Some of you might not know this but I write both Chinese and English songs. However many of them are not that musically-presentable partly because I am too lazy to tidy them up and hence I do not exhibit them much. In this post I shall share with you one of the more complete ones that I have written.
As you know, I went through a phase of not knowing what I want in life like everyone else and quickly fell in love with a tall English businessman when I was back in Singapore though at that time I was 110% sure that I knew exactly what I wanted. Being intent on finding a relationship, I allowed my focus to blind me instead of letting love do the job. I misinterpreted his signals and fumbled with my own as I spiralled in a degenerative cycle of falling too deep too soon too often. Notwithstanding the ignorance I was harbouring, all those intense emotions were good fodder for writing songs–this song was written within a very short time as everything flowed so smoothly then as if it were a match made in heaven. I put together the video for the song using clips from the movie "Soundless Wind Chime". Although that is a very depressing movie, I chose to see it from another angle and used that for this song (one with a happy ending or at least the ending that I wanted back then).
[In Your Arms]
Looking for a grain in the desert of love
Will the sun ever meet the moon high up above?
Wishing by the well, a silent prayer in the wind
We hope to find a heart to live within
I know it's not easy, this silly thing called love
But we still found each other against the odds so tough
And now I'm contented but can never love you enough
I see you in the distance, to you I run
There you stand, tall as you are
Arms wide open, you shine like a star
In your arms, I am safe from harm
They never tire, they're never far
There our souls blend into one
Time stands still when I am in your arms
I get weak though you give me strength to overcome
Anything as long as I'm in your arms
Of course that brief on-off-and-then-back-on-and-off encounter landed me in utter frustration and worse still made me even more bent on finding a partner till I burnt myself out. That is the scary result of not loving yourself and thank goodness I have stripped that destructive behaviour off of myself for some years now–all my subsequent English compositions were all love songs for Ision!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Loving yourself
Plain-Jane Aaron meets gym-hunk Barry. It all starts out fine and Aaron falls in love with Barry within a week. Barry feels lukewarm about Aaron but does nothing to indicate that. Aaron thinks Barry feels the same as he does and sends twenty lovey-dovey texts a day to Barry. Feeling suffocated, Barry ignores all of the messages and continues to date other people without telling Aaron. The more distant Barry gets from Aaron, the more Aaron wants to come close and Barry decides to run further away. A vicious cycle is initiated. Eventually Aaron stops obsessing over Barry but ends up devastated. Subsequently Aaron’s self-worth dwindles to zero but to everyone around him, it is as if nothing has happened as life moves on with hundreds and thousands of Aarons roaming around.
Sounds like a familiar story? I bet many of us have been an Aaron for at least once in our lives–I sure have. But unlike many I am fortunate to have come out relatively early in my life, which is something that really speeds up one’s growth as a homosexual person. I once read somewhere that all homosexuals have two birthdays–one on which he or she was born and the other when he or she comes out. If you fall for someone aged 30 biologically but had just come out when he was 25, you must realise that you are with someone at the homosexual age of 5. Coming out is the first step to self-love, which is something that can solve almost every problem in your life.
The phrase “loving yourself” has been thrown around a lot but what does it practically mean and why is it important? The chief ingredient in “loving yourself” is knowing yourself, something which is easier said than done. To me this comes with maturity and life experiences eg. one cannot truly understand what one wants in life without going through what it feels like having something one doesn’t want. The best lesson in life is a hard one and without going through a few Barrys, how could Aaron fine-tune what he really wants in life? When you know yourself inside out, you will be able to set specific goals to what exactly you want in your life and then start working towards it. This is when life gets really efficient–when you weed out the things slowing you down and focus all your energies on your target. Life is too short for you to sit around or going about it aimlessly. Being an Aaron at 25 is learning but still being one at 45 is depressing.
Another component of knowing yourself is being acutely aware of your limits. Sure, parents like to teach their kids to reach for the sky but how many of these kids with presidential dreams actually become presidents? However knowing your limits does not necessarily constitute a defeatist attitude–a practical dream is no lesser a dream than an overly-grand one. In the Aaron-Barry story, as cruel as it sounds, Aaron needs to understand that Barry is out of his league. Of course no one should stop Aaron chasing after Barry but time would tell Aaron after much had been wasted that his pursuit will fail in the end. I know this sounds shallow but after resisting it for years on the grounds of superficiality, I finally decided to hit the gym and get a nice body so as to boost my self-confidence and I tell you it works, especially in the gay world. Either Aaron lowers his standard or he raises his own status but he should never fall into an endless loop of chasing after the Barrys of the world and lament how tragic his fate is without realising the root cause or doing something about it.
Once you have successfully tackled the biggest unknown in your life (ie. yourself), you are well on your way to greater things. One more thing to note is that “loving yourself” is not a manifestation of selfishness. I for one would not want to mess around with people who are unsure of themselves. I would rather they take care of themselves and find their bearings in life before knowing them–yes, to me this applies to lovers AND friends. The journey of loving yourself does not stop once you have reached your goal or have found a long-term partner. Take the latter as an example–even in a stable relationship, the two people in it have to still exist as individuals with their own identities and beliefs. Many relationships start out intense and continue to remain so as both parties subjugate their own ideals and ways of thinking all in the name of compromise. Don’t get me wrong–I still believe the hallmark of true love is sacrifice but I also believe that the heart must be in the right place when you make that sacrifice and you can only do that if you truly understand yourself and your needs. Being totally co-dependent in a relationship is unhealthy as one should not let another person define one’s own life. We are all responsible for our own lives and we do that by first taking that big step of starting to love and know ourselves. Only after we conquer that battle can we start to love someone else–they deserve the same strength and confidence that we want our partners to have. If everyone bears that in mind and practise it, the weird everyone-is-searching-for-true-love-yet-everyone-remains-single-and-lonely phenomenon currently plaguing this world will cease to exist.
It took me about seven years to get to the point where I genuinely know myself and since then, armed with all the life experiences and lessons, I have become one of the more well-adjusted gay persons I know of in this predominantly non-gay world (I am not tooting my own horn for my friends can easily attest to that). I am not saying that I don’t falter, of course I do. But when I do make mistakes, I know what the consequences are and have the tools I have previously readied to deal with them. Even if I don’t, I continue to use these mistakes to enrich my book of life lessons and then move on to remain focused on my target or set new ones. To the uninitiated I can come across as pompous and arrogant because of how sure I am about myself but one of the best products of truly knowing myself is being content with what I have yet still having goals to constantly fight for. That to me is the ideal balance I have finally achieved after all these years.
So if you are still struggling with something in your life or have unresolved issues that stop you from living the way you want, why not take a step back and look at yourself in the mirror? Do you really know who that is you see?
Sounds like a familiar story? I bet many of us have been an Aaron for at least once in our lives–I sure have. But unlike many I am fortunate to have come out relatively early in my life, which is something that really speeds up one’s growth as a homosexual person. I once read somewhere that all homosexuals have two birthdays–one on which he or she was born and the other when he or she comes out. If you fall for someone aged 30 biologically but had just come out when he was 25, you must realise that you are with someone at the homosexual age of 5. Coming out is the first step to self-love, which is something that can solve almost every problem in your life.
The phrase “loving yourself” has been thrown around a lot but what does it practically mean and why is it important? The chief ingredient in “loving yourself” is knowing yourself, something which is easier said than done. To me this comes with maturity and life experiences eg. one cannot truly understand what one wants in life without going through what it feels like having something one doesn’t want. The best lesson in life is a hard one and without going through a few Barrys, how could Aaron fine-tune what he really wants in life? When you know yourself inside out, you will be able to set specific goals to what exactly you want in your life and then start working towards it. This is when life gets really efficient–when you weed out the things slowing you down and focus all your energies on your target. Life is too short for you to sit around or going about it aimlessly. Being an Aaron at 25 is learning but still being one at 45 is depressing.
Another component of knowing yourself is being acutely aware of your limits. Sure, parents like to teach their kids to reach for the sky but how many of these kids with presidential dreams actually become presidents? However knowing your limits does not necessarily constitute a defeatist attitude–a practical dream is no lesser a dream than an overly-grand one. In the Aaron-Barry story, as cruel as it sounds, Aaron needs to understand that Barry is out of his league. Of course no one should stop Aaron chasing after Barry but time would tell Aaron after much had been wasted that his pursuit will fail in the end. I know this sounds shallow but after resisting it for years on the grounds of superficiality, I finally decided to hit the gym and get a nice body so as to boost my self-confidence and I tell you it works, especially in the gay world. Either Aaron lowers his standard or he raises his own status but he should never fall into an endless loop of chasing after the Barrys of the world and lament how tragic his fate is without realising the root cause or doing something about it.
Once you have successfully tackled the biggest unknown in your life (ie. yourself), you are well on your way to greater things. One more thing to note is that “loving yourself” is not a manifestation of selfishness. I for one would not want to mess around with people who are unsure of themselves. I would rather they take care of themselves and find their bearings in life before knowing them–yes, to me this applies to lovers AND friends. The journey of loving yourself does not stop once you have reached your goal or have found a long-term partner. Take the latter as an example–even in a stable relationship, the two people in it have to still exist as individuals with their own identities and beliefs. Many relationships start out intense and continue to remain so as both parties subjugate their own ideals and ways of thinking all in the name of compromise. Don’t get me wrong–I still believe the hallmark of true love is sacrifice but I also believe that the heart must be in the right place when you make that sacrifice and you can only do that if you truly understand yourself and your needs. Being totally co-dependent in a relationship is unhealthy as one should not let another person define one’s own life. We are all responsible for our own lives and we do that by first taking that big step of starting to love and know ourselves. Only after we conquer that battle can we start to love someone else–they deserve the same strength and confidence that we want our partners to have. If everyone bears that in mind and practise it, the weird everyone-is-searching-for-true-love-yet-everyone-remains-single-and-lonely phenomenon currently plaguing this world will cease to exist.
It took me about seven years to get to the point where I genuinely know myself and since then, armed with all the life experiences and lessons, I have become one of the more well-adjusted gay persons I know of in this predominantly non-gay world (I am not tooting my own horn for my friends can easily attest to that). I am not saying that I don’t falter, of course I do. But when I do make mistakes, I know what the consequences are and have the tools I have previously readied to deal with them. Even if I don’t, I continue to use these mistakes to enrich my book of life lessons and then move on to remain focused on my target or set new ones. To the uninitiated I can come across as pompous and arrogant because of how sure I am about myself but one of the best products of truly knowing myself is being content with what I have yet still having goals to constantly fight for. That to me is the ideal balance I have finally achieved after all these years.
