On this last night before I head back home first thing tomorrow morning, let me squeeze in a quick post (I will be with boo shortly—can't wait to kiss him and hug him!).
It used to be company policy here in Papua New Guinea that people connecting to the Internet through the company network were only entitled to Facebook for 30 minutes a day after 7.30pm but I guess like many other pointless rules here in the camp (eg. no caps to be worn and mobile phones to be used in the mess—currently still enforced though), it must have been struck out due to multiple complaints. Anyway in my previous rotation, I found that I could actually get by two whole weeks without even logging on to Facebook a single time. You see, the days in PNG are so long that relaxing time to yourself before bed is such a scarce commodity that you really don't want to spend any effort after dinner to do anything other than to lie in bed with the TV turned on (CNN and BBC are my two favourite channels).
That being said, I find that Facebook is still the best platform to document one's own life. With the advent of social media, society has evolved and privacy has become less of a concern. People used to keep diaries as one of the most private things but I (along with many others) now use Facebook as an interactive diary-writing tool where thoughts and ideas are broadcast to other people by choice. However there are still things in my life that are too private for social media so I guess in that regard human beings have either not evolved enough or there is still some hope left in our species, depending on how you see it.
Here's a snapshot of my Facebook status updates for the three months before I left for my second rotation in PNG. They really give a very good idea of what has been going on in my life of late, that is if you are patient enough to read them all! See you back in Melbourne in a bit!
"Ooh. Been invited to participate in an MTV shoot with “an ARIA accredited songwriter/performer and a Billboard charting Melbourne-based producer/songwriter”. No face, just shooting my body in swimming trunks. Only 2 male models required in the shoot in July. Hope I am still around in Melbourne to do it!"
"I will be wearing pink all weekend to be with you guys in spirit. I will join you for Pink Dot SG one day. Keep up the fight guys!"
"Cardio... why must we meet again???"
"Wow. Absolutely pouring now. What a rare sight in Melbourne!"
"What are the odds of chancing on the moment when your blog hits reach 88,888?? This must be a good omen!"
"Mushroom and meatball curry and bak choy with caramelised onion. So simple yet so delicious. Thank you booboo."
"Looks like the PNG deal is going to get delayed with the visa-application process going much slower than expected. Estimated time of departure = September. Well, more time with my boo"
"F*#¿ing hell! Car space rent payment late again! A piece of golden advice: if you are renting something out, make sure you have some “late payment penalty” clause in the contract. I have learnt this lesson too late."
"Watched “Transcendence” last night. It is an unexpectedly good movie!"
"Just spent close to an hour saving all my Facebook posts since I started this account. Well worth the time and effort, seeing how postings on Facebook practically document all our lives nowadays."
"Just sent a warning-of-eviction message to the bitch who rented my car space. No reply or no money in my account by Tuesday and she will be locked out with bond forfeited. Some people are just out to cheat other people's money and they should be eradicated from the face of this planet."
"Meeting the model that will co-star with me in my upcoming MTV shoot. Hope he is mega hot!"
"I might as well start getting lean for the MTV shoot. Did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 90 minutes of walking today."
"As expected, no pay rise again for this new financial year (4 out of my 6 years working in Australia saw wage freezes). Someone told me I should count myself lucky that I am still employed in this shrinking local chemical engineering market. But how long can this go on with inflation never halting?"
"I suddenly feel a strong urge to take a long holiday. It's been too long and I think my body is sending me alarms."
"What's with people on Scruff and Grindr with essay-length profiles? Isn't that just another form of narcissism? I better not hear them whinge about how self-indulgent those who put topless pics of themselves are."
"I really want to see this shot of Madonna before Photoshop to marvel at the ease of which technology can help make the decrepit palatable."
"Is there a difference between watching Tour de France and watching paint dry? I struggled with the answer. Then I learnt that people actually stay up at night just to watch it. Out of this world."
"Just finished watching “Snowpiercer”. I must say the movie is a breath of fresh air compared to the mostly rehashed productions coming out of Hollywood these days. Although I needed a little time to digest the show at the end, I still recommend it to everyone especially when it has an Asian director."
"Every time I see Clive Palmer move from one place to another, I can't help but feel that he's going to drop dead in a heart attack or stroke after just a few steps. Imagine how much inheritance I'll get if I were his child."
"Does anyone know if there's a way to configure Facebook so that videos on feeds won't automatically start playing when the page loads up?"
"Hmm... Looks like I might be doing background vocals for a singer next week. That's not a bad start as an entry point into the Aussie music industry. Zero expectations though."
"Thank goodness the World Cup ends in less than a day. Sports broadcasts will then have no chance of coming up during the main section of bulletins to steal air time from news that actually matter."
"Lychee pound cake = this Sunday's afternoon baking exercise with Ision and it starts in 3, 2, 1..."
"It's past 10pm already. Why am I still not sleepy?!?!"
"The MTV shoot is no more... The official reason is that there are just no willing models in Melbourne for sexy male/male videos. I think the real reason is poor co-ordination and a lack of budget and experience. Anyway the singer is such a diva-princess that I am now glad I don't have to work with him."
"Sprained my back at gym and now it hurts like crazy. Looking in the mirror, my entire body is curved towards the right to avoid the pain of being vertical. Has my spine gone into misalignment??? Oh and it doesn't help we are moving at work today from one cubicle to another along with stacks of project documents."
"The weekend is FINALLY here! Time to focus on healing my back a.k.a. veg at home all day."
"Tonight is a great night for composing. But the inspiration department is not in the right gear. Oh well, more downloaded videos it is... while waiting for boo to come home from work so that the weekend can really begin."
"Extreme laziness permeates the apartment on a Sunday winter afternoon—exactly how it is meant to be."
"I'm after what is called a “shredder tank”. I have lived in Australia for more than 6 years and I haven't come across a single store here stocking this kind of cut. WHY? Anyone knows where I can get one? PS: I have tried cutting a normal singlet myself but it didn't work the way I wanted."
"Better bundle up. It will drop to 1ºC tonight."
"Papua New Guinea work permit granted! Now I am that much closer to my new job assignment!"
"OMG. I am hooked on Jason Mraz’s “Everywhere”. Best song on his new album “YES” I reckon."
"It's horror movie night alone at home again and on the menu tonight is “Oculus”. Hope it's up to my standard!"
"With increasing number of air traffic disasters involving established airlines, how safe could my upcoming “chartered flights” from Cairns to Papua New Guinea be?"
"My allergies have been acting up for the past few weeks and it is getting worse. Oh, the things I will sacrifice to rid myself of this life-long nuisance"
"Got intrigued by the trailer and so I am watching “Divergent” tonight to see what's it all about."
"Booboo cooking me dinner despite being sick. Such love!"
"There is going to be more than sparks at work tomorrow.... when two strong personalities will clash in a fiery debate. Luckily the caustic British woman and the stubborn Iranian man are separated in two continents and the meeting is via a teleconference. I hate conflicts but I think I am going to be inevitably caught in the middle of this one... not looking forward to it."
"Woohoo!! Officially reached the 100,000 hit-mark on my blog!!!"
"Snowed in Melbourne today, even in the city! And boo experienced hail on his way to work earlier!"
"In the midst of talks of becoming a column writer on this site [http://www.queerclick.com (NSFW)] and being a beta-tester of the upcoming launch of it's own premium content. Bring it on!"
"Have you used Google AdSense on your Blogger accounts or monetized your Youtube channels and videos before? How did it turn out? Do you think the integrity/aesthetics of your sites and content is compromised in any way as a result? Most importantly, have you earned actual money from the venture?"
"Booboo making yummy buckwheat pancakes with blueberry jam this morning for our breakkie. Warmth on a cold cold morning on all levels."
"Ooh!! Going to pre-order “Dragon Age: Inquisition Deluxe Edition” today to get the bonus items. Didn't know it's going to be released on Xbox 360 as well. Phew! And there I was still fretting over the need to buy the non backwards-compatible Xbox One in order to play it. Contrary to once thought, it's not a next-gen console game..."
"Whoa. It's been a while since I bought clothes and it sure feels strange doing it again. It's like meeting a long-lost kin that I used to know so well."
"The thing I look forward to most on Sundays—movie night all cuddled up with boo (the actual movie is the icing on the cake). The flavour this evening is comic-book action: “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”."
"So drained from work today. Can't wait to leave this project and get to PNG for a fresh start!"
"I can't stay up anymore... Feeling sick with muscle aches. It's off to bed for me to rest up.... And it is only 8pm"
"Friday, you shall give me strength to tide me through the day with the rudest and most condescending client I have ever encountered in my life."
"“Police to seek Interpol's help to trace nude foreigners at Penang beach in Malaysia”... Have you heard of a more ridiculous news headline???"
"“Rosemary’s Baby” looks interesting. Downloading in progress..."
"F*** YEAH! Yet another victory against low-life prudes! Incidentally my photos were reported 4 hours ago ie. 4am Australian Eastern Standard Time, or 1am Singapore time, or 11am/2pm USA (West/East coast) time. Now who from my friends list could it be that reported the pictures?"
"Gotta use up my movie vouchers that are expiring soon. This is exactly the genre Ision likes and is what we are watching today [“The White Haired Witch of Lunar Kingdom” (“白发魔女传之明月天国”)], in fact now."
"Woohoo! Picked up by QC Asians once again! Looking forward to working more closely with the site."
"Papua New Guinea visa granted! I am finally good to go! Tentative departure date fixed. Will announce it properly when the flight is booked. SUPER EXCITED!"
"Today is the 27th death anniversary of my father. I can't believe it has been that long (I was only 8 back then). How I wish I could get to know him a little more."
"Looks like 6/6 has been deemed too cruel for my first rotation in PNG, which means that it will now be 2/2 first then the proper 4/4. Having 2 weeks paid leave after just 2 weeks of work will be such an awesome experience! I think I know what I'm going to do for those 2 weeks."
"Movie night at home. Now who am I in the mood for? Chris Pine (Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit), Russell Crowe (Noah), Will Smith (After Earth), Jake Gyllenhaal (Enemy), Robert de Niro (The Family), Ashton Kutcher (Jobs) or John Travolta (Killing Season)?"
"I can never get too much of nature on my skin, raw and unadulterated. Naturists rule"
"Before the weather turns, I better go for my topless jog around the park now. There is just no other way to do cardio in the open!"
"OK, my fish and chips lunch is going to negate the effects of my earlier jog (and then some). But that is why I exercise... to be able to eat whatever I want whenever I want."
"There is a drawback to being photographed too many times. For the first time I got rejected by a photographer because my face is not fresh enough. Hmmmphhh~~!"
"Maybe it is time to finally take karma seriously... Worked in my old job with a lazy-arsed colleague which meant a greater workload (and stress) for me back then. Earlier today I had a chance to provide feedback to my boss regarding his performance. Apparently he is (still) out of a job and is looking to join my office. Guess what I told my boss? Hor hor hor! (Stevani, you know this person!)"
"Wow. Praised by my boss (2nd time in a week) and my team lead for 2 different things I did today and they came minutes apart. What is happening???? *feeling scared*"
"Hooked on this song (“Gladiator” by Dami Im) at the moment. So well-written!"
"From a fan: “...I am a fan of your photogenic poise and skill in front of the camera. Your body training must be extensive to maintain such definition, I would love to explore every cm in detail as I enjoy the perfection of the sculptured body it is a thing of beauty. Very few of us look so good naked...”. Little does he know I put on weight too and need to condition my body 1-2 weeks in advance before a shoot. Well it's still a great compliment!"
"Another very well-written song I cannot get enough of recently (“Try” by Colbie Caillat)."
"All flights for my first Papua New Guinea rotation have been confirmed and I am finally almost-100% ready to fly (still need to tie up loose ends at work and at home and also to pack). 3rd September is the big day!"
"Just lodged my income tax for FY 2013/2014. That much poorer within such a short time."
"Got poked on Facebook today. The last time that happened was eons ago. Do people still do that???"
"I am falling in love with Hokkien songs more and more. They are like the oriental version of American country music but much more lyrical and usually more meaningful."
"My Spreadsheet™ is built around “CTRL+F”. A chill goes down my spine whenever I start to imagine life without this function."
"Critics from Rotten Tomatoes are always so strict. Let us be the judge tonight (for the movie “Maleficent”)."
"Surprise hot pot dinner from my bestest boo! So happy! Nomming away now..."
"Wow. Asian Brit as the host of an SBS documentary. Now I've seen everything!"
"I thought I had started to count down at work ie. time to wind down. But why am I still so overworked today? So drained and so ready for bed at 8.30pm."
"Official week-long countdown has started. T minus 7."
"The actual total number let go by my company including “non-overheads” is 4,000. Tsk tsk tsk... so dishonest in reporting. Suffice to say it's not a good time to be working for my company right now. Well at least my job is secure for the next year or so. Still counting down... T minus 6."
