I have always thought that water and all its fluidity when captured in the right light using the right subject can really bring out the art in photography. Alas throughout my modelling career, I have done very little of this genre. I have had shoots by the sea and in the shower/bathtub but that is about it—there is nothing really big that stands out. That being said, I see this as a positive challenge, one that I require myself to be put in as many different artistic media as possible. Put in a rather cliche way, I sometimes see myself as a blank piece of canvas and a empty score sheet, waiting for the perfect touch and inspiration to fill in the details to transform something from unassuming to breathtaking. This is one of the reasons why I continue writing songs, performing and doing photo shoots.
Over the years, I have collected quite a few water-related pictures that I really wish one day I can do (ie. not only do but to do it as outstandingly as what you see in those pictures). In this post, I shall share with you a selection of these awesome shots in the hope that they would pique the interest of some good photographers willing to grant me my wish. Like I have said in an earlier post, nice spring weather is kicking in and it is high time I start getting another shoot together (I need to lose just a teeny bit of winter fat first). So the next thing to do is to get off my bum, hit the gym and then send out some casting calls!
L: I have used this pose of the shielding-hand, it is quite good
R: One of my dream shots (full-frontal is not the key)
L: The blueness is what I like (all comes down to editing)
R: I have done clear water but not milk (much sexier, don't you think?)
T: I almost had a chance to do this during the A-men shoot
B: Can I pull this off without being this cut?
L: A very DNA-esque shot (good translucent underwear is important)
R: Perfect lighting is the hardest thing to achieve here
L: This shot isn't too hard but it would require many takes
R: I need to do an entire series just like this
T: As an avid gym-goer, I'm surprised I've not done a gym-shoot before
B: Another dream shot of mine
L: I like how clever the placement of the falling water is
R: Couple-shoots in the shower and bedroom are always going to be fun
L: The water drapes over the subject like satin—just perfect
R: Dream shoot location alert! Natural waterfall!
L: First you need a private pool, then very good timing
R: I can totally imagine how free I'd feel if I were in that shot right now
So now after knowing what my photo shoot-equivalent of a porn fantasy is, which ones do you think I should aim to do next?
As you may already know, I am searching for an instrumentalist to busk with and I think I might have found the ideal one. We have not had the chance to jam yet but I have a really good feeling about him. The first thing that sets him apart from the others is that he is gay which means that we will be able to get onto the right frequency very quickly, both personally and musically. A worthy point to note is that we did not get in contact via the ads I have placed on Gumtree or Craigslist asking for musicians to busk with but via a gay social/dating app by coincidence. Hence I cannot help but feel that we are truly destined to find each other in both our musical journeys. Alas he lives quite a fair bit of distance from the city which will make practice sessions quite painful for me.
The other thing that makes me feel good about him is that he already has the busking application forms ready and is familiar with the whole application procedure. This means that he is genuinely serious about wanting to busk which is really the key. There is a big difference between someone who is passionate about music and someone who is passionate about music AND performing, and I am searching for the latter. So wish me luck as I continue my quest of holding my first busking session in Melbourne. As work is getting really busy these days (which has caused me to postpone jamming sessions with another musician, the one I wrote about in my previous post), I hope I will have enough motivation and perseverance to see this through and not let it slip into the pile of forgotten dreams, like some of my other endeavours.
Now that you have been updated with the latest happenings in my musical life, it is time for me to show off a little of my singing prowess. People who have been to karaoke sessions with me know that I have never invited people to partner with me in duets as I always make it a point to sing both parts, regardless of gender. I must admit my ability to traverse between the musical ranges of both sexes does impress people quite easily even though having been equipped with that skill for so long, I do not think very highly of it. In this month's karaoke-clip musical journey, you will hear my rendition of a duet by two very powerful female singers (and gay icons) Barbra Streisand and Celine Dion. It is one of my favourite songs called "Tell Him". Do tell me what you think after listening to my very (but hopefully not overly) emotional take on it.
Now that winter is taking its last breaths when it is more bearable being naked in the open, I hope I can do a shoot in the iconic Melbourne laneways, which is something I wanted to do ever since I stepped foot in this city. Even though I know it is tricky, a night shoot would be great as it will really capture the grungy essence. I will be sending casting calls on Model Mayhem soon asking for willing photographers to help me in that endeavour. By the way this is the site so many of you have asked me about regarding where I usually find my shoot opportunities. It is a great site for hobbyists like me to get the chance to work with great photographers. I originally wanted to join a model agency when I first came to Melbourne but quickly gave that idea up when I realised I lack the perseverance (and the goods) to become a semi-professional model. Thankfully sites like Model Mayhem and Modelrific exist to keep my modelling needs satiated and I don't have to go through the stress and anxiety of constant rejection in the real and cruel world of modelling.
