcel of any event–sex can happen anywhere and straight and gay people alike have it all the time. However I can understand why not promoting the sex part might go down smoother with anti-nudists.
3) For those who cannot dissociate in their minds being nude around other people from actually having sex with them then I think there is something wrong with them, not the nudists. As for sexual taboo, it is their loss because they are the ones having less sex and I daresay worse sex when they DO have sex.
4) Theoretically in mixed-gender events, the etiquette dictates that the aroused male should move away from the opposite sex until said arousal has died down. Well in the gay world this is certainly not a problem because men know that other men think of sex a lot–it is only women who see this as a problem and frankly I do not really care for their sensibilities. You just cannot please everyone in life.
5) To a lot of people, getting rid of all body issues and fully accepting themselves can take a lot of time. This could explain why a lot of younger people are not into naturism because they simply need more time to evolve, which means that there tends to be more older folks present at nudist events. However this should not be an issue because once you have developed to a stage of complete self-acceptance, you would be able to truly accept other people for who they are. This is one of the main reasons why people become nudists and I feel that the world can most certainly do with more acceptance right now.
6) The naked children-taboo is a tricky one and I know that rules have been created to safeguard against child-molestation eg. kids-only places for certain hours of the day. Frankly, this is really not my concern because as parents, you are responsible for your own kids. If they get molested when coming home from school alone, who can the parents blame besides themselves (for a lack of supervision)? So if parents bring their kids to nudist events then they are to be held responsible if anything happens. I do advocate an adult-only world of naturism if it is up to me so that things would be much simpler. And oh, if I already do not care about the sensibilities of women, I would care even less about this child thing (an advantage of having your own blog is that you need not be politically-correct on it).
I have a dear friend back in Singapore who happens to be a nudist. I was tempted initially to say “a nudist friend” but I realise that he is so much more than a nudist–he is a gay activist who is actively promoting gay acceptance, something not a lot of people are doing in Singapore. A lot of people mistake him for being ultra-liberal (as if that is a bad word) and over-sexed as he pushes for nudist rights (including the right to have designated spots for public sex like in Europe) alongside gay rights. But these people are all wrong for they fail to see that once the restraint of clothes gets removed (after the wearer has absolved himself from all body issues), what else can still stand between people, their interaction and their acceptance of one another? Wouldn’t that world be a better place where there is no more racism, homophobia and discrimination of any sort? I don’t know about you but that sounds like a perfect world to me. That is why I wholly understand what my friend is fighting for. More importantly we should all fight for the same thing!
By the way, another proponent of nudist rights in Sydney brought the battle to a whole new (political) level–if you think Singapore is not ready to promote naturism then I am not sure how this guy would fit into that narrow-minded picture. And they would certainly go crazy if they were to ever visit this gym or the French town of Cap d'Agde–I would want to visit that town at least once in my lifetime.
Well on a final note, I would like to re-iterate that I do understand that naturism is not everyone’s cup of tea but so is homosexuality–does it then mean that we should deny them rights or worse still make them criminals? I certainly applaud those responsible for the recent surge in public nudity cases in Singapore. Live and let live–that is how we make the world a better place. If I have even successfully fed you some food for thought with this post then I think I would sleep happy tonight.
Here are two pictures from the nudist events I have previously attended.
Leaving Fort Road Beach in Singapore after a free-and-easy afternoon
River Island Nature Retreat in Mittagong, NSW with my NUDU matesFriday, May 6, 2011
Musical journey (13)
5/6/7.
This is what I use to remember our anniversary date–we kind of got together on 6th May 2007 (ie. 5/6/7 in the American format). I said “kind of” because I was seeing someone else (M) back in Singapore around a month before that and it was not really working out with him. However I could not end it without really trying my best to make it work (that has always been my mantra) and so Ision was hanging on throughout that period, during which I frequently told him about my time with M and its struggles. Ision might deny this but I can clearly recall (and have the emails as evidence) him being really sad that we could not be a couple when I broke the news that I have decided to persevere on with M to him. He even wrote a poem expressing his dejection and overall state of mind during that time. That was the first and last time throughout our relationship that he has ever done that. It seems really incredulous now that I reflect on that whole episode–how upset he must have been at that time to do something that “out of his character”.