"This guy managed to save loads of money but had to live a pretty extreme life by normal standards. I lead a much more reasonable lifestyle (albeit frugally) and manage to save more money than him. Either he is doing something wrong or I am doing something really right. *not impressed*"
"Leaving for my last day at work. It will be a day spent packing up and saying goodbyes. Hope they will let me go on time so my busy weekend of more packing and goodbyes can begin. T minus 5."
"Spring is almost in the air!"
"Packing should start some time today... or not, depending on the power of procrastination. In the meantime, enjoy another “nude” pic from moi. T minus 4."
"Off to buy the necessities for my upcoming trip—raincoat amongst other things (it's pouring every day in PNG right now)."
"Shit! How will this PNG volcanic eruption affect my flight next Wednesday?!?! And why didn't I see it on the news this morning????"
"The last time I had Korean BBQ was in Tokyo in the beginning of the year. I am going to really enjoy tonight's Korean BBQ farewell dinner with my Malaysian friends. Too bad boo's working..."
"Such a perfect almost-spring day in Melbourne. Just done with cardio and now off to lunch with boo. Oh, and I must remember to get some PNG kina today (it is not easy to find!)"
"Ready for spring! But leaving home again soon. Here is my last blog post before I fly off. T minus 3."
"Boo called in to work on his off day... one less night spent with him before I fly."
"It always feels strange to not be on holidays yet not working on a weekday. Off to gym soon (again a weird time for me to gym). Hope the down-for-more-than-a-month steam room and showers are up and running today! T minus 2."
"Got caught jaywalking just now by the police and I only presented my NSW photo ID card and tried my best in not giving them my Melbourne address (my heart was pounding like mad as I had to resort to “creative reasoning”). They gave up after a while after their database did not give them my current address based on the photo ID details and I only got a warning in the end. Luckily I stuck with my line of reasoning and did not waver. And I am so glad I am not living in Singapore anymore—I would have been fined already!"
"Is it weird for me to not feel upset about my pictures being used illegally for gay massage ads in Thailand?"
"Something's cooking in the kitchen!"
"It's time for movie night (“Godzilla”) with boo—the best thing of the week. The movie to me is secondary, it's the time spent cuddled next to boo that counts."
"There's no flight update that is going to affect my flight tomorrow due to the PNG volcanic eruption. Looks like everything is go. T minus 1."
"If only boo didn't need to work tonight..."
"Off to bed now. It's a little strange knowing that you will be sleeping in a totally foreign place tomorrow night"
"OK it's time to go. Flight is in 2.5 hours. Hope I don't get eaten alive by cannibals or mosquitoes. T minus 0."
"Off to Moro!"
"In case you think that I have been eaten by cannibals in Papua New Guinea and gone all quiet on Facebook, here is an update for you guys from my new home away from home."
"Finally back on Facebook proper, and finally caught up with all Facebook posts in my feed (only captures 14-days' worth and so in my next 4-week rotation, I will miss half of them). PNG is a really good way to wean off Facebook."
"Why oh why must the plane be late to take off this afternoon? I could have given my boo a great surprise (he wasn't expecting me to return today). Now he knows and I have to stay up and wait for him to come home from work (I got up at 4.30am today). I think I am past the point of sleepiness and I think I'm going to make it!"
"Switched over to Optus. This new pay-per-usage prepaid plan that never practically expires is GREAT for light users like me. Highly recommended."
"It can get a little frustrating playing a remake of an old game when you are more used to the better graphics of the newer games (however I have to try the remake after hearing so many good things about it, not to mention the innocuous-looking game is actually rated 18+). At least this will make me appreciate “DragonAge: Inquisition” more."
"Blueberry/raspberry ricotta cheese pancakes in the making for a very late breakkie. Anticipation building..."
"Ricotta cheese pancakes with yoghurt-berry compote a huge success! And super yummy! Thank you boo!"
"OK, let's get gym over with and then it is Xbox 360 for the rest of the day. Ah... it sure feels good to reap the benefits of the FIFO assignment after putting in the hard labour!"
"What an early rise on a Sunday... but at least this very late mid-autumn festival potluck at Melvin's means I can introduce Ision to one more friend. And I also need to take a little breather from Xbox."
"Break from Xbox is officially over. Onwards and upwards."
"It feels so decadent to stay up late, have supper and play Xbox on a Sunday night! Better cherish this while it lasts. And having boo next to me is the massive icing on the cake!"
"Urgh... was planning to finish “Fable Anniversary” before I go back to PNG but seeing that Ision wants to have equal time on it as me, I think I might have to come back to the game when my next rotation ends."
"Simple dinner whipped up by boo on the fly. Satisfying and yummy nonetheless."
"What perfect timing! Ision having 4 days off-work while I am on my break from PNG."
"Another decadent night of staying up and suppering with boo on a weekday. This is the life! (Have to watch my weight though)"
"How do you solve the problem of gym getting in the way of Xbox?"
"Ooh. The spring weather is just right now to be naked at home. Ah it sure feels nice."
"Believe it or not, I haven't really done much gym selfies so this is a trial run so be kind! (and pardon the low resolution)."
"Plitter platter on my window. What a soothing sound to lull me to sleep tonight."
"I feel like clubbing one of these nights before my break ends. Too bad I am always left without dancing buddies that really dance instead of posing around the floor."
"Back issues of the magazine I was on the cover of last year are now on sale. I wonder if they are still given out to gay tourists free of charge in Thailand. I already hold a copy and it sure feels nice to see yourself on a magazine!"
"Ooh. Booked us in for Peninsula Hot Springs this coming Monday. Finally something we can do together outdoors that Ision can truly enjoy!"
"Is it strange that I pick protein powder based on its flavour instead of nutritional value?"
"$8.95 displayed as the sale price but was greeted by $10 as the price “in the system”. By default, sales people try to get away with charging the higher amount by saying the display price is wrong. But this is nothing “the displayed price is xxx so you'd have to charge me that” can't fix!"
"A 3-kg tub of protein powder is about the maximum I'll ever purchase (and did). But then again what's that compared to sacks of 20-kg supplements I have seen in Sydney."
"In order to enjoy the finished product, you'll need to put in the effort and that is what I am doing now—post-recording editing in progress."
"Even with GPS, I think it's prudent to research the way to Peninsular Hot Springs in Mornington. My sense of direction is appalling!"
"Thought of the day: If you want to be famous and loved by many, you better be talented to the max and/or good-looking to the max. When you are not quite there at the max, your life is just going to get stuck somewhere between boring and mundane."
"Leaving for Mornington's Peninsular Hot Spring now. It's the first time we've rented a car in Melbourne for a day trip (since we've moved to it almost 3 years ago—it's a long time coming indeed). Looking forward to a relaxing time with boo!"
"The perfect end to a perfect day with boo. Homemade chicken rice!"
"It's an early night tonight for an early flight tomorrow. Work has already started entering my mind—I didn't sleep well last night. I hope tonight will be different."
"OK, time to go. Melbourne I will see you in 28 days' time. I will miss you boo..."
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Musical journey (51)
Here is a quick update of how I am coping work-wise in Papua New Guinea. I would like to think I am doing well especially when that is what my boss told me. He said if I don't hear a lot from him it means that I don't need his supervision and that in his books is the measure of good performance. He did ask others I work with for feedback though and I guess these people feel the same too. One thing to note is that there are many expatriate employees here who are not working as hard as they should be. They would find whatever means to get out of a job (eg. postponing it so that it becomes the problem of the back-to-back, jumping to conclusions quickly so as not to spend the time investigating, cooking up some excuse why the job need not be done, or simply ignoring messages from people asking for their help).
Case in point is the process engineering superintendent and I have such ill luck to have to work closely with him (he gets to the office in the morning every day close to one hour later than all of us). I however cannot slack off like that as I want to have some kind of longevity in this secondment seeing that 60% of my colleagues back in the Melbourne process engineering office have been retrenched (effective end of November) which will make competition in the already-weak job market super fierce. I dodged a bullet on that one as it could have been me. That being said, the pace of working life here is far more relaxed compared to the hectic rat race back in Australia. Also I have been given verbal assurance that my contract here will be extended till at least the end of next year due to the massive amount of work yet to be done.
OK, update over and now on to this month's musical sharing. Back in February I shared a song I wrote for an online forum I was very active in when I was living in America. I also wrote another up-tempo one for that community during the peak of my involvement. It was very well-received back then because I wrote in the lyrics a few of the main members of the group and what I thought of them. If you look closely at the lyrics, you can also see something that further associates it with that website. From the words of the song, I can relive the warmth I got from those characters, none of them whom I have actually met in real life (bar one—the leader of the group). That site has recently become inaccessible and I wonder how all of them are doing right now...
In case you find the backing track familiar that is because it is from this song. Originality is often frowned upon in the pop arena and that is why the same few chords are used over and over again. This composition of mine is no different although it is in the rock genre which is something I seldom dabble in (it hurting my vocal cords being the lesser of evils). Lastly I used the geekiest video I could find to suit the theme of this song and voila I have myself yet another music video.
["Jimmy's Forum" Theme Song]
It came out of nowhere
From "Episode Heaven"
How it has grown
No one could have envisioned
If you like to watch TV
Sit down and have a listen
This is a song written for "Jimmy's Forum"
It's a place where we share all things from A to Z
It's a place to laugh and cry and act all silly
It's a place beyond all of your wildest dreams
It's a place where you can be you and I can be me
Just another website that the geeks all like
It's like a drug, we all need it to survive
Man! It's gonna be such an amazing ride
Maybe it's a feeling that just cannot be described
You and I, a family connecting right
Say! It's the world's most wonderful site
Cyber with "The Simpsons"
On the dot every time
Count on Helix to link you to any porn site
Moderator PB Gal's the first girl in sight
We all love to hate and hate to love Solo, that's right
Courage is our mother hen, his love warms the cold
Pabelo dexing on, spinning out of control
Our Forum police, Kimbal is on the patrol
If I have left out anyone, that's 'cos I'm getting old
Case in point is the process engineering superintendent and I have such ill luck to have to work closely with him (he gets to the office in the morning every day close to one hour later than all of us). I however cannot slack off like that as I want to have some kind of longevity in this secondment seeing that 60% of my colleagues back in the Melbourne process engineering office have been retrenched (effective end of November) which will make competition in the already-weak job market super fierce. I dodged a bullet on that one as it could have been me. That being said, the pace of working life here is far more relaxed compared to the hectic rat race back in Australia. Also I have been given verbal assurance that my contract here will be extended till at least the end of next year due to the massive amount of work yet to be done.
OK, update over and now on to this month's musical sharing. Back in February I shared a song I wrote for an online forum I was very active in when I was living in America. I also wrote another up-tempo one for that community during the peak of my involvement. It was very well-received back then because I wrote in the lyrics a few of the main members of the group and what I thought of them. If you look closely at the lyrics, you can also see something that further associates it with that website. From the words of the song, I can relive the warmth I got from those characters, none of them whom I have actually met in real life (bar one—the leader of the group). That site has recently become inaccessible and I wonder how all of them are doing right now...
In case you find the backing track familiar that is because it is from this song. Originality is often frowned upon in the pop arena and that is why the same few chords are used over and over again. This composition of mine is no different although it is in the rock genre which is something I seldom dabble in (it hurting my vocal cords being the lesser of evils). Lastly I used the geekiest video I could find to suit the theme of this song and voila I have myself yet another music video.
["Jimmy's Forum" Theme Song]
It came out of nowhere
From "Episode Heaven"
How it has grown
No one could have envisioned
If you like to watch TV
Sit down and have a listen
This is a song written for "Jimmy's Forum"
It's a place where we share all things from A to Z
It's a place to laugh and cry and act all silly
It's a place beyond all of your wildest dreams
It's a place where you can be you and I can be me
Just another website that the geeks all like
It's like a drug, we all need it to survive
Man! It's gonna be such an amazing ride
Maybe it's a feeling that just cannot be described
You and I, a family connecting right
Say! It's the world's most wonderful site
Cyber with "The Simpsons"
On the dot every time
Count on Helix to link you to any porn site
Moderator PB Gal's the first girl in sight
We all love to hate and hate to love Solo, that's right
Courage is our mother hen, his love warms the cold
Pabelo dexing on, spinning out of control
Our Forum police, Kimbal is on the patrol
If I have left out anyone, that's 'cos I'm getting old
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Musical journey (50)
Well it took two days for me to adjust from PNG to Melbourne but I suspect it will take a longer time to get back up to speed the other way round (especially after such a relaxing day trip yesterday with my boo to the Peninsular Hot Springs in Mornington). The real test will come when I have to resume rotation work after a 4-week break. Some say the first few days back at work after such a long rest would be extremely unproductive while others purport that depression could possibly set in. There is only one way to find out and I will report my findings when the time comes.
