Melbourne half-year update

What if you are in an office where the boss finds examples to justify your previously-determined "improvement needed" status (that you didn't really agree with in the first place and was based on only three months of work performance in a totally-new environment) instead of looking for positive examples of you actually showing evidence of improvement? For example, two people gave you independent reviews with one good and one bad. Only the bad review was used to justify the pre-determined conclusion whilst the good review was totally ignored. What the fuck?!

What if you have a boss who is still bearing a grudge based on the honest feedback you have given her and is in a perpetual vengeance mode that you can never concretely-prove? Also, the supposedly anonymous feedback process is so not the case—a lesson learnt I guess.

What if you are in an office that is so competitive as a result of the top-down survival-of-the-fittest management style to the extent that people find that they need to backstab, belittle others and play political games in order to climb up and that training does not go to people who need them but to people as a reward?

What if hard work (think 12-hour days, 2-kg permanent weight loss over 2 weeks, feeling faint in the walk home from work, not even having the energy to have dinner at times and thinking public holidays are a curse for the first time because that means lost time to do work) and commitment are not concepts to laud but are traits that are deemed not as important as how ones does the job, how vocal one is to sell oneself, how much one is willing to feed the bosses' egos in order to claim a spot in the bosses' favourite list (yes, bosses play favoritism in this office)?

What if you are in an untransparent company where numerous things vital to your career and future transpire without your knowledge until the very last minute when the bad news hits you seconds before you have to swim or sink to try to turn the tide around?

What if you are in a huge company with great international success that short-changes employees at every turn instead of taking care of their welfare, thinks that it works hard to retain talent yet is unwilling to forgo a mere $8000 to help a high-performing employee to do her job better, an amount that is miniscule compared to the profits promised to shareholders, the promise being the only thing the company cares about?

What if the feedback you provide to higher management does not ever get to the desired audience because of mid-level management's own agenda and employees are starting to give up and constantly looking over the fence for greener pastures but finding it hard to jump due to the seemingly-worsening global economy?

What if you are in a company so desperate to raise the bottomline where clients are treated as gods, a company with a chief mission to please its existing and potential customers and one that spares no expense to throw its employees into the fire pit if that is what it takes to land the deal?

What if it has been proven time and again that the company you are working for pays its workers less than what its competitors do?

Welcome to my world!

So now I am stuck with the situation where if I were given the opportunity to exhibit an improvement in behaviour based on the "corrective action plan" written for me out of the "improvement needed" assessment of the performance review and I cannot prove it by the next session in a month's time (based on other peoples' review—which is again a flawed system as you'd be screwed if this person doesn't like you for whatever reason) then I would be given a written warning from Human Resources. Just so you know, as little as two of such warnings could see employees served up with the termination letter!

There are also justification examples in this "corrective action plan" that do not reflect what exactly happened and I will most certainly fight till the end to have the erroneous sections eliminated. I am done with being a doormat in the face of this powerful company.

To make matters worse, I am in the process of changing projects ie. new challenges lie ahead with a steeper learning curve to overcome, and so having only a month to prove myself before a possible warning is really unfair to me. But how can one argue against an unmoving and cold company who does not give a damn about its employees?

I know it was my choice to leave the cushy job in Sydney in search of a more challenging environment but have I bitten off more than I could chew with this relocation to Melbourne? It has been half a year since my move and I know I need to provide some updates as to how well that is going. So there you have it (summarised in the series of "what if" questions), this is what I have to deal with at work six months in. Looks like there is no chance I will ever rise up to become a senior engineer in this dog-eat-dog office as I am unwilling to play the game and lose my principles (yet again!).

But given the current economic climate, I think I would have to bite the bullet and stay in this mucky situation a while more. Oh, and to make things even less palatable, I am about to lose the privilege of walking to work as I would soon be posted to a dodgy suburb (the Footscray office) which I have been told is quite unsafe to be in after dark ie. the time of the day you would be in if you work overtime, which is something that is definitely going to happen.

As for my life with Ision outside of work, the social rut we are in (as alluded to in my previous post) still remains. You cannot really blame us because work is so draining (in different ways to both of us) that on our off days or after-work hours, we just want to do nothing and think about nothing (slumping in front of the TV for me and in front of the computer for him). But things are improving and we are slowly venturing out to visit other suburbs near the city to see what's out there. Also, as winter ends and the weather warms up a little more, I hope I can get back to my photo shoots. I currently have two to three shoots in the works but unfortunately none in the bag.