So if you are still struggling with something in your life or have unresolved issues that stop you from living the way you want, why not take a step back and look at yourself in the mirror? Do you really know who that is you see?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
My first step
I've done it! I've really done it! I've finally taken my first step to further my career in this new land and in a way, my life in Australia actually begins from now.
For a long time, I have been very dissatisfied with being a contractor at just above the entry-level. You see, being a very experienced consultant is a perk on its own because you can charge an obscene premium for that "experience" and that can be way above the salary of a lowly refinery engineer or even the boss of said engineer. I can totally get that but as an almost entry-level contractor on permanent secondment to the client, I neither get the high pay nor the career development and training a junior person is supposed to get–I am plain sick and tired of having to beg for training opportunities! Moreover I do not see the potential to move interstate (or to god-forbid Middle East where opportunities abound) within my engineering firm as a benefit and so the eager-to-root-himself-in-a-new-land mentality in me becomes a further push factor. And don't even get me started on how my blood boils from being under-appreciated for my hard work for it pales in comparison for being treated like a weirdo for being super-efficient in his work.
Lately the discontent simmering just under my skin worsened as the company I am seconded to (hereby to be called "X") introduced the "Manager's Award" where employees get rewarded for outstanding effort. Contractors if they are part of a team are entitled to this award but all other award categories are meant only for employees. It so happened that an ultra-lazy colleague of mine (an employee of "X") received such an award recently and that pushed me over the edge whilst still scratching my head wondering how the hell did she deserve that. If even a curry-loving woman spending on average 6% of her time (yes, I have been tracking the hours on my spreadsheet–that is only the time when it is audibly-obvious to EVERY ONE that she is not working–there are countless more hours spent M.I.A., off "sick" and surfing the net) on private phone calls could get an award as an employee while a hardworking contractor like me gets zilch, it is time to release that simmering discontent.
A few weeks back my two-year anniversary working at "X" came and I have been waiting for ages for that day to arrive when I can negotiate with my "X" boss regarding jumping over with all that work experience. I had that discussion and was pleased that he mentioned that I would be a "strong candidate for many positions" at "X". Finally! Some recognition! Coincidentally, an engineer left the company soon after and that was my opportunity to apply for his job and make that switch. As a contractor embedded within the client company, I have the advantage of applying for that position internally. And I just clicked the "Submit" button.
The irony (there is always a catch) is the nature of the position (it pays roughly the same as my current one by the way) I have just applied for. It is the role of a process control engineer–exactly what I was doing for two years before I relocated to Sydney. Am I then pushing myself to go through some sort of regression? Granted that I did not really learn all that I could from my previous position (because of human issues–a micro-managing group lead), it still takes an acquired taste to become a control engineer and I am not totally sure that I have that taste. But this is my perfect opportunity to get through the "X" door and shouldn't I seize it? I have the exact experience for the role as well as a good recommendation from my "X" boss–what more can one ask for? Somehow during the interview I must downplay the get-my-foot-in-the-door angle and impress the panel with my fervent love for the role... To complicate matters, my department really needs me now to deliver a project within schedule and if my "X" boss were selfish, he would not want to recommend (and release) me. Fortunately I think he is not that sort of person but it is a complication nonetheless.
Regardless of the internal and external struggles and difficulties involved in this endeavour, I have just crossed the point of no return and now my intention is out there, vulnerable and open to scrutiny. I will hear from the recruiting team within two weeks–wouldn't it be strange if my "X" boss were part of the interviewing panel? Well all I can do now is to cross my fingers and start dusting the "How To Ace An Interview" file in my brain. Give me all the luck you've got!
For a long time, I have been very dissatisfied with being a contractor at just above the entry-level. You see, being a very experienced consultant is a perk on its own because you can charge an obscene premium for that "experience" and that can be way above the salary of a lowly refinery engineer or even the boss of said engineer. I can totally get that but as an almost entry-level contractor on permanent secondment to the client, I neither get the high pay nor the career development and training a junior person is supposed to get–I am plain sick and tired of having to beg for training opportunities! Moreover I do not see the potential to move interstate (or to god-forbid Middle East where opportunities abound) within my engineering firm as a benefit and so the eager-to-root-himself-in-a-new-land mentality in me becomes a further push factor. And don't even get me started on how my blood boils from being under-appreciated for my hard work for it pales in comparison for being treated like a weirdo for being super-efficient in his work.
Lately the discontent simmering just under my skin worsened as the company I am seconded to (hereby to be called "X") introduced the "Manager's Award" where employees get rewarded for outstanding effort. Contractors if they are part of a team are entitled to this award but all other award categories are meant only for employees. It so happened that an ultra-lazy colleague of mine (an employee of "X") received such an award recently and that pushed me over the edge whilst still scratching my head wondering how the hell did she deserve that. If even a curry-loving woman spending on average 6% of her time (yes, I have been tracking the hours on my spreadsheet–that is only the time when it is audibly-obvious to EVERY ONE that she is not working–there are countless more hours spent M.I.A., off "sick" and surfing the net) on private phone calls could get an award as an employee while a hardworking contractor like me gets zilch, it is time to release that simmering discontent.
A few weeks back my two-year anniversary working at "X" came and I have been waiting for ages for that day to arrive when I can negotiate with my "X" boss regarding jumping over with all that work experience. I had that discussion and was pleased that he mentioned that I would be a "strong candidate for many positions" at "X". Finally! Some recognition! Coincidentally, an engineer left the company soon after and that was my opportunity to apply for his job and make that switch. As a contractor embedded within the client company, I have the advantage of applying for that position internally. And I just clicked the "Submit" button.
The irony (there is always a catch) is the nature of the position (it pays roughly the same as my current one by the way) I have just applied for. It is the role of a process control engineer–exactly what I was doing for two years before I relocated to Sydney. Am I then pushing myself to go through some sort of regression? Granted that I did not really learn all that I could from my previous position (because of human issues–a micro-managing group lead), it still takes an acquired taste to become a control engineer and I am not totally sure that I have that taste. But this is my perfect opportunity to get through the "X" door and shouldn't I seize it? I have the exact experience for the role as well as a good recommendation from my "X" boss–what more can one ask for? Somehow during the interview I must downplay the get-my-foot-in-the-door angle and impress the panel with my fervent love for the role... To complicate matters, my department really needs me now to deliver a project within schedule and if my "X" boss were selfish, he would not want to recommend (and release) me. Fortunately I think he is not that sort of person but it is a complication nonetheless.
Regardless of the internal and external struggles and difficulties involved in this endeavour, I have just crossed the point of no return and now my intention is out there, vulnerable and open to scrutiny. I will hear from the recruiting team within two weeks–wouldn't it be strange if my "X" boss were part of the interviewing panel? Well all I can do now is to cross my fingers and start dusting the "How To Ace An Interview" file in my brain. Give me all the luck you've got!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Musical journey (4)
It has been four months since Ision and I went into an open relationship and things between us have not really changed much. In fact the relationship is at its strongest point yet–we rarely fight and might I say are at the stage where we love and miss each other’s idiosyncrasies. Frankly I cannot attribute all this to the open relationship for certain but all my “pre-open” fears that I might be injecting unnecessary instability into our relationship have all been allayed. I love my baby more than ever before.
You might think that an open gay relationship automatically involves lots of action, merry-making and the like but that is plainly untrue. Neither of us is actually getting more excitement in the sack than before. I don’t know about Ision but my reason for not fully-making use of my license-to-mate is that I have very high standards when it comes to casual sex. Of course the fact that I find the whole process of sex cumbersome and the endless partying pointless does not help the situation either. You can say that I am too lazy or do my cost-benefit analysis too stringently and you would be right.
Believe it or not, things can still be hunky-dory in my current state normally but the problem comes when occasionally I get THE need. When that happens, although the freedom to indulge totally sets me as free as a bird, that does not mean that satisfaction is guaranteed. Cruising can be quite hard for someone facing the three-sided dilemma–very high standards vs finding sex cumbersome vs strong periodic urges. As you can see, it is two against one and as a result nothing much happens. I must say being in close proximity to an abundance of fine specimens in the gym when one is horny yet not being able to jump them there and then is a real pain. You would think that that would motivate me to work harder right?... it’s back to the three-sided dilemma. Ision would so be shoving “this-is-self-inflicted-pain-so-don’t-whinge-at-me” in my face at this point. Who could blame him? So what do you think is the solution to my problem?
Let me now bring this back to the title of this post. Like what I have said earlier, cruising for sex is not an easy thing. I remember when I were still single many years ago, I managed to convince myself that being promiscuous was wrong and that I should focus my energy on the search for love instead. The STIs that loomed out there cast an even darker shadow onto the tussle between my brain and my loins. Yes, it became a struggle back then when I still had not fully-ironed out the kinks in the coming out process. Every sexual encounter would result in much guilt which made the next one even worse. And under those circumstances this composition was born–when battling between giving in to temptations and sticking to my principles provided the perfect conditions for writing songs.
[禁果]
/词 / 曲: 锦泉/
别拉着我 答应自己不再堕落
沾上蜂蜜的毒针 抵抗见血的诱惑
面对着我
那尖锐无比耀眼诱人的轮廓
无声地 滚烫地 切割着我
把我锁在旋涡 怎能挣脱
若心化为真空 怎能错过
血里病菌流动 加速脉搏
罪恶感烧成火 无尽挥霍
无处可躲
那熟悉又清晰的疼痛催眠着我
闯的祸 我的错 请勿怪我
把我锁在旋涡 怎能挣脱
若心化为真空 怎能错过
血里病菌流动 加速脉搏
罪恶感烧成火 无尽挥霍
感性放肆挑拨 理智离我
当爱选择折磨 无话可说
求你从轻发落 我的罪过
染上了瘾的我 咬一口禁果
[Forbidden Fruit]
Don’t pull me in, for I’ve promised myself never to fall again
The poison needle dipped in honey now has to resist the temptation of blood
Right in front of me, that sharp, dazzling and attractive silhouette
Silently and scorchingly cutting at me
How can I break free if you have locked me in a whirlpool?
How can I miss you if my heart became a vacuum?