Before I leave for PNG tomorrow, let me share with my rendition of a very well-written song and one that I really like. As human beings, we are susceptible to making the same mistakes in love over and over again as if it's written in our genes to err without learning from our mistakes. Perhaps only through Darwinism can the human race escape this ill fate and finally rid itself of the pain and suffering from lost love. There is this I-am-alone-yet-not-melancholic vibe to the video that goes so well with the lyrics of the song as well as its arrangement. With such a soothing and inwardly-reflective melody, this song is a breath of fresh air compared to the many others filled with ever-rising registers and unnecessary vocal pyrotechnics.
A very talented Singaporean song-writer Tanya Chua (蔡健雅) wrote and sang this song titled "达尔文" or "Darwin" and now it is my turn to cover it.
Before I leave for PNG tomorrow, let me share with my rendition of a very well-written song and one that I really like. As human beings, we are susceptible to making the same mistakes in love over and over again as if it's written in our genes to err without learning from our mistakes. Perhaps only through Darwinism can the human race escape this ill fate and finally rid itself of the pain and suffering from lost love. There is this I-am-alone-yet-not-melancholic vibe to the video that goes so well with the lyrics of the song as well as its arrangement. With such a soothing and inwardly-reflective melody, this song is a breath of fresh air compared to the many others filled with ever-rising registers and unnecessary vocal pyrotechnics.
A very talented Singaporean song-writer Tanya Chua (蔡健雅) wrote and sang this song titled "达尔文" or "Darwin" and now it is my turn to cover it.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Comforts from the remote mountains
Just so you know I have not been eaten by cannibals in Papua New Guinea, here is an update from me with pictures of my new home away from home.
As you can see, I am living pretty well in PNG (every non-work aspect here is above my expectations which were purposely kept low) so there is really nothing to worry about (in case you are). One huge pain about living in a camp is you can never get to switch from "work mode" to "off-work mode" as your colleagues are there all the time and by the time work and dinner ends you have very little alone time as you will be almost ready for bed. As an anti-social person who hates small talk, I find the constant need to engage in endless chit-chat (ie. the inability to switch to "off-work mode") really stressful. I think one way to relieve that pain is to call boo more often (it will be much easier when I have the office all to myself) as I can then act all silly and talk in our own special language. Hopefully these little respites from "work mode" can get me through entire rotations.
And in 3 days, I will have a 2-week paid vacation (ie. the biggest plus of fly-in/fly-out assignments) when I can hug and kiss my boo anytime I want! I really really miss him so I can't wait for that to happen!
The chartered flight operated by Air Niugini. I was the last one to board even after trying my best to make the transit in the shortest possible time–it will always be like that due to the Qantas schedule for flights out of Melbourne. The sky was clear when I left Cairns but I was greeted by a gloomy rainy scene when the plane landed in Moro, where it kept raining for days.
We are apparently coming to the end of the monsoon season so we should be seeing more clear days but most of the time it is still this misty within the camp (it can get quite cold at night sometimes). These are pictures of the newer accomodation blocks where I stay. It is really quiet at this end of the camp (which is great). There is just this occasional annoying tapping sound coming from upstairs but it's still bearable. When I move into my permanent room in the next rotation, I will be situated upstairs–a hassle in itself but hopefully the tapping will be gone. Also females live in separate blocks and all female toilets have number-combination locks on them. Sexual relations between males and females are not allowed in the camp (even for couples) so I don't know how well they take to gay sex (a not-so-cute local told me he was going to visit me in my room but he didn't show up in the end). HIV is apparently a serious problem here and I had to prove I was HIV-free before I was given my visa. To avoid complication, I will try not to be out whilst on this assignment ("try" being the operative word).
This is the temporary room I have been staying in (as I am currently overlapping with my back-to-back). In the next rotation I will be sharing the same room with him which explains the two locked sections of the wardrobes. We get Australian as well as cable TV in the room with the essential channels (CNN, BBC, Discovery, National Geographic, Cinemax, Star World and HBO) and an ensuite toilet. Laundry services are provided (we send stuff to be washed in the morning and we get it by the time we come back from work). Except for the air-conditioning unit being pretty noisy, I am very satisfied with the living conditions.
Pidgin is the language all locals know (English still being one of the official languages–apparently there are over 850 different languages in PNG). Pidgin is basically broken English/German and is a legacy from colonial times. I find it fun reading Pidgin and noticing how similar it is to English. Expats here try to learn Pidgin so as to strike a bond with the locals in an attempt to level the inequality (not sure how successful that endeavour is). Villagers earn royalties for the land the company uses and they get really aggressive (think guns) when they don't get their share (and if you run over their valuable pigs on the road).
I was quite impressed with the gym as I was expecting a small one like those found in hotels. There is not a lot of people using it so it never gets too crowded even during peak hours. On and off I do see some hot guys (both locals and expats) working out there but there is nothing I can do about it (see only and no touch). I do weights and cardio 4 and 3 times a week respectively (ie. I use the gym every day). Because of the very restricted meal times, I always have to plan my gym sessions around it. I also grab every free time slot I can find to squeeze in a quick workout. This is also why my after-work weight sessions (work ends at 6pm) have to be halved in length as I don't really want to gym after dinner (dinner ends at 7.30pm). As a result I do only two body parts per session instead of four.
This is the stadium (called Iagidome as the camp is called the Iagifu Ridge Camp) where people play indoor games like tennis, badminton, basketball, volleyball, cricket and soccer. It is also used for conducting group circuit training sessions and tai bo. In addition the Iagidome is the main muster point for the camp. Seeing that there is a disco ball, I reckon the stadium is used for other social events as well.
For the first time in my working life I have my own office! Right now I share it with my back-to-back but come next rotation I will have it all to myself. One very big issue here is stationery or the lack thereof and you need to wait very long for stationery orders to come in (I am still living without a pencil, highlighters and binding clips which are so abundant in the Melbourne office). One solution is to bring in your own stuff, which is what I will be doing.
I will not bore you with the other major issue here (ie. work-related) but suffice to say they recently found a use for the gas they were extracting from the wells and had to upgrade the facilities to ensure that the plants continue to run for at least another 20 to 30 years (they were left to rot along with the operating systems and philosophies as they were about to close them down). Because of this we are constantly faced with systems that are not working with no one knowing exactly why that is so or how to fix it. An indication is the huge flare that is constantly burning (pictured). In other normally-running plants, this would be totally unacceptable. But then again people and rules are very lax here and it is accepted culture that things do not work (I am slowly getting immune to WTF moments). As long as I continue to be paid and get my days off, I couldn't care less.
In my opinion the only area that really works is the catering department. Food is so good (a little red-meat especially beef-heavy) and plentiful (buffet-style) and the mess (where meals are served) is clean and spacious. Food variety is great as well (the menu repeats weekly but I do see new side dishes that don't follow that cyclical menu). Every Sunday there is a BBQ and I have been to one on site so far (I am not sure how the BBQ is run in the camp). There are 2 strange rules that are strictly enforced in the mess though–washing of hands before entering (for disease-control but many people end up going through the motion) and no usage of mobile phones in the mess (to encourage more face-to-face communication ie. a bullshit rule).
I was surprised to find ice-cream and popcorn machines in the mess. The desserts-to-mains ratio served in this camp is very skewed towards desserts but surprisingly I don't see a lot of obese locals here (only expats). People take little bags of popcorn into their rooms after dinner as they watch movies on TV.
This is a sample of what we get in the camp. The cocktail prawns (top right) are impressive and I heard they serve raw oysters in another camp. If you are willing to wait, you can order steak or fish cooked the way you want. The barramundi (bottom right) is excellent and is definitely worth the 5- to 10-minute wait. The bottom left picture shows the typical breakfast I have. My only gripe is that food tends to be on the oily and salty side (the locals salt their food like nobody's business). I tend to only have the fresh fruit cocktail as dessert and not the other sweet treats that are available (eg. cakes, pudding, cookies, éclairs and tarts). Perhaps good food is used by the company as a way to keep the morale up as it knows everything else is in shambles.
As mentioned above, the Iagidome is also used occasionally for various functions. This is a fund-raising event where locals bring their crafts to sell to the rich expats. At 100 kina per bag (AUD$40-50), it is really expensive. The choice is limited so I did not buy anything.
You don't really need to spend any money living in the camp if you don't buy snacks, soft drinks and cigarettes from the gift shop (they call it canteen). All I have spent so far in my first rotation is a local micro SIM card (which I had to cut into a nano SIM for my Android phone) and data credit. As reception is so poor in the remote mountains (with network connectivity cutting out very often), you don't really get to use much data. I was greedy and topped up too much (the credit apparently doesn't expire despite having an expiry date). The canteen as pictured is where you can also buy soft drinks and hygiene products and the recreation room is just in front of the canteen.
As you can see, I am living pretty well in PNG (every non-work aspect here is above my expectations which were purposely kept low) so there is really nothing to worry about (in case you are). One huge pain about living in a camp is you can never get to switch from "work mode" to "off-work mode" as your colleagues are there all the time and by the time work and dinner ends you have very little alone time as you will be almost ready for bed. As an anti-social person who hates small talk, I find the constant need to engage in endless chit-chat (ie. the inability to switch to "off-work mode") really stressful. I think one way to relieve that pain is to call boo more often (it will be much easier when I have the office all to myself) as I can then act all silly and talk in our own special language. Hopefully these little respites from "work mode" can get me through entire rotations.
And in 3 days, I will have a 2-week paid vacation (ie. the biggest plus of fly-in/fly-out assignments) when I can hug and kiss my boo anytime I want! I really really miss him so I can't wait for that to happen!
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Leaving home again
Bags almost packed and almost ready to go, in two days that is. This is going to be such an adventure.
In a way I am fortunate that my work takes me places and provides new experiences but still it is always difficult to leave home where your loved ones are. Luckily things are not that bad this time round due to the fly-in/fly-out (FIFO) nature of this assignment though I have heard of depression cases especially around the time one is about to depart for the next rotation. As a fairly independent and strong-willed person, I don't think FIFO will get to me like that but I guess you can never be sure of something you haven't been through.
As I was setting up my roster in my spreadsheet, I started thinking about what I should do during my 4-week R & Rs. This is really a rare opportunity as not many full-time workers can get to enjoy such regular long breaks and I feel that I should not waste them. But going on holidays means spending more time away from boo after being away for so long not to mention spending more money. I think we must somehow achieve a compromise by vacationing together for short nearby trips and not making the solo trips too long.
The roster for FIFO rotations is never cast in stone due to uncertain project requirements and on top of that I have to co-ordinate all plans with my back-to-back (the person I take over when he goes on his break who will do the same for me) so a 4-week on/4-week off rotation can become 5/3, 6/4, 3/2, or any other permutation one can think of. This makes the booking of air tickets and lining up holiday plans and accommodation very challenging (and expensive as nothing can really be booked in advance).
That being said, I know I will somehow successfully manage my 6 (at least) breaks. From the list of things I can do during those 4 weeks, you can see that there is no shortage of ideas. I really hope I don't just let procrastination win out and waste my precious breaks. To date my R & R plans include:
1. Spending some time back in Singapore (Chinese New Year with family and Pink Dot with my gay friends).
2. Short trips to nearby Asian destinations (Bangkok during Songkran for an long-overdue fashion pilgrimage where I stock up on cheap apparel and Bali where I have always wanted to visit, hopefully with someone familiar with that place).
3. A trip to Japan with boo (FINALLY!) and I am thinking of spending more time in Hokkaido instead of Tokyo this time.
4. Vegetating at home with boo completing new (the much-anticipated Dragon Age: Inquisition) and yet-to-be-finished Xbox 360 games.
5. Hosting my mum in Melbourne and taking her to every single attraction here, including the more interesting suburbs (I have not really spent full non-working weeks with her in Australia before and I finally have the chance to now).
6. Getting re-acquainted with Manhattan (I used to go there almost every weekend when I was working in New Jersey 10 years ago). I am thinking of spending 3 to 4 weeks just living there and re-exploring the island in much more detail (I would need to find a local willing to put me up though).
7. Keeping vacation spots to within Australia (going back to Ashby with boo to visit the in-laws, accompanying him to Sydney when he is there to attend a friend's wedding and 2-day trips with him to the hot springs in Mornington Peninsula or bed & breakfast in Yarra Valley).
8. I am also thinking of visiting Europe although it is quite unlikely at this point as I don't really want to explore Europe alone.
It is spring tomorrow and the weather in Melbourne today is perfect but I will not get to enjoy that much as it is constantly-pouring in Papua New Guinea (monsoon season perhaps—PNG weather seems to be very uncertain). And to make things worse, the volcanic eruption from Mount Tavurvur yesterday has a potential of affecting my flights next week (I really hope I will be promptly-informed if that's the case).
Seeing that I will be working and living in the remote highlands, I don't foresee any chance of a photo shoot (amongst other things typical in the developed world) but there is a gym in the camp and I will keep my routine up in order to maintain my body in a shoot-ready condition. I actually hope to use this time to bulk up a little more as there is really not much to do other than work, eat, gym and sleep. I might also have more time to compose, that is if I don't exhaust all my energy after 12-hour work days (7 days a week) and gym.