Half a year has flown by since I left Sydney and although things are not as good as I might have envisaged, I still believe that it will get better. Check back with me in another six months and hopefully that is what you will hear from me.

Musical journey (25)

One thing that I need to do in Melbourne is to look for open mic nights where I can have a chance to perform in front of a live audience. I used to have a regular gig at a musical café back in Singapore and it was from that experience that my passion for singing on stage began to develop. The high I get from singing live cannot really be described but it is something that I would want to feel over and over again. I have always imagined how it would be like singing in front of thousands of loving fans and listening to their thunderous cheers, screams and applause. Well not all of us can be superstars.

For me, I know that the boat of superstardom has long sailed and so I will be happy if I get a chance to sing in front a small group of people, especially if I am showcasing some of my original compositions. In this month’s musical journey, I will be sharing one of my live performances during my last trip back to Singapore in this pub called “Roomful of Blues”. I hope you like my cover of Norah Jones’ “Don’t Know Why”.

 

One Kim a day (part 4)

Recently I have been getting more daring on my internet profiles particularly those for models and photographers to meet and collaborate. In the past I have been hesitant in putting up my full nudes online but bit by bit I am opening up. So far I have posted full nudes on modelling profiles as well as on generic Facebook pages dedicated to pictures of hot men. Those pictures have been quite well-received, which is something that encourages me to post more. That being said, I am not sure if I am ready to post full nudes regularly on my blog. You see, my family visits it too... Anyway that is my problem, not yours. For now you just have to sit back, relax and enjoy the last installment to my "One Kim a Day" series (previous posts: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]). And as usual, stay tuned for more of me.

 

One Kim a day (part 3)

I hope you are enjoying the pictures from this series [1] [2] so far. Here is another installment of good old Kim in case you cannot get enough of me. If that is not the case, let me persuade you to want more of me with these photos. I really enjoy putting myself out there like this and I will continue doing it till no one finds me desirable anymore.

One Kim a day (part 2)

Has it been another week already? I guess it is time for another dose of good old Kim to ease all your troubles and pain. Well at least that is the intention. When you are done with these new offerings, feel free to hop on to these pictures [1] and videos [1] [2] from the same shoot I posted earlier.

One Kim a day (part 1)

As promised in this post, I will be sharing with you guys the pictures from my first video shoot. I thought I might do it a little differently this time round by posting a single picture on Facebook everyday in an album titled "One Kim a day" for the entire month of June so that you guys can get more sick of me and my pictures (hehe). The description of that album is "one Kim a day makes the doctor come straightaway" and personally I think it is quite a smart one. Alas, I have not met any cute hunky doctors before.

In every week of this month, I will post those pictures shared on Facebook that particular week here so that more people who are not my Facebook friends can get to see them. So without further ado, here is the first batch. I SO need to do a shoot soon (but it is so cold in Melbourne now!).

Musical journey (24)

For those of you who pore through horoscopes religiously, this month’s musical journey is for you. Astrology has been used for millennia to govern how people live and make decisions, something that I personally do not buy into. An amusing example would be when I come across people who cross-reference their zodiac signs with their potential dates’ to get an idea of compatibility. Regardless of how well or not the signs match up, wouldn’t it be somewhat of a self-realising prophecy when we go into life decisions with that knowledge already in our heads?

I am sure there is a purpose for astrology even in this time and age, or else tales of Niu Lang and Zhi Nü or Chang’e and Hou Yi wouldn’t have been passed down for generations. In this information age, there is a lot of pseudo-facts thrown at you every second of your life and not all of those are tried and true. For every bit of information someone puts out there for the world to see, there is always a motive and agenda. Don't get me wrong, they could all very well have good intentions behind those motives but we should always take their agenda into consideration when listening to what they have to say.

I am a born-skeptic and like everyone else, I also harbour an agenda when I tell you this. But the bottom line is I would rather err on the conservative questioning side and I urge everyone to do the same. How can I not be a skeptic when it comes to horoscopes when a quick scan for my sign Scorpio across three popular websites reveal they all say different things?