Also, I have been seriously considering resuscitating The Nude Singer by recreating the Facebook page and adding back those people who 'liked' the site now that it has been close to two years since it died. It is no doubt going to involve some work maintaining that online image and popularity but to be shamelessly honest, I miss the never-ending adulation and attention I got from being The Nude Singer (which lived for only three months). That is certainly the best confidence-boost out there that is free of charge and so easily attainable. I will continue sleeping on that idea and see if the desire to rekindle the site grows. The idea of starting an Instagram account has also surfaced of late... All in good time I guess. While you indulge my indecision, hot on the heels of the first part of my latest series shot in the Brisbane CBD, I shall share with you the rest of the shoot (the first picture below has been featured in July's Out in Thailand magazine). Tuck in!
As promised in my post last month when I was featured in Out in Thailand with my first-ever cover story, here is part one of my latest series shot in Brisbane that landed me the magazine's cover. The (professional) photographer was a straight (most importantly cute!) Iranian guy who specialises in weddings. He wanted to do something different and something that shouted Brisbane (a tall task in a boring city). I got quite distracted by his good looks when he first arrived without knowing his sexuality. As the night progressed and as I warmed up to him (the initial phase of a shoot where both parties try to find mutual chemistry is the hardest), I started to really enjoy myself because of how easy-going he was.
We began at a location that both displayed the Story Bridge prominently and was nice and quiet (as it was unknown to a lot of people—not that I would baulk an audience, hehe). We tried shots by the sea, under a platform, in the water, on a tree, by a little rowing boat and on a pedestal (that last one got to become the magazine cover). Then we moved on to another location that would again have the Story Bridge as the main character in the (erm...) story. We deliberately started just before dusk so we could capture both light and dark. When it became darker, we went to other more interesting spots including a dark alley, a church and the middle of a busy road. It was really fun posing right in traffic as cars from both sides kept honking (both out of annoyance and encouragement) whilst I had to stay still to achieve the desired long-exposure effect (one day I will realise my dream of doing it in the nude but for now this will do). Another notable experience was posing stark naked in front of a church (too bad it was locked...). Although I was a little disappointed the photographer did not send me any of the church full-frontals, I was still glad to receive some really nice shots.
In this series, I tried my hands at editing on a more serious level and came up with so many permutations that it was difficult to select which ones to post. I am still sharpening my editing skills as we speak and though an extremely laborious process, I am willing to continue polishing my techniques. Interspersed within the series are some of the photographer's edits and as he does mostly weddings, his editing is of a "grander" style whereas I prefer a more grungy feel—try to see if you can differentiate between us two. He told me that he had plans to put my picture in his shopfront which is something that I doubt but wouldn't it be super cool to accidentally bump into your blown-up shot as you cross the road? I wonder when my next Brisbane trip is...
So without further ado, I present part one of my latest series "Shot in Brisbane" and I will come back to satiate your appetites next week with part two. Enjoy the first course!
Oh, one more thing. I just found out yesterday that three of my full-frontals (hard) pictures from the other Brisbane shoot that I did have just been published in an online magazine that features only uber-hot naked guys and nothing else. By the way, I am one of two Asian models featured in the 200+ ad-free/clothing-free summer issue—super proud of myself and the photographer! The free censored version can be viewed online but you would have to give your credit card a mini workout if you want to see everything (nah, it is not that expensive). In my opinion, it is well worth it but who am I to sing my own praises?
Last weekend I just had my first jamming session in Melbourne where a song was born at the end of the one-and-a-half-hour composing session. It was really a test of the song-writing skills I have picked up all these years (I started composing 17 years ago when I was 17. Gosh, am I old or what). I am so glad I came out of the test victorious and feeling good (it sure did feel like my jamming buddy whom I met for the first time was putting my skills to the test to see if I am good enough to front the punk rock band that he is trying to establish). It has been a while since I felt such raw creative vigour and I am sure this is the start of something special. The song we wrote will be polished further and posted here in the upcoming months. I am a perfectionist and so I will never post something that I am not totally happy with or something that I intend to continue working on.
So while waiting for this new song, let me share one that was written a while back. It is about me knowing that one day Ision and I would be living together for real (I know "not another whingey song about painful long distance relationships" must be the track running in your minds right now...). Even though all these songs were penned out of true personal stories, somehow I feel that this song is different from the rest. Perhaps it is the powerful words or perhaps it is their simplicity that make it stand out (plus I always give my songs bonus points when there is a key change). In any case, this is one of my favourites and I hope it will become one of yours too.