As I said, it is going to be an adventure and I am so looking forward to it. I will provide a pictorial update when I am settled in but till then happy spring!
In a way I am fortunate that my work takes me places and provides new experiences but still it is always difficult to leave home where your loved ones are. Luckily things are not that bad this time round due to the fly-in/fly-out (FIFO) nature of this assignment though I have heard of depression cases especially around the time one is about to depart for the next rotation. As a fairly independent and strong-willed person, I don't think FIFO will get to me like that but I guess you can never be sure of something you haven't been through.
As I was setting up my roster in my spreadsheet, I started thinking about what I should do during my 4-week R & Rs. This is really a rare opportunity as not many full-time workers can get to enjoy such regular long breaks and I feel that I should not waste them. But going on holidays means spending more time away from boo after being away for so long not to mention spending more money. I think we must somehow achieve a compromise by vacationing together for short nearby trips and not making the solo trips too long.
The roster for FIFO rotations is never cast in stone due to uncertain project requirements and on top of that I have to co-ordinate all plans with my back-to-back (the person I take over when he goes on his break who will do the same for me) so a 4-week on/4-week off rotation can become 5/3, 6/4, 3/2, or any other permutation one can think of. This makes the booking of air tickets and lining up holiday plans and accommodation very challenging (and expensive as nothing can really be booked in advance).
That being said, I know I will somehow successfully manage my 6 (at least) breaks. From the list of things I can do during those 4 weeks, you can see that there is no shortage of ideas. I really hope I don't just let procrastination win out and waste my precious breaks. To date my R & R plans include:
1. Spending some time back in Singapore (Chinese New Year with family and Pink Dot with my gay friends).
2. Short trips to nearby Asian destinations (Bangkok during Songkran for an long-overdue fashion pilgrimage where I stock up on cheap apparel and Bali where I have always wanted to visit, hopefully with someone familiar with that place).
3. A trip to Japan with boo (FINALLY!) and I am thinking of spending more time in Hokkaido instead of Tokyo this time.
4. Vegetating at home with boo completing new (the much-anticipated Dragon Age: Inquisition) and yet-to-be-finished Xbox 360 games.
5. Hosting my mum in Melbourne and taking her to every single attraction here, including the more interesting suburbs (I have not really spent full non-working weeks with her in Australia before and I finally have the chance to now).
6. Getting re-acquainted with Manhattan (I used to go there almost every weekend when I was working in New Jersey 10 years ago). I am thinking of spending 3 to 4 weeks just living there and re-exploring the island in much more detail (I would need to find a local willing to put me up though).
7. Keeping vacation spots to within Australia (going back to Ashby with boo to visit the in-laws, accompanying him to Sydney when he is there to attend a friend's wedding and 2-day trips with him to the hot springs in Mornington Peninsula or bed & breakfast in Yarra Valley).
8. I am also thinking of visiting Europe although it is quite unlikely at this point as I don't really want to explore Europe alone.
It is spring tomorrow and the weather in Melbourne today is perfect but I will not get to enjoy that much as it is constantly-pouring in Papua New Guinea (monsoon season perhaps—PNG weather seems to be very uncertain). And to make things worse, the volcanic eruption from Mount Tavurvur yesterday has a potential of affecting my flights next week (I really hope I will be promptly-informed if that's the case).
Seeing that I will be working and living in the remote highlands, I don't foresee any chance of a photo shoot (amongst other things typical in the developed world) but there is a gym in the camp and I will keep my routine up in order to maintain my body in a shoot-ready condition. I actually hope to use this time to bulk up a little more as there is really not much to do other than work, eat, gym and sleep. I might also have more time to compose, that is if I don't exhaust all my energy after 12-hour work days (7 days a week) and gym.
As I said, it is going to be an adventure and I am so looking forward to it. I will provide a pictorial update when I am settled in but till then happy spring!
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Musical journey (49)
I am pleased to announce that I am a proud holder of the Papua New Guinea work visa! Props to myself for enduring the 4-month long application process and I am now a little more than a fortnight away from the day I fly. Seeing that I must sync my work cycle with my counterpart, they could either put me on a 6-week on/6-week off or a 2-week on/2-week off first rotation (followed by the normal 4-on/4-off for the rest of my stint). Fortunately they agree with me that doing 12-hour days for 42 days straight might be a little much for a first rotation especially when I have not been on that site or lived in that remote camp before.
So for my first rotation, I will only be working 2 weeks and then I will have a 2-week paid vacation (my colleagues are so envious of me right now)! Since it is only going to be a relatively-short break, I think I will just be spending time with my boo at home (finishing an Xbox 360 game that I always wanted to play in the process) and maybe squeeze in a weekend getaway to the hot springs in Mornington (I know Ision has been dying to go). I am so looking forward to leaving the wretched project that I am doing right now at work and embarking on this whole new adventure!
OK, life update over and now on to this month's musical offering, which is a composition documenting how one tortures himself in his pursuit of love. There is a variety of ways a person can knowingly (or otherwise) fall into this pattern of self-harm and these are just ten examples that quickly come to mind:
1) Having a crush on someone who has no feelings for you and expecting the love to be requited someday.
2) Forgiving someone repeatedly for cheating on you because you feel that you can't find someone better.
3) Hiding the pain of loneliness by telling others that you are perfectly fine being alone.
4) Finding excuses for not being able to settle down yet loathing your superficial promiscuous lifestyle.
5) Being in a loveless marriage for the sake of kids.
6) Diving into a relationship too fast not knowing what you want exactly.
7) Convincing yourself as a heterosexual that your gay partner will successfully change (or already has).
8) Failing to realise that you are to blame for always being dumped (or being chronically-single).
9) Claiming that you are in a monogamous relationship but constantly sleeping around with other people.
10) Hating someone who broke your heart and not being able to move on or trust another person again.
Some might disagree with item 9 being a form of self-torture but if you believe in karma, what you do to hurt others will come back eventually to damage you in some way. Although there are many forms this unhealthy behaviour can take, the common thing is that you made the conscious choice to engage in such acts. In my opinion only when you admit that to yourself can the healing process begin, much like in AA groups where every one introduces themselves with "Hi, I am XXX and I am an alcoholic".
And with this concept of self-harm in the search of love, I wrote this song. The story in the piece is not a personal one but I can relate to it all too well—I used to purposely make myself feel worse when I was alone or heartbroken by being around happy couples. I believed back then that even if I had nothing, I still had the ability to feel pain. This is a classic manifestation of self-torture and we should snap out of it as soon as possible—that is only if we are made aware of it and I hope this month's musical journey can play a little part in making the self-awareness process easier.
[自虐]
词 / 曲 : 锦泉
这世上有一些人不应该去爱
偏偏厄运我挡不来
染上了一身的无奈
不知道爱与恨到底哪个实在
孤注一掷后悔不来
背负一身感情的债
爱情谜底我解不开
答案原来迷失一片恨海
我与时间忙着比赛
看最后谁放弃得比较快
自虐的心态控制不来
流出眼泪才算痛快
我竟然能够置身事外
若命运赐我最坏的安排
没有人能让我责怪
也只好一个人继续把我的肉体出卖
自虐的心态控制不来
我与自己互相伤害
噩梦循环看不见未来
只因没有人能把你取代
有你给的冷漠依赖
你锋利得像一把刀
我却喜欢把你拥入怀
[Self-Torture]
There are certain kinds of people in this world we should not love
But I was unable to avoid bad luck
And got myself knee-deep in helplessness
I don't really know whether love or hate is more real
But I cannot regret now that I placed my bet with everything I have
Now that I am burdened with the debt of heartbreak
I cannot solve the mystery of love
Because the answers are lost in a sea of hate
I am busy competing with time
Because I want to find out who will give up faster
I cannot control the desire to torture myself
I can only feel better when tears actually fall
If my destiny has arranged for the worst
I have no one else to blame
And all I can do is to continue betraying my flesh
I cannot control the desire to torture myself
Me and myself are constantly hurting each other
Nightmares in a vicious cycle blocking the future from my view
Simply because there is no one who can replace you
And there is your cold shoulder to lean on
You are like a blade but still I enjoy holding you tightly in an embrace
So for my first rotation, I will only be working 2 weeks and then I will have a 2-week paid vacation (my colleagues are so envious of me right now)! Since it is only going to be a relatively-short break, I think I will just be spending time with my boo at home (finishing an Xbox 360 game that I always wanted to play in the process) and maybe squeeze in a weekend getaway to the hot springs in Mornington (I know Ision has been dying to go). I am so looking forward to leaving the wretched project that I am doing right now at work and embarking on this whole new adventure!
OK, life update over and now on to this month's musical offering, which is a composition documenting how one tortures himself in his pursuit of love. There is a variety of ways a person can knowingly (or otherwise) fall into this pattern of self-harm and these are just ten examples that quickly come to mind:
1) Having a crush on someone who has no feelings for you and expecting the love to be requited someday.
2) Forgiving someone repeatedly for cheating on you because you feel that you can't find someone better.
3) Hiding the pain of loneliness by telling others that you are perfectly fine being alone.
4) Finding excuses for not being able to settle down yet loathing your superficial promiscuous lifestyle.
5) Being in a loveless marriage for the sake of kids.
6) Diving into a relationship too fast not knowing what you want exactly.
7) Convincing yourself as a heterosexual that your gay partner will successfully change (or already has).
8) Failing to realise that you are to blame for always being dumped (or being chronically-single).
9) Claiming that you are in a monogamous relationship but constantly sleeping around with other people.
10) Hating someone who broke your heart and not being able to move on or trust another person again.
Some might disagree with item 9 being a form of self-torture but if you believe in karma, what you do to hurt others will come back eventually to damage you in some way. Although there are many forms this unhealthy behaviour can take, the common thing is that you made the conscious choice to engage in such acts. In my opinion only when you admit that to yourself can the healing process begin, much like in AA groups where every one introduces themselves with "Hi, I am XXX and I am an alcoholic".
And with this concept of self-harm in the search of love, I wrote this song. The story in the piece is not a personal one but I can relate to it all too well—I used to purposely make myself feel worse when I was alone or heartbroken by being around happy couples. I believed back then that even if I had nothing, I still had the ability to feel pain. This is a classic manifestation of self-torture and we should snap out of it as soon as possible—that is only if we are made aware of it and I hope this month's musical journey can play a little part in making the self-awareness process easier.
[自虐]
词 / 曲 : 锦泉
这世上有一些人不应该去爱
偏偏厄运我挡不来
染上了一身的无奈
不知道爱与恨到底哪个实在
孤注一掷后悔不来
背负一身感情的债
爱情谜底我解不开
答案原来迷失一片恨海
我与时间忙着比赛
看最后谁放弃得比较快
自虐的心态控制不来
流出眼泪才算痛快
我竟然能够置身事外
若命运赐我最坏的安排
没有人能让我责怪
也只好一个人继续把我的肉体出卖
自虐的心态控制不来
我与自己互相伤害
噩梦循环看不见未来
只因没有人能把你取代
有你给的冷漠依赖
你锋利得像一把刀
我却喜欢把你拥入怀
[Self-Torture]
There are certain kinds of people in this world we should not love
But I was unable to avoid bad luck
And got myself knee-deep in helplessness
I don't really know whether love or hate is more real
But I cannot regret now that I placed my bet with everything I have
Now that I am burdened with the debt of heartbreak
I cannot solve the mystery of love
Because the answers are lost in a sea of hate
I am busy competing with time
Because I want to find out who will give up faster
I cannot control the desire to torture myself
I can only feel better when tears actually fall
If my destiny has arranged for the worst
I have no one else to blame
And all I can do is to continue betraying my flesh
I cannot control the desire to torture myself
Me and myself are constantly hurting each other
Nightmares in a vicious cycle blocking the future from my view
Simply because there is no one who can replace you
And there is your cold shoulder to lean on
You are like a blade but still I enjoy holding you tightly in an embrace
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Test subject
I have been granted the Papua New Guinea work permit! This ends stage-2 of this bureaucratic obstacle course and now I just need my entry permit to get processed to put to an end this long-drawn process. I will then be that much closer to my first 4-week paid vacation after 28 days of work. I think a September departure is still a reasonable estimate seeing how things have gone so far.
Now that the news-update section of this post is out of the way, I can move on to the topic of the day. Over the years, I have been used several times as a guinea pig by photographers trying to test out new concepts, lighting techniques and to polish their editing skills. As I was digging through my archives, I found these three test shots I did for a travelling photographer when I was vacationing in Bangkok (how I missed that city... when will it be peaceful enough again to visit I wonder). You can clearly see the reflective board placed under me in one of these shots which indicates that this is not the final product. You might also notice the shipping container-like background and flooring photoshopped into one of the edits which again is part of the photographer's experimental process.