Site #1
Don't let your fear or anger get the better of you today, Scorpio. You're going to be pushed to the forefront and you may even be forced to make some big decisions regarding the direction of your professional life. Perhaps you've been feeling that it's a little premature to take action, but, frankly, you no longer have any choice. Whether you know it or not, you're ready!

Site #2
The more positive you set your mind to become, the easier it will be to adapt to changes. Some changes now may involve a change of residence or a new member of the family. This is a cycle of nostalgia and domesticity emphasizing a need for security and a sense of roots. Family, home, relatives and real estate may play a big part in your life now. Take caution in domestic projects such as major home repairs or redecorating.

Site #3
It's a good day for a long nap, or for spending some time curled up in your favorite comfy chair. Reading is a good imaginative activity. So is simply letting your mind wander. You're in a highly creative mindset under the current influence, and you're particularly susceptible to anything that appeals to that side of you. Let your thoughts enter the realm of fantasy. Entertain delicious visions, even if they could never be real.


Well you get my point. As for the song I have written, I tried to incorporate all the twelve zodiac signs as well as a couple of Chinese legends to tell a tale of a Scorpio leaning on horoscopes to predict his fate with a Capricorn, a process that creates more confusion and angst than good. A fun little fact: I wrote this song when I was in the army in an overnight jungle mission gazing at the stars above me.


[星座]

/ 词 / 曲 ： 锦泉 /

仰望夜空    一颗颗星遥遥地在闪烁

仿佛有好多话要对我说

狮子金牛牡羊奔驰在一望无际的辽阔

追赶它们的流星匆匆划过

双子处女三角恋纠缠交错

巨蟹双鱼银河畅游快活

短短几行字像本精彩的小说

织女眺望天河对岸泪儿落

后羿尘世间度日如年过

面对爱情我又能够做些什么

就只有    指点迷津的星座

有人说天蝎和魔羯擦不出爱情的花火

难道我们就只能擦身而过

水瓶泛滥所有希望被淹没

天秤衡量不了什么对错

射手的箭狠狠把我心刺破

牛郎不怕等待七夕的折磨

嫦娥广寒宫里守护寂寞

面对着你我又能够做些什么

就只有    指点迷津的星座

[Zodiac]

Gazing at the night sky filled with stars
Flickering their light in the distance
As if they have lots to tell me
Leo, Taurus and Aries galloping away in the limitless expanse
Chased by the meteor that hurries past

Gemini and Virgo with their entangling love triangle
Cancer and Pisces frolicking in the galactic river
Those few lines read repeatedly like an exciting novel

Zhi Nü (Vega) looking across the Milky Way shedding a tear
Time hangs heavily for Hou Yi in the mortal plains
Faced with love, what else can I do
Other than to rely on horoscopes to point the way

Some say that Scorpio and Capricorn can never spark off the flame of love
Please don’t tell me we can only pass each other by

Aquarius floods and sinks all hopes
Libra fails to provide the balance between right and wrong
Sagittarius heartlessly pierces through my heart

Niu Lang (Altair) bears the pain till he can see his love again
Chang’e (Moon Goddess) guarding her loneliness in her palace
Looking at you, what else can I do
Other than to rely on horoscopes to point the way

Did you say 5? Yes 5!

Today is a very special day for it marks the half-a-decade anniversary for Ision and I.

I am at the stage of the relationship where if you were to ask me about details around the first few months of us being together, I would have a hard time coming up with something concrete. For instance the other night we saw this Asian guy with a blonde mohawk and Ision remarked that when he first saw me in person, I was sporting almost the same hairstyle. Ahem, this hairstyle:

Anyway back to us. Things have become very comfortable between us (think old married couple comfort). Perhaps the only thing bad about that is we are so comfortable with where we are now that we don't see a need to try new things, know new people and visit new places. This explains why after living in Melbourne for more than four months, we have not ventured very much out of the confines of the city where we live. Maybe we are just lazy. I am not sure if you count this comfort zone an adverse thing but here we are. Five years from when it all started. Him and I on an adventure together.

Even though you might think that we are in some sort of a social rut, it is in fact quite fine. Being in a same room and not communicating but knowing what each other feels, getting home from work all tired but always getting the kiss that makes it all OK and speaking in a language that only the both of us out of this whole wide world understand. That is what I call exclusive and unique, a special bond that no one else except us needs to comprehend and can break.