[One Day]
When space is as solid as a wall
When time stays the same spring to fall
When the ocean between us stands so tall
I can only dream, that is all
When two hearts have opened both their doors
When two minds have each other to explore
When two lives get intertwined at their cores
I don't want to dream anymore
One day the sun will rise above
To shine a light for our love to burn
One day the miles will fade away
So I can see your face every morning when I wake
I will find you and I a way
One day
When two hearts have opened both their doors
When two minds have each other to explore
When two lives get intertwined at their cores
I don't want to dream anymore
One day without a shadow of doubt
I'll be your lover, you'll show me how
One day together we will be
When I can lean on you can always count on me
To find you and I a way
One day when the fog clears I'll be ready
I've been waiting right here all along
One day the sun will rise above
To shine a light for our love to burn
One day the miles will fade away
So I can see your face every morning when I wake
I will find you and I a way
One day without a shadow of doubt
I'll be your lover, you'll show me how
One day together we will be
When I can lean on you can always count on me
To find you and I a way
Whenever I am travelling in Thailand, I always find a particular magazine extremely useful as it has city maps with the locations of all the gay venues nicely marked up. Little do I know that one day I will be on it, and on the cover no less.
It all started when the magazine's editor discovered my pictures (that was a while ago and so I have forgotten how exactly did that happen). We then talked over the phone and he told me he was interested to put me on the cover. I got very excited but nothing happened for many months and I slowly gave up anticipating for it. Then one day in May, he suddenly sent me the interview questions and asked for a sample of my pictures that I would like to be considered for the cover and story. I answered the questions in as detailed and witty a manner and emailed him all of my pictures making sure that each photographer's name went along with the correct shot so they can be properly credited.
This is a small magazine (extremely handy to gay tourists nonetheless) without a huge budget so I do not expect to get paid for this (which should not be the case for major publications). To me, the chance to be the cover model of a magazine is enough reward for me. This cover preserves my beauty in its peak form and is something that lasts forever (or at least over my lifetime).
Two days ago the magazine finally went online and I quickly downloaded it into my phone (get your copy here and view the online article here). I did not read it straightaway as I wanted to relish it slowly. Although a huge part of the my interview answers were not used (the large font used in the article had a lot to do with it), the positive tone of the piece was really good—good enough to ignore the fact that a picture was wrongly credited. My sincere apologies to the photographer who took that stunning Bangkok picture in front of Siam Paragon. By the way the ad that took up half of the last page is pretty irksome as well. Also, I hope I get the hard copy I just requested from the editor, otherwise I would have to ask my biggest fan from Fridae living in Bangkok to send it to me.
The reason for keeping the name of the magazine a secret for quite some time was so that when it is finally revealed, the feeling will be all fresh and new. The picture they selected for the cover was from my most recent shoot—the one in which the photographer wanted to capture the essence of Brisbane (not an easy task seeing how bland the city is). Although I wish that another picture from the series were featured (the one on page 13), the one that was chosen in the end was still gorgeously-done. I will post the rest of the series soon (I am still waiting for the photographer to send over some more pictures from that shoot) but in the mean time enjoy these pages extracted from the magazine and give me your frankest opinion on this first in my life!
As a person who loves to sing, I really don't do enough KTV-style karaoke. I very much prefer open mic nights as I love an audience and want desperately to share my passion for performing with as many people as possible, which explains the existence of my blog and YouTube channel.
Recently I placed Gumtree and Craigslist ads (my second attempt) asking for busking buddies and I received two encouraging replies—one from a young classical pianist who also plays pop and is willing to be my instrumentalist and another who wants me to front a pop punk rock band (a la Jimmy Eat World), which I gladly accepted (I know this is so not my genre but I think I am versatile enough as a performer to switch—and who would pass off a chance to front a band?!).
Unfortunately I can only start busking when the pianist can afford the keyboard that he wants (around Christmas time when the sales come on). Also one of the guitarists and the keyboardist from the yet-to-be-established band decided to pull out. Sigh. The road of a performer is often fraught with obstacles and this again affirms my decision not to get into music full-time and give up my sort of "lucrative" chemical engineering profession. That does not mean that I will go soft on my endeavour to reduce the damage a job I have zero passion for can do to my well-being. So onwards I plod in my pursuit at becoming a legitimate singer and song-writer.
Back to the topic of karaoke, I mainly go there to sing to an impressionable audience (of less than five people most of the time) and also to try out new songs that I have learnt. Lately I discovered another reason—to record my singing and post it here and so this month's musical journey will feature the first of such videos. This is a cover of a song titled "醉赤壁" by a Singaporean singer called JJ 林俊傑. I hope you will enjoy this rendition (pardon the mid-song interruption when a friend entered the room).