Of course that abusive thing with M died (it lasted for a month or so) and I was finally free to commit to Ision sometime around May 2007. There seemed to be a gap of about ten days between the last email indicating M and I were still together and the next email (dated 6th May 2007) clearly showing that Ision and I were a couple. I cannot recollect why there were no emails exchanged during those ten days and so we simply decided that the formal date we got together is 6th May 2007. A quick check of my trusty spreadsheet™ now throws up the formal breakup-with-M date to be 4th May 2007. I guess our anniversary could very well be on that date as I was so ready to move on immediately after that very doomed affair. But since 5/6/7 is so easy to remember, 5/6/7 it shall remain.
When I look back at the origins of us, both Ision and I really took a big risk in opening our hearts based on a long-distance thing. We all know that high risk investments = high returns and I must say in retrospect, I am glad I took that risk. We arranged to meet for the first time in August 2007 when I flew to Sydney. I gave him his half of the set of couple-rings as soon as we met (the rings that we are still wearing today) and the rest is history.
And it has been four years since 5/6/7 and it is time to celebrate our anniversary on this day. I wrote this song for Ision before I left for my vacation as I knew that I would not be with him physically today. He has not heard this song before like the rest of the world and so it is really exciting for me to release this demo here for this special occasion.
Ision, I don’t say this enough but I have grown to love (almost) every part of you down to your grumpiness and idiosyncrasies (amongst other flaws–hehe). When I come home from work, I want to see your face. When I go to bed, I want you to be beside me (so bad). When I am upset (or cold), I want you to cuddle me. When I want attention, I will make a silly noise to get some reaction from you. In fact, all those “wants” have slowly developed to become “needs” which is generally what happens when two people get so accustomed to one another.
Ision: What drugs are you on?
Kim: The drug of raaf.
Ision: BR!
If I am a junkie because of him, it would be an addiction I am happy to keep up. Why you may ask? Because he makes it so easy.
[Easy]
When you're next to me
All I want to do is breathe
Breathe you into me
And that is all I need
The world is strange
The world is cold
I can't face it
It makes me weak
But then you come and sit with me
When all I need is to breathe
Then I close my eyes
All I want to do is feel
Your big arms wrapped around me
How do you make it so easy
So easy
When you say something silly
That only we know what it means
Seeping into me
Love from these simple things
The world demands
The world denies
I don't care
It can't get to me
Without doing a thing
How do you make it so easy
So easy
Baby I know this will last forever baby
I do not use this word lightly
But I am happy
Four years it has been
Four years I've been smiling
Without doing a thing
How do you make it so
Without doing a thing
How do you make it so easy
Bibi, I love you. Happy fourth anniversary. I will be home in your arms soon.
This is what I use to remember our anniversary date–we kind of got together on 6th May 2007 (ie. 5/6/7 in the American format). I said “kind of” because I was seeing someone else (M) back in Singapore around a month before that and it was not really working out with him. However I could not end it without really trying my best to make it work (that has always been my mantra) and so Ision was hanging on throughout that period, during which I frequently told him about my time with M and its struggles. Ision might deny this but I can clearly recall (and have the emails as evidence) him being really sad that we could not be a couple when I broke the news that I have decided to persevere on with M to him. He even wrote a poem expressing his dejection and overall state of mind during that time. That was the first and last time throughout our relationship that he has ever done that. It seems really incredulous now that I reflect on that whole episode–how upset he must have been at that time to do something that “out of his character”.
Of course that abusive thing with M died (it lasted for a month or so) and I was finally free to commit to Ision sometime around May 2007. There seemed to be a gap of about ten days between the last email indicating M and I were still together and the next email (dated 6th May 2007) clearly showing that Ision and I were a couple. I cannot recollect why there were no emails exchanged during those ten days and so we simply decided that the formal date we got together is 6th May 2007. A quick check of my trusty spreadsheet™ now throws up the formal breakup-with-M date to be 4th May 2007. I guess our anniversary could very well be on that date as I was so ready to move on immediately after that very doomed affair. But since 5/6/7 is so easy to remember, 5/6/7 it shall remain.
When I look back at the origins of us, both Ision and I really took a big risk in opening our hearts based on a long-distance thing. We all know that high risk investments = high returns and I must say in retrospect, I am glad I took that risk. We arranged to meet for the first time in August 2007 when I flew to Sydney. I gave him his half of the set of couple-rings as soon as we met (the rings that we are still wearing today) and the rest is history.