Sometimes Ision wonders if I have settled for second best and my only response to him is "everyone has issues, what makes you think your issues are worse than those of the next person who comes along, he will just have a different bag of issues, a bag that I would have to sort through, rationalise and accept all over again." That is the practical side of me speaking as love to me is not a lofty concept but something that needs to be grounded in reality for it to work. For reality is where we all live in.

The weather is gettting chillier by the day and as the end of autumn approaches, I am sure we will do much more hugging and snuggling to keep warm (can this blog get any more mushy?) and don't get me started on how good it feels to give my guy a big squeeze. Just thinking of the hug now gives me that tingly feeling inside. That is what five years in a relationship can do to you. You should all try it!

It will be a quiet day for both of us unless he springs a surprise on me today. I am all for staying in but I do enjoy some fancy dining on special occasions once in a while. Hint hint!

So here's to another five years to make a full decade. Check back then to see how things go but I have a strong inkling that all that is written in this post can be re-blogged wholesale with just changes in numbers. And that is a good thing!

Happy 5th anniversary my love.

As good as it gets (part 2)

As promised, here is the second clip featuring my first video shoot mixed with the same song. Stay tuned for the pictures I received from that shoot. The colour theme of the previous clip was black and it is white in this one. Which do you prefer?



PS: I feel sexy (and a little horny even) every time I watch the clip. I think the streak in my psyche that wants to do porn is still alive and kicking. But that shall be the subject of another post.

As good as it gets (part 1)

Have you ever wondered what happens in a photo shoot, in particularly one that involves yours truly? If so, you are in luck as I will be posting two clips from my first video shoot of a photo shoot. Well let me explain. The online gay TV channel Inside Out had plans at that time to create filler clips featuring hot male models between shows. The concept was basically a behind-the-scenes look into a photo shoot with the final product being the video instead of the photos plus a feature of some swimwear and underwear brands. I had the intention to sign under a newly-created Sydney model agency then and this was my trial run to see if that was for me. The head of the now defunct agency was the one who picked me for the project.

In addition to it being a paid shoot (which is always a good thing), that was a truly novel experience for me as posing for a video was slightly different from posing for a picture. I was told to be as natural as possible and ignore the video camera (with the photo shoot as my focus) and occasionally follow directions to pause and pose specially for the video camera. I really want to do more of these. Perhaps the only unpleasant thing that day was the body oil that I had to use ie. canola cooking oil. The smell was mild yet persistent which bothered me somewhat and to this day I still cannot figure out why they did not choose to use a more conventional (and odourless) alternative. Other than that, I had a ball that arvo and you can most certainly get a feel of that playful fun in the clip.

Unfortunately since then, this Inside Out project has been shelved (or rather on semi-permanent hiatus) but I did get the clip and pictures which were the next best things. I thought I would make this month's musical journey post a little different by combining two passions of mine (my music and my photo shoots) into one single element. Mixing in the song I wrote as my Mardi Gras 2011 anthem, I created two music videos which I shall share in this and the next post. The pictures from the shoot will follow in other posts as well so watch out for them.

I think this clip is the closest I will ever get to a real personal music video featuring music that I have written and sung so I am very glad to be able to share this with all of you. In other words, if you want something that is all me, I think this is as good as it will ever get. All you have to do now is watch it!

A-Men (a closer look)

The launch of A-Men (browse the magazine here) in this year's Mardi Gras in Sydney was wildly-successful. The only regrettable thing is that I couldn't attend the event and be a part of the A-Men float. The consolation out of all this is the physical copy of the magazine now in my hands as well as the chance to share with you guys the small part I played for this ginormous community effort. Curse my new job, which not only prevented me from being part of gay Asian history in Australia, it also gave me no time to write full-length posts on my blog. But I know videos and pictures speak a thousand words and many actually prefer less wordy posts so you are in luck. Here is a closer look at the pictures featuring yours truly.

 

In addition to these juicy pictures, here is a video coverage of the launch by the gay online channel Inside Out, followed by a short documentary on it created by Kameo Media.




Beside the group shots, each model also had individual sessions with the photographer , Simon Le that afternoon at La Perouse beach. Simon has promised us that we will receive the touched-up shots from the solo sessions in 3 to 4 months. When I get them, you can rest assured that you will see them here!