Now that I have returned from Brisbane and back in the stressful Melbourne office, I am back in this rut cycle of a crazily speedy blur of a week and a slump-on-the-couch vegetative weekend. As a result this lazy post shall simply be a collection of Facebook updates during my three-month stint in Brisbane. However very exciting things are going to happen next month—I will be published in a magazine in Thailand which I will be the cover story (available free in hard copies and online) as well as in an online magazine based in the UK (available free for the uncensored version but you'd have to pay for the full version). I have seen the preview of the former so I know that is in the bag but the latter might still be a maybe so we shall see (pretty certain that it will go ahead though). In any case, I think I am doing quite well as a geeky chemical engineer to be able to get published on an ongoing basis as a "model" who does it only as a hobby (previous articles here, here and here).
So in July watch out for these firsts in my life—being published twice in a month, being a cover model and being full-frontally exhibited in a magazine packed with a whole lot of other really hot guys for the world to see. In the meantime, let these chronological Facebook updates offer you a little insight into my life in Brisbane.
"Brisbane is too hot and these few days are supposed to be unusually cool! Apartment is too big for myself (and has no Internet!). Work is OK so far but my lead is yet another aggressive b****. Already scolded by her a few times and I have not even started for 3 days. Consolation: lots of ogling hot muscled guys. Much more than Melbourne and I daresay even more (and of a better breed) than Sydney." "And I miss my boo so much..."
"It's back to work tomorrow and my first actual weights session in Brisbane before that. Should I be there when the gym opens at 5.30am?"
"Just finished my first Body Attack with less than 5 people before the last track. Are Brisbanites not into such things?"
"For a little Brisbane update plus my new musical post, hop on down to my blog now!"
"Back in Melbourne. Clean crisp weather, I missed you so...."
"Happy Mardi Gras to all my Sydney friends!"
"The weather in Brisbane is so sucky right now. Glad I am back in Melbourne this weekend. Too bad that sucky weather will still be there to greet me at the Brisbane airport on Monday night."
"Birthday celebrations for Ision Ensor (aka boo) starting in 30 minutes. A buffet place that I always wanted to try followed by "Journey to the West" movie. Then at midnight it's presents time! Boo is going to like his pressie!!!"
"Tick tick tick... Ision Ensor's birthday drawing close. Birthday present to be given in one minute's time!"
"A Victorian going to work on a business trip-arrangement to Queensland. Does he, a Victorian employee get to have the Victorian Labour Day off on 11 March whilst in the Queensland office? Enlighten me." "It is back to an Internet-less apartment in a few hours. I will be back over Easter. Boo... I will miss you so much..."
"Shooting gun man in Brisbane CBD at a location that I frequent. And that area is so heavily patrolled by police even. Scary!!!"
"Left my phone in a cab last night. I am trying to see if I can find it this morning but I will be out of contact in the meantime. Worst case scenario = I will lose all my contacts. Blessing in disguise = I can finally switch to a new phone."
"Finally have proper undisturbed Internet access to be on Facebook and also make my newest blog post! Check out my newest musical offering about a doomed relationship that one refuses to end because of how great the sex is."
"(Shared link) I have decided on my next phone. Even though the tablet doesn't have its own engine and is powered only by the phone, I am still going to get this when it is released, hopefully soon."
"Gold Coast day trip tomorrow. Uber hot beach boys here I come!"
"Freakish stormy weather in the city right now. Well, so much for good weather in Brisbane." Melbourne, I am coming home for Easter."
"Thank goodness booboo is off work today. We really need some together-time today!!!"
"Is Australian a Christian country? Why are Christian messages allowed on national TV on Easter? Is this just a case of 'majority wins' in this state-and-church segregated nation?"
"It is so sickening not to be able to share pictures on the go without a smart phone!!!"
"Saw a Mesarati car ad selling the fact that its top speed is 289km/h. For goodness sake, where on earth on normal traffic roads is one allowed to travel at that speed?"
"You know the preview pic I posted earlier from my first-ever Brisbane shoot? It seems that the series is going to get published in July! YAY! Which means that I cannot post any more from that series till then. By the way, I am in the process of putting another shoot together in Brissy before my work wraps up there. Watch this space!"
"Getting re-acquainted with Xbox-gaming with 'The Witcher 2' right now. Gotta finish this before the 3rd installment comes out."
"As the debate on gay equality heats up again, here is an excerpt of how I felt about this back in 2004. Looks like nothing much has changed."