And it has been four years since 5/6/7 and it is time to celebrate our anniversary on this day. I wrote this song for Ision before I left for my vacation as I knew that I would not be with him physically today. He has not heard this song before like the rest of the world and so it is really exciting for me to release this demo here for this special occasion.
Ision, I don’t say this enough but I have grown to love (almost) every part of you down to your grumpiness and idiosyncrasies (amongst other flaws–hehe). When I come home from work, I want to see your face. When I go to bed, I want you to be beside me (so bad). When I am upset (or cold), I want you to cuddle me. When I want attention, I will make a silly noise to get some reaction from you. In fact, all those “wants” have slowly developed to become “needs” which is generally what happens when two people get so accustomed to one another.
Ision: What drugs are you on?
Kim: The drug of raaf.
Ision: BR!
If I am a junkie because of him, it would be an addiction I am happy to keep up. Why you may ask? Because he makes it so easy.
[Easy]
When you're next to me
All I want to do is breathe
Breathe you into me
And that is all I need
The world is strange
The world is cold
I can't face it
It makes me weak
But then you come and sit with me
When all I need is to breathe
Then I close my eyes
All I want to do is feel
Your big arms wrapped around me
How do you make it so easy
So easy
When you say something silly
That only we know what it means
Seeping into me
Love from these simple things
The world demands
The world denies
I don't care
It can't get to me
Without doing a thing
How do you make it so easy
So easy
Baby I know this will last forever baby
I do not use this word lightly
But I am happy
Four years it has been
Four years I've been smiling
Without doing a thing
How do you make it so
Without doing a thing
How do you make it so easy
Bibi, I love you. Happy fourth anniversary. I will be home in your arms soon.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Musical journey (12)
Have you ever been in an off-and-on-again relationship? It is hard to be objective when you are knee-deep in this vicious cycle, not to mention stand back to look at the picture. Why do people repeatedly put themselves in harm’s way just to revive something that has reached a dead end?
This month’s musical journey gives us a glimpse of one of those reasons.
[孽缘]
/词 / 曲: 锦泉/
天亮
枕边没有你， 温度下降到零下二十九点
发烫
泪水在脸颊蒸发了一整夜前早已流干啦
天暗
电话旁只有我在盼望听到你轻声说话
彷徨
时间把我冷冷地丢在一旁
受过伤， 能让人长大一点
你说谎， 怎么也不厌倦
团团转， 我像个小孩在绕圈圈
一次又一次地
被你欺， 被你哄， 被你诈， 被你骗
藕断了丝不连
何必浪费时间
去织成完整但又脆弱的感情线
不让往事重演
也许明天会过得好一点
你前世造的孽
要我偿还一切
多少次轮回我们才能不拖不欠
换得一身可怜
原来只需要那一次缠绵
回头草难以下咽
灌下的泪水太咸
到底是什么蒙着我的双眼
不懂爱要怎么戒
喝下的毒怎么解
我不想就这样
过一天算一天
[Fated to Sin]
Dawn breaks
The temperature beside me drops to minus twenty-nine in the bed without you
The tears that have seared my cheeks have long vaporised after flowing for an entire night
Night falls
Beside the phone, I am alone anticipating your whispers
Frantically afraid that time would heartlessly leave me behind
Hurt makes us grow
You never seem to get tired of lying
You spin me around like a little kid
As you repeatedly bully, coax and cheat
There is no point in wasting time and lingering around something that is broken
Just to build a seemingly complete but frail relationship
If I do not allow history to repeat itself
Maybe I can have a better tomorrow
Why do I need to repay the sins you have committed in your past lives
How many cycles of rebirth will it take for us to not owe each other anything anymore
All I want in exchange for all that wretchedness is another night of passion with you
It is too hard to look back and the tears are getting even harder to swallow
Yet I have no idea what is covering both my eyes
How can I quit this love and cure myself of the poison I drink
I refuse to continue living like this from day to day
I am literally about to open the apartment door and head for the airport, officially starting my month-long trip back home. The detailed itinerary has been set and I know I will have a very good break from work (and Australia). I will miss my bibi (very much) though. I will continue blogging whilst overseas so stay tuned for more of me!
This month’s musical journey gives us a glimpse of one of those reasons.