You might think that the camera-holder is always the one doing all the work but posing can get quite challenging at times. Two of these shots below involved placing the body and hands in strategic places just to provide enough cover. Freezing the entire body in that tense position with all muscles flexed yet trying to make it look natural by keeping the face relaxed is not easy. For people who have done nude physique modelling before, you will understand the difficulties involved. I can't recall the number of times looking at magazine photos of clothed models and feeling how easy their lives must be! It is precisely this reason why I have intentionally avoided being a nude model for painters especially after being told that subjects are required to stay in the same pose for hours on end!
Being a test subject does have its perks because you tend to be able to provide more of your own input and make it a more collaborative experience. It can get very enjoyable when the chemistry is just right between the artist and subject. There are still tons of concepts I want to explore but I do know that time is finite in the face of relentless aging. Therefore I am also very realistic in terms of what I can actually do before my used-by date comes up. I have never really worried about aging but I must admit that the thought of growing old and dying before realising my goals have surfaced quite a few times in the recent months. Well at least I am taken now and I don't need to fret over becoming frail and ugly alone.
Whilst I still have the goods to deliver, I will strive hard to grab every opportunity to make myself look as good as I can. If not, all the work I put in as a model plus the countless hours in the gym would be wasted. From all the pictures I have posted on this blog for the past six years, I believe I managed to achieve that. Don't you think so?
PS: Here are the labels the photographer has tagged these photos with for his own reference (I thought some of them are hilarious): 30-34 years; Asia; Asian; Indo-China; Southeast Asia; abdominal; abs; adult; adults only; artist's model; backlit; beautiful people; beauty; black and white; black background; black hair; body; bodybuilding; chest; contemplative; defined; ethnicity; fine art; idyllic; illuminated; lighted; male; man; masculine; model; muscles; muscular; naked; nude; nudist; nudity; one person; one young man only; pec; pectoral; person; photography; physique; pose; sensual; sensuality; serene; sex; sex symbol; sexual issues; silhouette; slim; studio shot; temptation; torso; weight-lifter; well-built.
Now that the news-update section of this post is out of the way, I can move on to the topic of the day. Over the years, I have been used several times as a guinea pig by photographers trying to test out new concepts, lighting techniques and to polish their editing skills. As I was digging through my archives, I found these three test shots I did for a travelling photographer when I was vacationing in Bangkok (how I missed that city... when will it be peaceful enough again to visit I wonder). You can clearly see the reflective board placed under me in one of these shots which indicates that this is not the final product. You might also notice the shipping container-like background and flooring photoshopped into one of the edits which again is part of the photographer's experimental process.
You might think that the camera-holder is always the one doing all the work but posing can get quite challenging at times. Two of these shots below involved placing the body and hands in strategic places just to provide enough cover. Freezing the entire body in that tense position with all muscles flexed yet trying to make it look natural by keeping the face relaxed is not easy. For people who have done nude physique modelling before, you will understand the difficulties involved. I can't recall the number of times looking at magazine photos of clothed models and feeling how easy their lives must be! It is precisely this reason why I have intentionally avoided being a nude model for painters especially after being told that subjects are required to stay in the same pose for hours on end!
Being a test subject does have its perks because you tend to be able to provide more of your own input and make it a more collaborative experience. It can get very enjoyable when the chemistry is just right between the artist and subject. There are still tons of concepts I want to explore but I do know that time is finite in the face of relentless aging. Therefore I am also very realistic in terms of what I can actually do before my used-by date comes up. I have never really worried about aging but I must admit that the thought of growing old and dying before realising my goals have surfaced quite a few times in the recent months. Well at least I am taken now and I don't need to fret over becoming frail and ugly alone.
Whilst I still have the goods to deliver, I will strive hard to grab every opportunity to make myself look as good as I can. If not, all the work I put in as a model plus the countless hours in the gym would be wasted. From all the pictures I have posted on this blog for the past six years, I believe I managed to achieve that. Don't you think so?
PS: Here are the labels the photographer has tagged these photos with for his own reference (I thought some of them are hilarious): 30-34 years; Asia; Asian; Indo-China; Southeast Asia; abdominal; abs; adult; adults only; artist's model; backlit; beautiful people; beauty; black and white; black background; black hair; body; bodybuilding; chest; contemplative; defined; ethnicity; fine art; idyllic; illuminated; lighted; male; man; masculine; model; muscles; muscular; naked; nude; nudist; nudity; one person; one young man only; pec; pectoral; person; photography; physique; pose; sensual; sensuality; serene; sex; sex symbol; sexual issues; silhouette; slim; studio shot; temptation; torso; weight-lifter; well-built.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Musical journey (48)
One of my favourite Asian male singers is Eason Chan (陳奕迅) and over his musical career, he has produced (and still is producing) countless hit tunes, many of which I really like. This month's musical offering would be a cover of his "富士山下", a Cantonese piece with extremely well-written lyrics. I have done covers in the past but I have decided to now do it in a different way by superimposing my singing onto the original MTV. I hope you will find the result not too jarring since you might be expecting the original singer's voice instead of mine.
Well I do covers this way partly also because I yearn to have my own professionally-shot MTV one day with one of my compositions (the closest to that I have so far can be found here and here). By the way I am going to star in a sexy MTV soon as one of the two male models (ie. eye candies). Shooting starts at the end of this month and I am super excited about this new project. More importantly I have started a conversation with the MTV's singer to see if I can start a collaborative relationship with him along the lines of compositions, performances and recordings. I have sent him some of my work and he was quite impressed. After a meeting we kind of decided that me doing background vocals for him might be the best starting point going forward.
Although things are progressing in the right direction, I will approach this practically as I know that a lot of these collaborations end up in nothing seeing how hard it is to enter a music market as a foreigner and how disengaged I am with what's currently in and sells in the industry. Nevertheless I will keep pushing for something to happen so you should all watch this space in the upcoming months. OK that's enough dreaming for now. Here's my cover of Eason Chan's "富士山下", a song that is not that easy to tackle. Hope this doesn't cause any copyright issues.
Well I do covers this way partly also because I yearn to have my own professionally-shot MTV one day with one of my compositions (the closest to that I have so far can be found here and here). By the way I am going to star in a sexy MTV soon as one of the two male models (ie. eye candies). Shooting starts at the end of this month and I am super excited about this new project. More importantly I have started a conversation with the MTV's singer to see if I can start a collaborative relationship with him along the lines of compositions, performances and recordings. I have sent him some of my work and he was quite impressed. After a meeting we kind of decided that me doing background vocals for him might be the best starting point going forward.
Although things are progressing in the right direction, I will approach this practically as I know that a lot of these collaborations end up in nothing seeing how hard it is to enter a music market as a foreigner and how disengaged I am with what's currently in and sells in the industry. Nevertheless I will keep pushing for something to happen so you should all watch this space in the upcoming months. OK that's enough dreaming for now. Here's my cover of Eason Chan's "富士山下", a song that is not that easy to tackle. Hope this doesn't cause any copyright issues.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
6-6-6
It's the 6th month of 2014 but more importantly today is the 6th anniversary of my living in Australia which means that I have spent 1/6th of my life on this continent (hence the triple 6 in the title).
On 21st June 2008, I stepped on a plane after having decided that Ision is my final destination. Thinking back now, I find it hard to believe that I had that amount of courage in me to make perhaps this biggest move in my life. I guess people have done much more glorious (and stranger) things in the name of love for eons so who am I to wax lyrical about my courage in the pursuit of this four-letter word?
I have always maintained that the motivation behind my relocation was 50% pull (Ision) and 50% push (draconian rules of Singapore especially towards homosexuals) although I think secretly the pull factor was a little more than 50%. The reason why I had to tell myself constantly that it was only 50% is because of my self-protection instinct—if the relationship fails, I would not have lost it all. But after 7 years in this together with Ision (plus a civil union along the way), I think this reminder to myself can finally be pronounced obsolete.
Of course this does not make the push factor any less significant. I have been following the development of gay rights in Singapore over these 6 years and sometimes I really struggle to see if it is truly three-steps forward/two-steps back or the other way round instead. The 6th (another 6!) Pink Dot takes place in a week (I swear I will attend it in person one day) and the fact that this event never stops growing larger in scale is in my opinion the strongest indicator that it's three-steps forward. Alas homosexuals living in Singapore must still remain ever-vigilant and cannot let their guard down as the opposing voices are often louder, shriller and most sickeningly, they come with greater clout.
Take the recent backlash from the Muslim community and the fact that different religious groups often unite in Singapore to sound their dissent for instance, ironically ignoring the other glaring things that make their faiths diametrically-opposite from one another. Don't these people have better things to do than to fight something that is inevitable? Don't they know what they do makes Singapore look like an oppressive third-world country (perhaps it still is) in the eyes of other nations? These people who rear their ugly heads against a single disadvantaged minority group never fail to grab every chance to satiate their hunger for might and superiority but they also unknowingly reveal how primitive and silly they are. As I see these naysayers come out of the woodwork once again and read about these disappointing developments, I feel glad that I made that decision 6 years ago.
You might now ask, if uprooting myself from Singapore was such a good idea, what do I have to show for this decision now that I have had all these years to establish my life down under? For starters, I am recognised under the law as the spouse of my same-sex partner so that is a huge plus (not huge enough as gay marriage is still illegal but we're getting there albeit slowly). I have also recently been given a role that furthers my career—my official title in Papua New Guinea is "Production Lead", something that will most definitely brighten up my CV. This progression must mean that I am doing things right in my career, which gives me another tick in this 6-year report card. Also, I have been looking for true love for the longest time and my relationship with Ision has never been stronger (in fact I am getting a little overly-dependent on him—sometimes I am not too sure if that is really a bad thing). Therefore in the love department, another tick has been earned.
Although as stated above, the three most important things in my life are all trending in the right direction, there are still several things that remain under-developed eg. my modelling career, busking ambitions, and property-purchase. As I am not getting any younger, I think it is best that I put my efforts in becoming a better model to hibernation (although I still want to do photo shoots in a few particular genres, when opportunities become available). Unlike modelling, busking is not age-dependent and since I am still composing regularly, falling behind is not such a bad thing (as long as I resume it at some point in time). Then comes the buying of property, which remains the biggest ick factor in my life right now. It's icky because I know it makes perfect fiscal sense to buy seeing that prices never stop rising yet I am still procrastinating (which never stopped since more than 3 years ago). Well I blame this on my job which constantly injects uncertainty into where I call "home" and since we are still planning to move to UK after my 12-month stint in Papua New Guinea, I think it is not the end-of-the-world if I don't buy now. This is the way I always rationalise my failings (a.k.a. finding something to blame)—definitely something I am not proud of but this system works so I tend not to mend it if it is not broken.
One thing that is certain is my life has become more of an adventure ever since I moved away from the predictable comforts of Singapore. This not only accelerated personal-growth, I have also come to realise it did (and still does) make life more interesting (even though I will never give up my penchant for routine and stability). As I prepare for my next adventure (my work in PNG tentatively starts 1st August), I look back fondly at how Australia has changed me over these 6 years, while missing the food, my friends and family back home (my favourite 3-F's).
If the only constant in life is change, I hope it treats me kindly so I can return to this spot in 6 years' time as a much better person to tell you all that has happened since.
On 21st June 2008, I stepped on a plane after having decided that Ision is my final destination. Thinking back now, I find it hard to believe that I had that amount of courage in me to make perhaps this biggest move in my life. I guess people have done much more glorious (and stranger) things in the name of love for eons so who am I to wax lyrical about my courage in the pursuit of this four-letter word?
I have always maintained that the motivation behind my relocation was 50% pull (Ision) and 50% push (draconian rules of Singapore especially towards homosexuals) although I think secretly the pull factor was a little more than 50%. The reason why I had to tell myself constantly that it was only 50% is because of my self-protection instinct—if the relationship fails, I would not have lost it all. But after 7 years in this together with Ision (plus a civil union along the way), I think this reminder to myself can finally be pronounced obsolete.
Of course this does not make the push factor any less significant. I have been following the development of gay rights in Singapore over these 6 years and sometimes I really struggle to see if it is truly three-steps forward/two-steps back or the other way round instead. The 6th (another 6!) Pink Dot takes place in a week (I swear I will attend it in person one day) and the fact that this event never stops growing larger in scale is in my opinion the strongest indicator that it's three-steps forward. Alas homosexuals living in Singapore must still remain ever-vigilant and cannot let their guard down as the opposing voices are often louder, shriller and most sickeningly, they come with greater clout.
Take the recent backlash from the Muslim community and the fact that different religious groups often unite in Singapore to sound their dissent for instance, ironically ignoring the other glaring things that make their faiths diametrically-opposite from one another. Don't these people have better things to do than to fight something that is inevitable? Don't they know what they do makes Singapore look like an oppressive third-world country (perhaps it still is) in the eyes of other nations? These people who rear their ugly heads against a single disadvantaged minority group never fail to grab every chance to satiate their hunger for might and superiority but they also unknowingly reveal how primitive and silly they are. As I see these naysayers come out of the woodwork once again and read about these disappointing developments, I feel glad that I made that decision 6 years ago.