The virus flowing in my blood quickens my heartbeat
The guilt bursts into flames as I squander it endlessly
Nowhere to hide, that clear and familiar aching lulls me to sleep
The havoc I have wreaked is my mistake but please do not give me the blame
As sensibility starts inciting wantonly, reason escapes me
If love chose to torture me, I can say nothing in defence
I beg you to please pardon my sins with leniency
For I am riddled with an addiction
As I take a bite of the forbidden fruit
Thankfully the problems I now face in relation to cruising stem from an entirely different place, one that does not eat at me. This is where maturity plays a huge role in personal happiness. I now know what I want in life and what makes me content. Imagine a “happy ending” that lasts a lifetime–wouldn’t that be worth more than anything in the world?
You might think that an open gay relationship automatically involves lots of action, merry-making and the like but that is plainly untrue. Neither of us is actually getting more excitement in the sack than before. I don’t know about Ision but my reason for not fully-making use of my license-to-mate is that I have very high standards when it comes to casual sex. Of course the fact that I find the whole process of sex cumbersome and the endless partying pointless does not help the situation either. You can say that I am too lazy or do my cost-benefit analysis too stringently and you would be right.
Believe it or not, things can still be hunky-dory in my current state normally but the problem comes when occasionally I get THE need. When that happens, although the freedom to indulge totally sets me as free as a bird, that does not mean that satisfaction is guaranteed. Cruising can be quite hard for someone facing the three-sided dilemma–very high standards vs finding sex cumbersome vs strong periodic urges. As you can see, it is two against one and as a result nothing much happens. I must say being in close proximity to an abundance of fine specimens in the gym when one is horny yet not being able to jump them there and then is a real pain. You would think that that would motivate me to work harder right?... it’s back to the three-sided dilemma. Ision would so be shoving “this-is-self-inflicted-pain-so-don’t-whinge-at-me” in my face at this point. Who could blame him? So what do you think is the solution to my problem?
Let me now bring this back to the title of this post. Like what I have said earlier, cruising for sex is not an easy thing. I remember when I were still single many years ago, I managed to convince myself that being promiscuous was wrong and that I should focus my energy on the search for love instead. The STIs that loomed out there cast an even darker shadow onto the tussle between my brain and my loins. Yes, it became a struggle back then when I still had not fully-ironed out the kinks in the coming out process. Every sexual encounter would result in much guilt which made the next one even worse. And under those circumstances this composition was born–when battling between giving in to temptations and sticking to my principles provided the perfect conditions for writing songs.
[禁果]
/词 / 曲: 锦泉/
别拉着我 答应自己不再堕落
沾上蜂蜜的毒针 抵抗见血的诱惑
面对着我
那尖锐无比耀眼诱人的轮廓
无声地 滚烫地 切割着我
把我锁在旋涡 怎能挣脱
若心化为真空 怎能错过
血里病菌流动 加速脉搏
罪恶感烧成火 无尽挥霍
无处可躲
那熟悉又清晰的疼痛催眠着我
闯的祸 我的错 请勿怪我
把我锁在旋涡 怎能挣脱
若心化为真空 怎能错过
血里病菌流动 加速脉搏
罪恶感烧成火 无尽挥霍
感性放肆挑拨 理智离我
当爱选择折磨 无话可说
求你从轻发落 我的罪过
染上了瘾的我 咬一口禁果
[Forbidden Fruit]
Don’t pull me in, for I’ve promised myself never to fall again
The poison needle dipped in honey now has to resist the temptation of blood
Right in front of me, that sharp, dazzling and attractive silhouette
Silently and scorchingly cutting at me
How can I break free if you have locked me in a whirlpool?
How can I miss you if my heart became a vacuum?
The virus flowing in my blood quickens my heartbeat
The guilt bursts into flames as I squander it endlessly
Nowhere to hide, that clear and familiar aching lulls me to sleep
The havoc I have wreaked is my mistake but please do not give me the blame
As sensibility starts inciting wantonly, reason escapes me
If love chose to torture me, I can say nothing in defence
I beg you to please pardon my sins with leniency
For I am riddled with an addiction
As I take a bite of the forbidden fruit
Thankfully the problems I now face in relation to cruising stem from an entirely different place, one that does not eat at me. This is where maturity plays a huge role in personal happiness. I now know what I want in life and what makes me content. Imagine a “happy ending” that lasts a lifetime–wouldn’t that be worth more than anything in the world?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Nuding it up again
The final edits from my last shoot are out and they can be shared with my friends at last. This shoot took place at the Harold Park tram shed in Glebe. It was an amazing site and a photographer's dream. The setting was urban and run-down with a creative flair and a tinge of unpredictability. It was also the location of many celebrities' music videos and I guess with the backdrop of the abandoned trams, it is of no surprise. However sneaking into this gigantic locked premise was a challenge but we were lucky that day as we were directed by someone familiar with that place to enter via a very obscure secret entrance. Shooting nude when there was broken glass everywhere was a danger and I even cut my left sole but it was all worth it in the name of art. I might return to the same location for another shoot with a different photographer but that can wait for I have another nude studio shoot confirmed this weekend (more to come too seeing that the weather is warming up). I am so looking forward to it. Enjoy the pictures!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Musical journey (3)
Perhaps the most depressing period in my life was the few years after I came out when every little thing triggered a melancholic chain reaction in me. I felt that I was all alone in this world and that I would stay that way forever with no one to love me. I did not get support from my family and friends could not do much to help because it was my own personal battle. The dangerous thing about depression is that once you have reached that “sweet spot”, you could be sub-consciously (or even consciously) searching for sources of depression to comfort yourself and this would end up in a vicious cycle. I was always going for the saddest movie in the cinema and I would visit places where couples hang out so that I would feel even worse. It was the lowest point in my life as I wandered the streets all by myself, wondering if I had made the correct decision in coming out.
I guess this story might not sound too foreign to those who have ever struggled in their coming out but to those who are fortunate enough not to ever face this problem in their lives, it could not be further away from their comprehension. That story took place about ten years ago and although I am one of the most well-adjusted gay people I know, I will never forget the suffering of those few years–they serve to remind me how much pain I could actually withstand and how strong I have become.
As a sensitive and musically-inclined person, I have written countless songs in an attempt to relieve some of that pent-up depression and angst. In this month’s musical journey, I will share with you guys one of those songs–the one that best describes what I went through all those years. I hope you can feel that despair through my voice.
[梦里笑]
/词 / 曲: 锦泉/
走过的思路， 穿过迷雾
应该更清楚， 但只有孤独
挣脱束缚， 却陷入了无助
是否走错了路， 已来不及领悟
明知道梦想在眼前眺望着那远处的我
明知道伸出双手也触摸不到
却知道我和寂寥在拥抱
也知道流泪后还得挤出个微笑
眼前一对一对， 我只能穿梭在他们之间
眼前牵手的牵手， 把我给推到绝望的边缘
我需要一个男人让我来爱到老
告诉我会有一天我会在梦里笑
[Smiling In My Dreams]
Having walked through the thought pathways
Through the bewildering fog
There should be clarity
Not only loneliness
Having struggled out of the shackles
I have lapsed into helplessness
Have I gone down the wrong road
I have run out of time for realisations
I know that my dream is in the distance peering at me
I know that it is untouchable even if I stretched out my hands
I know that I am in the arms of desolation
And I also know that I have to squeeze out a smile after I cry
I can only travel amongst the countless couples in front of me
Hand in hand they are, pushing me to the brink of giving up all hope
I only need a man to love for the rest of my life
Tell me a day will come when I will be smiling in my dreams
On the note of song-writing, I have recently joined the first-ever gay song-writers group in Sydney and will be going for the first meeting this weekend, a day before my participation in my first-ever song-writing competition in Australia (in which I have to sing 25 minutes worth of compositions). Wish me luck!
I guess this story might not sound too foreign to those who have ever struggled in their coming out but to those who are fortunate enough not to ever face this problem in their lives, it could not be further away from their comprehension. That story took place about ten years ago and although I am one of the most well-adjusted gay people I know, I will never forget the suffering of those few years–they serve to remind me how much pain I could actually withstand and how strong I have become.
As a sensitive and musically-inclined person, I have written countless songs in an attempt to relieve some of that pent-up depression and angst. In this month’s musical journey, I will share with you guys one of those songs–the one that best describes what I went through all those years. I hope you can feel that despair through my voice.
[梦里笑]
/词 / 曲: 锦泉/
走过的思路， 穿过迷雾
应该更清楚， 但只有孤独
挣脱束缚， 却陷入了无助
是否走错了路， 已来不及领悟
明知道梦想在眼前眺望着那远处的我
明知道伸出双手也触摸不到
却知道我和寂寥在拥抱
也知道流泪后还得挤出个微笑
眼前一对一对， 我只能穿梭在他们之间
眼前牵手的牵手， 把我给推到绝望的边缘
我需要一个男人让我来爱到老
告诉我会有一天我会在梦里笑
[Smiling In My Dreams]
Having walked through the thought pathways
Through the bewildering fog
There should be clarity
Not only loneliness
Having struggled out of the shackles
I have lapsed into helplessness
Have I gone down the wrong road
I have run out of time for realisations
I know that my dream is in the distance peering at me
I know that it is untouchable even if I stretched out my hands
I know that I am in the arms of desolation
And I also know that I have to squeeze out a smile after I cry
I can only travel amongst the countless couples in front of me
Hand in hand they are, pushing me to the brink of giving up all hope
I only need a man to love for the rest of my life
Tell me a day will come when I will be smiling in my dreams
On the note of song-writing, I have recently joined the first-ever gay song-writers group in Sydney and will be going for the first meeting this weekend, a day before my participation in my first-ever song-writing competition in Australia (in which I have to sing 25 minutes worth of compositions). Wish me luck!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Winter report
It is now the coldest month in Sydney and that is great for this is the season best spent at home cuddled up with your loved one be it your dog, your mum or your partner. In my case, it is my big huggable bear as we hibernate together, away from the craziness called Oxford Street and Kings Cross. However I have not been kept idle at work and that is why I have not blogged for some time (shhh!) but work has eased a little bit of late and so I am grabbing this chance to squeeze in a winter report of the recent happenings, observations and thoughts in my life.
If you have not heard, Australia has a new prime minister, the first female one ever. It was a little dramatic the way she got into the position by ousting the previous guy from her own party which got the news and media all fired up for some time. You would think that a single, red-headed, out-and-proud atheist who has co-habited with her male partner (a hairdresser!) for the longest time (ie. living in sin in the eyes of the Christian fundies) would be a great advocate of gay rights and gay marriage right? Sadly, politics remain politics and Australia remains in the dark ages. However her actions would be under very close scrutiny from now on–her hypocritical pandering to the Christian right as an atheist for political gains must be exposed at all cost.