[孽缘]
/词 / 曲: 锦泉/
天亮
枕边没有你， 温度下降到零下二十九点
发烫
泪水在脸颊蒸发了一整夜前早已流干啦
天暗
电话旁只有我在盼望听到你轻声说话
彷徨
时间把我冷冷地丢在一旁
受过伤， 能让人长大一点
你说谎， 怎么也不厌倦
团团转， 我像个小孩在绕圈圈
一次又一次地
被你欺， 被你哄， 被你诈， 被你骗
藕断了丝不连
何必浪费时间
去织成完整但又脆弱的感情线
不让往事重演
也许明天会过得好一点
你前世造的孽
要我偿还一切
多少次轮回我们才能不拖不欠
换得一身可怜
原来只需要那一次缠绵
回头草难以下咽
灌下的泪水太咸
到底是什么蒙着我的双眼
不懂爱要怎么戒
喝下的毒怎么解
我不想就这样
过一天算一天
[Fated to Sin]
Dawn breaks
The temperature beside me drops to minus twenty-nine in the bed without you
The tears that have seared my cheeks have long vaporised after flowing for an entire night
Night falls
Beside the phone, I am alone anticipating your whispers
Frantically afraid that time would heartlessly leave me behind
Hurt makes us grow
You never seem to get tired of lying
You spin me around like a little kid
As you repeatedly bully, coax and cheat
There is no point in wasting time and lingering around something that is broken
Just to build a seemingly complete but frail relationship
If I do not allow history to repeat itself
Maybe I can have a better tomorrow
Why do I need to repay the sins you have committed in your past lives
How many cycles of rebirth will it take for us to not owe each other anything anymore
All I want in exchange for all that wretchedness is another night of passion with you
It is too hard to look back and the tears are getting even harder to swallow
Yet I have no idea what is covering both my eyes
How can I quit this love and cure myself of the poison I drink
I refuse to continue living like this from day to day
I am literally about to open the apartment door and head for the airport, officially starting my month-long trip back home. The detailed itinerary has been set and I know I will have a very good break from work (and Australia). I will miss my bibi (very much) though. I will continue blogging whilst overseas so stay tuned for more of me!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Shrouded
Work has been busy this month and I need to clear a lot of it before I go on my one-month break back to Singapore so this will just be a short post.
Back in February, my picture was showcased in an exhibition called “Shrouded” which featured men with different media shrouding them in various ways. Some were covered in powder and charcoal, some with drapes and netting and I was covered in silver paint from chest up. The shoot only lasted for less than an hour as the photographer knew exactly what he wanted and directed me to a series of fixed poses. Then I was sprayed with water to create a running-paint effect which I thought did not turn out very clearly in the final edits. Still the whole experience was interesting as I have not done something like that before. After the shoot, I kept the silver hair intact for a white party that same night and it looked fabulous.
I went to the opening of the exhibition with a few of my friends and my picture was well-received. The silver paint intrigued some as it was not totally obvious which part of the body was painted. I guess it achieved the intended sense of the “Shrouded” theme.
Here is the entire series with the last photograph being the one featured in the exhibition, along with me posing with that shot at the exhibition. I later realised that the same picture is also on display at a clinic in the Sydney Hospital. Looks like I am really going around!
Back in February, my picture was showcased in an exhibition called “Shrouded” which featured men with different media shrouding them in various ways. Some were covered in powder and charcoal, some with drapes and netting and I was covered in silver paint from chest up. The shoot only lasted for less than an hour as the photographer knew exactly what he wanted and directed me to a series of fixed poses. Then I was sprayed with water to create a running-paint effect which I thought did not turn out very clearly in the final edits. Still the whole experience was interesting as I have not done something like that before. After the shoot, I kept the silver hair intact for a white party that same night and it looked fabulous.
I went to the opening of the exhibition with a few of my friends and my picture was well-received. The silver paint intrigued some as it was not totally obvious which part of the body was painted. I guess it achieved the intended sense of the “Shrouded” theme.
Here is the entire series with the last photograph being the one featured in the exhibition, along with me posing with that shot at the exhibition. I later realised that the same picture is also on display at a clinic in the Sydney Hospital. Looks like I am really going around!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Musical journey (11)
I am sure by now you have all seen the incredibly devastating clips and images from one of Japan's worst natural disasters. My heart goes out to all the people who have lost their loved ones in this tragic event. Here is a song dedicated to those whose lives will forever be changed by this earthquake and tsunami. I know this song is not in the correct language and is just a very raw demo but I still hope it can bring them as well as the brave souls in the rescue missions the fortitude that everyone so sorely needs right now. Look up, tomorrow is not far away.