You might now ask, if uprooting myself from Singapore was such a good idea, what do I have to show for this decision now that I have had all these years to establish my life down under? For starters, I am recognised under the law as the spouse of my same-sex partner so that is a huge plus (not huge enough as gay marriage is still illegal but we're getting there albeit slowly). I have also recently been given a role that furthers my career—my official title in Papua New Guinea is "Production Lead", something that will most definitely brighten up my CV. This progression must mean that I am doing things right in my career, which gives me another tick in this 6-year report card. Also, I have been looking for true love for the longest time and my relationship with Ision has never been stronger (in fact I am getting a little overly-dependent on him—sometimes I am not too sure if that is really a bad thing). Therefore in the love department, another tick has been earned.
Although as stated above, the three most important things in my life are all trending in the right direction, there are still several things that remain under-developed eg. my modelling career, busking ambitions, and property-purchase. As I am not getting any younger, I think it is best that I put my efforts in becoming a better model to hibernation (although I still want to do photo shoots in a few particular genres, when opportunities become available). Unlike modelling, busking is not age-dependent and since I am still composing regularly, falling behind is not such a bad thing (as long as I resume it at some point in time). Then comes the buying of property, which remains the biggest ick factor in my life right now. It's icky because I know it makes perfect fiscal sense to buy seeing that prices never stop rising yet I am still procrastinating (which never stopped since more than 3 years ago). Well I blame this on my job which constantly injects uncertainty into where I call "home" and since we are still planning to move to UK after my 12-month stint in Papua New Guinea, I think it is not the end-of-the-world if I don't buy now. This is the way I always rationalise my failings (a.k.a. finding something to blame)—definitely something I am not proud of but this system works so I tend not to mend it if it is not broken.
One thing that is certain is my life has become more of an adventure ever since I moved away from the predictable comforts of Singapore. This not only accelerated personal-growth, I have also come to realise it did (and still does) make life more interesting (even though I will never give up my penchant for routine and stability). As I prepare for my next adventure (my work in PNG tentatively starts 1st August), I look back fondly at how Australia has changed me over these 6 years, while missing the food, my friends and family back home (my favourite 3-F's).
If the only constant in life is change, I hope it treats me kindly so I can return to this spot in 6 years' time as a much better person to tell you all that has happened since.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Musical journey (47)
I have described in many previous posts the passion I have for performing and so it is not surprising that I will grab every opportunity to perform in front of audience. However I feel that there is a difference between this kind of ad hoc performances and those people do in order to earn a living. I might be perceived as negative here but I think making one's passion a livelihood somehow tarnishes that brilliant energy just a little bit. I am sure there are many examples out there that prove me wrong but this is just a personal opinion.
Opportunities to perform come in many forms and one of them is at work functions. When my current Australian company organised a talent contest, I was one of the first to sign up but alas there wasn't enough interest in the competition (how can an Asian person be less shy and inhibited than Aussies?!) and the event had to be cancelled. There were many more chances to sing for colleagues back when I was in Singapore which also included the associated task of writing team-building songs (that sometimes make me cringe a wee bit).
In this month's musical journey, you will get to listen to a song written for a company that is not so cringe-worthy. In fact I quite like the words myself (other than the word "safety" which I was forced to include) as they are really positive (I had to shove my usual negativity aside and invoke my imagination to write it). The clever (and lazy) thing about this composition is that I used the tune of one of my favourite Chinese pieces to write new words for the corporate event. Needless to say I enjoyed every second of performing it in front of my work mates (and bosses!).
So here's my musical sharing for June (2014 has sure flown by fast).
[More Than Meets the Eye]
The odds are small
The walls so tall
When challenged we show no signs of fear at all
But when we stand alone we will fall
So when we heed the call
We stand together through it all
The stakes are high
We race against time
There are no answers too hard for us to find
'Cos we have the skills for us to fight
Talents we cannot hide
'Cos we're more than meets the eye
We raise the bar high
So we can strive to be the best
And with pride we do it right
With safety in mind
Through good and bad times
We will find that we will build ties that bind
So hand in hand
Let us soar above the sky
With our goals in sight we're aligned
With each and every one we will strike
Nothing's too high for us to climb
We'll stand united at the start line
Now it's time for us to shine
The world will see why
We are more than meets the eye
Opportunities to perform come in many forms and one of them is at work functions. When my current Australian company organised a talent contest, I was one of the first to sign up but alas there wasn't enough interest in the competition (how can an Asian person be less shy and inhibited than Aussies?!) and the event had to be cancelled. There were many more chances to sing for colleagues back when I was in Singapore which also included the associated task of writing team-building songs (that sometimes make me cringe a wee bit).
In this month's musical journey, you will get to listen to a song written for a company that is not so cringe-worthy. In fact I quite like the words myself (other than the word "safety" which I was forced to include) as they are really positive (I had to shove my usual negativity aside and invoke my imagination to write it). The clever (and lazy) thing about this composition is that I used the tune of one of my favourite Chinese pieces to write new words for the corporate event. Needless to say I enjoyed every second of performing it in front of my work mates (and bosses!).
So here's my musical sharing for June (2014 has sure flown by fast).
[More Than Meets the Eye]
The odds are small
The walls so tall
When challenged we show no signs of fear at all
But when we stand alone we will fall
So when we heed the call
We stand together through it all
The stakes are high
We race against time
There are no answers too hard for us to find
'Cos we have the skills for us to fight
Talents we cannot hide
'Cos we're more than meets the eye
We raise the bar high
So we can strive to be the best
And with pride we do it right
With safety in mind
Through good and bad times
We will find that we will build ties that bind
So hand in hand
Let us soar above the sky
With our goals in sight we're aligned
With each and every one we will strike
Nothing's too high for us to climb
We'll stand united at the start line
Now it's time for us to shine
The world will see why
We are more than meets the eye
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Musical journey (46)
You might not be aware of this but I have been given a 12-month stint working in several oil and gas plants in the Southern Highlands of Papua New Guinea (PNG) on a 28 days on/28 days off rotation. I originally baulked at the idea of working 28 days non-stop for 12 hours a day but the lure of having the next 28 days off while on full pay (at about a 50% higher rate) is too strong to pass off especially when work is so scarce in Melbourne right now. It felt so good when the boss announced at the department meeting that I have been given this role. What a morale-booster for me to think that I am finally not seen as a under-performer in the office!
However the negativity in me strikes again—who knows what will happen at the end of the 12 months? That's why I intend to impress the pants off the client while on the job so that I have the best chances of a contract-extension should there still be no Melbourne work (or elsewhere) at the end of this stint. By the way London has finally decided to hire but that has to be put on hold because I committed to the PNG deal first, much to Ision's dismay. Anyway there is enough work in London to require me there for the next 5 years (that's what I have been told) and the London manager is happy to get me back when PNG ends. So we shall all watch this space.
PNG visa-application is underway at the moment and that takes about 2 - 4 months (talk about red tape and inefficiency!) which means that I am going to bid my boo farewell some time between July to September. He will surely survive without me as this is not the first time I am working away from home (it was Brisbane the last time round). What will sorely be missed though is the comfort of living in a nice developed city like Melbourne in an area where everything you could possibly want is just a stone's throw away, not to mention the lively busking scene featuring some very good talents in Australia.
Speaking of busking, I finally got a taste of it recently. While waiting for a late friend for dinner, I plucked up the courage to ask if I could sing and sang I did, not one but three songs. In hindsight I should not have given her money because I did earn her some when I was singing. She is a wandering performer with no fixed location but I will surely do the same thing should I meet her again. It was both relaxing and exhilarating singing on the streets in front of a group of people. The mix of emotions is a little hard to describe but suffice to say it gave me further confirmation that busking is what I want to do. If only I am not that lazy and actually put in the effort to pin down a willing instrumentalist for real! I know the PNG thing should not be a hindrance to this desire but I have a strong inkling it will...
Anyway in the meantime, this is what happened that night when I sang along Bourke Street for the first time.
However the negativity in me strikes again—who knows what will happen at the end of the 12 months? That's why I intend to impress the pants off the client while on the job so that I have the best chances of a contract-extension should there still be no Melbourne work (or elsewhere) at the end of this stint. By the way London has finally decided to hire but that has to be put on hold because I committed to the PNG deal first, much to Ision's dismay. Anyway there is enough work in London to require me there for the next 5 years (that's what I have been told) and the London manager is happy to get me back when PNG ends. So we shall all watch this space.
PNG visa-application is underway at the moment and that takes about 2 - 4 months (talk about red tape and inefficiency!) which means that I am going to bid my boo farewell some time between July to September. He will surely survive without me as this is not the first time I am working away from home (it was Brisbane the last time round). What will sorely be missed though is the comfort of living in a nice developed city like Melbourne in an area where everything you could possibly want is just a stone's throw away, not to mention the lively busking scene featuring some very good talents in Australia.
Speaking of busking, I finally got a taste of it recently. While waiting for a late friend for dinner, I plucked up the courage to ask if I could sing and sang I did, not one but three songs. In hindsight I should not have given her money because I did earn her some when I was singing. She is a wandering performer with no fixed location but I will surely do the same thing should I meet her again. It was both relaxing and exhilarating singing on the streets in front of a group of people. The mix of emotions is a little hard to describe but suffice to say it gave me further confirmation that busking is what I want to do. If only I am not that lazy and actually put in the effort to pin down a willing instrumentalist for real! I know the PNG thing should not be a hindrance to this desire but I have a strong inkling it will...
Anyway in the meantime, this is what happened that night when I sang along Bourke Street for the first time.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Nudity prevails
It has been ages since I posted my photo shoot pictures and this month you are in luck once again. As I was digging through my archives, I realised I had a long-forgotten series done back in 2010 at Obelisk Beach when I was still living in Sydney. This is the only solo shoot I have ever done at a location where nudity is not only allowed but celebrated. Other than the feeling of total liberation, the attention I got from the other nudists was an exhilaration that cannot really be replicated by anything else.
This series is small but it still manages to neatly provide a snapshot of my life back in Sydney where everything was new and exciting, when I still had the drive to do the many things that I wouldn't do now. That was a good and fun time and I have the photos to show for it.
Nudity prevailed and still does.
This series is small but it still manages to neatly provide a snapshot of my life back in Sydney where everything was new and exciting, when I still had the drive to do the many things that I wouldn't do now. That was a good and fun time and I have the photos to show for it.
Nudity prevailed and still does.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Musical journey (45)
Time has really flown by since this month's musical piece was written—fifteen years to be exact. Back then I was an extremely maladjusted little army boy void of any self-esteem. One of the most effective ways I used to numb the anguish of dealing with homosexual thoughts I desperately wanted to get rid of was to write angsty and emo songs.
Come to think of it now, I am not sure if these songs helped in any way because from the lyrics, I must have been pretty messed up during that time and so I find it hard to believe that bringing all those raw emotions to the surface could actually alleviate suffering. Well maybe writing such songs gave me assurance that I was still able to feel pain and that I was resilient enough to deal with more of it. Sometimes I don't think I give the twenty year old Kim the credit that he deserves for he must have been really strong to be able to continue functioning normally through that difficult period of army life and coming out.
My journey of coming to terms with homosexuality was a very lonesome one and very often I felt as if I was naked and alone on a plain, when the only thing I could talk to or help me was the wind. I never want to experience that feeling of drowning with no one to save me ever again yet I don't ever want to forget it. That is why I am thankful I wrote this song because with it I will always be able to remember where I came from and how changed I have become.
[风]
词 / 曲 : 锦泉
突然觉得惊惶失措
一个人站在旷野中
一阵风吹向我
我发现这风的冷漠
其实我也尝试改变自己
我也知道不可能的
我还是， 还是执迷
风啊， 只有我和你
风， 你能否带走我的苦啊
风， 你不能就请继续吹吧
我心中的痛只有我自己能操纵
可是我赤裸裸在风中不知所措
风， 你能否吹袭我的害怕
风， 你吹灭指引我的火把
无止境的惶恐， 你永远都不会懂
冻僵的灵魂怎能拖着疲惫的身体走
[Wind]
Panic and helplessness consumes me suddenly
As I stand alone on this vast plain
A gust of wind blows toward me
Making me realise how cold it is
I have actually attempted to change
Even though I know that is not possible
But I still remain obstinate
And now only the wind and I remain
Wind, can you take this suffering away
Wind, if you cannot do that then please just continue with your journey
The pain in my heart can only be controlled by myself
But there I stand naked in the wind not knowing what to do
Wind, are you able to attack my fears
Wind, you extinguished my guiding torch instead
You will never comprehend this infinite terror
How can this frozen soul continue to drag this tired body along
Come to think of it now, I am not sure if these songs helped in any way because from the lyrics, I must have been pretty messed up during that time and so I find it hard to believe that bringing all those raw emotions to the surface could actually alleviate suffering. Well maybe writing such songs gave me assurance that I was still able to feel pain and that I was resilient enough to deal with more of it. Sometimes I don't think I give the twenty year old Kim the credit that he deserves for he must have been really strong to be able to continue functioning normally through that difficult period of army life and coming out.