Still on the gay topic–recently the gay community here got into a bit of a flurry with the release of Sex and the City 2 as well as Kylie’s new album. Well I have watched the movie and listened to the album not because I subscribe to this gay stereotype (I watched because it was a group outing and I had no say; I listened because I do like Kylie and not due to her gay icon status). Of course the World Cup did not help pull gays away from their addictions and actually made things worse. I know that gays being averse to sports is yet another stereotype but if you put aside the folly of stereotyping, there is actually a big element of truth in stereotypes. For me, I got hit in the stomach by a soccer ball when I was young and swore off soccer (and sports) ever since (you can say that it all started with sports-phobia) and I am sure many others were not good at sports or even bullied because of that (especially so in this sporty country). So there is a very good reason behind gays avoiding sports and over time finding them boring. I am sure there is a parallel stereotype about straights not being attuned to their sensitive sides but it is highly unlikely that straight youths are being taunted in schools for not being able to sing and dance well. Though definitely unfair in comparison, I am not going to lose sleep over this (not when it is so nice and warm under my doona these winter nights).
In case you think that I spend my non-working hours doing nothing (but catching up on a highly-recommended series “Brothers and Sisters”), you are only partially right. Recently I hosted a visiting Singaporean friend for one week and we spent a weekend at a bed and breakfast in Hunter Valley amidst the vineyards. I am not a big wine-drinker but there were not many places that could be toured within a weekend that could be booked just a day before. I am glad we did it though as it was good to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life once in a while and totally relax in another world (this one takes place in slow motion). I also had the first experience of getting sloshed in the day. It was nice catching up with my friend and seeing another (albeit touristy) part of New South Wales. My friend lamented that there are no such getaway places within yawn-inducing Singapore and how lucky yet foolish I am for not taking full advantage of this “feature”. Interestingly, I used to feel the same way but now I complain about Sydney being boring. I wonder where my next greener pasture would be…
There is a stark contrast between my working and non-working hours for I guess it is completely logical to have an inverse relationship between how productive one is within the office and without. At the end of a crazy work day, I just want to wind down and do absolutely nothing (that includes not cooking). On the work front, things seem to be progressing well. I just had a week-long training, something that I fought tooth and nail for. Although it is totally ridiculous for an employee to have to jostle for essential training, one can actually work this to one’s advantage. By being aggressive in this regard, you can appear to be pro-active especially when some of your other colleagues are * L * A * Z * Y * with a capital everything!
Also, it seems that I have had the highest percentage pay-increment compared to all my other contractor workmates–my boss divulged this little titbit entirely of his own volition. Well that was a long time coming especially seeing that the company owes me a year worth of increment. During my performance appraisal, my boss (who knows that I am one of the better performers around) asked me how much I would like my increment to be (it was like giving me a blank cheque!). I feigned a sort of uninterested “whatever-the-market-rate-is” kind of response plus a “say-10%” with the knowledge that the current market rate is lower than that. Suffice to say I did not get as high as 10% but am happy that my performance is finally being recognised. In actual fact, a high percentage of a small number is still a small number so what I got did not matter to the company at all. My boss also told me that not everyone received an increment–I really hope the curry-lover did not get it! By the way, there is a running gag amongst my colleagues that I am working too fast and that I need to be slowed down with more work–I genuinely do not know how to react to this–should I be a team player and try to fit in like the rest by being inefficient and unproductive? Anyway despite the positive outlook I have at work now, I think I still want to talk to the boss of the company I am seconded to about jumping over to his company next month (my 2-year anniversary as a contractor)–I am seriously dreading that meeting but for the sake of my career, I just have to bite the bullet and stop procrastinating.
Talking about procrastination, my buying of an apartment has officially moved from a phase of procrastination to one of impossibility (for now). I realised that if one were to borrow more than 80% of the apartment cost from the bank, one would be charged a hefty amount of loan insurance (to protect banks against loan defaults). This means that with the size and location I desire in my item of purchase coupled with the rapid rise in property prices, I cannot afford the 20% down payment at the moment. But I am almost there and when I am, watch out world of apartment-hunting, I will conquer you! To reach that goal, I am saving like crazy and thankfully the bank savings interest rates here are good. The one I am with is the best in town and is at the (risk-free) rate of 6.51% (with the paltry rates of < 0.5% in Singapore, no wonder people are pushed to invest in other riskier ventures). To save a lot means to spend a little and with the high cost of living in Sydney (it is even higher than that of Manhattan–can you believe it?) it means an extreme cutting down of unnecessary expenditures. I think I am doing rather well. I know I should be saving my tax return this year but maybe I should give myself a little treat (not that the amount would be anything decent).
So there you have it, my (hopefully concise enough) winter report. The season is up for a few more weeks and when it ends, I am not going to miss it even though I love it. When it is so cold, it is hard to organise outdoor photo shoots especially when they are of the nude kind (I am currently in touch with four local photographers trying to firm up several projects). With the cold weather, I also cannot be as close to nature as possible, something that I absolutely enjoy. So as Ision and I continue to warm each other up (the biggest winter perk), I will be looking forward to summer when the kits will all have to go!
If you have not heard, Australia has a new prime minister, the first female one ever. It was a little dramatic the way she got into the position by ousting the previous guy from her own party which got the news and media all fired up for some time. You would think that a single, red-headed, out-and-proud atheist who has co-habited with her male partner (a hairdresser!) for the longest time (ie. living in sin in the eyes of the Christian fundies) would be a great advocate of gay rights and gay marriage right? Sadly, politics remain politics and Australia remains in the dark ages. However her actions would be under very close scrutiny from now on–her hypocritical pandering to the Christian right as an atheist for political gains must be exposed at all cost.
Still on the gay topic–recently the gay community here got into a bit of a flurry with the release of Sex and the City 2 as well as Kylie’s new album. Well I have watched the movie and listened to the album not because I subscribe to this gay stereotype (I watched because it was a group outing and I had no say; I listened because I do like Kylie and not due to her gay icon status). Of course the World Cup did not help pull gays away from their addictions and actually made things worse. I know that gays being averse to sports is yet another stereotype but if you put aside the folly of stereotyping, there is actually a big element of truth in stereotypes. For me, I got hit in the stomach by a soccer ball when I was young and swore off soccer (and sports) ever since (you can say that it all started with sports-phobia) and I am sure many others were not good at sports or even bullied because of that (especially so in this sporty country). So there is a very good reason behind gays avoiding sports and over time finding them boring. I am sure there is a parallel stereotype about straights not being attuned to their sensitive sides but it is highly unlikely that straight youths are being taunted in schools for not being able to sing and dance well. Though definitely unfair in comparison, I am not going to lose sleep over this (not when it is so nice and warm under my doona these winter nights).
In case you think that I spend my non-working hours doing nothing (but catching up on a highly-recommended series “Brothers and Sisters”), you are only partially right. Recently I hosted a visiting Singaporean friend for one week and we spent a weekend at a bed and breakfast in Hunter Valley amidst the vineyards. I am not a big wine-drinker but there were not many places that could be toured within a weekend that could be booked just a day before. I am glad we did it though as it was good to get away from the hustle and bustle of city life once in a while and totally relax in another world (this one takes place in slow motion). I also had the first experience of getting sloshed in the day. It was nice catching up with my friend and seeing another (albeit touristy) part of New South Wales. My friend lamented that there are no such getaway places within yawn-inducing Singapore and how lucky yet foolish I am for not taking full advantage of this “feature”. Interestingly, I used to feel the same way but now I complain about Sydney being boring. I wonder where my next greener pasture would be…
There is a stark contrast between my working and non-working hours for I guess it is completely logical to have an inverse relationship between how productive one is within the office and without. At the end of a crazy work day, I just want to wind down and do absolutely nothing (that includes not cooking). On the work front, things seem to be progressing well. I just had a week-long training, something that I fought tooth and nail for. Although it is totally ridiculous for an employee to have to jostle for essential training, one can actually work this to one’s advantage. By being aggressive in this regard, you can appear to be pro-active especially when some of your other colleagues are * L * A * Z * Y * with a capital everything!
Also, it seems that I have had the highest percentage pay-increment compared to all my other contractor workmates–my boss divulged this little titbit entirely of his own volition. Well that was a long time coming especially seeing that the company owes me a year worth of increment. During my performance appraisal, my boss (who knows that I am one of the better performers around) asked me how much I would like my increment to be (it was like giving me a blank cheque!). I feigned a sort of uninterested “whatever-the-market-rate-is” kind of response plus a “say-10%” with the knowledge that the current market rate is lower than that. Suffice to say I did not get as high as 10% but am happy that my performance is finally being recognised. In actual fact, a high percentage of a small number is still a small number so what I got did not matter to the company at all. My boss also told me that not everyone received an increment–I really hope the curry-lover did not get it! By the way, there is a running gag amongst my colleagues that I am working too fast and that I need to be slowed down with more work–I genuinely do not know how to react to this–should I be a team player and try to fit in like the rest by being inefficient and unproductive? Anyway despite the positive outlook I have at work now, I think I still want to talk to the boss of the company I am seconded to about jumping over to his company next month (my 2-year anniversary as a contractor)–I am seriously dreading that meeting but for the sake of my career, I just have to bite the bullet and stop procrastinating.
Talking about procrastination, my buying of an apartment has officially moved from a phase of procrastination to one of impossibility (for now). I realised that if one were to borrow more than 80% of the apartment cost from the bank, one would be charged a hefty amount of loan insurance (to protect banks against loan defaults). This means that with the size and location I desire in my item of purchase coupled with the rapid rise in property prices, I cannot afford the 20% down payment at the moment. But I am almost there and when I am, watch out world of apartment-hunting, I will conquer you! To reach that goal, I am saving like crazy and thankfully the bank savings interest rates here are good. The one I am with is the best in town and is at the (risk-free) rate of 6.51% (with the paltry rates of < 0.5% in Singapore, no wonder people are pushed to invest in other riskier ventures). To save a lot means to spend a little and with the high cost of living in Sydney (it is even higher than that of Manhattan–can you believe it?) it means an extreme cutting down of unnecessary expenditures. I think I am doing rather well. I know I should be saving my tax return this year but maybe I should give myself a little treat (not that the amount would be anything decent).