[Look Up]
The sky is dark and grey and dawn is nowhere in sight
But I can still see the melancholy on your face
You have even forsaken your faith
Although you are still worn down by depression
All you need is to hold on to hope to see the light
The vast devastation evidences the destruction of all your dreams
It changes the direction of your life, annihilating everything
But you need to try to see through the bleakness
Because being alive is in itself a source of strength
Don't forget we are also all here by your side
If you reach out and let us combat this hand-in-hand
Cruel fate will not stand a chance to get in our way
When our will points forward as we step forth to abandon despair
Our strides will get steadier and stronger
Open your eyes and let warmth flood your hearts
Let it instantaneously drive the desolation in the wind away
Our fighting spirit is rousing so that hope can be re-ignited
Because tomorrow is not far away
Just look up
[抬头望]
/词 / 曲: 锦泉/
天色灰暗， 暂时看不到天亮
只看见你满面惆怅， 更忘记了信仰
只要你心中持着希望， 就一定能看见曙光
但这一刻你还是一脸沮丧
一片荒凉， 摧残你所有梦想
改变了生命的方向， 一切都给灭亡
但你要试着看透灰茫， 活着就是一种力量
你别忘了还有我们在你身旁
伸出你双手让我们挽手共对抗
命运无情的安排怎么也不能阻挡
我们意志向着前方， 踏出第一步放弃绝望
而你的步伐会更稳健， 更坚强
张开你双眼让温暖涌进你心房
让它瞬间驱走风中那股淡淡的凄凉
我们斗志亢奋激昂， 为的是让你重燃希望
只因为明天就在不远的地方
抬头望
I think it would be great if someone could help me create the accompaniment for this song (note the key change at the chorus) so that the complete version can be put out there. Let me know if you want to assist me in playing this small part in helping those affected by the natural disaster to recover. Thanks in advance.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Dancing with the (porn) stars
What would you say to a porn star minutes after you have just seen him in action on XTube as he stands right in front of you this very second? That was the thing going through my mind as we waited for the DNA Mardi Gras float co-ordinator to arrive.
As I did not attend the pre-event mixer at Stonewall a few weeks back, I knew I would be a stranger to almost all of the people there and that was why I arrived much earlier to mingle. Fortunately there were quite a few out-of-towners present and I quickly got acquainted with them and started to really soak in the sights around me. A little background for the uninitiated. Just as I was working with DNA on the article, they were gathering a list of “hot guys” to put on the float and I was given one of the invites. As one of the only two Asians (the other guy seemed to be of mixed parentage but nobody likes details right?) on the float, I do feel honoured.
First and foremost, it WAS weird seeing the stars of BelAmi doing normal-people stuff in normal-people clothes amongst normal people (they were fierce smokers though). When pizza arrived, they gorged like their perfect physiques did not depend on what they eat, which is actually correct–you are NOT what you eat if you do it in moderation and do lots of exercise. Just when I felt like taking a picture with the iconic Lukas Ridgeston my camera went berserk and refused to turn on (perfect reason to replace that cheapo model). I am always hesitant to request celebrities for photo-ops because I think it makes you look LC. Of course them being very clique-ish didn’t help either–I wonder if it was because of their celebrity status (seeing how elite and exclusive they are since BelAmi only recruits a certain kind of look/built/endowment) or the language barrier that they did not really interact with the rest of us–a bit of both I guess. I remember an unforgettable BelAmi scene where “innocent” Lukas stumbled into an orgy room and the camera captured his shocked expression with those piercing blue eyes (as well as another when he first bottomed). It is funny how life develops–you never know what will happen in the future and who you will find eating greasy fast food before your eyes.