My journey of coming to terms with homosexuality was a very lonesome one and very often I felt as if I was naked and alone on a plain, when the only thing I could talk to or help me was the wind. I never want to experience that feeling of drowning with no one to save me ever again yet I don't ever want to forget it. That is why I am thankful I wrote this song because with it I will always be able to remember where I came from and how changed I have become.
[风]
词 / 曲 : 锦泉
突然觉得惊惶失措
一个人站在旷野中
一阵风吹向我
我发现这风的冷漠
其实我也尝试改变自己
我也知道不可能的
我还是， 还是执迷
风啊， 只有我和你
风， 你能否带走我的苦啊
风， 你不能就请继续吹吧
我心中的痛只有我自己能操纵
可是我赤裸裸在风中不知所措
风， 你能否吹袭我的害怕
风， 你吹灭指引我的火把
无止境的惶恐， 你永远都不会懂
冻僵的灵魂怎能拖着疲惫的身体走
[Wind]
Panic and helplessness consumes me suddenly
As I stand alone on this vast plain
A gust of wind blows toward me
Making me realise how cold it is
I have actually attempted to change
Even though I know that is not possible
But I still remain obstinate
And now only the wind and I remain
Wind, can you take this suffering away
Wind, if you cannot do that then please just continue with your journey
The pain in my heart can only be controlled by myself
But there I stand naked in the wind not knowing what to do
Wind, are you able to attack my fears
Wind, you extinguished my guiding torch instead
You will never comprehend this infinite terror
How can this frozen soul continue to drag this tired body along
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Q1 2014 update
Since I've returned from my three-week vacation, the pace at work has been frantically hectic to say the least. It is as if we are all rushing to get jobless at the same time as the only two major projects (with increasingly-compressed schedules) that are keeping the office afloat will both end at the same time. There is absolutely no work forecast to keep us employed after these two projects and come some time next month, the need for the London opportunity (which is being pursued by five others in my department) becomes more pressing than ever. Speaking about London, the start of several projects over there got delayed and recruitment became uncertain (*yawn*) but rest assured that I will bug the London process manager no end till I get some sort of certainty.
However it is not all bad news on the work front—I have just received the best performance review ever with the attainment of an overall "Meets Expectations" standard for the first time since I transferred into the Melbourne office and even "Exceeding Expectations" under "Action Orientation" (even though "Meets Expectations" is supposed to be the the norm). This just shows that first, a male boss beats a female boss hands down in terms of not micro-managing when it comes to employees' performance (amongst other things). Also this boss is new and thus has no inaccurate and prejudiced pre-conceived notions of me from previous performance reviews. Lastly good reviews are really largely based on luck (mine being no different) as I did not get comments from people who hates me majorly (your future in the company depends about 70% on how other people judge you, this is how scary and political things are in my office). My weeks of apprehension typical of the period before performance reviews can finally be put to bed for at least another year, that is if I am still employed in Melbourne in 2015.
Oh, and we also moved into our new place (ie. a pretty impressive feat seeing how we did not hire any help) and FINALLY got the Internet up and running. You never know how much you can miss this warmth and normalcy now flowing in our blood until you lose it. As for what normalcy means to me these days, it is the enjoyment of the relaxing confines of my apartment walls and simple things like surfing the net and watching news on TV. I never expected someone who used to loathe staying at home in the weekends could actually become such a hermit. I blame it all on Ision actually as he is the one who influenced me to be like him. I am not saying this is bad at all. In fact, I really relish the times when we are both at home doing nothing, when I can just go over to him to give him a hug and kiss as and when I like. If only his working hours match mine, then we can really spend more time and do much more together. I recently told him that I am thankful he made me become someone who gets contented and happy with the most basic of things. I don't think this is healthy but I am finding myself increasingly dependent on having him around and as physically-close to me as possible. I guess this is part and parcel of married life (I still find it quite odd to call him "husband").
This love for not going outside also means that my desire to do more photo shoots has waned to a new low. The last photo shoot I did was almost exactly a year ago (the one in Brisbane) and I have not had a strong urge like before to strip in front of the camera (and I don't feel strange or uneasy about it!). Maybe this is for the best as I am not getting any younger and perkier. I hope this does not translate to me rationalising away the need to upkeep my gym routine (which hasn't happened thankfully)! The search for a busking partner is also proving to be too much of an effort and I am almost at the point of giving up on that venture as well. What species of sloth have I mutated into?!
Well that's the overview of this quarterly update from me. To have a taste of the finer details, here are my Facebook statuses from the time I came back from my vacation up till just a few moments ago. These status updates offer a clear indication of the phase of life ("The Next Next Phase"?) I am in right now. Married and contented.
“Kids don't try this at home - going into office for a full day of work after an overnight flight on budget economy. The ultimate zombifying experience.”
“FINALLY FINISHED UPDATING MY SPREADSHEET WITH ALL THE VACATION ENTRIES!!! Had to do it over a few sessions this weekend as it was all too much. Guess how much time in total I took to do it? It will shock you. Now for a little bit of outdoor time with Ision at the Midsumma Festival. Sorting out the pictures/videos I took is next when I return.”
“You can really miss something even though you have only gone without it for a short 3 weeks. Boo's cooking that is.”
“Forecast today: 43 degrees Celsius. Does hell ever get to that temperature?”
“Tokyo has a snow forecast tomorrow!!! Why didn't that happen when I was there???”
“Just got off a phone conversation with the manager of the London office. Looks like an interview is in the works in the next 2 weeks or so. Super excited and nervous!!!”
“Finally the rain is here to end the 4-day heat wave!!!!”
“Lower back pain again and this time it's bad! Is it due to wrong sitting/sleeping/gymming posture? I need some good remedial massage and I need it now!”
“Still sorting out vacation pics to blog. 117 and counting... How am I going to fit all of them in without tiring myself out? The back pain doesn't help in any way!”
“Finally finished sorting out my vacation pictures and videos and the order to post them in! Somehow I don't feel that the vacation has ended until I have blogged about it. It's frightening sometimes to a step back and see how social media has impacted our existence and perception of things.”
“Uniqlo opening in Swanston Street Melbourne. After experiencing Tokyo's megastores, this dwarf of a branch is so cute... and laughable.”
“It is Monday night again and yummy din din awaits when I get home from work. Thank you booboo!!!”
“Didn't know that $10 can buy me SO much char siew. Will save some of my supper for later.”
“Why did they make it so hard for someone to apply for a UK spouse visa? Better apply sooner or later before they change the laws again and make it even harder!”
“It's home video night and just finished watching "Captain Phillips" and "Carrie", both excellent movies. Tom Hanks's acting was top-notch, especially the last scene. Haven't watched the original "Carrie" and didn't read the book either so didn't expect what happened in the last scene.”
“FINALLY! A proper full weekend with my boo. And you know what? For the first time, we are going to bake together. Item to conquer: pineapple tarts. [ Phoebee, it's your fault 8) ]”
“Now that the pineapple tarts are in the oven, we can only hope for the best. Will keep you posted of the final result.”
“Who would have thought such basic ingredients can be turned into something (pineapple tarts) so amazingly yummy? Fingers crossed!”
“Using the last bits of the leftover pineapple jam for brekkie. Too yummy.”
“What a crazy language! "Poorly" being both an adverb and adjective!”
“It sure feels good to be called a”world-class model" but seriously?!”
“It is freaking hot today and it will get worse tomorrow!”
“Just sent an email to "itsabouttheman.com" asking to model for them. Hope I am what they're looking for.”
“By the way, "itsabouttheman.com" so needs more Asian guys on that site! And here's Kimmy to the rescue! Just sent 100MB worth of pictures over. Let's see which ones they pick!”
“Just successfully negotiated my highest-ever fee for a modelling gig! Woot!”
“Sorry Baz Lurmann, I always thought you were gay. Apparently you are not.”
“F***ING HELL!! The online UK visa application website is not working!! WHY???~?!”
“Why does my sister want to make me jealous by sending me this picture of mum-cooked reunion dinner when I am all alone at home tonight???”
“Power is having money and not spending it because you are contented with what you have and don't need anything more.”
“Fire crackers setting off everywhere. Hope they don't start a fire in this intense heat!”
“9.30pm on a Sunday night. It's time for bed.”
“I like to visit the websites of photographers I have worked with because it always makes my day a little brighter seeing my pictures there. Ali (of Ali Choudhry photography), I am looking at you!”
“Yummy Monday night dinner, including dessert!!! Thank you boosboos!!!”
“Why are normal people supposed to be concerned with a convicted and guilty drug smuggler (Schapelle Corby)? When you do the crime, is it wrong to expect that you do the time as well?”
“We were so happy that day and damn, we looked so good, and so good together! The day I married Ision: 19th December 2013 -- our new anniversary date.”
“"Itsabouttheman.com" published my interview 3 days early!!! This first part features my work with Photography by Cobalt, Ali Choudhry Photography, Nemanja Glumac, Gabriel Ho, West Phillips and some others not on my friends list. What a nice bunch of pictures! Second part to follow soon.”
“I am officially a hash tag! (I know I am very primitive). #kimtien”
“Heading to a BBQ later in this hellish heat. "Expect lots of toplessness" is the only thing I can say now.”
“Mega cool! My friend has a 3D printer!”
“Why must be there be a total fire ban today? The BBQ pit has already been set up SO nicely!!!”
“Chinese New Year potluck on yet another hot summer day. My first gay group social event in Melbourne with my boo.”
“It feels good when your work is featured amongst pictures of other gorgeous men!”
“MY! PHONE! IS! FINALLY! HERE! But have to use my crappy iPhone 4 for one more day till I get my nano SIM and then BAM! 4G bliss again. Absence really makes the heart grow fonder!”
“Pan-fried barramundi with salad dressed in sesame sauce. Stir-fried eggplant with minced chicken and tomato in shrimp chilli paste. Egg noodle soup in marinated garlic and soy sauce stock topped with boiled carrots. Very elaborate for a simple Monday night dinner and all cooked by boo! Am I lucky or what?”
“From the "Final Fantasy: Lightning Returns" trailer, looks like this final installment of the trilogy is really different from the past 2 episodes. Gotta buy this tomorrow when it comes out!!!”
“Booboo's off-in-lieu today so my tummy benefits once more this week. Dumpling soup with dry mee pok plus chicken and eggplant stir-fried with mixed greens.”
“So exciting! Will veg out this whole coming weekend focusing on "Final Fantasy: Lightning Returns", starting tomorrow after work.”
“Work for the week done. Cardio for the weekend also done. Dinner cooked and consumed. Nothing stands between me and "Lightning Returns" now. HOR HOR HOR!!!”
“Why oh why must this inspection come in between me and Lightning?”
“Almost 8.30pm now and it is time for bed.”
“Want to see White Night tonight with boo but I am not too sure how this sits with his hatred for crowds... So how Ision???”
“妈妈，我爱你!”
“Happy Mardi Gras everyone. I will be at home playing my Xbox game. I'm glad I have done the parade (viewing and marching) a few times so that I am qualified to say "been there done that"”
“Simple but yummy Monday dinner made by boo. Organic ramen soup with smoked ham and chicken breast, with boiled greens in oyster sauce.”
“Finally!! I was wondering when "itsabouttheman.com" is going to post the second part of my pictures. I now regret not giving them some more!!”
“Start of the long weekend... what to do, what to do...”
“I have a white female colleague who likes to start her sentences with "I'm not a racist but...". What do you think I should say to her the next time she does that? By the way, I don't like her and it's not only because of her irritating voice.”
“It's been ages since my last interview but I have one tonight. It's the long-awaited video conference with the manager of the London office. Feeling more than a little nervous...”
“I love the ending of the Final Fantasy 13 trilogy!”
“Why aren't there more muscular Asians around?”
“Am I really over photo shoots? I have been in two minds about it for some time now.”
“I wonder what makes the innocent remake of the game "Fable" R18+. The intrigue makes me want to buy it even more.”
“Din din surprise on Monday night by booboo. Homemade Korean BBQ! Feeling so spoilt now. Thank you booboo!”
“Why have I turned into such a hermit? I used to avoid staying at home in the weekends like the plague!”
“Feeling lonely at home watching downloaded videos... and waiting restlessly for boo to come back from work in less than 3 hours' time so I can hug him again. That's my Friday and Saturday nights for almost every week for some time now.”
“Procrastination won't win today.... packing shall start in 30 minutes!”
“Thank goodness the steam room at my gym is up and running again after more than 2 months of down-time!”