So there you have it, my (hopefully concise enough) winter report. The season is up for a few more weeks and when it ends, I am not going to miss it even though I love it. When it is so cold, it is hard to organise outdoor photo shoots especially when they are of the nude kind (I am currently in touch with four local photographers trying to firm up several projects). With the cold weather, I also cannot be as close to nature as possible, something that I absolutely enjoy. So as Ision and I continue to warm each other up (the biggest winter perk), I will be looking forward to summer when the kits will all have to go!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Musical journey (2)
Being bilingual is one of the traits that I am rather proud of and a really good "proof" of that is that I write songs in both English and Chinese. This thought made me realise that firstly I have not uploaded any works that I only wrote lyrics for and secondly I have not shared any English songs that I have written thus far. I will address the first "issue" with this month's musical journey and then let you have a taste of my English songs in my subsequent posts.
The first piece was originally a tune I recently received from my dear friend back in Singapore which was by itself a collaborative effort between her and a member of a band made famous by a reality show-type singing competition. It is basically a love song in which the singer struggles to find the source of his pain–a toss-up between his still physically-lingering partner and his not being able to get over the doomed relationship.
Here are the words of the song followed by its translation in English:
[I Don't Wanna Cry]
/词: 锦泉//曲: 美莲 + Nic @ 迷路兵/
I don't wanna cry
感情已不在
请留在门外
是我太失败
倦意和依赖
缠着我甩也甩不开
让你靠近是我给自己的伤害
活该
I don't wanna cry, I know I've tried
黑夜和泪总得一起来
只因你早已渗透我血脉
I don't wanna cry, please say goodbye
给你机会还欠我的债
为何你还是不肯。。。离开
让你存在是我对自己的虐待
别再
I don't wanna cry, just tell me why
时间和泪非得要比赛
被思念囚禁我泥足深陷火海
I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna lie
若能从心把你哭出来
我愿意含泪继续。。。忍耐
你还是不肯离开
I don't wanna cry
Now that the feelings are all gone
Please stay outside the door
I have failed myself
For I cannot shrug off
The fatigue and dependence stuck on me
Letting you near is the harm I have caused myself
Serves me right
I don't wanna cry, I know I've tried
The dark night and tears always have to come together
Only because you have long seeped into my veins
I don't wanna cry, please say goodbye
Let this be the chance for you to repay what you owe me
Why do you still refuse to leave?
Letting you stay is the torture I have given myself
Not again please
I don't wanna cry, just tell me why
Time and tears are always in a race
Trapped by thoughts of you, I am knee-deep in a sea of fire
I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna lie
If I could cry you out of my heart
I would continue to endure in tears
And you still refuse to leave
The second piece in this post involves a back story. Back when I was still in Singapore, I performed 摇篮 in the first-ever concert put together by COMPASS (a local organisation that manages music-copyrighting and royalties) which showcased original compositions by its fellow members. I thoroughly enjoyed singing on stage and it gave me a high that nothing else could compare (it was held in the old Parliament House). A famous local song-writer was in the audience and he was looking for someone to write words to a Chinese song which was part of a local telemovie's soundtrack. He contacted me soon after the concert and gave me two days to write the lyrics with only a quick summary of the movie's plot (consisting of one or maybe two sentences). He did tell me that the movie would be distributed to churches as a preaching tool but I could not care less as that was really a golden opportunity for me (I was not even paid for my work and I was still totally happy about that) .
I remembered how the responsibility of writing for a musical giant weighed on my shoulders–it was constantly on my mind and I could not concentrate on my day job at that time at all. However I was impressed with myself for delivering the song on time (and the result) as well as having the chance to sing and record it (in just two takes ie. I sang the whole song once in one take and another time in another take with a different feel) at his ginormous (it can fit an entire choir) and state-of-the-art studio. He was quite easy to work with although as big names go, you would expect some level of diva-esque attitude. After the recording, I waited patiently for the finished product to arrive. The song came soon but the actual movie only came many months after that. It was so worth the wait for my name appeared in the closing credits–this has always been one of my dreams.
Here are the words of the song and as usual followed by an English translation:
[跌倒]
/词: 锦泉// 曲: Iskandar Ismail/
霓虹灯不再燃烧
笙歌不再听到
冷冷的月光紧围绕
憔悴的我哭倒
沉重的心脱不了
禁锢我的手铐
离开我的影子我才看到
我是如此渺小
爱的一切都输掉
赢回一室的寂寥
只有时间陪我慢慢苍老
叫我怎承受得了这煎熬
是非已不再重要
失去你的拥抱
我只能在一角跪地求饶
你能否听得到
昨天的我不知道
今天的痛我明了
如果能够让我再走一遭
我发誓不会跌倒
不想继续海中飘
回头是岸我知道
我的康庄大道今天创造
我发誓再也不会 跌倒
[Fall]
The neon lights burn no more, the party music plays no more
The cold moonlight wraps tightly around my haggard body crying on the floor
My heavy heart is unable to shirk off the imprisoning handcuffs
Only leaving my shadow behind could I see how small I am
Having lost everything I love
Having won a room of loneliness
Only time is left to slowly grow old with me
Tell me how I can live through this torture
Right and wrong are no longer important now that I have lost your embrace
I can only beg for forgiveness on my knees in the corner, can you hear me?
The old me did not understand my wrongs
As I acknowledge the pain today
If I were to have another chance to walk again
I swear I will never fall
I do not wish to continue to drift in the ocean
For I know the shore is right behind me
Today I shall create the road to my bright future
I swear I will never fall
As for the clip, I have included the original segment of the show when the song was played (with self-added subtitles). In the movie, the last verse was not included and this is why you can also find the complete song below the video.
I hope the classic Mediacorp-feel of the clip was not too much for you (well I could not do anything about that). Do look out for more musical journeys coming up!
The first piece was originally a tune I recently received from my dear friend back in Singapore which was by itself a collaborative effort between her and a member of a band made famous by a reality show-type singing competition. It is basically a love song in which the singer struggles to find the source of his pain–a toss-up between his still physically-lingering partner and his not being able to get over the doomed relationship.
Here are the words of the song followed by its translation in English:
[I Don't Wanna Cry]
/词: 锦泉//曲: 美莲 + Nic @ 迷路兵/
I don't wanna cry
感情已不在
请留在门外
是我太失败
倦意和依赖
缠着我甩也甩不开
让你靠近是我给自己的伤害
活该
I don't wanna cry, I know I've tried
黑夜和泪总得一起来
只因你早已渗透我血脉
I don't wanna cry, please say goodbye
给你机会还欠我的债
为何你还是不肯。。。离开
让你存在是我对自己的虐待
别再
I don't wanna cry, just tell me why
时间和泪非得要比赛
被思念囚禁我泥足深陷火海
I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna lie
若能从心把你哭出来
我愿意含泪继续。。。忍耐
你还是不肯离开
I don't wanna cry
Now that the feelings are all gone
Please stay outside the door
I have failed myself
For I cannot shrug off
The fatigue and dependence stuck on me
Letting you near is the harm I have caused myself
Serves me right
I don't wanna cry, I know I've tried
The dark night and tears always have to come together
Only because you have long seeped into my veins
I don't wanna cry, please say goodbye
Let this be the chance for you to repay what you owe me
Why do you still refuse to leave?
Letting you stay is the torture I have given myself
Not again please
I don't wanna cry, just tell me why
Time and tears are always in a race
Trapped by thoughts of you, I am knee-deep in a sea of fire
I don't wanna cry, I don't wanna lie
If I could cry you out of my heart
I would continue to endure in tears
And you still refuse to leave
The second piece in this post involves a back story. Back when I was still in Singapore, I performed 摇篮 in the first-ever concert put together by COMPASS (a local organisation that manages music-copyrighting and royalties) which showcased original compositions by its fellow members. I thoroughly enjoyed singing on stage and it gave me a high that nothing else could compare (it was held in the old Parliament House). A famous local song-writer was in the audience and he was looking for someone to write words to a Chinese song which was part of a local telemovie's soundtrack. He contacted me soon after the concert and gave me two days to write the lyrics with only a quick summary of the movie's plot (consisting of one or maybe two sentences). He did tell me that the movie would be distributed to churches as a preaching tool but I could not care less as that was really a golden opportunity for me (I was not even paid for my work and I was still totally happy about that) .
I remembered how the responsibility of writing for a musical giant weighed on my shoulders–it was constantly on my mind and I could not concentrate on my day job at that time at all. However I was impressed with myself for delivering the song on time (and the result) as well as having the chance to sing and record it (in just two takes ie. I sang the whole song once in one take and another time in another take with a different feel) at his ginormous (it can fit an entire choir) and state-of-the-art studio. He was quite easy to work with although as big names go, you would expect some level of diva-esque attitude. After the recording, I waited patiently for the finished product to arrive. The song came soon but the actual movie only came many months after that. It was so worth the wait for my name appeared in the closing credits–this has always been one of my dreams.
Here are the words of the song and as usual followed by an English translation:
[跌倒]
/词: 锦泉// 曲: Iskandar Ismail/
霓虹灯不再燃烧
笙歌不再听到
冷冷的月光紧围绕
憔悴的我哭倒
沉重的心脱不了
禁锢我的手铐
离开我的影子我才看到
我是如此渺小
爱的一切都输掉
赢回一室的寂寥
只有时间陪我慢慢苍老
叫我怎承受得了这煎熬
是非已不再重要
失去你的拥抱
我只能在一角跪地求饶
你能否听得到
昨天的我不知道
今天的痛我明了
如果能够让我再走一遭
我发誓不会跌倒
不想继续海中飘
回头是岸我知道
我的康庄大道今天创造
我发誓再也不会 跌倒
[Fall]
The neon lights burn no more, the party music plays no more
The cold moonlight wraps tightly around my haggard body crying on the floor
My heavy heart is unable to shirk off the imprisoning handcuffs
Only leaving my shadow behind could I see how small I am
Having lost everything I love
Having won a room of loneliness
Only time is left to slowly grow old with me
Tell me how I can live through this torture
Right and wrong are no longer important now that I have lost your embrace
I can only beg for forgiveness on my knees in the corner, can you hear me?
The old me did not understand my wrongs
As I acknowledge the pain today
If I were to have another chance to walk again
I swear I will never fall
I do not wish to continue to drift in the ocean
For I know the shore is right behind me
Today I shall create the road to my bright future
I swear I will never fall
As for the clip, I have included the original segment of the show when the song was played (with self-added subtitles). In the movie, the last verse was not included and this is why you can also find the complete song below the video.