Porn stars being their normal selves
One notable BelAmi guy on our float was “Kris” (of course they don’t use their real names)–a superbly-perfect (c)hunk-of-god enough to melt straight and gay guys and girls alike down to their knees, someone who was almost painful to look at because he was so heart-stoppingly gorgeous. You couldn’t help but think how your life would turn out if you looked like that. But then again you might be so insecure and doubtful of people’s intentions–whether they like you for who you are or how you look. I am glad I will never have to ask myself that question. With their stage names painted onto their chests and their company name on their backs, you soon realise that this exquisite species of perfectly made-up human beings is nothing more than an object, poised to dazzle and lure you into buying them, not unlike shiny new cars or a sassy new shirt in the display window (as their short shelf-lives continue to wane). When you start looking at them like that, you immediately clip their angel wings and they fall straight down to Earth. Oh, and most of them are just gay-for-pay anyway.
Kris getting "BelAmi Online" painted on his back
The BelAmi videographer that night was Lukas–the star wearing the most layers. He has retired and moved behind the camera (directing online BelAmi clips) and I guess wasn't there to outshine the other younger actors. That being said, this veteran has aged really well and looks much better than when he was just a cherubic piece of teen meat in the market. As the videographer, he did not have much time to rest and were there filming everything (I will keep checking the BelAmi site for the Mardi Gras coverage) including us queuing forever in front of the portaloos waiting to change into our (ill-fitting Aussiebum) official DNA swimwear. I have always thought that Aussiebum swimmers are cut too baggy in front and that was once again affirmed that night. For people who are not in the know, behind this free-for-all spectacle called Mardi Gras, there is a strict set of rules everyone who is part of it must adhere to. For instance, what the participants wear must not show any labels or brand names because that would impact on advertising rights. That was why our swimmers only came with a very small almost-invisible tag. FYI, DNA also provided enhancement tools a.k.a. cock rings but a one-size-fits-all policy did not go well on me–I chucked it away soon after I got it.
Lukas documenting the event all the way.
I now need to search BelAmi Online for the video
The pair of swimmers we got to wear was rather translucent and when they were wet, oh, you could see EVERYTHING, which was what they were meant for (a little more on why later). After changing into our parade attire, we played the waiting game (our float was one of the last few to set off). And then it started to rain intermittently–talk about good timing. The weather was not that warm to begin with and whenthe rain came, it was downright chilly. We had to huddle under the bus shelter for warmth away from the shower–that was when I really saw the diverse groups in unity with a common goal.
All the DNA float hotties. Now where am I...?
To pass the time, a group of us went visiting other floats (one of the highlights of any parade participant). I went social-butterflying with one of the more approachable (and rare) guys who did not put up an air around him that screamed I-am-gay-and-beautiful-so-you-cannot-touch-me. This friendly American (Eric) was bursting with positive energy and if you were there, you would think that he knew every single person at the marshalling area. Did I mention he was scrumptious too? Cute AND humble, now that’s a combination. We had lots of fun–hungry but lots of fun (I did not have a chance to grab dinner). I also saw some familiar faces and it was good–I needed some grounding with all the porn celebrities prancing around me.
The stars of BelAmi–fresh from Xtube to Oxford Street
Finally at about nine, we set off into the screaming spectators lining both sides of the parade route. Our float comprised of four jeeps with a fixed number of porn stars and marchers assigned to each. It was a car-wash theme and that explained the sponges in our hands. Some of us (ie. me) had the unenviable task of carrying each of the two buckets allocated to every jeep which was filled with water (although we were told to take turns carrying them). We were supposed to clean the cars, wet ourselves (hence the sheer costume), sponge down one another and maybe even the porn stars. But things quickly went “downhill” as we started splashing each other with water. To make things worse, the porn stars started throwing plastic bags of water from their jeeps at us, soaking us completely from head to toe. In the already-cool night with a steady breeze, the water dropped the temperature a few more degrees and I was literally shivering. At one point in time, one of the porn stars “Luke” overturned a full bucket on top of me and then we high-fived each other a few seconds after. It was all great (frigid) fun and sure enough, we ran out of water a fifth into the march (we also started flinging water onto the crowd–they didn’t seem to get enough of the liquid coming from us). I think we all achieved the intention of the float organiser (though no one “dared” to really get down and dirty with the porn stars–perhaps we were all too conscious that we were mere mortals).