“Wow. We own a trolley now, just like a professional removalist!”
“What a relaxing Sunday. Apple and custard pies in the oven and getting ready for afternoon tea with boo just inches away from me. I am really getting addicted to staying at home!”
“Why is there a strong smell of smoke in the air and yet there's no news report of forest fires?”
“蔡健雅's 達爾文 is my new favourite song. She is such a talented song-writer. If only I can write tunes like that...”
“The level of bureaucracy in Australian property management is abso-f***ing-lutely mind-boggling. Plus the separate entities don't communicate with one another (Body Corporate/Carpark Management/Security/Building Manager). And the high-and-mighty attitude exuding from these people who get high on red-tape doesn't help either. No wonder Australia finds itself not being able to compete with the rest of the world. It is no one else's fault but your own.”
“If a famous porn company wants to cast you, would you think that's a great compliment? I sure would (not that that has happened before)! Is this way of thinking unique to gay men only?”
“It is times like these that I seriously wish that I were living in my own property!”
“Civilisation has once again crept into my world! Internet has finally arrived!”
“To whoever you are who reported my photos, my list of friends has no place for prudes the likes of you so please F off and die. Looks like Facebook is on my side for once, no, twice!”
“Why the hell are there still such long queues at H&M more than a week after its opening??!!”
However it is not all bad news on the work front—I have just received the best performance review ever with the attainment of an overall "Meets Expectations" standard for the first time since I transferred into the Melbourne office and even "Exceeding Expectations" under "Action Orientation" (even though "Meets Expectations" is supposed to be the the norm). This just shows that first, a male boss beats a female boss hands down in terms of not micro-managing when it comes to employees' performance (amongst other things). Also this boss is new and thus has no inaccurate and prejudiced pre-conceived notions of me from previous performance reviews. Lastly good reviews are really largely based on luck (mine being no different) as I did not get comments from people who hates me majorly (your future in the company depends about 70% on how other people judge you, this is how scary and political things are in my office). My weeks of apprehension typical of the period before performance reviews can finally be put to bed for at least another year, that is if I am still employed in Melbourne in 2015.
Oh, and we also moved into our new place (ie. a pretty impressive feat seeing how we did not hire any help) and FINALLY got the Internet up and running. You never know how much you can miss this warmth and normalcy now flowing in our blood until you lose it. As for what normalcy means to me these days, it is the enjoyment of the relaxing confines of my apartment walls and simple things like surfing the net and watching news on TV. I never expected someone who used to loathe staying at home in the weekends could actually become such a hermit. I blame it all on Ision actually as he is the one who influenced me to be like him. I am not saying this is bad at all. In fact, I really relish the times when we are both at home doing nothing, when I can just go over to him to give him a hug and kiss as and when I like. If only his working hours match mine, then we can really spend more time and do much more together. I recently told him that I am thankful he made me become someone who gets contented and happy with the most basic of things. I don't think this is healthy but I am finding myself increasingly dependent on having him around and as physically-close to me as possible. I guess this is part and parcel of married life (I still find it quite odd to call him "husband").
This love for not going outside also means that my desire to do more photo shoots has waned to a new low. The last photo shoot I did was almost exactly a year ago (the one in Brisbane) and I have not had a strong urge like before to strip in front of the camera (and I don't feel strange or uneasy about it!). Maybe this is for the best as I am not getting any younger and perkier. I hope this does not translate to me rationalising away the need to upkeep my gym routine (which hasn't happened thankfully)! The search for a busking partner is also proving to be too much of an effort and I am almost at the point of giving up on that venture as well. What species of sloth have I mutated into?!
Well that's the overview of this quarterly update from me. To have a taste of the finer details, here are my Facebook statuses from the time I came back from my vacation up till just a few moments ago. These status updates offer a clear indication of the phase of life ("The Next Next Phase"?) I am in right now. Married and contented.
“Kids don't try this at home - going into office for a full day of work after an overnight flight on budget economy. The ultimate zombifying experience.”
“FINALLY FINISHED UPDATING MY SPREADSHEET WITH ALL THE VACATION ENTRIES!!! Had to do it over a few sessions this weekend as it was all too much. Guess how much time in total I took to do it? It will shock you. Now for a little bit of outdoor time with Ision at the Midsumma Festival. Sorting out the pictures/videos I took is next when I return.”
“You can really miss something even though you have only gone without it for a short 3 weeks. Boo's cooking that is.”
“Forecast today: 43 degrees Celsius. Does hell ever get to that temperature?”
“Tokyo has a snow forecast tomorrow!!! Why didn't that happen when I was there???”
“Just got off a phone conversation with the manager of the London office. Looks like an interview is in the works in the next 2 weeks or so. Super excited and nervous!!!”
“Finally the rain is here to end the 4-day heat wave!!!!”
“Lower back pain again and this time it's bad! Is it due to wrong sitting/sleeping/gymming posture? I need some good remedial massage and I need it now!”
“Still sorting out vacation pics to blog. 117 and counting... How am I going to fit all of them in without tiring myself out? The back pain doesn't help in any way!”
“Finally finished sorting out my vacation pictures and videos and the order to post them in! Somehow I don't feel that the vacation has ended until I have blogged about it. It's frightening sometimes to a step back and see how social media has impacted our existence and perception of things.”
“Uniqlo opening in Swanston Street Melbourne. After experiencing Tokyo's megastores, this dwarf of a branch is so cute... and laughable.”
“It is Monday night again and yummy din din awaits when I get home from work. Thank you booboo!!!”
“Didn't know that $10 can buy me SO much char siew. Will save some of my supper for later.”
“Why did they make it so hard for someone to apply for a UK spouse visa? Better apply sooner or later before they change the laws again and make it even harder!”
“It's home video night and just finished watching "Captain Phillips" and "Carrie", both excellent movies. Tom Hanks's acting was top-notch, especially the last scene. Haven't watched the original "Carrie" and didn't read the book either so didn't expect what happened in the last scene.”
“FINALLY! A proper full weekend with my boo. And you know what? For the first time, we are going to bake together. Item to conquer: pineapple tarts. [ Phoebee, it's your fault 8) ]”
“Now that the pineapple tarts are in the oven, we can only hope for the best. Will keep you posted of the final result.”
“Who would have thought such basic ingredients can be turned into something (pineapple tarts) so amazingly yummy? Fingers crossed!”
“Using the last bits of the leftover pineapple jam for brekkie. Too yummy.”
“What a crazy language! "Poorly" being both an adverb and adjective!”
“It sure feels good to be called a”world-class model" but seriously?!”
“It is freaking hot today and it will get worse tomorrow!”
“Just sent an email to "itsabouttheman.com" asking to model for them. Hope I am what they're looking for.”
“By the way, "itsabouttheman.com" so needs more Asian guys on that site! And here's Kimmy to the rescue! Just sent 100MB worth of pictures over. Let's see which ones they pick!”
“Just successfully negotiated my highest-ever fee for a modelling gig! Woot!”
“Sorry Baz Lurmann, I always thought you were gay. Apparently you are not.”
“F***ING HELL!! The online UK visa application website is not working!! WHY???~?!”
“Why does my sister want to make me jealous by sending me this picture of mum-cooked reunion dinner when I am all alone at home tonight???”
“Power is having money and not spending it because you are contented with what you have and don't need anything more.”
“Fire crackers setting off everywhere. Hope they don't start a fire in this intense heat!”
“9.30pm on a Sunday night. It's time for bed.”
“I like to visit the websites of photographers I have worked with because it always makes my day a little brighter seeing my pictures there. Ali (of Ali Choudhry photography), I am looking at you!”
“Yummy Monday night dinner, including dessert!!! Thank you boosboos!!!”
“Why are normal people supposed to be concerned with a convicted and guilty drug smuggler (Schapelle Corby)? When you do the crime, is it wrong to expect that you do the time as well?”
“We were so happy that day and damn, we looked so good, and so good together! The day I married Ision: 19th December 2013 -- our new anniversary date.”
“"Itsabouttheman.com" published my interview 3 days early!!! This first part features my work with Photography by Cobalt, Ali Choudhry Photography, Nemanja Glumac, Gabriel Ho, West Phillips and some others not on my friends list. What a nice bunch of pictures! Second part to follow soon.”
“I am officially a hash tag! (I know I am very primitive). #kimtien”
“Heading to a BBQ later in this hellish heat. "Expect lots of toplessness" is the only thing I can say now.”
“Mega cool! My friend has a 3D printer!”
“Why must be there be a total fire ban today? The BBQ pit has already been set up SO nicely!!!”
“Chinese New Year potluck on yet another hot summer day. My first gay group social event in Melbourne with my boo.”
“It feels good when your work is featured amongst pictures of other gorgeous men!”
“MY! PHONE! IS! FINALLY! HERE! But have to use my crappy iPhone 4 for one more day till I get my nano SIM and then BAM! 4G bliss again. Absence really makes the heart grow fonder!”
“Pan-fried barramundi with salad dressed in sesame sauce. Stir-fried eggplant with minced chicken and tomato in shrimp chilli paste. Egg noodle soup in marinated garlic and soy sauce stock topped with boiled carrots. Very elaborate for a simple Monday night dinner and all cooked by boo! Am I lucky or what?”
“From the "Final Fantasy: Lightning Returns" trailer, looks like this final installment of the trilogy is really different from the past 2 episodes. Gotta buy this tomorrow when it comes out!!!”
“Booboo's off-in-lieu today so my tummy benefits once more this week. Dumpling soup with dry mee pok plus chicken and eggplant stir-fried with mixed greens.”
“So exciting! Will veg out this whole coming weekend focusing on "Final Fantasy: Lightning Returns", starting tomorrow after work.”
“Work for the week done. Cardio for the weekend also done. Dinner cooked and consumed. Nothing stands between me and "Lightning Returns" now. HOR HOR HOR!!!”
“Why oh why must this inspection come in between me and Lightning?”
“Almost 8.30pm now and it is time for bed.”
“Want to see White Night tonight with boo but I am not too sure how this sits with his hatred for crowds... So how Ision???”
“妈妈，我爱你!”
“Happy Mardi Gras everyone. I will be at home playing my Xbox game. I'm glad I have done the parade (viewing and marching) a few times so that I am qualified to say "been there done that"”
“Simple but yummy Monday dinner made by boo. Organic ramen soup with smoked ham and chicken breast, with boiled greens in oyster sauce.”
“Finally!! I was wondering when "itsabouttheman.com" is going to post the second part of my pictures. I now regret not giving them some more!!”
“Start of the long weekend... what to do, what to do...”
“I have a white female colleague who likes to start her sentences with "I'm not a racist but...". What do you think I should say to her the next time she does that? By the way, I don't like her and it's not only because of her irritating voice.”
“It's been ages since my last interview but I have one tonight. It's the long-awaited video conference with the manager of the London office. Feeling more than a little nervous...”
“I love the ending of the Final Fantasy 13 trilogy!”
“Why aren't there more muscular Asians around?”
“Am I really over photo shoots? I have been in two minds about it for some time now.”
“I wonder what makes the innocent remake of the game "Fable" R18+. The intrigue makes me want to buy it even more.”
“Din din surprise on Monday night by booboo. Homemade Korean BBQ! Feeling so spoilt now. Thank you booboo!”
“Why have I turned into such a hermit? I used to avoid staying at home in the weekends like the plague!”
“Feeling lonely at home watching downloaded videos... and waiting restlessly for boo to come back from work in less than 3 hours' time so I can hug him again. That's my Friday and Saturday nights for almost every week for some time now.”
“Procrastination won't win today.... packing shall start in 30 minutes!”
“Thank goodness the steam room at my gym is up and running again after more than 2 months of down-time!”
“Wow. We own a trolley now, just like a professional removalist!”
“What a relaxing Sunday. Apple and custard pies in the oven and getting ready for afternoon tea with boo just inches away from me. I am really getting addicted to staying at home!”
“Why is there a strong smell of smoke in the air and yet there's no news report of forest fires?”
“蔡健雅's 達爾文 is my new favourite song. She is such a talented song-writer. If only I can write tunes like that...”
“The level of bureaucracy in Australian property management is abso-f***ing-lutely mind-boggling. Plus the separate entities don't communicate with one another (Body Corporate/Carpark Management/Security/Building Manager). And the high-and-mighty attitude exuding from these people who get high on red-tape doesn't help either. No wonder Australia finds itself not being able to compete with the rest of the world. It is no one else's fault but your own.”
“If a famous porn company wants to cast you, would you think that's a great compliment? I sure would (not that that has happened before)! Is this way of thinking unique to gay men only?”
“It is times like these that I seriously wish that I were living in my own property!”
“Civilisation has once again crept into my world! Internet has finally arrived!”
“To whoever you are who reported my photos, my list of friends has no place for prudes the likes of you so please F off and die. Looks like Facebook is on my side for once, no, twice!”
“Why the hell are there still such long queues at H&M more than a week after its opening??!!”
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