"Tick tock tick tock... A little more than hour more before I say goodbye to my boo..."
"(Shared picture) My Melbourne photo shoot on the day before my Brisbane assignment. This is one of the few G-rated previews that I can post on Facebook without any censorship. Haha. That shoot was hot!!!"
"Fortitude Valley is the place to be in Brisbane. Out of this suburb, this city is dead at night. Absolutely dead."
"(Shared link) When I saw a huge jump in blog hits, I realised it was from this website. It had a little blurb about me: 'I’m not sure if I’m in favor of an articulate male model. Articulated physically, sure. Having a brain, not so much. Chemical Engineer, Singer/Song-Writer, Model, and Blogger [he] manages to straddle the line with equal doses of his thoughts, his tales of moving from Singapore to Australia, and photos of his buffed body'. Aw.... how nice."
"Looks like an extension in Brisbane is imminent..." "Wondering which photo shoot series I am going to post on my blog tomorrow..."
"Here's a new series before I depart for Brisbane yet again. A rare all-smiling series by Rod Sydney. Check it out!"
"Can someone tell me if a joining fee for an airline's frequent flyer program is a standard thing? This is the first time I have heard of such a thing (for Qantas) as all the programs I have joined previously are free. Such a rip-off if you need to pay to join!"
"Goodbye Melbourne. Tempted to say 'Goodbye Melbourne one last time' but I have a feeling that might not be true. I will miss you boo...."
"Brisbane extension to 17 May finally confirmed. Looks like I might be able to squeeze in one more photo shoot! We shall see."
"One more Anzac Day news report and I am going to flip...."
"Heading to the driving range now. I am going to cause a club to hit a ball so that it lands in a distance for the first time."
"Back in Melbourne for the weekend. My last short trip back before another 3 weeks in Brisbane after which my stint in Queensland officially ends. Iron Man 3 with boo tonight and Indonesian Street Festival at Queen Victoria Market tomorrow."
"(Shared MTV) A new song from my favourite singer Faye Wong. Her voice is still as enchanting as ever."
"Anyone knows when Padfone Infinity is going to be released in Asia outside of Taiwan? Or Australia for that matter?"
"Another departure... but this will be the last one, at least for some time. Before I go, here's this month's musical journey. If you like theme songs of corporate events, you are in for a treat."
"I recently heard from someone that it is very likely that Julia Gillard is lesbian and her relationship with the hairdresser is a cover-up. Has anyone heard of this theory before? This does make sense seeing what internalised homophobia can do to a person."
"Perfect weather forecast for this weekend! What shall I do with it? Thursday is my favourite day of the week because it is when anticipation for the weekend peaks."
"Boo, I feel so close to you right now even though we are so far away. Can't live without you very much longer. Happy 6th anniversary Ision Ensor! Here's to many many many more."
"Can someone tell me the release dates in various countries for the Padfone Infinity? And anyone has a picture of it in Champagne Gold?"
"Last full weekend in Brisbane. Must make the best out of it!"
"Last full working day in Brisbane. Come tomorrow, it will only be hand-over, desk-cleanup and project-demobilisation and then I will be out the door and on the plane back to my boo." "....'cos I am leaving on a jet plane... don't know if I'll be back again..."
About a fortnight ago, I posted on Facebook telling my friends that I have written one of my most sexually-explicit song ever. And in this month's musical journey, you will get to experience it. As you know I was in Brisbane for three months and the nights during the week did get very boring. To pass the time, I decided to embark on the journey of writing this song. It started pretty well in the non-sexual phase of the plot but it soon dawned on me that it was not going to be easy writing the rest. Firstly it is an up-tempo song with lots of words in a short span of time so there needs to be a lot of content. Secondly and perhaps the most difficult thing was to write about a raw sexual encounter using the Chinese language, one that is lyrical and poetic. You see, English is a much more direct and I daresay a more crude language especially when it comes to pop lyrics. If I were to write in English, I could use rather unpolished words and still make the song sound quite OK. But you cannot do that in Chinese, or at least easily. So with the tall task of writing a subtle yet extremely explicit song about public sex, or more specifically a gay threesome in a dark alley, I soldiered on. As there are a lot of words in this song, I had to break the writing process up and only finish it when I got back to Melbourne. The words also tell a complete story (like a lot of my other works), one that is all too common in the gay clubbing and cruising scene (and based on one of my fantasies—swap "dark alley" with "bush behind a nude beach" and it becomes a true personal story, hehe). The often tongue-twisting words also made the song quite a challenge to record and many takes had to be done. And then it came to the clip that I should use for the song. That itself was a mental tussle. Should I use sexually-explicit footage that befits the song but risk turning off most of my straighter audience or a more neutral one capable of reaching out to most people but compromise what I really want to do? I ended up walking down the latter path and chose a montage of gay dance parties.