Getting ready, sponges in hand
Starting off on our water-play session (me being visible for once)
The whole march lasted for about an hour (the wait was much longer) and somehow it felt much shorter than my first march with ACON two years ago. It was also a great shame the DNA float had no lighting and music of its own otherwise it would have been much hotter and sexier, not to mention a whole lot more fun. Thoroughly drenched with my socks drowning in my runners and extremely famished, we made our way back to Oxford Street where I had my usual post-parade kebab. As nourishment slowly permeated my body rebuilding my shield against the nippy air, I noticed the also-usual post-parade carnage–rubbish piled up to the knees. Talking about rubbish, strangely I did not see as many ferals as compared to previous years. That being said, I think there were also fewer spectators. Perhaps adding the word “New” to Mardi Gras was not enough to revive it and this whole institution is indeed getting old, tired and redundant. Before I start an analysis on the history and future of Mardi Gras and its impact on the gay community, let me just end the post here and share some more of the brilliant pictures taken by the float’s official photographer.
Porn stars up close and personal
Hunky advertisements
Another arresting shot of Kris
Taylor Square–the most important part of the route
The shot I like best
As I saw revellers gearing up for the after-party, I felt really lucky to not be the partying sort (in fact I have grown from not enjoying circuit parties to slightly disliking them). I would much rather cuddle my bibi in bed, which was what I did when I got home straight after the parade. Boy do I miss that warm body.
As I did not attend the pre-event mixer at Stonewall a few weeks back, I knew I would be a stranger to almost all of the people there and that was why I arrived much earlier to mingle. Fortunately there were quite a few out-of-towners present and I quickly got acquainted with them and started to really soak in the sights around me. A little background for the uninitiated. Just as I was working with DNA on the article, they were gathering a list of “hot guys” to put on the float and I was given one of the invites. As one of the only two Asians (the other guy seemed to be of mixed parentage but nobody likes details right?) on the float, I do feel honoured.
First and foremost, it WAS weird seeing the stars of BelAmi doing normal-people stuff in normal-people clothes amongst normal people (they were fierce smokers though). When pizza arrived, they gorged like their perfect physiques did not depend on what they eat, which is actually correct–you are NOT what you eat if you do it in moderation and do lots of exercise. Just when I felt like taking a picture with the iconic Lukas Ridgeston my camera went berserk and refused to turn on (perfect reason to replace that cheapo model). I am always hesitant to request celebrities for photo-ops because I think it makes you look LC. Of course them being very clique-ish didn’t help either–I wonder if it was because of their celebrity status (seeing how elite and exclusive they are since BelAmi only recruits a certain kind of look/built/endowment) or the language barrier that they did not really interact with the rest of us–a bit of both I guess. I remember an unforgettable BelAmi scene where “innocent” Lukas stumbled into an orgy room and the camera captured his shocked expression with those piercing blue eyes (as well as another when he first bottomed). It is funny how life develops–you never know what will happen in the future and who you will find eating greasy fast food before your eyes.
Porn stars being their normal selvesOne notable BelAmi guy on our float was “Kris” (of course they don’t use their real names)–a superbly-perfect (c)hunk-of-god enough to melt straight and gay guys and girls alike down to their knees, someone who was almost painful to look at because he was so heart-stoppingly gorgeous. You couldn’t help but think how your life would turn out if you looked like that. But then again you might be so insecure and doubtful of people’s intentions–whether they like you for who you are or how you look. I am glad I will never have to ask myself that question. With their stage names painted onto their chests and their company name on their backs, you soon realise that this exquisite species of perfectly made-up human beings is nothing more than an object, poised to dazzle and lure you into buying them, not unlike shiny new cars or a sassy new shirt in the display window (as their short shelf-lives continue to wane). When you start looking at them like that, you immediately clip their angel wings and they fall straight down to Earth. Oh, and most of them are just gay-for-pay anyway.
Kris getting "BelAmi Online" painted on his backThe BelAmi videographer that night was Lukas–the star wearing the most layers. He has retired and moved behind the camera (directing online BelAmi clips) and I guess wasn't there to outshine the other younger actors. That being said, this veteran has aged really well and looks much better than when he was just a cherubic piece of teen meat in the market. As the videographer, he did not have much time to rest and were there filming everything (I will keep checking the BelAmi site for the Mardi Gras coverage) including us queuing forever in front of the portaloos waiting to change into our (ill-fitting Aussiebum) official DNA swimwear. I have always thought that Aussiebum swimmers are cut too baggy in front and that was once again affirmed that night. For people who are not in the know, behind this free-for-all spectacle called Mardi Gras, there is a strict set of rules everyone who is part of it must adhere to. For instance, what the participants wear must not show any labels or brand names because that would impact on advertising rights. That was why our swimmers only came with a very small almost-invisible tag. FYI, DNA also provided enhancement tools a.k.a. cock rings but a one-size-fits-all policy did not go well on me–I chucked it away soon after I got it.