I hope the classic Mediacorp-feel of the clip was not too much for you (well I could not do anything about that). Do look out for more musical journeys coming up!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Tantric observations
You should know by now that I am a nudist (with an exhibitionistic flavour) and it would not surprise anyone that I chose to attend a nude tantric yoga session recently. I am a pretty seasoned nudist so it would take a lot to impress or shock me. As predicted, the whole nude tantric yoga experience was kind of bland but still I have made some observations from that night.
Observation 1: The dark setting flattered everyone, some more so than others. I did not need the room to be that dim myself but I am sure for the sake of the entire class, many would have deemed it necessary. There were lots of mirrors around too which was always a good thing.
Observation 2: There were quite a few cute and even hunky guys, much to my surprise. You see, a lot of nudists I have encountered are free spirits (which made perfect sense) and the philosophy of free spirits is to try to not control anything. Of course there would be exceptions but generally when people relinquish control, one of the things they let go is their diet and consequently their physical shape. Suffice to say there were good exceptions that night (with only one obese person).
Observation 3: Participants could share 10-visit passes (I did not think it was allowed) which meant that the cheapest anyone could pay for one session was $10. If you were not clever enough to take advantage of that, you could well be paying up to $17.50 per session. Naturally, I belong to the clever group and shared the 10-visit pass bought by the friend I went with.
Observation 4: It was a rainy winter night and yet there were almost 25 people there that Sunday night and this must be quite lucrative to the instructor. You would think that instructors charging that much would be 100% professional but as free-spirited gay men, it was hard to control sexual urges in front of other attractive free-spirited gay men. So as expected, the (gay) instructor was not totally professional. He purposely put himself in a group massage section of the class which had the hunkiest guy of the lot–this was a deviation from the normal class format. And as the massage went on, he was obviously concentrating on the hunk’s nether regions more than other parts. I know this was pardonable given the circumstances but I still felt that the instructor should be professional enough to not let this happen. Of course what made me feel more bitter was that the instructor was clearly not into Asians.
Observation 5: There was quite a bit of posing work as a couple and so it made sense to have the instructor partner someone with a person of similar built. I made a prior request to be partnered with someone of a similar (muscular) built with the knowledge that it might be too much to ask for. Fortunately my (Asian) partner was not too bad (he was cute too). The hunky (Caucasian) ones whom I was ogling would never be assigned to me because of dissimilar built and this was a major disappointment. How many muscular men (who are nudists) of my height are out there?
Observation 6: Frankly, I was expecting the experience to be more sexual but at the end of the day it all boiled down to one’s partner. There was a lot of mutual touching and if your partner were not touching the right parts for whatever reason, you might not want to bring your hands to those parts on him as well (for fear of getting him out of his comfort zone). However I felt that I was too tame and that might be why my partner was too tame as well. If I were to go next time, I would make it overtly sexual and push the envelope further.
Observation 7: We were told to come to the class freshly-showered and apply deodorant (for obvious reasons) but there were still people (one in particular) with very strong body odour problems (think people heavy on the curry diet). I really am starting to think that even if these people were to shower in bleach, the smell would still permeate from the pores (I used to think that they were just sloppy when showering). Mental note: steer clear of those people in the future (we could send the instructor an email before the class advising him not to assign particular people to us as partners–phew!).
Observation 8: There were opportunities to put yourself out there if you wanted to “cruise” around especially before the class when everyone was just standing around and waiting. I heard from other attendees that people sometimes proceed to full-on sex after the class elsewhere. This is totally understandable especially when people generally do not cum during such tantric yoga sessions and after being edged on for the whole time, it is difficult to not want to end the night on a happy note. I guess if I really wanted to push the envelope to the extreme, I could cum there and then (of course the partner would have to be into that as well). I wonder what would the others think if I were to do that?
So now the only important question left unanswered is “would I go for another session”? As I have mentioned above, I felt that I have yet to go the distance to make the class as enjoyable for me as possible. To be honest, I was also a bit displeasured that I was not propositioned for sex (all gay men are sluts deep inside if not already on the outside) especially when I clearly had one of the best bodies around. But then again I was also too shy as it was my first session–maybe I will up the ante much more in the next class (I would then risk incurring greater disappointment). In any case, it was still not time yet to stick the “been there, done that” label onto tantric yoga and so you will probably see me there in the next class for despite being stark naked, I still had spare inhibition to shed.
Observation 1: The dark setting flattered everyone, some more so than others. I did not need the room to be that dim myself but I am sure for the sake of the entire class, many would have deemed it necessary. There were lots of mirrors around too which was always a good thing.
Observation 2: There were quite a few cute and even hunky guys, much to my surprise. You see, a lot of nudists I have encountered are free spirits (which made perfect sense) and the philosophy of free spirits is to try to not control anything. Of course there would be exceptions but generally when people relinquish control, one of the things they let go is their diet and consequently their physical shape. Suffice to say there were good exceptions that night (with only one obese person).
Observation 3: Participants could share 10-visit passes (I did not think it was allowed) which meant that the cheapest anyone could pay for one session was $10. If you were not clever enough to take advantage of that, you could well be paying up to $17.50 per session. Naturally, I belong to the clever group and shared the 10-visit pass bought by the friend I went with.
Observation 4: It was a rainy winter night and yet there were almost 25 people there that Sunday night and this must be quite lucrative to the instructor. You would think that instructors charging that much would be 100% professional but as free-spirited gay men, it was hard to control sexual urges in front of other attractive free-spirited gay men. So as expected, the (gay) instructor was not totally professional. He purposely put himself in a group massage section of the class which had the hunkiest guy of the lot–this was a deviation from the normal class format. And as the massage went on, he was obviously concentrating on the hunk’s nether regions more than other parts. I know this was pardonable given the circumstances but I still felt that the instructor should be professional enough to not let this happen. Of course what made me feel more bitter was that the instructor was clearly not into Asians.
Observation 5: There was quite a bit of posing work as a couple and so it made sense to have the instructor partner someone with a person of similar built. I made a prior request to be partnered with someone of a similar (muscular) built with the knowledge that it might be too much to ask for. Fortunately my (Asian) partner was not too bad (he was cute too). The hunky (Caucasian) ones whom I was ogling would never be assigned to me because of dissimilar built and this was a major disappointment. How many muscular men (who are nudists) of my height are out there?
Observation 6: Frankly, I was expecting the experience to be more sexual but at the end of the day it all boiled down to one’s partner. There was a lot of mutual touching and if your partner were not touching the right parts for whatever reason, you might not want to bring your hands to those parts on him as well (for fear of getting him out of his comfort zone). However I felt that I was too tame and that might be why my partner was too tame as well. If I were to go next time, I would make it overtly sexual and push the envelope further.
Observation 7: We were told to come to the class freshly-showered and apply deodorant (for obvious reasons) but there were still people (one in particular) with very strong body odour problems (think people heavy on the curry diet). I really am starting to think that even if these people were to shower in bleach, the smell would still permeate from the pores (I used to think that they were just sloppy when showering). Mental note: steer clear of those people in the future (we could send the instructor an email before the class advising him not to assign particular people to us as partners–phew!).
Observation 8: There were opportunities to put yourself out there if you wanted to “cruise” around especially before the class when everyone was just standing around and waiting. I heard from other attendees that people sometimes proceed to full-on sex after the class elsewhere. This is totally understandable especially when people generally do not cum during such tantric yoga sessions and after being edged on for the whole time, it is difficult to not want to end the night on a happy note. I guess if I really wanted to push the envelope to the extreme, I could cum there and then (of course the partner would have to be into that as well). I wonder what would the others think if I were to do that?
So now the only important question left unanswered is “would I go for another session”? As I have mentioned above, I felt that I have yet to go the distance to make the class as enjoyable for me as possible. To be honest, I was also a bit displeasured that I was not propositioned for sex (all gay men are sluts deep inside if not already on the outside) especially when I clearly had one of the best bodies around. But then again I was also too shy as it was my first session–maybe I will up the ante much more in the next class (I would then risk incurring greater disappointment). In any case, it was still not time yet to stick the “been there, done that” label onto tantric yoga and so you will probably see me there in the next class for despite being stark naked, I still had spare inhibition to shed.
Monday, May 24, 2010
As my blood boils...
I have given up on communicating with Christians who cannot understand the plight LGBTs all over the world are suffering especially those Christians trying to camouflage bigotry with academic research and scholarly lingo.
When I described how LGBTs are denied the basic human right of marriage, I was asked "is it really love you have, or just an extension of friends-with-benefits" and then I was smoke-bombed with "marriage is denied to people for a whole variety of reasons other than sexual orientation and sexual fitness... even heterosexuals don't have a right to marriage... even very trivially, there is the age limit... and when in human history before the 1970s was marriage regarded "a basic human right?".
Then the ultimate insult was hurled "I would like to ask, you asking for the right to "marriage", properly understood in the social sense, sans orientation, or asking for the right to state-supported lifelong sexual indulgence?".
"State-supported lifelong sexual indulgence"??!? WTF?? I have never heard something so idiotically-extreme before!
When I lamented how faith-guided people will continue to vote for the retention of Section 377A including some so-called friends who are willing to make their LGBT buddies criminals-without-rights for another 25 years all in the name of religion, I was asked "have you tried to understand the details of their stance... fundamentalists like Prof Tho Li Ann have been driven into their fundamentalism partially because of a frustration that they are not being heard out properly. There is a perception that this "dialogue" is a one-way street... so you want them to think about how you feel... why don't you also think about how they feel?".
That left me speechless. Somehow they (yes, even the scholars) fail to grasp the fact that LGBTs are the real victims here.
Then the scholar went on to sling mud onto others like Alex Au by saying "for instance, what do you think a Christian who has been taught the "inclusionary" nature of Christ's love, of a bliblically-centered love, feels when he reads Alex Au's article deriding Christianity as an "exclusionary" religion?".
Boo hoo.... as they carry on crying as victims in their multi-million dollar church premises.
More mud-slinging followed–this time round the pro-LGBT activists were on the receiving end. "The Pro-LGBT activists appear to be fighting for equal rights. Instead, what they are fighting for is opinion imperialism, no different from what they accuse religious groups of doing... the Pro-LGBT activists know their priorities, but their priorities are the wrong ones, and ones that are bringing more division to society than healing harm."
Scholarly lingo alert!!! "Opinion imperialism"–what does that even mean?! Pro-LGBT activists bringing division to society? Somehow to these people, this line of argument never gets old.