As you can see, every composition I post takes me through a journey (and hence the title of these posts). From conceptualising the bit of inspiration that strikes you and turning it into something full and substantial with words and tune to recording it to achieve the ideal that you want and producing a musical clip that must not only further the genre but also allow people to identify with, it is indeed a journey. And with every piece, I also hope that my audience can go through their own journey and allow themselves to be led somewhere both thought-provoking and fun.
Three millimeters apart and I can't breathe
Please don't keep resisting gravity
And fall straight into my arms
Don't worry, your naughty little secret will be safe with me
Let's just do it in this dark alley, no worries at all
Quick, come closer and let me in
So I can take you to the highest realm
In this second I guarantee that
You will never forget this intimacy
With me in your mouth and you in my hand
I can't take it much longer, the way you gyrate that hot body
Who's there, watching secretly
Panting, gaze affixed and still
I see that you are looking at me down there while fondling yourself
I want you to feel good
Even closer, two bodies
Edging towards the climax of this play of three characters
"Cut"! Let's take a breather
I don't want this show to reach its ending so soon
In this second I want to feel you
And press against you and your singlet wet with perspiration
With me in your hand and you in my mouth
Listening to our screams in this silent night
Animal instinct in its naked glory gnawing at my heart
Don't stop
No words are needed when you use your body to command
You take your top off as you let yourself get high
Look at you, standing there, so lonely
Come, I want you right here
Don't hesitate, just get on your knees 'cos I know you want me
Eyes shut tightly and flooded with ecstasy
Bodies changing positions, that's what makes it fun
Why do we need to suppress our natural reflexes
Just let this primeval wildness flow freely in your blood
In this second cast all your thoughts aside
Your sole mission is to make me happy
With him in my hand and you in his mouth
Let us not stop and do this all night
You want me to carry on and release myself wantonly
I won't let you withdraw as I want to get higher
So push harder
The start of my relationship with Ision was a little messy as it was not only long-distance, I was also seeing someone else then (that was a doomed relationship and his name was Michael). Ision was always a very real possibility at the back of my mind and I was so ready to commit to him once I got final confirmation that Michael is no more. There was a side of Ision during that time that I rarely see nowadays. An emo side that I guess will inevitably diminish with maturity both in one's being and in one's relationships. Just to let you have an idea of how he was back then, here is a poem he wrote after I told him I couldn't be with him as I was still with Michael.
I see you there So near so far Watching you heals So many old scars I dream to bring you From your world to mine To link our hearts As our fingers intertwine I have to move I have to change I ask God now For courage through pain To see myself in the image of grace To see you in my immediate space To know and believe To reach out and receive A love that is gentle Simple and pure Arms that are strong And forever sure For this now Forever I pray But with prayer alone A prayer it will stay…
I get a little tingle at the back of my spine every time I read that for the feelings within those words were so strong. It is good to remind myself now and again that our relationship was built on such powerful emotions that only come with love. Well, that confirmation that Michael was history came eventually and Ision and I then became an item. However the date on which that happened was questionable. After digging through SMSes and emails, we decided that the day should be 6th May 2007 and we have stuck by that.
Six years have passed since then and we are now only a year away from the "7th year itch". However I am confident that the itch wouldn't happen because of our open relationship status, which is something I strongly advocate for anyone who has the stomach for it. But that is only part of the equation and there is always the issue of the "emotional itch". Again I don't think that would surface based on how comfortable we are with each other right now. We are also quite lazy so we are very unlikely to go through the massive trouble of getting used to a new person and trying to embrace his flaws all over again. That being said, nobody knows what will happen in the future. As a practical engineer, I must concede to that. But for now, we are one and will always be for the forseeable future.
Booboo, although I am not physically next to you on this special day, my love will be, just like how I constantly feel your love all around me. Mushy as that sounds, it is the truth so I had to say that. Oh, and this too:
Ever since I began working in Australia, I started missing something that I used to dread when I was employed back home—attending corporate team-building events. I used to find them a waste of time and thought that it would be better if we were given a day off instead. It is strange that not many Australian companies do this kind of thing (at least not as commonly as Singaporean ones). Maybe a social night of drinking is what Aussies regard as team-building. I must say I find Australian companies more stingy when it comes to employee benefits (maybe these team-building events are too cost-prohibitive). But then again I have only worked for one so what do I know?