Lukas documenting the event all the way.I now need to search BelAmi Online for the video
The pair of swimmers we got to wear was rather translucent and when they were wet, oh, you could see EVERYTHING, which was what they were meant for (a little more on why later). After changing into our parade attire, we played the waiting game (our float was one of the last few to set off). And then it started to rain intermittently–talk about good timing. The weather was not that warm to begin with and whenthe rain came, it was downright chilly. We had to huddle under the bus shelter for warmth away from the shower–that was when I really saw the diverse groups in unity with a common goal.
All the DNA float hotties. Now where am I...?To pass the time, a group of us went visiting other floats (one of the highlights of any parade participant). I went social-butterflying with one of the more approachable (and rare) guys who did not put up an air around him that screamed I-am-gay-and-beautiful-so-you-cannot-touch-me. This friendly American (Eric) was bursting with positive energy and if you were there, you would think that he knew every single person at the marshalling area. Did I mention he was scrumptious too? Cute AND humble, now that’s a combination. We had lots of fun–hungry but lots of fun (I did not have a chance to grab dinner). I also saw some familiar faces and it was good–I needed some grounding with all the porn celebrities prancing around me.
The stars of BelAmi–fresh from Xtube to Oxford StreetFinally at about nine, we set off into the screaming spectators lining both sides of the parade route. Our float comprised of four jeeps with a fixed number of porn stars and marchers assigned to each. It was a car-wash theme and that explained the sponges in our hands. Some of us (ie. me) had the unenviable task of carrying each of the two buckets allocated to every jeep which was filled with water (although we were told to take turns carrying them). We were supposed to clean the cars, wet ourselves (hence the sheer costume), sponge down one another and maybe even the porn stars. But things quickly went “downhill” as we started splashing each other with water. To make things worse, the porn stars started throwing plastic bags of water from their jeeps at us, soaking us completely from head to toe. In the already-cool night with a steady breeze, the water dropped the temperature a few more degrees and I was literally shivering. At one point in time, one of the porn stars “Luke” overturned a full bucket on top of me and then we high-fived each other a few seconds after. It was all great (frigid) fun and sure enough, we ran out of water a fifth into the march (we also started flinging water onto the crowd–they didn’t seem to get enough of the liquid coming from us). I think we all achieved the intention of the float organiser (though no one “dared” to really get down and dirty with the porn stars–perhaps we were all too conscious that we were mere mortals).
Getting ready, sponges in hand
Starting off on our water-play session (me being visible for once)The whole march lasted for about an hour (the wait was much longer) and somehow it felt much shorter than my first march with ACON two years ago. It was also a great shame the DNA float had no lighting and music of its own otherwise it would have been much hotter and sexier, not to mention a whole lot more fun. Thoroughly drenched with my socks drowning in my runners and extremely famished, we made our way back to Oxford Street where I had my usual post-parade kebab. As nourishment slowly permeated my body rebuilding my shield against the nippy air, I noticed the also-usual post-parade carnage–rubbish piled up to the knees. Talking about rubbish, strangely I did not see as many ferals as compared to previous years. That being said, I think there were also fewer spectators. Perhaps adding the word “New” to Mardi Gras was not enough to revive it and this whole institution is indeed getting old, tired and redundant. Before I start an analysis on the history and future of Mardi Gras and its impact on the gay community, let me just end the post here and share some more of the brilliant pictures taken by the float’s official photographer.
Porn stars up close and personal
Hunky advertisements
Another arresting shot of Kris
Taylor Square–the most important part of the route
The shot I like bestAs I saw revellers gearing up for the after-party, I felt really lucky to not be the partying sort (in fact I have grown from not enjoying circuit parties to slightly disliking them). I would much rather cuddle my bibi in bed, which was what I did when I got home straight after the parade. Boy do I miss that warm body.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The article (DNA)
Just a quick post to share with you guys the article in the current issue of DNA magazine that has my story and pictures. The Mardi Gras parade is just around the corner and I will definitely be taking pictures of me soaping up BelAmi porn stars on the DNA float! Stay tuned!
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