Then this "I am Roman Catholic, and I know that the Vatican has an official Pontifical Council for Inter-religious Dialogue; what does that say about the potential of Christianity for inter-religious dialogue? (As an aside, I think that the Vatican would be willing to form a Pontifical Council for Catholic-LGBT dialogue if it sensed that any LGBT groups did actually want a genuine dialogue, which they currently don't)."
Win already right? Yes, they most certainly want to engage in dialogue, that is if they still have energy after spending all day covering the tracks of paedophilic priests, demonising condoms and explaining how natural disasters are a direct result of sodomy.
Then something was said that showed how unscholarly the scholar was. "There are also many Christians around the world suffering from persecution on a daily basis. Remember, Christianity is a global religion... there are incidentally many more Christians than there are LGBT people. It is a ratio of 1.5 billion to six million. Quite majorly significant."
So what if Christians are in the majority compared to LGBTs?!
All of the above is still palatable (I have a high level of tolerance) but then my endurance was pushed over the brink with "because I really do want to understand and help you through your problems. But I can't help if you refuse to acknowledge that you have a problem in the first place."
I was then given some advice to "stop labelling people "fundamentalists and bigots" and for a change, ask and then sit down and listen to what their real opinions on the issue are. If you do that, I am sure they will stop calling you "sinner"... stop thinking about yourself and think about others for a change... if you are willing to give up your siege mentality, I think that you would suddenly find many Christians, even the "fundamentalists", becoming much warmer toward you."
Who cares about them calling me a sinner? I just want them to butt out of government policies in a secular country!!!
And then I stopped replying for I needed the madness to end.
All this started from a discussion on whether the "Agree To Disagree" publication (meant to teach Buddhists how to tactfully turn down proselytising Christians–website here) is considered "polite bigotry". By the way, that scholar found the publication ultimately "disengaging" and does not promote inter-faith dialogue, if you are interested (duh). And if you are REALLY interested, here is the thread in context in gory detail.
If we cannot get through to scholars, how then can we get through to the hordes and hordes of fundies who know much less? Can you blame me for giving up on communicating with these people and only keeping within my gay and gay-friendly cliques so as not to elevate my blood pressure? Please tell me–am I doing the wrong thing? If so, what do you recommend I do?
(PS: Incidentally, the 'Hokkien pengs' of my platoon were much more embracing. When I showed them pictures of me and my partner during my last in-camp training, they asked me to invite them to my wedding! How sweet!)
When I described how LGBTs are denied the basic human right of marriage, I was asked "is it really love you have, or just an extension of friends-with-benefits" and then I was smoke-bombed with "marriage is denied to people for a whole variety of reasons other than sexual orientation and sexual fitness... even heterosexuals don't have a right to marriage... even very trivially, there is the age limit... and when in human history before the 1970s was marriage regarded "a basic human right?".
Then the ultimate insult was hurled "I would like to ask, you asking for the right to "marriage", properly understood in the social sense, sans orientation, or asking for the right to state-supported lifelong sexual indulgence?".
"State-supported lifelong sexual indulgence"??!? WTF?? I have never heard something so idiotically-extreme before!
When I lamented how faith-guided people will continue to vote for the retention of Section 377A including some so-called friends who are willing to make their LGBT buddies criminals-without-rights for another 25 years all in the name of religion, I was asked "have you tried to understand the details of their stance... fundamentalists like Prof Tho Li Ann have been driven into their fundamentalism partially because of a frustration that they are not being heard out properly. There is a perception that this "dialogue" is a one-way street... so you want them to think about how you feel... why don't you also think about how they feel?".
That left me speechless. Somehow they (yes, even the scholars) fail to grasp the fact that LGBTs are the real victims here.
Then the scholar went on to sling mud onto others like Alex Au by saying "for instance, what do you think a Christian who has been taught the "inclusionary" nature of Christ's love, of a bliblically-centered love, feels when he reads Alex Au's article deriding Christianity as an "exclusionary" religion?".
Boo hoo.... as they carry on crying as victims in their multi-million dollar church premises.
More mud-slinging followed–this time round the pro-LGBT activists were on the receiving end. "The Pro-LGBT activists appear to be fighting for equal rights. Instead, what they are fighting for is opinion imperialism, no different from what they accuse religious groups of doing... the Pro-LGBT activists know their priorities, but their priorities are the wrong ones, and ones that are bringing more division to society than healing harm."
Scholarly lingo alert!!! "Opinion imperialism"–what does that even mean?! Pro-LGBT activists bringing division to society? Somehow to these people, this line of argument never gets old.
Then this "I am Roman Catholic, and I know that the Vatican has an official Pontifical Council for Inter-religious Dialogue; what does that say about the potential of Christianity for inter-religious dialogue? (As an aside, I think that the Vatican would be willing to form a Pontifical Council for Catholic-LGBT dialogue if it sensed that any LGBT groups did actually want a genuine dialogue, which they currently don't)."
Win already right? Yes, they most certainly want to engage in dialogue, that is if they still have energy after spending all day covering the tracks of paedophilic priests, demonising condoms and explaining how natural disasters are a direct result of sodomy.
Then something was said that showed how unscholarly the scholar was. "There are also many Christians around the world suffering from persecution on a daily basis. Remember, Christianity is a global religion... there are incidentally many more Christians than there are LGBT people. It is a ratio of 1.5 billion to six million. Quite majorly significant."
So what if Christians are in the majority compared to LGBTs?!
All of the above is still palatable (I have a high level of tolerance) but then my endurance was pushed over the brink with "because I really do want to understand and help you through your problems. But I can't help if you refuse to acknowledge that you have a problem in the first place."
I was then given some advice to "stop labelling people "fundamentalists and bigots" and for a change, ask and then sit down and listen to what their real opinions on the issue are. If you do that, I am sure they will stop calling you "sinner"... stop thinking about yourself and think about others for a change... if you are willing to give up your siege mentality, I think that you would suddenly find many Christians, even the "fundamentalists", becoming much warmer toward you."
Who cares about them calling me a sinner? I just want them to butt out of government policies in a secular country!!!
And then I stopped replying for I needed the madness to end.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
All this started from a discussion on whether the "Agree To Disagree" publication (meant to teach Buddhists how to tactfully turn down proselytising Christians–website here) is considered "polite bigotry". By the way, that scholar found the publication ultimately "disengaging" and does not promote inter-faith dialogue, if you are interested (duh). And if you are REALLY interested, here is the thread in context in gory detail.
If we cannot get through to scholars, how then can we get through to the hordes and hordes of fundies who know much less? Can you blame me for giving up on communicating with these people and only keeping within my gay and gay-friendly cliques so as not to elevate my blood pressure? Please tell me–am I doing the wrong thing? If so, what do you recommend I do?
(PS: Incidentally, the 'Hokkien pengs' of my platoon were much more embracing. When I showed them pictures of me and my partner during my last in-camp training, they asked me to invite them to my wedding! How sweet!)
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The ultimate way to be shot
Back in February this year when I went back home for Chinese New Year, I grabbed the opportunity to squeeze in a shoot with a friend and photographer Cobalt.
It was just like any other hot and humid day in tropical Singapore except that we were shooting nude in the open forest. This is my first professional outdoor nude shoot. Not only did we have to trek a long way in, we had to risk being spotted. We had to abandon our initial location as some people were seen jogging (I wonder what would happen if they saw me in all my naked glory).
We had a photographic assistant with us and another person to constantly stand guard–our early warning system. Shooting in the bushes was tough as maneuvering in my own skin meant that I was constantly scratched and prodded by undergrowth. Luckily my skin was left in tact and everything went smoothly.
With all the trouble and hard work from everyone, the many shots taken that day have been distilled to the following few. It was worth all the effort as I think we had spectacular results but I will let you be the judge. Even if the whole exercise were to fail standards, at least I got to be one again with nature and trust me, nothing beats that feeling.
PS: Artistic license had to be maintained by the photographer and hence the way one of the pictures was censored (I would have done it differently if it were up to me).
It was just like any other hot and humid day in tropical Singapore except that we were shooting nude in the open forest. This is my first professional outdoor nude shoot. Not only did we have to trek a long way in, we had to risk being spotted. We had to abandon our initial location as some people were seen jogging (I wonder what would happen if they saw me in all my naked glory).
We had a photographic assistant with us and another person to constantly stand guard–our early warning system. Shooting in the bushes was tough as maneuvering in my own skin meant that I was constantly scratched and prodded by undergrowth. Luckily my skin was left in tact and everything went smoothly.
With all the trouble and hard work from everyone, the many shots taken that day have been distilled to the following few. It was worth all the effort as I think we had spectacular results but I will let you be the judge. Even if the whole exercise were to fail standards, at least I got to be one again with nature and trust me, nothing beats that feeling.
PS: Artistic license had to be maintained by the photographer and hence the way one of the pictures was censored (I would have done it differently if it were up to me).
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Musical journey (1)
It is time for a little musical sharing once again. I have here the newest collaboration between my friend (the lyricist) and I (the composer), the same team who brought you "Stay Away" and "不由自主的幸福". This song writes about the memories of being with someone and how it would be like if there were a reunion. I feel that the song is ultimately telling us that we should all be spending more time with the people who are dear to us so that we will never be in that melancholic state of regret, when what one could only do is to reminisce and imagine. I feel that with a simple arrangement, one can better receive this message and so that was how I went about my composition. I have included both a male- and female-keyed version so everyone can sing along. I hope you will enjoy this one of many musical journeys.
[想想]
/词: 惜妹//曲: 锦泉/
凝固记忆框在墙上
每张微笑开始泛黄
记得当时我们很勇敢
无惧危险的向前闯
随着年纪慢慢成长
忘了我们如何失散
呆望着眼前的这片墙
仿佛又回到了过往
你好吗
还记得我吗
想象着不经意碰到你的情况
你好吗
会想我吗
想象着如果和你聊天的模样
我们当时是否还有话还没讲完
现在是不是还会有时抱着遗憾
想象着如果还有机会再遇上
我知道我现在也只能想想
你好吗
还记得我吗
想象着不经意碰到你的情况
你好吗
会想我吗
想象着如果和你聊天的模样
我知道 我现在 也只能 想想
PS: We need to start writing more upbeat songs!