I remember writing a song for my company's team-building event after management found out that I had that talent. It was quite easy writing such songs because the words are very simple and corporate-like (ie. sterile and fake) which do not need to be based on any real story or emotions. However this month's musical journey does not feature my own composition but a song I recorded with a bunch of singers for another corporate event. It was an interesting collaboration and I always enjoy sessions in a recording studio. On top of that I got paid just for lending my voice to this HSR project (HSR being the name of the company). I only wish I had more fun opportunities like that.
So have a listen and tell me how sterile and fake it is!
PS: I have 3 weeks more of my final work rotation in Brisbane and then I will be back in Melbourne (at least there is work planned for me for 3 - 4 months), the place where the political rat race is sure to take its toll on me once again. Sigh, the things we all must do to pay the bills...
I have received many "complaints" that I don't smile enough in my photos and I have always explained that a lot of photographers are looking for that brooding intense and sexy look thereby making smiling out of the question. But truth be told, some photographers I have worked with actually wanted full smiles. I must admit I find it hard to smile in shoots as I find them artificial and made up and when I don't smile, I look either too serious or grumpy. I must really learn to either be sexy and not stern or smiling and not fake. Indeed, I have lots more to learn as a model.
In this post, I shall share a short series of (rare) smiling pictures taken by my friend Rod Spark in the idyllic setting of the River Island Nature Retreat. This was an impromptu shoot during a weekend event at a nudist retreat but it actually turned out quite well. Fortunately someone had a pair of swimming trunks (albeit at a nudist event) that fit me so I could be in these shareable G-rated pics. Of course there is a whole other fully-nude part to this series, which in my opinion because they showcase my oneness with nature, is much more beautiful.
Not too shabby for a completely impromptu session eh? Kudos to Rod! I will have my second Brisbane photo shoot in a couple of days. It will be an outdoor one at night and I am SO looking forward to it!
Lately there is a great deal of gay activism on the social networks in regards to marriage equality and I have an inkling we are at the precipice of a paradigm-shift in the minds of the people of the world. In my opinion, we now have the critical mass to create a chain reaction that will not cease till there is full equality on the planet (or at least in the developed world). This is 2013 and I think the anti-gay camp is evolved enough by now to rise above those few weak and tired arguments against denying us the rights that we deserve.
I remember when I first came out and fully accepted my sexual identity, I went into a phase of getting into online debates with these naysayers. That was about ten years ago but the arguments on both sides have not changed. We are still in the same spot fighting the same fight and we are going to continue to fight. Hence this is a good time to let you in on how I felt then (and now) about this. Here is an excerpt of one of these lengthy responses I made to those homophobes back in 2004 (the preceding paragraphs were about the biological side of the debate ie. genetics and homosexuality in the animal kingdom):
"The opponents of homosexuality have always used a distorted upbringing in one's life as the reason for homosexuality and in my opinion, that is just plain wrong. Believe it or not, back in my home country (Singapore), there is a clause in the media censorship board that says that the media is only allowed to introduce homosexuality if it is portrayed in a bad light. What end up on the TV screens are psychopathic homosexuals with a sordid history of sexual abuse by someone of the same sex, homosexuals without positive same-sex role models during their adolescent years, etc. I am really sick and tired of that to be honest because it is just not true. Many gay people I know come from perfectly normal families.
As for the moral argument, we all know that moral values are dichotomised into secular and non-secular ones but the many voices we hear against homosexuality are usually from the Christians. That irks me a lot for many reasons. Christians have been going against everything that is not Bible-approved ranging from contraception to the theory of evolution. What irritates me is their opportunistic behaviour, taking any chance to jump on the loud religious bandwagon and cooling down after a while when they realise that what they say have close to zero impact. Recently, the issue of gay marriages has been a hot one and we see Christians sparing no chances of voicing out their moralistic concerns. But what happened to pre-marital sex? If I am not wrong, I believe that is as wrong as homosexuality but we don't see Christians holding placards outside broadcast stations every time a scene of pre-marital sex is shown on air right? This is because they know that there's nothing they can do about that anymore and thus the double standard.
What makes the religious argument topple like a house of cards is the simple fact that not everyone has the same religion and so there is no single religious yardstick to measure standards of morality. In the eyes of Christians, Muslims and Buddhists for instance are but as wrong as homosexuals, drug addicts, rapists and murderers so do we really have to waste our time listening to their incessant chanting? It's time they get down their biblical high horses and give their due respect to people of other faith and creed.