[想想]
/词: 惜妹//曲: 锦泉/
凝固记忆框在墙上
每张微笑开始泛黄
记得当时我们很勇敢
无惧危险的向前闯
随着年纪慢慢成长
忘了我们如何失散
呆望着眼前的这片墙
仿佛又回到了过往
你好吗
还记得我吗
想象着不经意碰到你的情况
你好吗
会想我吗
想象着如果和你聊天的模样
我们当时是否还有话还没讲完
现在是不是还会有时抱着遗憾
想象着如果还有机会再遇上
我知道我现在也只能想想
你好吗
还记得我吗
想象着不经意碰到你的情况
你好吗
会想我吗
想象着如果和你聊天的模样
我知道 我现在 也只能 想想
PS: We need to start writing more upbeat songs!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Vacation wrap-up
Food (Hong Kong)
“Tea café” food from expensive Tsui Wah.
From top left clockwise: Swiss-style chicken wings, cold honey lemon with mandarin orange juice, sizzling pork chop with fried instant noodles.
Dinner at Tai Hing Roast Restaurant–a treat for my host.
From left: roast eight treasure rice (missing char siew–ran out!), iced milk tea in ice bath, roast suckling pig.
“Tea café” food from Café de Coral. It was tea time and portions were small and very cheap.
From top left clockwise: lemon Coke, small BBQ pork rice, cold yuen yueng, pork cutlet with ham and toast.
Dim sum at Lin Heung Tea House. It was 7.30 in the morning!
From top left clockwise: lor mai gai (glutinous rice with pork, Chinese sausage and salted egg yolk wrapped in lotus leaf), lotus seed paste bun, BBQ pork bun, rice rolls with prawns, siew mai (pork dumplings), har gow (prawn dumplings), braised chicken feet, Chinese sausage bun, jasmine tea.
Simple (and economical) fare at Lamma Island.
From top: cuttlefish balls soup, satay beef instant noodles soup, pork chop with omelette and ham.
Miscellaneous goodies along the way. It seems like I did not eat a lot in Hong Kong after all…
From top left clockwise: snake soup from Seh Wong Yee, wife biscuit from Hang Heung Bakery, vegetarian meal at Po Lin Monastery (fried bee hoon, soya beancurd, mango split-pea cake and snow fungus cake), wanton noodles with added fish balls from a small eatery in Shau Kei Wan, snow white sago dessert from Honeymoon Desserts.
KL food was pretty standard but these caught my attention.
From top left clockwise: chicken sate baoz, onion chicken baoz, tri-star squid roll from Mr. Baoz, delicious char siew (BBQ pork) from Soh Kei.
Food from our first-ever dine-out Chinese New Year reunion dinner.
From top left clockwise: lobster cold plate combination (a live cockroach was found in the lobster head! Traumatising!), abalone with sea cucumber, shark’s fin soup, steamed red snapper, fried salted egg yolk prawns, pig’s trotters with buns, fried noodles, hashima dessert (frog eggs).
The home-cooked Chinese New Year feast of a lunch. Props to mummy as usual!
From top left clockwise: scallops in squid flowers, steamed Hainanese chicken, dried shitake with sea cucumber, dried oysters with fa cai (a kind of hair-looking seaweed), yu sheng (raw fish salad tossed noisily for good luck, fortune and prosperity), snow fungus dessert with dried dates and lotus seeds, mixed vegetables with quail eggs, fried minced pork in beancurd skin with fried minced pork balls with longan centres (decorated with grapes and strawberries), fried salted egg yolk prawns.
We were fortunate enough to stay in a brand new condominium when Ision and I were in KL, all thanks to Eric (whose RPM class I attended for the first time–my first-ever spinning experience!). Ain’t my baby elegant on the couch?
Lots of food was converted to unburnt calories during the KL trip, something that always happens. This was just another night of gluttony with friends who all shared a common identity–they are all followers of Eric’s blog.
Whoever in charge of branding this bank should face the firing squad. Come on!!!
I simply couldn’t resist this!
Ision receiving blessings from a reverend in the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple in Chinatown on the first day of Chinese New Year. It was a pity as I should have taken a video instead.
My first family reunion dinner with Ision. All the tales of how one should behave in front of traditional in-laws were all thrown out of the window for I have one of the coolest mums in the world! This was also my first reunion dinner not prepared by my mum. Coincidentally, there was another Asian/Caucasian gay couple seated next to our table having their reunion dinner as well. Singapore is indeed opening up!
Catching up with Siew Mei, a friend I met back in my student exchange days in Sydney in 2001. Too bad she is now living in Singapore which means that I have one less Sydney kaki to have dinner and coffee with.
Friends from my singing-at-Ark days. We were there to watch my dear friend Meilian sing (can you see that greenish ghostly figure in the distance?). I miss hanging out with all of you already!
Me posing with the samba girls at the Chingay Parade. I was very proud of myself for managing to put together a costume from scratch on the spot (I had a small pair of pink wings behind me which is not visible in the picture). I guess it should also be noted that Roy and I were the first-ever “contingent” to represent the gay community at Chingay. Did we make history? You bet!
Me posing with the group from Cosplay. I want to say thank you to my friend Roy for initiating the idea of marching though it was a pity that only the two of us out of the entire nation turned up. We kept askin people to join us but I guess no one had our enthusiasm (and guts).
Me posing with the storm troopers. Here is an article on Fridae featuring our Chingay Parade march on the last night of my vacation. The video at the end of that article has also been reproduced here:
My partner in gay crime Singapore-style and my very dear friend Roy.
Mum and I at the airport just before my departure. I think she will miss me the most. The thing about reunions is that each reunion inevitably comes with a separation–so to avoid separations should we have reunions in the first place?
“Tea café” food from expensive Tsui Wah.From top left clockwise: Swiss-style chicken wings, cold honey lemon with mandarin orange juice, sizzling pork chop with fried instant noodles.
Dinner at Tai Hing Roast Restaurant–a treat for my host.From left: roast eight treasure rice (missing char siew–ran out!), iced milk tea in ice bath, roast suckling pig.
“Tea café” food from Café de Coral. It was tea time and portions were small and very cheap.From top left clockwise: lemon Coke, small BBQ pork rice, cold yuen yueng, pork cutlet with ham and toast.
Dim sum at Lin Heung Tea House. It was 7.30 in the morning!From top left clockwise: lor mai gai (glutinous rice with pork, Chinese sausage and salted egg yolk wrapped in lotus leaf), lotus seed paste bun, BBQ pork bun, rice rolls with prawns, siew mai (pork dumplings), har gow (prawn dumplings), braised chicken feet, Chinese sausage bun, jasmine tea.
Simple (and economical) fare at Lamma Island.From top: cuttlefish balls soup, satay beef instant noodles soup, pork chop with omelette and ham.
Miscellaneous goodies along the way. It seems like I did not eat a lot in Hong Kong after all…From top left clockwise: snake soup from Seh Wong Yee, wife biscuit from Hang Heung Bakery, vegetarian meal at Po Lin Monastery (fried bee hoon, soya beancurd, mango split-pea cake and snow fungus cake), wanton noodles with added fish balls from a small eatery in Shau Kei Wan, snow white sago dessert from Honeymoon Desserts.
Food (Kuala Lumpur)
KL food was pretty standard but these caught my attention.From top left clockwise: chicken sate baoz, onion chicken baoz, tri-star squid roll from Mr. Baoz, delicious char siew (BBQ pork) from Soh Kei.
Food (Singapore)
Food from our first-ever dine-out Chinese New Year reunion dinner.From top left clockwise: lobster cold plate combination (a live cockroach was found in the lobster head! Traumatising!), abalone with sea cucumber, shark’s fin soup, steamed red snapper, fried salted egg yolk prawns, pig’s trotters with buns, fried noodles, hashima dessert (frog eggs).
The home-cooked Chinese New Year feast of a lunch. Props to mummy as usual!From top left clockwise: scallops in squid flowers, steamed Hainanese chicken, dried shitake with sea cucumber, dried oysters with fa cai (a kind of hair-looking seaweed), yu sheng (raw fish salad tossed noisily for good luck, fortune and prosperity), snow fungus dessert with dried dates and lotus seeds, mixed vegetables with quail eggs, fried minced pork in beancurd skin with fried minced pork balls with longan centres (decorated with grapes and strawberries), fried salted egg yolk prawns.
Highlights (Kuala Lumpur)
We were fortunate enough to stay in a brand new condominium when Ision and I were in KL, all thanks to Eric (whose RPM class I attended for the first time–my first-ever spinning experience!). Ain’t my baby elegant on the couch?
Lots of food was converted to unburnt calories during the KL trip, something that always happens. This was just another night of gluttony with friends who all shared a common identity–they are all followers of Eric’s blog.
Whoever in charge of branding this bank should face the firing squad. Come on!!!
I simply couldn’t resist this!Highlights (Singapore)
Ision receiving blessings from a reverend in the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple in Chinatown on the first day of Chinese New Year. It was a pity as I should have taken a video instead.
My first family reunion dinner with Ision. All the tales of how one should behave in front of traditional in-laws were all thrown out of the window for I have one of the coolest mums in the world! This was also my first reunion dinner not prepared by my mum. Coincidentally, there was another Asian/Caucasian gay couple seated next to our table having their reunion dinner as well. Singapore is indeed opening up!
Catching up with Siew Mei, a friend I met back in my student exchange days in Sydney in 2001. Too bad she is now living in Singapore which means that I have one less Sydney kaki to have dinner and coffee with.
Friends from my singing-at-Ark days. We were there to watch my dear friend Meilian sing (can you see that greenish ghostly figure in the distance?). I miss hanging out with all of you already!
Me posing with the samba girls at the Chingay Parade. I was very proud of myself for managing to put together a costume from scratch on the spot (I had a small pair of pink wings behind me which is not visible in the picture). I guess it should also be noted that Roy and I were the first-ever “contingent” to represent the gay community at Chingay. Did we make history? You bet!
Me posing with the group from Cosplay. I want to say thank you to my friend Roy for initiating the idea of marching though it was a pity that only the two of us out of the entire nation turned up. We kept askin people to join us but I guess no one had our enthusiasm (and guts).
Me posing with the storm troopers. Here is an article on Fridae featuring our Chingay Parade march on the last night of my vacation. The video at the end of that article has also been reproduced here:
My partner in gay crime Singapore-style and my very dear friend Roy.
Mum and I at the airport just before my departure. I think she will miss me the most. The thing about reunions is that each reunion inevitably comes with a separation–so to avoid separations should we have reunions in the first place?And there you have it finally, my month away from Sydney in vivid colour summarized in six posts. It is good to go on trips once in a while but I must say Ision and I were both totally tripped-out after that and were so looking forward to some sorely-needed quiet time at home. Kim out.
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