Although the above is not as simple to argue on a non-secular platform, the debate for homosexuality actually stems from the same spine. Different people have different moral values and that's that. Although some things like genocide and terrorism are unmistakably wrong, this is when the legal system kicks in and rule against such crimes. Morals and legal sanctions shouldn't and mustn't be confused as two hand-in-hand concepts though they do overlap. The difference is that the latter is black-and-white while the former is grey. Laws undoubtedly serve their useful purpose in society but beyond the penal code is a world of grey and judgements cannot be passed as simply. Homosexuality belongs in this realm of grey alongside euthanasia, abortion or even cannibalism (as long as it is consensual and the one being eaten is not killed by the person eating him/her). The debate will be interminable and that's what makes it grey. I steadfastly stand in my camp because at the end of the day, no one can dictate how and who a person loves. Who is to say one's love is wrong?
Finally we come to the numbers game but we have to ask ourselves is everything always a clear-cut case of "majority wins"? Proponents of this time-worn adage have long used it to partly, if not wholly justify the slavery of Blacks, discrimination against women and the marginalisation of the handicapped. But each of these acts of oppression have been gradually driven to extinction as the world is becoming more rational and compassionate. So why not extend this warm feeling to homosexuality now since by way of historic trends, homosexuality will inevitably become a non-issue in the future? Why not make its realisation sooner? Many countries are slowly getting there (Netherlands, Belgium, the state of Massachusetts and several states in Canada legalize gay marriages) but the majority is still deep-rooted in the quagmire of prejudice and ignorance. Homosexuals deserve the same rights as everyone else even if they are the minority since we are but as normal as Blacks, women and the handicapped.
I always believe that a country's progress in the race to better humanity can be gauged reliably by its acceptance of homosexuals, which I term "the final frontier". In millions of years to come, if aliens were to reach and reside on our planet, they will no doubt face the same problems of being the minority and "the final frontier" (I think I have been dwelling in too much science-fiction). What I want to say is -- give us a god-damn f***ing break already."
As you can see, I had a pretty strong stance and conviction in my words back then. Although I am much mellower now, the activist in me is still very much alive. As we all step onto this non-stop freight train to marriage equality, let's take a moment to celebrate how far we have come along and use this positive energy to gear us up for the final legs of this battle. I always tell people that I see the legalisation of gay marriage in Australia in three years' time. I have not felt more confident about that than I do now.
As if being trapped in an apartment with no Internet is not dire a situation enough, I had to lose my smartphone by leaving it in a cab. You will think that cab drivers in Australia are more honest and will return lost properties right? You are so wrong. I had no such luck given that the driver was Asian (South Asian to be more exact). Since I already have the next phone I want to buy in mind, I have gotten myself a cheap-arse replacement model to tide me till I get the new one (it will be released first in UK next month). Fortunately I could retain my old number but alas I have lost all my contacts. I must remember to back them up in the future. The important photos and media in the phone have been backed up but I have still lost some that I have not. Better luck next time!
Anyway I knew I would be living like a hermit in Brisbane so I prepared my musical post in advance during my last trip back to Melbourne so I can share it more easily. Now that I am at my friend's place (with Internet!), I can finally post this.
This month's musical journey deals with bad relationships with amazing sex. Though a simple concept, it is not one that many people would experience, including myself. Sometimes writing is also about letting your imagination run wild and conjuring up scenarios and fantasies that are far away. In this song, your lover has cheated on you and you know that as you can see all the signs be it a change in his behaviour or his incessant excuses and lies. However you still stay with him for just one more night of passion. And this becomes a vicious cycle as you ask for that night of wild love-making over and over again whilst being stuck in a doomed relationship that is going nowhere.
I will be back in Melbourne for Easter and that is the time when I will make my next post. In the meantime, enjoy this month's musical offering. I remember when I had the chance to let the famous Singapore-based song-writer twins (李伟菘/李偲菘) listen to this song, they both felt that it was great and had really good selling potential. One of them even knew who the song could be sold to. It is just too bad shortly after that meeting, I relocated to Australia and that plan to sell this song got lost and forgotten. Maybe it is time to set that plan back in motion once again...
Kiss my face before the fireworks vanish
Take me on a journey along the trajectory of heartbreak
Don't delay the inevitable by extending time with loneliness
If you want to split up, you better hurry up
I can see your metamorphosis even before he came
Just like a butterfly crawling back into the cocoon it once abandoned
Please don't argue and shoulder at least a little responsibility
I never realised on the surface of love, things could be so superficial
With excuses so direct, I cannot help but apologise on your behalf
With promises so patronising, all I get in the end are nightmares
The road to love has no end
As you start from the beginning when you are at the finishing line
There is no future in loving you
But I still need one more night of passion with you
Your smiling face is no longer appealing
And you can leave all your lies for him
Give me some time for I am sure at some point in the unknown future
I will look back and laugh at how pitiful I once was
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